Losing Him

A Choy and Cheke Story:

I lost him. Him being my boyfriend of 3 years I can't believe I didn't see the signs, I knew something was wrong I just never took the time out to ask him what was wrong. I was too caught up with my own problems; like graduating with a passing grade, college, and staying on the basketball team. Sure, I made time for him; we spent every Friday night together. Our group of friends knew never to plan a full group get together on Friday nights because that was our night. We spent it watching movies, talking, laughing, and just plain old goofing around, but it always led to the same thing. Hot and Passionate Sex, we were each other's firsts, after our lovemaking, we would fall asleep, but not before whispering a soft I Love You.

Now here I am standing over my best friend, my boyfriend, and my lover's casket. He had committed suicide 2 weeks ago; all the pressure had gotten to him, as I said I should have seen the signs. He had them all; wearing long sleeve shirts all the time, always being in a depressed mood, always having bags under his eyes. The sex to which I had grown accustom to every Friday night slowly but surely stopped. He wasn't supposed to die; he never told me about his problems, to me he was the same person I had known since preschool. He never told me of his plans to kill himself; if he did I would have helped him, he would be alive and we wouldn't be in this church, with all there crying men and women, crying over the lose of their playmaker.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to seethe gang standing behind me all with tear stained faces. The person who had put their hand on my arm was Zeke; he had been my saving grace for this past week. I knew they were all worried about me, I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't wasting, I wouldn't even play basketball; which was unusual for me because I was always up for basketball. Zeke pulled me into a hug, which soon led to a group hug. I cried into Zeke's suit jacket

"We all miss him," they said to me, but no one other than his parents missed him as much as me. The priest told us to sit down in our seats because the service was about to begin. I took my seat next to Zeke in the spot reserved for our group of friends.

The service went on as all services like this went. The priest talked about Troy's life, then people we up to talk about their experiences with him. There were plenty of tears and even some laughs at some of the funnier moments in Troy's life. Then it was my turn.

"And now we have Chad Danforth singing a song he wrote for Troy" I felt a light reassuring squeeze on my hand from Zeke before I went up to the front. They had set up a stool for me where I would be sitting while I played my guitar; the guitar was a sixteenth birthday present from Troy. I sat down on the stool, set up the microphone, and then set up my guitar.

"About a week after Troy's unfortunate death, I wrote this song about him, I hope you enjoy hearing it as much as it helped me writing it" I started playing the notes for the beginning of the song, and then I started singing

Shalalalala

Shalalalala

You used to call me your angel

Said I was sent straight down from heaven

You'd hold me close in your arms

I love the way you felt so strong

I never wanted you to leave

I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you

I miss your smile

And I still shed a tear

Every once in a while

And even though it's different now

You're still here somehow

My heart won't let you go

But I need you to know

I miss you

Shalalalala

I miss you

You used to call me your Dreamer

And now I'm living out my dreams

Oh, how I wish you could see

Everything that's happening for me

I'm thinking back on the past

It's true that time is flying by too fast

I miss you

I miss your smile

And I still shed a tear

Every once in a while

And even though it's different now

You're still here somehow

My heart won't let you go

But I need you to know

I miss you

Shalalalala

I miss you

I know you're in a better place

But I wish that I could see your face

I know you're where you need to be

Even though it's not here with me

I miss you

I miss your smile

And I still shed a tear

Every once in a while

And even though it's different now

You're still here somehow

My heart won't let you go

But I need you to know

I miss you

Shalalalala

I miss you

I miss you

I miss your smile

And I still shed a tear

Every once in a while

And even though it's different now

You're still here somehow

My heart won't let you go

But I need you to know

I miss you

Shalalalala

I miss you

When I finished singing everyone stood up and clapped, everyone was crying now. I stood up and walked back to my seat. When I sat down, I grabbed Zeke's hand and gave it a light squeeze. He looked at me with a confused face

"Thank you," I said to him before giving him a full on kiss on the lips, we kissed for a few minutes before I pulled away

"Will you be my boyfriend?" I asked Zeke

"But Chad what about Troy"

"I think he would have wanted me to find someone who will love me just as much as he loved me"

"Then of course I'll be your boyfriend" after he said that he gave me another kiss and it was then that I knew Troy was smiling knowing I would have a good love. Even though I lost him.