(Long) Author's note: Okay, so basically, when the Finn-outing-Santana storyline started I was really excited for what was to come, 1) because for once (credit to Ryan Murphy), it is actually a great storyline and there is so much you can do with it, and 2)because Naya Rivera is such a great actress and I was glad she was getting more of a spotlight in the episodes. 'Mash Off' was actually one of my favourite episodes of glee ever. But then I saw I kissed a girl and I was really dissapointed. (Don't hate me.) I thought they kind of wrote the 'easiest' storyline possible, and the one that would give them the most songs to sell on itunes. I also didn't like the way Santana said, 'I told my parents last night, and they were actually ok with it.' She brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal, and telling your parents you are a lesbian should be a big deal. Whether they accept you or not, I don't think it is something that can be brushed off in one line. I was so dissapointed we didn't get to see the conversation she had with them, and I know she told her Grandma, but it just felt unrealistic to me. So I have decided to write the storyline I'd have liked to see. It is probably going to more dramatic than the show, but...I really hope you like it. And I'm sorry if anyone hates me after this speech :(
Disclaimer: I do not own glee or any of the characters.
(Oh also, I know Santana told Dave Karofsky and Holly Holiday she was a lesbian, but for the sake of this, she has only told Brittany.)
"Why don't you just come out of the closet?"
Santana stopped dead in the hallway, the world around her whirling into a daze, his voice and his words ringing in her ears.
How did he know? How did anyone know? Was it really that obvious? Brittany was the only one who knew. She had to be the only one. It was her biggest secret.
"You know, I think I know why you're so good at tearing everybody else down."
Please stop talking. Please.
"It's because you're constantly tearing yourself down.'
Shut up. Please, please Finn.
"Because you can't admit to everyone that you're in love with Brittany…"
Why wouldn't her legs work? Why couldn't she run? Please let me run.
"…and she might not love you back."
No. Please. Her heart was being ripped to pieces by his words. Anything but that.
She wanted to scream at him. Tell him to stop. Screech in his face and hit him with a comeback so quick and so witty and so mean, that he would crumple in a heap from the amount of pain it caused him. She wanted him to suffer like she was suffering. But she was stuck. Rooted to the spot. Waiting and vulnerable, her biggest fears laid out on a plate in front of her.
"That must hurt, not being able to admit to yourself how you really feel."
Santana felt like she was going to be sick. Literally. How could he know this? How could he do this? How could he be spewing her most private and personal thoughts to the entire student body of McKinley High School without a care in the world? It was like he was opening a doorway to her mind, and just letting everybody wander in and take a casual look around. And the worst part was why it hurt so much. It was true.
Oh god. She was going to be sick.
"You know what I think you are…"
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry, Santana.
Don't throw up.
"A coward."
Her whole world crashed down around her at his words. Tears brimmed at her eyes. Nausea crept through her body, building up inside her as her grief and worry took over, pounding, over and over again. And yet she was still frozen. Still waiting. Still listening. Replaying the conversation in her mind.
You're a lesbian. A lesbian.
Lesbian.
Lesbian.
Lesbian.
Lesbian.
And he knows.
She was screaming at herself, that word running circles around her. Ruining her life. And there was nothing there to stop it or to save her from its torture.
Everyone would know now.
Everyone.
"See you at the mash-off."
Santana's mouth fell open. She breathed for what seemed like the first time in years, gasping, taking in as much air as possible. Dizzily, she spun round and ran to the bathroom, pouring her guts out into the toilet, before falling against the cold, unforgiving tiles on the floor. She sat until the next bell rang, shaking, holding herself, her arms the only thing keeping herself together. The cubicle taunted her, growing smaller with every breath she took until she felt crushed and alone. Even then she could still hear those words, squeezing themselves inside her brain, taking up every inch of her being.
You're in love with Brittany.
And. She. Might. Not. Love. You. Back.
Then, as the bell rang, she stood, brushed herself off, smiled and unlocked the door. She washed her hands at the sink, tightened her pony, and walked out into the corridor, confident and carefree.
Finn Hudson could not touch her.
No matter how hard he tried to bring her down.
Not even when he used her biggest weakness against her.
She was Santana Lopez after all.
Whether she was in the closet.
Or out.
Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think of it so far and whether I should continue! Thanks xxx
