Can't ever go back.
Can't?
It wasn't a word Rose was used to hearing when she was around the Doctor – well, may be half heartedly… You can't just go around saving people who are supposed to be dead… you can't go and find Pete he's not your dad… before he allowed her to go ahead and do that thing anyway.
Why did he do that? But…Can't ever go back.
Never see Mickey ever again? The concept was too huge, too vast for her to comprehend. That the boy she had known had grown up to be this wonderful, brave man who had chosen to stay where he could have a better life, fight the fight, be with the family he had once lost… without her.
She shook her head, all the while staring without seeing through the hatch in to her mum's kitchen. A cup of tea was going cold in her hands. Her cheeks stung - streaked with dried on tears and the remnants of her mascara. That was the only thing she could feel.
It's too much.
He'll find a way.
The Doctor will find a way to let me visit him one day.
It made her feel better for a moment, even though she knew she was kidding herself.
Still, it made her feel better for a moment.
Better enough to see her mum bustle past her picking up stuff and dusting beneath it. Straightening the flat, now she had guests. Better enough to hear the fizzle, pop and hum floating through the open door of the TARDIS behind her. She didn't have to turn and look to know he was tinkering with his beloved ship again, buzzing this and that with the sonic screwdriver.
"Don't shut the doors." As he turned to leave, give her some space.
"What?"
"The doors – don't shut 'em." Quietly now.
"Of course."
He understood. Of course – don't shut the doors, don't leave me … you might leave me too.
Of course he wouldn't, but the reassurance was needed and given, no questions asked.
She wondered what Mickey was doing at that moment. Did their worlds run side by side in time? When had they left, what time had the Doctor brought her back to here? Ever since his 'little mishap' the first time they had returned to Earth in her time – 12 months not 12 hours – the Doctor was careful to return her to Earth approximately however months, weeks or days further on that they had been travelling. It meant Jackie didn't worry too much and Rose didn't age too quickly – or slowly – in her eyes. Such things were important to humans he had realised – the steady passage of time, birthdays and the like.
Had Mickey found the first of those other factories? Had he transmitted the code, destroyed the Cybermen there?
She shuddered. Those poor people. The only way to destroy them was to make them see what they had become. How did the Doctor make the decision to do that?
She smiled despite herself, dark thoughts lifted a moment as she remembered something. A surge of pride she'd felt. For him – the Doctor. Giving that speech to Lumic, stalling for time and all the time telling Mickey what to do. But more than that, his face when the plan worked. The Cybermen grabbing at their heads in pain, fear. Metal hands scraping at metal skulls. She watched as one caught sight of it's reflection in the polished steel panel of a control board. It – he / she… they… they made a sound like a frightened child. A quiet cry… and the Doctor, standing behind them. His human-like face reflected beside their steel.
"I'm sorry."
And she was sorry too – so sorry. But not sorry she'd seen that, because it reaffirmed what she knew about him. What she was secretly scared had been lost to his regeneration. That he cared just as deeply as ever for those innocents caught up in the struggles around him. That he went back for Reinette for that reason… and that maybe, just maybe he still cared for her the same as he always had too.
"Not enough sugar love?"
Huh?"Rose – can you hear me sweetheart? You haven't touched your tea."
Thoughts swam back to the present.
"Nah," Rose coughed. Found her throat dry and hoarse.
Had she been sat here with her mouth hanging open the whole time? She slid her tongue around her mouth to loosen it up.
"S'OK," she said at last. "Jus' - don't fancy it now."
Jackie took the cup from her daughter's hands and went through to the kitchen.
"So," She said brightly, dipping her head to peer at Rose through the hatch. "You going to tell me where you've been then? Far away he said and it's obviously upset you wherever it was."
"You – wouldn't understand," Rose tried, knowing that wouldn't satisfy her.
"Try me," she replied, coming back through and sitting in the chair opposite her.
The noise within the TARDIS had ceased at this. Footsteps came towards them and soon the Doctor stood in the open doorway behind Rose, but he didn't say anything. He was curious how she was going to handle this. Wanted to be there in case it was too much for her.
"Right," Rose began, sounding more confident than either he or she could have imagined.
Time for the truth?
"Imagine there's like two worlds, running along side each other – parallel." She moved her hands in front of her, side by side, just as she had when trying to explain the same thing to Pete. Her eyes searched her mother's face.
"I get it, yeah," Jackie said slowly.
"Y – you do?" her daughter asked.
"Well yeah, if you say so. Heaven only knows what you two see out there," she waved a hand at the TARDIS. "Give me some credit Rose I've been the mother of a time traveller for a good while now!"
The Doctor chuckled at that and Rose noticed he was there for the first time. She didn't turn to him though, kept the look of wonderment on her face for her mum.
"OK," Rose went on, a lop sided smile on her lips. "So – we land in this alternate London, by mistake – an accident. Only, there's stuff going on there – this guy making well, these kinda monsters – outta metal."
"Metal monsters," Jackie breathed. "Sounds dangerous." She raised an eyebrow in the Doctor's direction. He had the sense to keep his face a mask of seriousness.
"So they're taking over London," Rose continued.
"How?"
OK, p'raps not the whole truth.
"They just are mum OK?"
No need to give her nightmares about people being upgraded, human brains trapped in metal skins… or who it happened too. Rose paused a moment, her conviction that Jackie could handle the truth shaken.
"Go on love, it's alright," her mum encouraged. Rose smiled. She really saw a different side to her mum these days. She was so open to this stuff – it was incredible.
The Doctor, from his position leaning against the doorframe of his ship, saw it too.
Always wondered where she got that from.
"Well, it's a long story – but basically we managed to stop the … invasion. We destroyed the Cybermen."
"That's the monsters?"
"Yeah, the metal monsters."
Rose preferred her version of things. So did the Doctor – much better an invasion than a conversion. He let out a weary sigh.
"So you won!" Jackie exclaimed. "Not too happy you were caught up in that," she glared at the Doctor. "But I guess you said it was an accident you being there so can't be helped." She paused and turned to Rose again. "But why are you so upset?"
Rose finally looked to the Doctor for help. He stepped from the metal grill of the TARDIS deck to the faded puce of Jackie's living room carpet.
"Mickey decided to stay behind," he told her. He perched on the back of the sofa. Close to Rose. Close for comfort.
"He wanted to finish what we had started," Rose said quickly before her mum could answer. "There were more Cybermen to take care of – across the world." Her mum just stared between them in shock.
"Blimey," she said at last. "Who'd have thought he had it in 'im?" Rose shared a glance with the Doctor before laughing.
"His gran was alive there too," she said without thinking.
"That's wonderful!" Jackie exclaimed. "I remember how bad he was when she died – that was a terrible time for him. But – hang on… you mean there were parallel people there too? A copy of each of us?"
Rose realised what she'd done.
Stupid stupid stupid!As usual she had gone and stuffed it up.
"No.." she began.
"What about me?" Jackie's eyes held a haunted look.
Rose didn't know what to say. She couldn't tell her about Pete and her still being together – kind of… that the alternate Jackie hadn't lost him when she was a baby. That they'd never even had a baby – never had her. That she'd still got him but that she fell to the Cybermen. She shut her eyes and searched desperately for the words.
"We couldn't find you."
His voice cut through her reverie, brought her back to Earth with a bump. She looked to him quickly.
"We looked but – perhaps you didn't live in London, you weren't around."
"Oh," Jackie was nonplussed. She shrugged and smiled overly brightly. "Never mind – best not to anyway hey? Probably cause some kind of big whatsit," she waggled her finger at the TARDIS, "upset in time or something."
Rose stared at her, she looked up at her travelling companion and he was staring at her too.
"Quite – possibly," he managed at last.
"Well you can't blame Mickey for staying behind," Jackie told her daughter, standing and tugging her to her feet by her hands. "He's got his gran, and no doubt she needs him too."
Rose nodded mutely.
"Anyway, you can visit him sometime hey? Have a holiday in another world!" she chuckled, picking an invisible speck of dust off Rose's top.
"Well actually.." Rose began, but her mother cut her off.
"Shush, shush." She shook her head and hugged her tightly. "So!" she said quickly, releasing her grip. Conversation over, subject changed. "What are you two doing now? Just a tea break was it?" she laughed. "Or are you staying for longer?"
Rose shrugged.
"I dunno, I thought I needed to stay a bit but – thanks mum, you've helped loads." A slow smile grew to a grin.
It's back! The grin's back.
"We'll be off then," the Doctor said, grabbing Rose's hand. She smiled at the contact and gave his hand a squeeze.
"Where you going this time?" Jackie asked.
"I've just the time," the Doctor told them. "How's your jive?" he asked his young friend.
"Um – non-existent," Rose told him.
"Ah you'll be fine," he assured her, guiding her towards the TARDIS. "Everyone can dance to Rock n' Roll." He punctuated that with a twist of his hips.
Rose rolled her eyes and waved at her mum, allowed herself to be pulled through the doorway of the ship.
Jackie Tyler watched the door swing shut and sat down heavily in the velour armchair behind her. Tears sprung to her eyes as she watched the blue box before her disappear.
Eventually the groan and swish of the ancient engines died away. All that could be heard in the flat were the sobs of a mother crying for her child.
The End