Author's Notes: This story is based largely on the movie canon with elements of the books used where the movie lacks. Renesmee is chronologically about twenty, so she is an adult in every sense. The quoted text in italics is Renesmee's inner monologue. HSH is just a small part of a larger story arc I may flesh out here later. Thank you and enjoy! UPDATE 9/23/14 - Thank you all for the feedback! For updates, including info on new chapters, you can visit the official HSH blog on Tumblr: blog/herstrangeheart
Her Strange Heart
I could not remember a time in my life where I so thoroughly scrutinized my physical appearance. The sorry excuse for a full-length mirror in the room I shared at the hostel did little to satisfy whatever standard of beauty I was trying to achieve that morning. The dress itself was a fairly straight forward choice; an off white a-line sun dress that fell just above my knees and showed off my figure without being too revealing. After that I went through about three or four cardigans before settling on one in charcoal grey. "A little modesty would be good" I thought to myself. Next were the shoes. The fact that I'd be walking most of the way there vetoed anything with a heel and after much internal debate, decided that ballet flats made me look too girlish, so I went with a pair of sandals with purple leather straps. Luckily my hair wasn't much of a struggle, for after momentarily twisting it into a bun on top of my head I thought "Exposing your neck might send the wrong message" and instead wore it down with a few strategically placed bobby pins to keep it out of my face.
There. Feminine and a little bit sexy and stylish while remaining inconspicuous. "Just the right look – I think". Just then, a sensation of doubt washed over me and I silently wished my aunt Alice could be there. She had a special intuition for deciphering just the right fashion statement for any occasion, though if she knew what specific occasion I was dressing for, I doubt she'd be so eager to offer up her expertise. Troubled, I looked down to the one item that took no scrutiny at all in wearing, the gold locket my mother gave me all those years ago. "No matter what happens today, they will still love you. Even if they disapprove, you know that" I thought reassuringly as I read the familiar inscription: Plus que ma propre vie.
No more stalling, I was ready as I'll ever be. With a quick swipe of lip stain, I grabbed my bag and was out the door.
Walking towards the Palazzo dei Priori was a surreal experience to say the least. The Volterra I knew growing up was pieced together from the dramatic stories of my mother; the streets crowded with figures cloaked in crimson hoods cheering on the procession as she raced to the clock tower to save my father from a swift execution at the hands of the Volturi guard. The city I walked through now was largely quiet and calm with a few locals roaming the streets, but mostly tourist taking in the sights under the warm Tuscan sun. And to the casual observer, I was one of them. Just another young college girl enjoying her summer tour of Europe, but I was privy to the dark secrets held within the walls of this ancient city and ever conscious that I was under their jurisdiction.
As the iconic clock town came closer into view, I became increasingly anxious, which I tried to stifle by going through my course of action. I figured my first step was to speak with a member of the guard stationed somewhere by the entrance, but how to find one? For a moment I had an absurd mental image of a stone-faced guard member patrolling the streets in the middle of the day clad in the trademark black cloak, stopping to take pictures with tourists. No, they wouldn't be that obvious. In fact I heard they often wore disguises to mask their immortal features to where they could almost pass for human. I could have walked by one and never noticed. "I hope this day doesn't turn into some bizarre Easter egg hunt."
I was at the large stone fountain now and the Palazzo was just beyond it. My eyes began darting between the small groups clustered around the square, examining for anything even slightly out of the ordinary. It was almost noon and the sun was about at its highest point in the sky. Among the groups were hats and caps worn to shield from the sun's rays, but nothing substantial enough to keep a hidden guard member incognito. "So much for that." I began to feel very foolish and I stood there, silent, listening to the fountain lapping almost mockingly at me and my plans which seemed all but thwarted. Just then the clock tower chimed loudly and my attention snapped back to the Palazzo. I watched the clock as it chimed out the time, then followed the tower down to the bottom of the building, which was held up by a series of archways. Beyond them was an alcove which was completely in shadow.
With renewed determination, I strode briskly toward the central archway. This had to be it. As I made my way into the alcove, I slowed my motions and walked very carefully. If I did run into a guard member I did not want to be perceived as any kind of threat. I found another archway and the room within was almost completely in darkness. I examined it closely until, sure enough, I found a peculiar dark shape. I walked towards it and as my eyes adjusted saw a petite female figure in a black cloak, which stood in statue-like stillness with her face eerily expressionless. From the cherub-like features and blonde hair I identified her as Jane. I gulped silently and took a breath to steady my nerves as I spoke. "Excuse me?" I asked confidently. Her red eyes glared piercingly at me and though I could tell she recognized me, her expression remained unchanged. "Yes?" she replied in a low hiss. As I took another breath I carefully chose my next words. "I have a request…to speak….with Aro." I silently hoped that she wouldn't ask me for the purpose of my request, for I doubt I would have an easy answer. Instead she said flatly "Right this way" and turned on her heel into the darkness, as if a command for me to follow her. With jarring disbelief, I proceeded. "…almost as if she was expecting me..."
The small room was barely lit by the daylight outside and lead to a darker stairwell. As I walked down I noticed the heat of the summer sun was immediately snuffed out by a still iciness that I tried not to take as a sign of foreboding. Beyond the stairwell that went two flights down, was an elevator. Inside, a lively petite allegro played over the speakers, which I tried and failed to name. The same music continued in the next room as I exited where Jane and I were greeted by the receptionist behind a large mahogany desk. She was young and strikingly beautiful and very much human. For her sake, I hoped what I heard about the Volturi's human staff was just a rumor. Jane glided past, ignoring her and stopped in front of the elaborately carved double doors at the end of the reception room. "Wait here" she instructed flatly as she opened one of the doors just enough to let herself in and shut it behind her.
"He's behind those doors right now." A small chill ran through me as I meditated on that fact.
Abruptly, the chipper voice of the receptionist interrupted my brooding. "If you like, you can have a seat while you wait." She motioned to one of the dark brown leather couches with a pleasant, yet nervous smile. I could tell she so rarely encountered another human in this capacity at the Volturi headquarters. Nothing about my appearance would make her think otherwise, that I too craved the blood flowing in her veins. The only things that restrained me were my upbringing and the growing pity I felt for this woman. "Thank you, but I prefer to stand" I replied politely with a smile matching hers. Sitting would have only made me more uneasy. I hoped I wouldn't be waiting there long. The last thing I wanted was to spend an extended amount of time with the receptionist, whose anxious demeanor only added to my own nerves. Luckily, Jane reappeared with an answer. "Aro has approved your request. He will meet with you in his private quarters."
My eyes widened and I felt my heartbeat rise into my throat as she spoke the last words. 'Private quarters'. I hope that doesn't mean what it sounds like it does…" Once again, Jane turned on her heel and I followed, this time through a series of maze-like hallways lit with torches. Each new corridor was as unrecognizable from last, save for a few faded and chipped frescos that adorned some of the walls. As I walked I imagined what would await me once I reached my final destination. I found it hard not to picture any explicit scenarios and tried in vain to push them from my mind. "I'm freakishly strong and fast by human standards; I could try to fight him off if he attacks me - or makes any sudden advances...I could run…but he'd catch me in an instant…"
Jane stopped in front of an unremarkably looking lacquered door with a tarnished gold doorknob. My heart was now pounding in my ears in anticipation of what lay beyond it. As she opened the door, Jane turned to me and said "I'll announce you". We stepped through into a small anteroom where there was a set of double doors left open ajar with a sliver of light escaping through. I stayed behind as Jane proceeded. I thought it best to pull myself together before I came in. Through the crack in the door I heard their brief exchange. "Renesmee Cullen to see you, Sir." I noticed that there was a sudden light sweetness to how she spoke, which contrasted greatly with the icy monotone she addressed me with. Then I heard it, that unmistakable feathery voice. "Thank you, Jane. You may leave." "That's my cue." As I reached for the doorknobs I could feel time slow down. Jane pushed the left door aside for a quick exit. She was clearly relieved to be free of me and shot me a peculiar look I could have mistook for jealousy before disappearing from sight. I slowly entered the room and closed the doors behind me with a loud, echoing thud. I winced slightly at the sound as I tried to remain calm. The seconds crawled by as I stood there leaning against the doors with my eyes shut.
"Say something, damn it."
Gathering all my confidence, I straightened my posture, took a deep breath and opened my eyes. "Hello Aro".
"Renesmee Cullen!" he exclaimed in his familiar sing-song tenor. The raven haired immortal stood at the opposite end of the room flawlessly poised in a black suit accessorized with a wine-red cravat upon which his gold Volturi pendant rested. He looked at me with the same sugary-sweet expression that he did the last time we met. His misty red eyes studied me for a moment before stepping forward. "How the years do go by! Last we spoke, you were but a child and now you are a young lady!" "Not so young, it has been over fifteen years" I replied coyly. His smile widened at my correction and sighed. "Ah yes! I do admit, having lived nearly four centuries, I find the passage of time to be so arbitrary..."
He then inquired about my family and I responded that they were doing well without elaborating much. I was almost taken aback by the civility of our conversation. The last thing I expected was to make small talk about my family of all things, though considering what I feared earlier, it could be going a lot worse. "…but this awkward silence isn't that great either." I looked around the room and was struck by how warmly lit it was. Nothing like the darkened corridors I went through earlier. Two grand crystal chandeliers lit the room from above in artificial candlelight. Also I noticed how every inch of wall space was taken up by large oil paintings that were framed in gilded gold. Some were landscapes featuring the cypress trees and rolling green hills characteristic of Tuscany. Others were portraits of figures dressed in various historical costumes. The collection reminded me of the wall of pictures my grandfather Carlisle kept in his study. One portrait in particular always piqued my interest…
Aro must have noticed my lingering gaze, as all of a sudden I sensed him standing right next to me, staring up at the wall as well. There was only about a foot of distance between us. "Do you enjoy baroque painting, Miss Cullen?" he asked softly. "Yes, I like all art" I answered with a small smile. "Though I was never much of a painter myself" I added with a sideways glance to him. Our eyes met momentarily and I looked away somewhat embarrassed. "Nor I" he mused. "Most of the pieces here are commissions; the others were bought at auction. My favorites were painted for me by Francesco Solimena himself". The name sounded familiar. "Did you know him?" I asked. "I did" he replied with a wistful, faraway look. "His rise to prominence was, in large part, due to my generous patronage. He was a drunkard and a whore-mongerer but his talents more than made up for what he lacked in virtue. But I digress…"
With that, he gracefully pivoted his feet so he was now facing me completely. "Here I am prattling on about my paintings when I had forgotten you were here in an official capacity! You had requested to speak with me personally. Surely, whatever subject you wish to address must be of great importance."
"Gulp. Well, here we go". "Y-yes" I began slowly. "The reason I came here today, well, you see – I…" The more I tried to speak, the less I was making sense. My telepathic abilities certainly weakened me in terms of public speaking, especially in stressful situations. He cocked his head to the side and grinned affectionately, as if in amusement by my sudden inability to speak coherently. "I'm sorry, I'm not usually like this" I apologized, covering my face in embarrassment. "There is no need for apology. If words fail you, you can instead – "He extended his right palm outward, "-show me". I looked down apprehensively and considered the pale outstretched hand in front of me. "Oh hell, you've made it this far…" I thought wryly and placed my palm onto his.
He clasped his other hand on top of mine and brought it closer to him as he concentrated. The motion jerked me foreword and brought me uncomfortably close to him. My stomach churned and I felt my ears burn. After a brief moment he let my hand go and I inched away. "Your thoughts…are strange" he murmured in disbelief. "Some of your later memories are in exact duplicate. How can that be?" he inquired, eyeing me excitedly." "I suppose it's how my powers have expanded since I was young. I can use pre-existing memories to mask the ones I don't necessarily want to share" I explained. "With a father who can read any current thought I have, it's nice to have a little privacy in my head now and then." "Clever girl" he replied approvingly, "but how is that in relation to what you wished to show me?" "I keep those thoughts hidden because..." I took a deep breath, "because they're about…you." He raised an eyebrow at me and his expression turned somewhat lecherous. "Is that so?" he simpered.
If I was blushing before, it bore little resemblance to how beet-red my face was now. He didn't have to say another word for me to understand what he was insinuating. He was practically teasing me. My hands balled into fists as my frustration grew. I DID NOT travel all the way to Italy because of some morbid infatuation. Enough explaining, I had to show him what I really meant, even just to wipe that smug grin off his bloodless face…
"If I understand correctly, you have come here with the intention of confessing your most dark desire for m –"
I didn't let him finish. My eyes locked on him and grabbed the lapels of his jacket and brought my mouth crashing into his. The feelings that could not be expressed in words, but in dream-like images shattered through the shields of my mind into his. Desire and lust colored them in places but they were only smaller parts of the greater whole, like puzzle pieces coming together to form a clearer picture. From the moment I met him as a small child I knew our destinies were intertwined in the same way my parents were and the other members of my family. It was only a matter of waiting before the time came to have this revealed. And that time was now.
He could have easily evaded this advance but he didn't. For a moment he stood there eerily still, as if in shock. Then he gently yet firmly gripped my forearms to steady my movements and began responding to them in kind. It was a strange and intense dance as I made my grand revelation to him through my sustained, breathless attack of a kiss. My hands released their death grip from his jacket and found their way to his cold face and pulled it even closer to mine. He countered my desperate motions with a sure, steady grace without which I'm sure I would have fallen over.
I had just about reached the end when I realized that in all this time I had not taken a single breath and was rapidly becoming light headed. When my lungs had reached their absolute limit, I finally let go, taking a few large steps away from him as I did. My mind was hazy and my eyes were unfocused as I took a series of heavy breaths in an effort to bring my body back to calm. As I regained control of my senses I became aware of how light I felt. The weight of the biggest secret of my life was finally lifted. Regardless of how Aro reacted to what I just did, I was confident in my vindication.
"My, my" he sighed softly, breaking the silence. I looked up to find him straightening his jacket and cravat, which I had mercilessly crumpled. A slow smile formed on his lips as his clouded red eyes met mine. "And here I thought I would be the one to initiate" he said with a warm chuckle.
"Still smug."
Exasperated, I crossed my arms with a huff. Very few things got to me and being trifled with was definitely one of them. "You'll have to forgive me, Miss Cullen. Very few have the tenacity to act as boldly towards me as you have done, so you must understand if I take your actions with such delight. But please accept my most sincere apology for having offended you" he offered with a slight bow. "Allright…" I accepted cautiously. "We do have much to discuss in what you have shared with me. Please…" He motioned to the large upholstered chaise at the center of the room. I took my place at the farthest point from where he chose to sit and smoothed out my dress so it fanned out neatly in front of me. I had gotten past the hardest part but I was still so nervous.
"I've…never shared that with anyone" I began slowly. "These feelings..." As I spoke I turned away from him and looked down to my hands which were resting in my lap and laced my fingers together. "It all began on that day when you came to Forks to investigate the claim that I was an immortal child. When you asked to meet me and I showed you through my memories my true nature…something happened". I glanced over to Aro to find his eyes fixed on me with an intensity that ran a shiver through my body. "Yes, something did happen" he replied. As he spoke the eerily saccharine facade with which he greeted me fell away and in its place was a dark sincerity I could tell very few ever got to see. "I have often heard immortals speak of the notion of 'true mates'; that if one waited long enough, time would reward them with the mate they were destined to be with. Ever impatient, I chose mine instead."
"Your wife" I added, turning my gaze away.
In my mind I could see this predicament laid out, like in the pages of a romance novel; after so much keeping them apart, the protagonists finally make their affections known, only to have other lovers waiting for them steadfast in commitment remaining as the final barrier. Usually such stories would end tragically as some kind of karmic justice for two that chose to jilt their respective mates to blindly embark on a new romance with each other. It would be easy to say, "How could they be so callous as to leave a partner so faithful behind?"
Jacob…I didn't want to hurt anyone, least of all him. Even if he wasn't my true love, he had been so much to me in so many other ways; my brother, my best friend. He didn't deserve the world of hurt I knew this would put him through. I could turn back now and give him the kind of relationship he wants and forsake my own feelings in favor of the safe and familiar. But what kind of life would that be?
And my family, I don't even want to begin to fathom what they'd think about this. They'd probably say I've been somehow coerced by the Volturi or worse into wanting Aro as my lover, all to become just another piece in his massive collection. Hell, I didn't know Aro's real intentions. For all I know, he could be manipulating me right now. All I was going off of was a mere feeling, after all….
I'm sure Aro could see my perplexed expression because I gradually felt my right hand become enclosed in his.
"How little you think of me, dear Renesmee, though as my reputation precedes me, I hardly blame you."
"Yes, you are hardly my family's favorite person" I remarked.
I then became acutely aware of the effect of him touching me, even just my hand. The shivering sensation returned and I remained somewhat nervous, though the pleasurable sensation was hard to ignore.
"It is true that upon hearing of your existence, I had a desire to acquire you for my ranks, if you were indeed what your family claimed you to be. I am rather fond of rare artifacts, and none could be more rare that a half-human immortal. But on that day when I first saw you I could tell you were far more than merely some curiosity to occupy my interest. You looked upon me without fear or hatred as so many of the others there who had gathered at your family's defense and your eyes shone with wisdom beyond your years and such steadfast determination. I heard your strange heart beat and it frightened me. I knew not what lay in wait for me in you. You then stepped forward to offer your memories to me and you sent them fluttering into my mind and in the images of your young existence I felt myself being pulled into something more - a vision. I saw the woman you would become, the woman you are now, standing by my side. And I saw myself, I was almost unrecognizable. I wanted for absolutely nothing because I had found the one thing that had for so long eluded me. All the treasures I have acquired and the most talented immortals to fill my coven meant nothing to me in comparison to you; my true mate. Upon that realization I knew in time you would come to me if our bond was truly reciprocal. And so you have."
My eyes flashed up to his and stood with my arms crossed again. "So you knew the entire time why I was here and you just let me make a fool of myself in front of you?" I asked accusingly. He stood to face me, matching my stance. "I could have addressed the subject from the beginning. I could have done a great many things from the moment you stepped through my door, dear Renesmee" referencing the explicit scenes from my imagination that he was now aware of. "But I resigned myself to sit back and see what you would do yourself, which wrought some very intriguing results. I do confess in finding you especially lovely when you are flustered…"As he said this, he brought his hand forward and traced the side of my face with his index finger. This simple gesture brought a shiver through my entire body. "You're incorrigible…" I commented with a grin. He gathered my hands in his again as he spoke with a slight smirk. "I never claimed to be anything else."
The shivering in my body soon faded into comforting warmth as I looked down to our intertwined hands. I began slowly lacing my fingers between his and smiled at how altogether new and familiar the action felt. "I was so young when it happened", I began quietly. "It took me a long time before I fully understood what I experienced with you, but even then I felt a connection that I knew was always meant to exist. But it's hard not to have doubts."
"Indeed, it is." He replied as he ran his fingers on the insides of my palms. "I had even sought council from my brother Marcus, whose talents lie in denoting relationships. He commented that our bond was especially strong; a curious event for two having just met." I was only half-listening as I relished in the effects of his fingers on the sensitive skin of my palms.
"J-just so you know, I won't drop everything and move here to be with you. We will have to take time to get to know each other, like normal people do." I stammered out, trying to keep some of my wits about me as my whole being was becoming awash in emotions."I am not unversed in the art of courting a young lady, if that is your meaning" he said, smiling endearingly at my attempt to be momentarily serious. I give up and rest my head on his shoulder. It has been a strange day, and coming from me - the half human who was raised by vampires with a werewolf for a best friend – that's really saying something.
"I will need time,"
I whispered, thinking again to home…
"To figure things out…with my family…and for me..."
But I am brought back to the moment when I feel him stroke my hair. I find my hands are now resting on his shoulders. "When did that happen…?"
"You are free to do as you wish but for now I have one request."
"What?" I think, my nerves rising up again. His hands have now moved from my hair and have found their way to my waist.
"I would very much like to kiss you again."
I looked up at him, somewhat perplexed. "You're not at all what I'd thought you'd be like. You're so…restrained." At the word 'restrained' he raises an eyebrow with a mischievous glint in his eye and brought his face in closer to mine.
"I have always prided myself as the utmost gentleman…" he whispered as he gently nuzzled the side of my face with his. "…though I understand the true way to a woman's heart lies in the path of torment." My mind was now a swirling maelstrom of abstract sexual imagery and he was stirring it with his gentle yet persistent ministrations. He was now brushing his lips across my cheek and I let out a soft moan. "Enough!" I moved my head inward and our lips finally met. The initial contact was slow and soft at first but quickly intensified. My insides were so charged, that by the point of contact, it felt like a miniature explosion going off inside me. I had no idea a kiss could feel this way. All my joints went limp and I wrapped my arms around his neck just to keep myself standing. His arms were around me too and our bodies were now pressed tightly together. On his breath I tasted the distinct coppery flavor that made the back of my throat burn. That deliciously taboo sensation only added to my aroused state.
As our impassioned embrace continued, the whole world and everything attached to it floated away. All the conflict that I knew would await me at home because of my actions here floated with it, and for this moment in time, it ceased to exist.
The only thing that concerned me now was the achingly sweet feeling of ice melting into fire.
