AN: This will probably be the shortest one-shot ever, but after seeing this (/spoiler/ pic . twitter/FlxVZHKOQR /end spoiler/ - y'all know the drill. Remove the spaces between the dots and what not.) picture of Patrice, I had this idea and it wouldn't go away. So, yeah...
"You know, Barn... there are probably a million better than Patrice topics we could be discussing on the night of our engagement." Robin points out to Barney as he explains to her the crucial role Patrice played in his proposal.
"Right. But you have to agree that she is a huge part of why you are here." Barney reasons, unable to take his eyes off of Robin and still doubting the soundness of this new reality where she is semi-naked on his couch and engaged to him.
"No! You are the reason why I am here." Robin counteracts pointing a finger toward his chest.
"Yeah, but you would have never gone to the top of the WWN building if you didn't think I was about to propose to Patrice." He insists, causing Robin to roll her eyes at him.
"Of course I would." She states with a confidence that she's certain wasn't there before and knowing all too well that she probably wouldn't have.
Barney grins at her stubbornness, almost unable to resist her. "No, you would not. C'mon, Scherbatsky. Put that maple glazed Canadian pride aside and admit it. Patrice did help bring us back together."
"God, Barney! You sure seem to like Patrice a lot. Too much in fact. Should have asked her to marry you instead." Robin rebuts in a huff.
"Not the way you're implying, but I do like her becau..."
"Ok! Fine!" She gives in begrudgingly. "She's cool. She helped us..." she says, her voice laced with a hint of disdain. "a bit. Now, can we please stop talking about her?" It's not that she hates Patrice, not at all, Patrice is terribly effusive though, and there are indeed at least a dozen other things Robin would rather be doing with Barney, to Barney, than talking about her, than talking, period. "Can we stop talking?"
"Ooooh! I'll stop talking. I'll stop talking alright, but you..." Barney leans into her. "you'll start screaming and begging for more of the Barnacle." Content to find herself in Barney's arms again, Robin brings her lips to his, more than happy to finally shut him up. When she is about to deepen their kiss, however, Patrice and the whole rest of the world be damned, he stops her, putting a small distance between them. "Ah! Just... one more... little thing..." He stresses while Robin stares at him impatiently, frustrated at the loss of physical contact with him. "PatriceIsGoingToBeaBridesmaidAtOurWedding" Barney announces in one breath, quick, much like ripping off a band-aid.
"WHAT?!" Robins reacts loudly, pushing him off of her, her eyes wide in disbelief. "What did you just say?"
"Patrice. Bridesmaid. Our wedding." He maintains. "I promised her, Robin. It was her only condition to help us."
"DAMMIT, BARNEY!"
"She promised she would bring unbroken heart shaped cookies." He shrugs, hoping a mention of Patrice's cookies would remedy the situation, and looks at her impishly, grinning like the absolute idiot he is. She can't resist him, not when he is giving her that Barney look that's so charged with mischief and sexiness.
"Idiot." She smiles despite herself and pulls him into her again. "You'll pay for this."
"Gladly." He grins, and kisses her, thanking the gods, and Patrice, that he gets to have Robin again. Forever this time.
