Chapter One

Where Do I Belong

So I've been gone from fanfic for a long time and I abandoned this story that everyone seemed to love, so recently I decided to pick the story up again. But I'm also going to redo the chapters because my writing skills have very much improved since I last posted. Trust me. Okay, here you are.

"Runt," He hissed into my ear.

I flicked my ear back, my whiskers started shaking involuntarily from fear. They could tear me to shreds and totally get away with it. I mean it's not like anyone would do anything.

Him and his behind him, took a threatening step forward, my tail bumping against the tree trunk. I gulped, scared of what would happen next. My heart beat faster than I could register, my veins were pulsing, generating fear throughout my body.

I whimpered under Pikepaw's glare as he advanced on me. Scars from previous encounters burned underneath my pelt. I didn't want that to happen again, I wouldn't stand for this anymore. I stood taller and suddenly as I did so, something flashed in his amber eyes. I peered closer, was that fear? or regret? or was I just going completely insane? Whatever it was it made him vulnerable and I was going to use it against him.

A sudden course of strength surged through my veins and I took a step forward, claws unsheathed. The look flashed in his eyes again, this time it was clear to see exactly what it was; Fear. He scrambled a step backward as his eyes flickered down to my claws, long and sharp.

"Don't talk to me ever again,"

I looked into his amber eyes clinging to any vulnerable emotion that he allowed himself to show.

He struggled for words while his sidekicks backed away slowly. I realized I had done enough damage to his ego and with a nod, at him, I pranced away leaving him dumbfounded.

With my head held high, but still avoiding the suspicious glances of my clanmates, I padded toward the towering fresh kill pile. My stomach rumbled hungrily, I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten. I took the first fish off the slimy pile which happened to be a trout, one of my least favorite fish.

As I looked doubtfully at the fish between my paws my stomach rumbled loudly signaling that it didn't matter what fish I had, I just needed some kind of food in my stomach. I bit into the bland slimy fish and cold blood streamed into my mouth. I shivered almost gagging. Right now I would love to bite into some warm rabbit.

A familiar scent wafted into my nose and I flicked my tail acknowledging his presence.
"I thought you hated trout." his voice purred as he sat down next to me.
"I do." I sighed. "Hunger makes you do crazy things."

Pebblepaw chucked, his silky voice purring in my ear. The hairs on my neck rose, his voice almost tickling me. Pebblepaw stood as he grabbed his own fish from the pile and joined my side once again. I smiled into my fish glad to have his company.

If it wasn't obvious yet, I was in love with Pebblepaw. He had been my best friend since the nursery and he was always there to pick me up and defend me when I was bullied or in trouble for things I didn't do. There wasn't one flaw about him that anyone could see. He was far too perfect for me but I still tried.

"I saw how you handled Pikepaw." He stated with a mouth full of fish.
"Yeah?"
"That was pretty impressive."
"Thanks," I purred through my trout and smiled. It was nice to be praised for once I suppose.

"Do you think he'll stop?" I asked, looking at him out of the corner of my eye. Pebblepaw chuckled softly.
"I don't think Pikepaw will stop for anything, but he will back off for at least a little now." I mewed my agreement, hoping the "backing off part" was true because Starclan knows I could use a break from all the constant tormenting.

I finished my last bite of trout and stood to leave. I glanced at Pebblepaw once more and turned towards the apprentice den to retreat and relax until my mentor needed me. "Wait!" Pebblepaw shouted. I whirled around in surprise.
"What do you need Pebblepaw?" I asked padding quietly closer to him once again.
"Can you stay?" He asked, his crystal blue eyes pleading. "For a little while maybe? I don't want to be alone."

I smiled softly and sat down next to him, our bodies touching. We stayed like that for what seemed like minutes but was probably an hour or so, and we talked about everything. I told him everything. Well I mean not everything, I had never told him how I felt or nor will I ever.

A comfortable silence overcame us, a soothing one. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I don't know, its just I feel like there's this hole in me. Like something in my life is missing and there's nothing I can do to fix it."
"Sometimes I feel like that too, but when I'm with you, it all just goes away." I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked puzzlingly into his eyes. My heart was beating faster with every breath. Was this his way of finally professing his love to me?
"You make me forget about all the worries and stress in my life whenever we talk, it just distracts me from everything."
"Yeah me too," I responded, a piece of me disappointed there was nothing more he had to add to that statement.

Suddenly a voice interrupted; "All those old enough to swim, join beneath High Rock for a clan meeting!"

"Oh boy," I huffed glancing at Pebblepaw who rolled his eyes in annoyance. As we both gathered beneath our clan leader, Tidestar. I couldn't help but note how nervous and anxious Clearpool, his deputy seemed. Clearpool was never nervous. My heart pounded, what could be so horrible that even Clearpool the fearless couldn't fathom to take in.

Others packed in around us and I ducked my head as I received many burning, hate-filled stares. I scooted closer to Pebblepaw, our pelts now brushing together. I needed his comfort more than anything right now.
"Recently my deputy, Clearpool and I have devised a brilliant plan to finally win and end this war with Windclan," Tidestar announced, his muscles rippling underneath his dark fur as he paced the length of the High Rock.

Murmurs spread through the crowd like wildfire. What could it possibly be this time?

"We have decided to send a spy into the camps of Windclan," Clearpool called out impatiently as if she was dying for this to over with. An uproar arose in the crowd below them.

"Is that even allowed?"
"Who will complete the job?"
"Can it really end the war?"

I looked at Pebblepaw in panic mode. He gave me a soothing look and licked the top of my head. That was all I needed. My heart rate slowed to normal and I stared once again up at the leader.
"Who will be chosen for the job, Tidestar?"
"I'm glad you asked, Shimmerpelt." He mused, smiling wickedly. He gazed upon the clan below him, letting the suspense build and it was, building in the air around us.

"Swanpaw." His voice rang.

My knees buckled from beneath me and I fell to the sandy floor the only thing breaking my fall was Pebblepaw.
"It's going to be ok." He repeated. In and out, I took deep breaths as my heart pounded loudly in my chest. The fur on the back of my neck shivered with anger and fear. This was a whole new level of torture.

Pebblepaw helped me stand once again and raised my eyes to Tidestar. The look of satisfaction that stood on his face was utterly mortifying, how could someone be so careless about other cat's feelings like that?

"Why?" I managed to croak out.
"We all know you need to prove yourself to us, not Windclan, and this is the perfect opportunity to do so. You really should be more excited." He mocked, his voice smooth.

Anger, as I'd never felt before, surged through my veins and boiled my blood. Had Pebblepaw not have been there, the River would have run red.

"I need a minute," I whispered to Pebblepaw as I whipped around and ran from camp.

I didn't stop running until I stood at the top of the small cliff I had discovered that overlooked the moors. I sat and inhaled the sweet scent of the moor's breeze. It had always called me, the rolling hills, the tall fresh grass, the way the wind felt as it whipped through my fur as I ran.

I had always felt like I belonged there, here and now I finally got the chance to maybe have a shot at doing that, belonging. But I never thought I would be going there under these circumstances. But I knew the real reason why I had been chosen, my parents.

My parents had been in love from the first time they laid eyes on each other. It didn't matter to them that they were from different clans, my dad from Riverclan and my mom from Windclan, they hardly paid attention to that aspect. They would meet on the border every night possible and count the stars in the dark night sky.

One night, my mother came to my father with good news. "I'm expecting your kits," she told him happily. I think it was fair to say my father was more excited than my mother. Or at least that's what he told me.
Moons later, she entered into kit birth. My father told me there was so much blood and that she was in so much pain it was hard for him to stand there on the border where you could practically hear her screams from.

He couldn't take it anymore, in he bounded into the territory of an enemy clan. But he wasn't thinking about that, nor did he care. All that mattered was Juniperberry and me. He burst into Windclan's camp out of breath, no one dared to attack him, they all knew who he was here for and who he was.
"Where is she?" he asked Juniperberry's brother. Without saying a word he led him into the nursery where she lay in a pool of blood with me in the center of it. He looked into her eyes and he could see the light fading from them quickly.

He rushed to her side and told her to stay a little longer, that she would live and watch their kit grow old, that he would move to Windclan forever if it meant being with her. She slowly smiled and looked up at his tear-streaked face.

"Stormbreeze, I will love you forever and ever until eternity, but I cannot be here, you will stay here longer, you will live to watch our kit grow old, you will stay in Riverclan and teach our kit the ways of them, and you will protect her at all costs."

"Please don't leave." He sobbed. He couldn't imagine life without her in it. She nuzzled his cheek and lapped at his tears.
"But I must," her voice still smooth as silk. "She will be named Swankit."

And with that, she died in my father's paws. He did what Juniperberry had wanted and brought me back to Riverclan with him. They took me in but news spread fast amongst the clans and it wasn't long before they figured out who my mother was. They always gave me looks of suspicion and hate and it only worsened when my father didn't come home from a battle between the two clans.

I had been told I was a splitting image of my mother, I had her legs, her pelt, and her spirit. The only thing I had from my father was my bright amber eyes.

"Swanpaw!" Pebblepaw called from behind me. I hung my head lower as he approached. "It's going to be alright," he told me, nudging my chin upwards.
"You always say that," I told him. I looked out over the moor and took in its peacefulness and placid scenery. "But I'm not sure it will be ok this time." I turned my head towards him. I watched his face fall. I know how hard he tried to be my beacon of light in the darkness but somethings even he couldn't make seem better.

We sat there, overlooking the world before us for a while. "We should get back to camp," I said finally. He nodded and we padded back to camp silently.

"Are you going to do it?" He asked me once we reached the outskirts of the camp.
"I don't think I have much of a choice," A pause.
"You always said the moorlands seem to call to you, right? Maybe the moors, Windclan, " I shrugged. He had a point but he was only somewhat right.

"Believe it or not, I don't want you to leave." Clearpool murmured as we stood at the border of Windclan. The sun had just dipped below the horizon and darkness was filling the sky. I snorted, I didn't want her pity or anything else she had to offer. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?"

She obliged, dropping the poppy seeds by my paws and backing away. I lapped them all up, the drowsiness washing over me almost immediately. I padded over to the mossy ground, following Tidestar's instructions, I rolled in the moss, covering my scent and my pelt shine in one roll. Dirt clung to my fur and I didn't dare to shake it out. The more rugged I looked the better.

"Good luck Swanpaw." Clearpool meowed ducking her head to me. I rolled my eyes, there she goes again, acting like some kind of saint. I crossed the border and stood on Windclan's side. I looked back at her, something about her seemed so familiar but I couldn't quite place it. Shaking my head I focused on the journey in front of me and onwards I walked.

My paws felt like badgers as they dragged on the ground behind me. I could feel myself slowly slipping away from reality. My eyelids sank lower and lower while the moon rose higher and finally I closed my eyes and fell to the ground with a thud. And the soothing darkness crashed over me like a wave.