The tall man stood watching as the fire licked away at the last vestiges of his sanity. His brothers stood next to him, one to each side. Ben knew that if he so much as thought about taking a step forward, at launching himself onto the pyre so that he could burn alongside his love, his brothers would stop him from doing so without hesitation. Ben raised his eyes from the pyre to find those of his Mother's, his own sadness mirrored in hers. She knew the toll this was taking on him. To her left stood his Father, Han's eyes sad as he watched the flames burn higher. Han had never cared for ceremony, and was trying to carefully mask his emotions for the sake of both himself and his son. His sister was also there, standing on their Mother's left, her hand clutching Jagged's as tears ran down her face unabashedly.
Ben knew he should be crying, but all he felt was empty and numb. The moment Kat had been struck down, Ben had died with her. He was nothing but a shell now, and he was positive that if he looked in the mirror, all he would see staring back at him was a ghost of the man he had been three days ago.
Ben hardly noticed as people started to leave, the fire now starting to burn low. He wouldn't leave, though, not until every ember had cooled.
"Ben. SON."
Ben tore his gaze away from the pyre long enough to look at his mother as she placed the palm of her hand on his cheek. He knew Leia had loved Kat, and he knew she was mourning her loss like Kat had been one of her own children. Tears brimmed in his mother's eyes as she simply looked at him, her bottom lip quivering.
"Would you like me to stay with you, Ben?" Leia asked softly.
Ben shook his head at his mother. He just wanted to be alone and watch the rest of his life burn away into ash.
…..
Ben stood in front of the mirror in his quarters a week later, staring into the depths of nothing as he nodded his head, resolute in the decision he had made.
The Jedi Order had taken her from him.
The Force had taken her from him.
He would allow neither to control him any longer.
A flash of anger and pain ignited deep within him, and Ben let it grow until he saw nothing but a red haze where his face had been in the mirror a moment earlier.
He drew in a breath….
And cut his connection to the Force.
I will no longer be your slave. I am my own man.
