Princess Serenity has always been there, in the back of her mind. Thinking back, Serena can remember numerous incidents when she was a child, and a low, lovely voice telling her to reconsider her actions. She never did of course, and she normally ended up in some type of terrible trouble, but Serenity hadn't minded back then.
It's different now, now that she has her suit, and her senshi, and her (Serenity's) old identity back. Serenity's louder now, and when she talks, it's no longer a suggestion, but a command. It's ironic, because everyone keeps telling her that she is Serenity reborn, so there shouldn't be this problem, this discrepancy, between them. But there is. Because while Serenity is completely Serena, Serena is more than that. Serena grew up in a different time and a different place, and they don't match up the way they should.
Darien is just one example of this. Serena likes Darien, likes him a lot, and being around him has the ability to make her happier and more frustrated than she's ever been in her life, but Serenity loved Endymion with all her heart. And while Serena knows she could easily fall in love with Darien (if she hasn't already, if she's not just fooling herself), she doesn't know him. She doesn't know his favorite color, or pastime, and she can't always read his expressions, but she (Serenity) knows that Endymion liked midnight blue and fencing, and she always always knew what he needed.
But Serenity liked green and sour foods and her favorite time of day was twilight, when the world was blurry and hazy and spread out before her, and she was best friends with Sailor Mars (not Rei), while Serena likes pink and sugar and the bright afternoon sun and is best friends with a girl named Molly, so it doesn't really matter what Endymion was like, because Darien isn't Endymion any more than she is Serenity. Serena grew up with both parents (Serenity's father died when she was a baby) and a little brother (Serenity was an only child, although she had her four senshi, her four sisters) and Serena has a life Serenity never had.
Sometimes, Serena just wants to be what she looks like, a pretty, bubbly fifteen year old, who, while not the most intelligent girl, gives her whole heart to whatever she does. She wants a chance to actually fall in love with Darien, not just look at him and feel this overwhelming sense of want and fear and need. She wants to go to sleep, snuggled under her blankets, with her bunny pillows spread around, and dream of tests and shopping and life, not the annihilation of her planet and the death of Endymion (Darien) and her (Serenity's) senshi. But Serenity has always been there, and Serena knows any choices she might have had were only illusions. Her destiny was set before she was born, and isn't it enough that Serenity let her have a childhood?
Not that what she wants (or thinks she wants) matters, because even if she had a choice, she wouldn't change anything. Maybe it's that she's growing up, fighting the Negaverse day in and day out, watching her sisters bleed and her friends fade, but Serena knows she would never have chosen any other path, even without Serenity's memories of pain and destruction and horror to spur her on; because Serena whines and complains and thinks about all the things she might have done, and doesn't regret for a single instant giving up her hopes and dreams and possibilities for this life.
