A Place in This World

Chapter One

He grabbed her wrist before she could step off the curb, pulling her to a stop and then whipping her around so that her body was flush against his. The intensity in his stare told her everything she needed to know; he was in love with her too. He slowly ran his finger over her cheek drying the tears that were quickly escaping from her eyes and then he leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers. Her whole body went stiff momentarily while she took it all in. When their mouths separated her eyes remained shut as he backed away. She slowly opened her eyes and the intensity that remained in his stare was startling. This was not how things were supposed to be. She was supposed to be handing her baby over to him and his wife in less than a month and here he was, kissing her, in the rain.

"You kissed me." The words left her mouth before she could stop them.

"I did." A smile stretched across his face before he let out a nervous laugh.

She took a step back, trying to create the distance she needed to think clearly.

"Why?" she pressed.

"You know why."

"Rick… We cant, this cant…. happen." her hand flew to her hair, her fingers nervously pushing it back out of her face as she turned around and started to panic.

"Why?" a simple question, you'd think. He was as serious as a heart attack, his hand reaching out to grab her arm and still her so that she had to look at him.

"Because you have a wife." She ran her hand over her stomach.

"Not for long, not after everything that has happened…"

"That wasn't the deal, Rick!" She was yelling now, and thankful that this wasn't happening in the middle of the day. There were no prying eyes; she had already glanced around to make sure of it.

"Maybe it wasn't the deal we made, but that was before…"

"Before what? Huh Rick? Before you and your wife pulled me into this drama of yours."

"Drama? Kate… she lied to me. I didn't plan on things happening like this. You know that better than anyone else!"

"Do I? Because I thought we had a deal."

"A deal, really Kate?" he was getting angry now, what right did he have to be angry with her. She was the innocent party. So what if she had developed feelings for him, it would never work, they would never work in the real world.

"YOU PROMISED ME!" her eyes were betraying her again as the tears flooded her vision. Her hands flew up to cover her face as she sobbed into them, her breathing becoming erratic.

He instinctively pulled her into him and she continued to sob into his chest, releasing all of he pent up emotion she had been holding in.

"Deep breaths, it's not good for you to be upset right now, please Kate, just breathe."

He could feel her effort to calm her breathing as she slowly inhaled and slowly exhaled before speaking again. "Rick…" she stepped out of the confines of his arms. Her eyes meeting his for a brief second before she turned away again, "I've got to get out of here."

"KATE!" he yelled after her taking a step off the curb to chase her across the street.

She quickly turned around in the middle of the street. "Don't follow me, I need time, I'll call."


Six months earlier…

"Yo Beckett, you okay?" Esposito asked. She must have zoned out again.

"Yeah, fine, just not feeling well today. Must have eaten something bad for dinner."

"You sure? I mean this isn't the first time Beckett; this has been going on for over a week now. If you wont go to the doctor at least have Lanie check you out."

"Espo I'm fine." She smiled, "I promise" She pushed her chair away from her desk, and started to stand before she became uneasy and had to sit down quickly.

"Yeah, fine my ass. I'm calling Lanie." He turned and headed to his desk, picking up the phone and calling down to the morgue.

"Espo, don't, really." She begged, but he was already exchanging words over the phone with Lanie.

"Too late." He hung up the phone. "She is expecting you."

She rolled her eyes at him again, "Fine, but I'm only doing this so you'll get off my back. I'm just tired, haven't been sleeping well."

"Well, then maybe you need to take a few days off."

"Killers don't take vacation, neither do I." she smirked at him.

"Yeah Yeah…. Lanie is waiting and you know she doesn't like to wait." He reminded her before pulling her up out of her chair and herding her towards the elevator.

"Fine, but tell Ryan I want a strawberry shake from Remys when he puts his order in."

"Got it boss."

"Espo, with the boss again.." She laughed.

He shoved her into the elevator and pushed the button for the basement. "It's a term of endearment." He winked as the doors shut.

Oh her boys, what would she do without them. They were more than her co-workers, or partners, they were her family, and they all took care of each other. She couldn't have asked for a better team. Ryan and Espo had been there for her any time she needed them, covered for her, helped her with her mothers case.

When the elevator doors opened she was on the bottom floor, she stepped out and headed towards the morgue doors, pushing through them. "I'm here, but only so those boys will shut up about me being sick and possibly spreading germs around, I tried to tell them It was just a little bug, but they insisted."

Lanie came towards her, immediately pressing the back of her hand to Kate's forehead and moving it to her cheeks after, "Well you don't feel feverish."

"That's because I don't have a fever, I'm telling you they are being paranoid."

"Maybe so, but Javi hasn't shut up about you and how off you've been the past two weeks."

"Off? Wait. Espo has been watching that intently? I mean I know he is a detective but when it comes to me, he is usually pretty off about everything."

"That, Kate, is because you are hard to read." Lanie teased pulling Kate over to the chair sitting in front of her desk. "Okay, I'm just going to take a little blood."

"Blood really? It's not that serious."

"Blood work is a good start Kate, and since I don't have a whole lot of equipment for the living, we will have to start with blood work."

"Fine, but when it comes back normal, please… tell them to leave me alone." She begged.

"They are worried, and for good reason. Javi told me about last week Kate."

"I tripped over my own feet and fell. No big deal." So what she had an accident, got a little dizzy, lost her balance. It wasn't as big of a deal as they boys had made it.

"Except you are the most coordinated person I know. And he told a different tale."

"Well Espo doesn't know what he is talking about."

Lanie rolled her cart over to Kate, and plopped herself down on her stool.

"You'll feel a small prick but it wont be bad." Lanie assured her as she placed the needle over Kate's vain.

"I know. Go ahead." Kate nodded.

Lanie quickly filled the vials of blood and labeled them, placing a Band-Aid over the tiny hold in her arm to stop the bleeding.

"Okay, all done. I'll have these sent off immediately."

Kate nodded and stood up heading towards the door, she paused before walking out, "Wine night at my house?" she asked Lanie and the ME nodded "I'll be over around 7."

"Okay, sounds good."


After she had left the morgue they had gotten a body drop, but they were able to track down the husband who had quickly admitted to the murder, case closed, all before five o'clock.

By the time her bare feet hit the hard wood of her apartment she needed a drink, and since Lanie would be over shortly she decided to go ahead and pour herself a glass. When the red liquid hit her tongue she let out a satisfied moan, it was exactly what she had needed after her long day. She heard the knock on the door, and quickly made her way over to answer it, glass of wine in hand.

"Sorry I started without you, I needed a drink after today." She told Lanie as she opened the door to her friend.

Lanie quickly took the glass from her hand and chugged it, "Yeah, I needed that too."

Kates eyes grew big in shock, Lanie wasn't necessarily a huge drinker, and who chugged red wine anyway. "Everything okay Lanie?"

"You, sit down." Lanie directed her to the couch sternly.

"Well, since you asked so nicely." Kate took a seat on the couch, scooting over so Lanie could sit next to her.

"I can't sit for this." Lanie explained as she paced back and forth in front of the couch.

"Okay, then why do I have to sit?" she asked her friend, but gained no immediate response.

Lanie looked to be deep in thought as she paced so Kate gave her a minute. Eventually her friend stopped in front of her, taking a seat on the edge of the coffee table. She slid her hand over Kates, taking hold of it. "How is Josh?"

"Josh?" Kate laughed.

"Yes, Josh. Are you all still in contact. I know it's been a few months since you broke up, which… hell I guess this might not even involve him. How long have you been broken up?"

"Lanie, why all the questions about Josh? And we broke up in September."

"You're pregnant. I got the blood test back right before I left." Lanie blurted out.

Kate shook her head, "Impossible. I'm on the pill and I haven't even…" she trailed off, her brain had already started to do work on itself.

"I don't know how far along, but I mean you don't look to be four months, you'd be showing by now, and…."

"I had sex with him on my birthday…" Kate took a deep breath, "and on New Years."

"Condom?" Lanie asked, "either time?"

"We didn't use them before, so I didn't see a reason to, I mean I'm on the pill, and I trusted him."

"Have you been taking your birth control."

"Yeah, I mean I miss a day here and there when I don't make it home from the precinct." Kate shook her head, "What the hell.. Josh left to go back to Haiti."

"Why aren't you freaking out, I expected you to freak out."

"I think I'm in shock."

"Should you call Josh, can you get ahold of him."

"I don't know how to directly get ahold of him, I guess I could send a letter for him to call."

"A letter."

"He doesn't have a cell phone over there." Kate gently pulled her hand from Lanies as she stood up, pulling the wine glass from Lanies other hand and headed towards the kitchen. "Gosh and now I really need the wine, and I can't have any."

"So, you're keeping it." Lanie asked.

"I don't believe in abortion, I just couldn't do it."

"So you're going to tell him."

Kate nodded.

"And then what?" Lanie asked, "You two will get back together? Co-parent?"

"I don't know what we will do."

Kate refilled the glass of wine and shoved it towards Lanie again, "chug again, this time for me."

Lanie laughed, but took the glass and threw it back. "Nine months of me drinking for the two of us could be a bad thing."

"Nine months of no alcohol, no fun, and I know Gates is going to put me on desk duty immediately."

This was going to be hard, she was doing so well at work, this was only going to hold her back. How was she suppose to continue her search for her mothers killer. She couldn't put herself in that kind of danger anymore. She was going to be a mom now.

Lanie spoke up as the silence continued. "If you want to be alone, I understand. If you need company and someone to talk to… I'm here. I just don't want to overstep."

"You're fine Lanie. If I don't have the company right now I'll go crazy."

"Okay, well then lets order some take out, and pig out, while we watch a movie. We will worry about the hard stuff later. And I know a great OBGYN, I'll give you her number tomorrow."


After seeing the doctor Lanie had recommended, who had confirmed her pregnancy, putting her at about 8 weeks she decided it was time to tell Josh. She had sent a letter to him through Doctors without Borders, simply asking for a phone call so she could check in on him. She didn't want him to be worried, or to freak out before she even had the chance to tell him what was going on. The phone call came late one night, at first she was hesitant to answer, all of a sudden her nerves had gotten the best of her. In the end she ended up accepting the phone call, knowing that she might not get another chance to talk to him.

After exchanging 'Hellos', and briefly catching up, she jumped right in to why she had contacted him, telling him about how she found out, confirming to him with certainty that the baby was in fact his and there had been no one else. At first his silence felt normal, he needed time to deal with the news. How could she expect much, they were no longer in a relationship, and had agreed that it was for the best. They ended the call with him promising to call back in a few days to talk more. The days passed and he didn't call. He finally called a week later, telling her that he had been thinking a lot about the situation and with them both agreeing that they didn't have a future he just didn't see why they should raise a child together. Kate reminded him that it was too late for that, but all that did was make him angry. He implied that she should have an abortion, "just get rid of the problem." He had yelled over the line. When she flat out refused, telling him that she wasn't going to, he told her that if she kept it that was up to her, but that he didn't want to be a part of this childs life.

She couldn't believe how cruel and irresponsible he was being. He was leaving her to do this on her own, having a baby, raising it on her own. He knew that she was the last person on earth who should be a parent right now. She was career driven; she couldn't even have a real relationship because she couldn't give up hours at the precinct. She was in doubt of herself so how could he not be. Could she even do it, was it responsible for a single cop to do it on their own? She didn't have much time to figure things out for herself.

She lay in her bed on the laptop later that night. She had dried her tears, talked herself out of the anger he had caused. She began researching pregnancy, figuring that she had better educate herself, since she was in this alone. She came upon a list of what she should steer clear of when she saw a link on the side of the page titled 'Adoption Options'. It was something that she hadn't considered yet, but something that might be perfect for her situation. She couldn't raise a kid alone, in Manhattan, on a detective salary. She filled out the online request for more information, she didn't have to decide now, but why not do a little more research. How harmless could it be to seek other options?

The next evening she was finishing up paperwork with the boys when she received a call from an agency and two days later she was in their office taking a meeting with an adoption counselor. The counselor was in her mid fifties; you could tell that she had been doing this for a while just by the way she spoke to Kate. She was sensitive to her feelings, but still direct and informative.

"Now, if you do decide that the adoption route is the way you want to go, we will be happy to help you find the right family for your baby. There are so many families here in New York that are looking to adopt so you will have plenty of options, you can meet with different families and we will help you through every step."

"I haven't quite made up my mind yet. I feel bad because I'm an adult, I should take responsibility, but at the same time I don't think that I can do this on my own." Kate confided in her.

The woman rest her hand on top of Kate's on the desk, the gesture was as much support as Kate had received from anyone since finding out, and it almost made her emotional. "Some people can't. Raising a child alone is not easy, especially when you have such a demanding job. Your child will suffer, or your job will."

"And I don't want my child to suffer, I don't want them to have to deal with my obsession with my mothers murder, and I also don't know if I can give up my job for a baby. I know that might sound selfish, but I just want to do what is right for me and for the baby." Kate reached for a tissue on the woman's desk, catching the tears in the corner of her eyes before they had a chance to break free.

"I completely understand Katherine, but like I said, you don't have to decide immediately. We can take a few meetings with different couples, just so you can get a feel for it if you'd like."

"Actually that sounds like a good idea, somewhere to start." Kate agreed.

I didn't want to rush the first chapter but I felt like I needed to get this part of the story going quickly so that we could move forward to where Castle and Beckett will be in each chapter. I know that I personally don't like reading stories that don't include both characters in the majority of the chapters. Hope you like this fic, and stick with me through it. Reviews are always welcome. I love feedback of any kind. Just want to create the best story possible.