Dear Kate,
I left this journal for you, so you'd see the wide sense of having you in my life. Not just because you're the Nikki Heat of my numerous novels, but also being the Kate Beckett who hated me so much but unknowingly you hated me like that because you just gave up so much care for me since you really knew that I'm that nine year-old kid on a sugar rush who would just easily throw everything away, to the worse… even my life.
This journal would also remind you and the world how lucky I am to have someone like you who is so impossible to ever get with just some manly charm because you're the type of woman who would require so many things, and I understand you for that and it's very reasonable on your side. But despite my menacing on you, you still have gotten used to having me pulling your pigtails, my selfishness of wanting you all by myself and that, no other writer can take you from me, and those times that I cannot avoid getting into your mom's case, because I know how you'd end up if I don't make a scene there, and I don't want you to throw your life Kate, I don't want to lose you! You mean so much to me as much my mom and Alexis.
So yes, I was crystal clear when I told you the very reason why I worked with Michael Smith and that is not sitting on the truth for a year. It's saving you to see you living your life well as you deal with that wall you built yourself since your mother's murder, and I can barely describe how happy I was to be with you when that wall came down. I was happy.
And this journal too will always hold our love that we were ashamed to tell each other about, but now that we have known of our north star, this will last for lifetime. And don't worry. I've never kept my feelings a secret, it's all here. The first night that our love united us together, the first weekend that we finally had in the Hamptons, that Christmas that you nearly spent at the precinct, and also here I say that the only reason of my death would be saving you from it. It could be saving you from getting hit by a car, then it gets me instead, or by just simply taking that shot that was meant for you.
Don't be mad, don't you blame yourself. You should know that you're worth loving and respecting that's why a person died for you.
You're just everything Kate, everything…
It makes me feel so petty when people don't see how worthy you are in terms of your care, respect and love that you give, or to be honest… the whole of you.
If only I could just turn back the time, and live the rest of my life with you, but I'm glad that I got to save your life again, but this time I'm not keeping score.
If you get to meet someone who would change your life again, don't forget to let him know that you deserve such priceless love and care just like what I've given you. I hope he'll bring you the same coffee I had for you everyday, so he can see that precious smile you used to give to me, and may he feel the same happiness when I get that smile from you, it definitely means a lot Kate, it really does.
Now that I'm gone, you'll still be my north star, the brightest one. And Kate… This love of ours has no end, but ALWAYS.
Love,
Rick
