I never thought he would stay with me this long, even through all of his promises. Could he really love me? I just pray because I don't know if my heart can take any more lies. 'He' said that once...that he loved me. And almost every day, I believed him.
Like a foolish child starved of emotion. I miss took his ulterior motive and false words for love and affection. I remember the day that I soon realized his true intentions for me and my unborn child.
"How are you my sweet" his sinister voice shadowed with false affection spoke to you, not really caring for an answer.
"I'm fine Master Orochimaru" you say quietly on the corner of your bed, farthest away from him.
Trying to avoid his unnaturally pale skin and snake slit eyes. Why does this happen when he's near me. You heard the footsteps on the cold stone floor approach your bed.
"What's the matter my pet, are you not happy with your new room?"He asked as his cold hand slid underneath your chin, to force your gaze upon him. He always made you feel helpless and weak, making you feel that you needed him.
"I'm content with my new room, thank you Master Orochimaru" your eyes dart to the left to stare at the blank corner of your room. His icy cold touch caused your heart to race.
"Oh, you're welcome my pet" his granite lips touched the soft flesh of your cheek. "Kabuto" he called in a deceivingly smooth voice.
"Yes Orochimaru-sama." "Make sure you prepare Maemi for her next...appointment" his amused smile caused a chilling shiver to run down your spine. Kabuto's face soon held the same smile as his master. It was sickening.
What he meant by 'appointment', was the next man you would be spending your night with. The reason he didn't use artificial insemination, was that he enjoyed hearing the tortured screams of those who were unwilling. It was sick, but you had been tricked into this with his empty promises.
"Goodbye Maemi, be a good girl tonight for me. I know how feisty you can be my pet" he smirked before turning to leave; you finally found your voice.
"Wait Orochimaru, why tonight?"Your voice was pleading for an honest answer from him. He looked at you with those golden eyes, searching yours.
"My sweet, you know I need you. Your genes are strong and will provide me with a child strong enough for the purpose I need. It's such a shame you have been unable to get pregnant, so maybe tonight will be a success" he said the last bit a little too cheerfully, as if you were supposed to be happy that your body would be taken unwillingly.
Hearing those words made your temper rise, but you had to bottle your feelings and hold your tongue.
"Yes, Orochimaru" you say casting your eyes to the stone floor.
"Good girl, now be ready for tonight" he smiled before stepping out the door as Kabuto shut it.
I can't live like this, being a puppet-no slave to his will. Laying down on your pillow you let the soundless tear quietly slide down your cheek.
"Are you ready?"Kabuto's low sounding voice came from the doorway of your sparse room. Silently you stood, a little groggy from your sleep. Yawning, as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes.
"You'll soon be wide awake" Kabuto stated smugly.
"Shut it dumb ass" you growled sleepily. You two always went at it when Orochimaru wasn't around.
"At least I'm not fucking half the guys in here, now am I Kishimojin"{1} that was a low blow even for him.
"You dirty-"
"Is there a problem?" The deep pitch of a silky voice reached your ears from behind you as you entered the dark hall way. The sight of Kimimaro's white hair caught and held your attention.
"Ah Kimimaro, just the person I was delivering this to" Kabuto said gesturing towards you.
You had never spent much time around him, around or near Kimimaro, he seemed to always distance himself from everyone else. And of course Orochimaru kept you locked away from prying eyes.
His aqua eyes seemed to fall on you with appraising looks. Under his gaze you couldn't help but look back into his, lined with red makeup overt hose misty green eyes.
"Then come" was all he said turning back around from where he came.
"Have fun" Kabuto waved to you as you watched Kimimaro's retreating form. Kimimaro stopped but did not turn back around, taking that as your cue to follow.
Making your way down what seemed like an endless hallway, he stopped once again in front of a large wooden door. His eyes did not meet yours as he opened the door to let you in. There was a sort of awkward silence between you two, as you stared at the floor while he examined you.
'Please, just stop.' You pleaded in your head, feeling the slight tinge of heat in your cheeks. He didn't move any closer or speak a word, just watched you.
Having expected him to just get it over and done with so he could never think about you again, hoping that he didn't drag this on. All the others had finished their business and left, not caring what fragile and broken state they left you in.
Gaining your courage your eyes looked up to catch a glimpse of him. As you did, his expression never changed, but that seemed to be the invitation he had been waiting for as he moved closer to you. Instinctively you stepped back, unintentionally forcing yourself into a corner of the room. He saw this and took advantage.
"Please..."you had no idea what you were pleading for, but nothing came to mind.
"I'm not going to hurt you" was all he said in a monotone voice before stroking interestedly at the side of your face and laying his lips upon your own, in an experimental kiss.
All in one kiss, you had never tasted such sadness and longing. Breaking the kiss your hand wanted to touch the flesh of his surprisingly warm cheek.
"Don't..."he said turning away. Your expression was questioning but you obeyed.
Sensing this, his hands grasped your wrist pulling them, opened palmed, to touch his chest with your trembling finger tips. When you gasped he pulled your lips into another heart breaking kiss, as you close your eyes trying not to focus too much on the act.
Shoving his body up against yours with none of his previous tenderness; causing you to jerk at the press of something hard against your stomach.
You wanted so badly to pull away from his hungry lips as his tongue ventured into your mouth after nibbling slightly at your bottom lip. But those were not your orders, and you know full well what happened to those who didn't follow orders.
Pulling your arms up and around his neck, it wasn't a loving gesture, but one to prepare you as his now wondering hands went to cup and fondle your right breast as the other honed in on the pleasure center in the crux of your legs. A small whimper leaving your swollen lips as he began to rub his fingers in short circular motions; continuing to assault your mouth, swallowing any protest from you.
Pausing in his ministrations to grip the back of your thighs to pull you up, taking that as your cue to wrap them around his lean waist.
Tightening your grip around his neck, a cold sensation seemed to pool in the pit of your stomach despite the heat of the moment, your legs trembling as you felt his hardened length grind against your now sensitive core. With one last look into those mist green eyes now clouded with lust as he his lips to yours once again.
That was the night your son was conceived.
~TWO MONTHS LATER~
"Please, let me keep it; don't take him away" your tears came immediately for the child that was still growing inside you.
"Calm down my pet, you haven't even given birth and yet you speak as if you hold it in your arms"
Orochimaru responded while you sat and watched from the cold metal table you sat on. This would be your first child and already you could feel that strong motherly connection. Wrapping your arms around yourself you hung your head in defeat.
"But Master, please just this once" your voice was quiet now.
"Possibly my pet, possibly" he said with a smile before leaving you alone.
By that you knew you had lost another argument with his lies and that he would never let you keep the child or any more you might have. I have escape. He left you no choice; you weren't going to let him have your first child. In the evening Tayuya came to give you your midday meal and herbal tea.
"Alright, you should eat today. I've got something good for ya" she was showing you a bit more attention than usual since the night of conception.
So suddenly wanting to make you feel comfortable in your lonely situation, having never been pregnant. She replaced Kabuto's care of you after Orochimaru found out about your pregnant state.
"Tayuya, he won't let me keep the baby will he?"You ask already knowing the answer, just wanting to hear her opinion.
"I'm afraid he's not going to Maemi. He's waited quiet awhile already for you to get pregnant, so he's not going to give it up" she said in a motherly tone as she sat the tray of food by your bedside.
"Do you think it would be possible that I could-"she cut you off before you could even finish the thought that you had been contemplating.
"No, don't you even dare think of that. Running away will only make it worse, if he caught you, you would never even get a glimpse of the child" she sat down on the bed next to you as you fiddled with your thumbs.
"Here, let's push these thoughts away until the time comes, now eat" Tayuya stood to leave, the heels of her shoes clicking on the stone floor.
"Thank you" was all you mumbled before reaching for the bowl of rice. Either way I lose my child. I have to leave soon.
Running, faster, faster. Heart thumping, lungs burning. Almost there. You had been running through half the night, making sure you were not being followed. You made the excuse to Kabuto, telling him that you just needed to go for a walk to stretch your legs. He half halfheartedly agreed to your demand because Orochimaru had given him specific instructions to comply with whatever physically your heart desired.
Like a fool he let you go without a guard to watch you, for you claimed you needed privacy. Now you were flying through the night like a frightened bird, not really knowing where you were going just trying to get as far away from Orochimaru as possible.
Being a ninja of the Grass village, you assumed you would be welcomed in any other village. A few hours before dawn your body began to give out and slow down; no longer having its former strength.
I can't be taken back, he won't have me. That was your last struggling thought before your world went dark, leaving you with empty thoughts.
~THIRTEEN MONTHS LATER~
"Momma, Momma I'm hungry" came an innocent voice beside your bed.
You gave birth to your son Benjiro seven months after you were found a few yards from the gates of Konoha. He was your pride and joy since the day he was born. He took after you in so many ways, like your dark brown hair and round face, but he had his father's bright green eyes. He was energetic and happy, but sometimes he would go silent and become antisocial.
His teacher said there was nothing wrong with him, and that it was something normal for children his age. You told no one who the father was of your child and they seemed to respect your privacy.
"Alright Benji, what do you want for breakfast?"You say quickly slipping on your blue slippers, before scooping him up in your arms.
"I want pancakes" he shouted cheerfully as you entered the kitchen.
"Pancakes, you just had those yesterday" you say teasingly with a smile before setting him down in a chair at the breakfast table.
"But their good" was all he said while wiggling in his chair.
"Pancakes it is."
No one told you how hard motherhood would be, let alone being a single mother. I love children, but it's something totally different to have some of your own. You thought as you put the hot cakes on a plate with syrup for Benjiro.
"Be good to Mrs. Tashino today, alright Benjiro" you say as you stood in front of Benjiro's school.
"Yes Momma" he answered in a mono tone as you kissed him on the forehead.
"Go on. Oh, and here is your lunch" he was about to run off to go play with his friends before you called him back for his lunch.
Now, time for me to get to work, your thoughts filled with the eager fasces of your students. Continuing down the street, you worked currently as the school medic at the Kohana ninja academy including intro classes on medicinal plants and tea ceremonies. You loved it and it paid the bills, there seemed to be a lot of those these days.
"There she is, you should go talk to her" Kotetsu said nudging Iruka in your direction.
"You know she's all alone in that house of hers with just her son. You should pay her a visit" Izumo said on the other side of Iruka nudging him in the ribs.
"What makes you think that?"Iruka asked stepping a little ahead of them, not wanting to be pushed or elbowed any more.
"Don't play dumb Iruka, we know you like her" replied Kotetsu wagging his eyebrows.
"It's just the way you look at her" Izumo added. Iruka was silent for a minute. He didn't think it was that obvious.
"You should talk to her today" Izumo gave him a brotherly pat on the shoulder.
"Yeah, and that kid could really use a father figure" Kotetsu said in a serious tone.
"I'll do it" Iruka said confidently with a smile.
"Good luck with that. We'll see you later, our shift is next" Izumo called as they left. He thought about you as he walked through the doors of the academy.
"This is the Dokudami. This species is a kind of weed and multiplies by root runners. Its leaves are utilized as a medicinal herb. It lays dormant in winter and grows in shady and humid places" as you sat the little potted plant down on your desk the bell rang signaling to the students that it was lunch time.
"Don't forget tomorrow we will be learning how to take care of these plants" you say as the students begin to file out of the doorway. Digging through your desk you found your lunch box. Outside your open door you heard the two teachers from across the hall whispering.
"Did you hear? That kid from the sand village with red hair, he killed one of Orochimaru's men" came the disembodied voice.
"No I haven't, who was it?" said the other.
"They say his name was Kimimaro, the bone demon."
That was all you needed to hear before the tears started to fall. You didn't know the exact reason you cried for the man whom your only interaction with was the night your child was conceived. That sad man was the reason you had such joy today. He gave you your son.
No, this can't be. People gossip all the time, that's what it is, gossip. Why am I crying? I should be happy he's dead. You thought trying to cheer yourself up, but your heart was too kind for that. Wiping away at the tears angrily you heard footsteps down the hall. You didn't want to be caught crying so you turned around, dabbing at your eyes with your sleeve.
"Mrs. Senshi is you ok?" came a male voice from the doorway.
"Yes I'm fine" you sniff, still turned around.
"Are you sure? You can tell me, that is, if you like" his voice was sweet and kind. Immediately you recognized it.
"Iruka, I'm alright "you gathered the courage to face him. His warm chocolaty eyes were filled with concern. You at that moment were compelled to hug him, to let him know you were alright.
"I know people don't cry when there alright" he smiled; it gave you a warm feeling along with something else you couldn't place. You didn't quite notice until now, that he held something in his hand.
"What's that for?"You ask gesturing towards what was in his hands.
"Oh, uh this" he held up a single rose wrapped in a white ribbon.
"It's for you; I...wanted to know if you would like to go out to dinner with me?"When he finished a small blush crept across his face. For a second you couldn't believe that someone had just asked you out on a date.
"I would love to, but I have no one to watch my son" you say after remembering your motherly duties. "Oh, well then maybe some other time" his gaze fell to the floor.
"Wait, how about you come to my house for dinner? I know it's not really a date, but we can make plans for another time" you suggest, unsure if he would be comfortable having dinner with you and your son.
"I would love to" his voice was surprisingly enthusiastic. This is great. I couldn't ask for anything better. As he handed you the rose he gave you a look that seemed so familiar, but you couldn't place it.
"Then it's a date" taking the rose you placed a tender kiss on his cheek. His finger tucked a stray hair behind your ear lovingly, before placing his warm lips on your own. At first you flinched from his touch, no one had kissed you since Kimimaro and your heart fluttered in fear. But a little voice in the back of your mind told you that it was right. The way his hands stroked your cheek, his strong chest pressed against your own.
It was right.
"I'm so sorry I shouldn't have-"
"It's alright..."the bell rang signaling the end of lunch.
"I'll see you at six" you say hurriedly turning to hide the deep blush appearing on your face.
"Benjiro, mommy has a very important guest coming over so I need you to be a good boy ok?"
He wasn't really paying any attention to you, while his hands were busy with his colorful blocks.
"Yes Momma" stacking them one after another he paused to admire his work. The doorbell rang just as you finished setting the table.
"Here, these are for you" Iruka handed you an enormous bouquet of red roses, this time tied with creamy blue ribbon.
"There gorgeous, thank you" turning to set them in a vase with the other one he gave you earlier, you heard Benjiro take a sudden interest n your guest.
"Do you like blocks?" he asked innocently holding out a green one to Iruka.
"Why, I like the very much" Iruka responded in an interested tone.
"Do you like my mommy?" was his second question as he rolled the blocks around.
"I..."you heard him hesitate."I like your mommy very much" he said, his voice taking on a softer tone.
"That dinner was delicious, thank you" he said politely.
"Momma can you read me a story" Benjiro's sleepy voice sounded from across the table.
"Yes Benji, come on" you say scooping him up in your arms.
"Do you mind if I come with you?"He asked standing up to push in his chair.
"Can he read me a story too Momma." "If he wants" you smile signaling for Iruka to follow you to Benjiro's room.
Iruka turned out to be a great story teller. He was so animated when he told the story of those poor little pigs getting their houses blown down.
"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then" you two stood in the hallway after putting Benjiro to sleep.
"I...yeah tomorrow" you couldn't explain it but you had a desire for him to stay. You rarely had male company for so long.
His hand brushed against your round cheek, his thumb moving to trace the outline of your plump lips.
"Iruka I don't think this is a good idea. What will Benjiro think?"The thought of your son always played a part in any decisions you made.
"Shhh, let me take care of you now" was all he said before placing the sweetest kiss upon your lips.
It had been a long time since you had received male attention and your mind was just buzzing with excitement and uncertainty.
Your son was your life.
The feel of his strong hands sliding down your well rounded hips.
"Wait, Iruka this isn't-"
"It is right and you know it" his lips pressed themselves in the crook of your neck. Letting out a soft moan your hands found themselves wrapped in his silky brown hair.
"I promise I won't leave you, just please say you'll have me" his tone was serious yet loving. 'Can he really want me?'
Another soft moan left your lips as he left a trail of soft insistent kisses down your neck. His simple touch made all your fears melt away.
"Yes" you whispered quietly into his ear.
With that he swept you off your feet and into his arms. Carrying you down the hall he came to your bedroom. As if you were a precious flower he laid you down on the soft sheets. His hand ran up the length of your leg tracing every curve. You couldn't get enough of his touch, heating your body in the most pleasant of ways. Looking him in the eye, you could finally place that look he gave you.
"I love you Maemi" he whispered, the tone of his voice was a raspy sexual sound, one that could only be whispered in such a way between the sheets.
'Could this be true?'
"I-"
"Shhh, you don't have to say it" he kissed your cheek as you close your eyes. His wondering lips soon found their way to your stomach, his tongue slipping out to meet the warm flesh.
Unbeknownst to you, you were being watched from outside through your window by the man you despised most in the world.
"So this is where my little dove has been hiding from me" Orochimaru grinned as he watched the steamy scene unfolding before him.
Arching your back you couldn't hold back another moan. "Do you promise?" you whispered. "Everything, I promise."
And with this first taste of desired pleasure began the slow but not always painful process of mending your broken heart.
