AN: So, I'm starting this new fic. I'm trying something kind of different from my usual stuff this time. It is still D/H, but I'm attempting to avoid the fluff. The plan is for it to be pretty dark, so if that's not your style, I suggest you leave.
It's rated 'R' for language and mature content, like abusive relationships. I may up it to higher rating later, though, so if you see anything that you think deserves 'NC-17' rating, let me know, and I'll do the official change. Which will involve moving it to a different website, because doesn't allow anything above R. Grr… Is annoyed
The first two chapters are pretty short, but they're just intros, so it will get longer, I promise.
Each chapter is based off of a different song, but I wouldn't really call it a songfic, it just includes the music.
Chapter One: With This Knife
August 20
I let myself fall into a lie
Hermione stared into the mirror. Staring back at her was a young woman, once curvy and full of life. Now she was stick thin, with bloodshot eyes above dark purple bags. Her pupils, usually very responsive to changes in lighting, were tiny. Her hair was matted and her body was covered in bruises and scars, both new and old.
I let my walls come down
She was totally sober for the first time in almost two months.
I let myself smile and feel alive
She looked at her reflection, and hated it. She hated the girl in that mirror, hated everything she stood for. Hated all the crushed potential. After a few seconds she abruptly turned away, unable to look any longer. Her eyes dropped to the letter that she held in her hand. The envelope, made of heavy parchment, was addressed to 'Miss Hermione Granger, St. Matthew's Road, Lambeth, London, England.'
I let my walls come down
Someone banged on the door. "Open up, bitch!" She stared blankly at the door handle, which rattled as he yanked and twisted on it.
No matter how I try
Suddenly, she decided she'd had enough. Enough of her life- the curses, the insults, the filth, the drugs…him… Especially him. He slammed into the door, intent on getting into the tiny, squalid room that reeked of vomit and alcohol.
I don't know why
She yanked the shower curtain back, searching for something. When she didn't find it, she tugged the cabinet door open. Finding what she wanted, she slipped the clear plastic cover off the blade.
You push so far away
He slammed into the door again. She flicked her hand and murmured, "Silencio." Abruptly, all outside sound halted. Even so, she could still see him ramming into the door.
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
She looked at the ring on her right middle finger. She was really quite proud of it. It was an untraceable wand, transfigured into a narrow silver band. She'd done it at the end of last year, when she'd still been the know-it-all bookworm. Before she met Jake.
And squeezed it full of pain
Jake had been the guy of her dreams: young, attractive, rich, smart, funny, charming… Jake had helped her shed her inhibitions, and he'd taught her about the real world. He'd helped numb the ache of her grief.
With this knife I'll cut out the part of me
The door exploded inward, shattering her silencing charm. The world dropped into slow motion as her reached for her. She pressed the blade into her wrist.
The part that cares for you
He backhanded her across the face. Her head snapped back. He hit her once, twice, three times. The world started to fade to black, from the combined blood loss and his ministrations.
With this knife I'll cut out the heart of me
She could taste blood in her mouth. He pressed her against the sink. Over the roaring in her ears, she could hear him growling, "You slut! You think you can escape from me?!?! You wanna die? I'll put you in the body bag myself!"
The heart that cares for you
Hermione could feel herself weakening. She was losing a lot of blood very quickly.
I can't believe the way you took me down
Jake pulled his fist back preparing to hit her yet again.
I never saw the pain
Hermione brace herself for impact even as she slipped into unconsciousness.
Coming in a million broken miles
As his hand slammed into her face, she was filled with a sudden rage. Who was he to hit her? Some muggle, beating the shit of the most powerful witch Hogwarts had ever seen.
Like poison for my veins
He moved to hit her again, hand curled into a tight ball, the other gripping her arm like a vise.
With this knife I'll cut out the part of me
The instant his fist collided with her cheekbone, the bathroom exploded.
The part that cares for you
With this knife I'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you
The nightmares and
The hate and the fear
The nightmares that wake
Me up in tears
With this knife I'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife I'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you
AN: So there it is. The song used here is 'With This Knife', by Smile Empty Soul.
