Title: Peregrin Took Woke Up Gay (1/1)
Author: Liz Huisman
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Puh-leeze! So incredibly not mine it's funny.
Summary: Finally!
A/N: Tenth in a series. WHAT? You HAVEN'T READ THEM ALL? To shame! Go read! But if you have… this is for y'all who wanted Pippin to WAKE UP! Done. He is awoken, friends! Enjoy.
One beautiful morning, Peregrin Took woke up gay.
Oddly enough, he was perky and happy, as he was other mornings (though he didn't want to show it out of conga-line fears…)
Perky and happy, that he was!
He saw Frodo stand up and begin to prance, as he had done for quite some time. Sam followed, then Legolas, until soon everyone in the Fellowship was prancing (except Gandalf, Gimli, and himself, of course).
Pippin was perky and happy, but did not want to prance. He wanted to be an original! So he got up and started to FROLIC!
As he frolicked, his perky-and-happy-self only became perkier and happier. He loved to frolic, and he loved being an original even more than he loved to frolic, if that was even possible!
(Apparently, it was.)
Pippin soon tired of being an original and wanted someone to join him in his frolicking. But not just someone. SOMEONE! That's right, SOMEONE!
Frodo!
Whoa. Pippin became nauseous at the thought of thinking about his cousin like that. Especially his cousin FRODO. And even more especially because he was thinking about a cousin in That way. A MALE cousin in That way. And that he was thinking about people in That way scared him even more than everything else, if such a thing was possible!
(Apparently, it was.)
Pippin frolicked over to Frodo.
"What are you DOING, Pippin? Frolicking?"
"Actually, no, I'm FROLICKING!"
"I just said that."
"NOOOOO! You said frolicking. I'm not frolicking. I'm FROLICKING!"
"There's no difference."
"YES THERE IS! I'M NOT frolicking, I'M FROLICKING!"
"Whatever you say, dear Pip."
He called me dear Pip! Pippin thought excitedly. Dear Pip! DEAR PIP!
"Just as long as you know the difference between frolicking and FROLICKING, that's all I care about. Say, would YOU like to join me in FROLICKING?" Pippin asked suggestively.
"Frolicking sounds nice…" said Frodo, taken by the thought.
"IT'S FROLICKING! Not frolicking. Frolicking sounds too dull. Add excitement. Excitement's the spice of life, yo."
Frodo dragged Pippin away from the main group quickly.
"You woke up gay too, didn't you?" he asked.
"So THAT'S why I woke up wanting to boff you!"
"BOFF ME?" Frodo shrieked.
"Boff you."
"Ai…"
"Can I?"
"PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"What?" he asked, being turned on even more than before at Frodo's use of his full name.
"I'm taken!"
"BY WHO? I'm gonna kick that person's a—"
"Merry. You lay ONE finger on Merry, I mean it, ONE FINGER, and I'll leave you out here for Gollum to find."
Pippin gulped. "Fine. I'll go find someone BETTER to boff!"
Pippin took off in a huff. Let's see… he thought, who ELSE looks like they could use a good ol' Pippin Took boffing… aha!
"Boromir! Could I talk to you a minute?"
Pippin Took was totally okay with his newfound gayness, and could not wait to see what boffing another male would be like…
END
(Mwhahahahahaha…)
