A/N: Ok, here's some more Casey angst with just a little Cammy mixed in 'cause it's just so darn easy to write Casey angst. But I decided to make it somewhat less depressing by adding slight CaseySammy romance... Once again, this is a songfic to a Bayside song and it's about Taylor Briggs and Jake-the-snake so make sure you've read Moustache Mary before you read this otherwise you'll be like, "wat the hell?" so yeah... I'm done rambling. The song itself just might make you cry so keep some tissues nearby.
DISCLAIMER: WVD owns character. Bayside owns the song.
When Winter falls
Next year, I'll be holding on
To anything nailed down
As for being patient, with fate and all, it's getting old.
And my mind is slowly changing
I'm calling all my oldest friends,
Saying "sorry for this mess we're in,"
And I'm waiting, waiting
For the Sun to come and melt this snow,
wash away the pain, and give me back control, control.
Sammy knew something was wrong with Casey when he didn't come and talk to her at lunch. Actually, she couldn't find him at all. Her eyes scanned the lunch area until they landed on someone sitting alone with his head in his hands. It was Casey and he looked upset. Sammy wanted to see if he was okay but at the same time she didn't want to bother him. Marissa caught her staring and turned to look at Casey too. "Do you think he's ok?"
Holly and Dot looked too. "I dunno," Dot said. "Maybe you should go talk to him, Sammy."
"I guess I should," Sammy replied and stood up. She walked over to the table Casey was sitting at and saw that he was crying. She sat down next to him and touched his shoulder. "Are you okay, Casey?"
His head jerked up and he sniffed. "Yeah. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine. Why are you crying?"
Casey looked down. "It's nothing. I just have a lot going on right now."
"What happened?"
Casey looked at her, trying to decide whether he could trust her or not. He didn't exactly want this to get all over the school. He didn't want sympathy. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, "Do you remember New Years Eve?"
"How could I forget?"
He forced a laugh and continued. "Well do you remember my old friends Taylor and Jake?"
Sammy nodded slowly, trying to understand what he was trying to say.
"Well, they were addicted to speed and crack and probably heroin too... and they overdosed. Both of them. Last night. I just found out this morning. They died at the hospital." His voice broke and new tears started streaming down his face.
Sammy didn't even think twice. She wrapped her arms around Casey and tried to comfort him. He buried his face in her shoulder while he sobbed and hugged her tightly, as if he were afraid to let go.
An angel got his wings,
And we'll hold our heads up knowing that he's fine.
We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.
Once Casey had calmed down enough to speak, he looked up at Sammy with red-rimmed eyes and asked, "Why did they both have to die?"
Sammy was stunned. She hadn't expected a question like that. He reminded her of a little kid-one kid specifically. Elyssa, the Runaway Elf. They had both lost someone close to them. Sammy sighed and said, "I dunno Casey. But I'm sure they're in Heaven now, watching out for you."
That seemed to calm him down a little.
Should we still set his plate?
Should we still save his chair?
Should we still buy him gifts?
And if we don't, did we not care?
It makes you think about the life you've led,
Shit you've done, things you've said.
And it's grounding, grounding.
I've been feeling three feet tall this month,
hardly indestructible.
But the snow melts, and the rhythm still goes on.
Casey spoke again. "Does wanting to forget all this shit make me a bad person?"
Again, he reminded Sammy of a little kid and she hugged him again. "Of course not! It's horrible that you had to lose two friends! It's gonna take time to be able to think about them and not be sad." She had to deal with the same situation when her mother had left to go to Hollywood. Sammy knew exactly how Casey felt.
"I really wish that I hadn't just stopped talking to them. After I found out about their drug use, I didn't even try to stop them. But maybe if I had, they'd still be here," Casey felt horrible and tried not to start crying again.
Sammy put a hand on his back and told him, "It's not your fault, Casey. It was their choice to start using and there was nothing you could've done to stop them. Stop blaming yourself. They were lucky to have a friend like you. You did the right thing by not hanging out with them after they started using. Then you might be in the same situation."
Casey thought about that. "I guess you're right."
Friends stay side by side,
In life and death you've always stole my heart,
You'll always mean so much to me, it's hard to believe this
Casey looked at Sammy and said quietly, "Thanks for caring."
She told him, "You should really be thanking Dot. She's the one who convinced me to come over here. I wasn't the only one worried about you."
"Well thanks for talking to me at least. It's been hard to deal with everything today."
"You're welcome. Just remember that I'm always here if you need to talk or anything like that."
"I'll remember."
These nights in vans,
These nights in bars,
Don't mean a thing with empty hearts, with empty hearts.
Pretty soon Casey was telling Sammy all about Taylor and Jake when they were all still best friends. "I remember when I first met them. We were all six and our dads hung out a lot. So we saw each other a lot. We did everything together, especially skateboarding. And I could tell them anything. We didn't have any secrets, not even their drug use was a secret to me. Taylor told me when he first snorted meth and Jake followed his lead. Jake got into drugs a little after Taylor but they both started out on the same stuff, which is what bothered me. Most people at least start off with pot. But they just went straight to speed and I knew it was only a matter of time before I would lose them as friends. So I started distancing myself from them. It wasn't difficult. They weren't the same people anymore. I didn't even try to stop them." He shook his head in disbelief. "I just can't believe their gone," he added in a whisper.
Friends stay side by side,
In life and death you've always stole my heart,
You've always meant so much to me, it's hard to believe
So much to me, it's hard to believe
So much to me, it's hard to believe this.
Casey and Sammy were silent for a minute. Sammy was the first to break that silence. "Why don't you come sit with my friends for the rest of lunch."
Casey didn't argue. He just followed Sammy back to the table Marissa, Dot, and Holly were sitting at. Marissa immediately got up to hug him and Holly and Dot followed her lead. Holly looked the most concerned. She recognized the look on Casey's face. It wasn't a 'I've been having a crappy day' face. It was a 'I just lost someone close to me' face.
Holly whispered in Casey's ear, "I know how you feel."
He looked confused. "How did you...?" He trailed off.
Holly looked down. "My mom OD'd on heroin. I know how it feels to lose someone close to you. I'm still not over it. It's just gonna take time."
"Thanks Holly." Casey had never been especially close to any of Sammy's friends but at that moment he felt as if he had known them his whole life. He felt like he could be strong enough to overcome the guilt he felt for Taylor and Jake's deaths. Suddenly, Casey didn't feel so alone anymore.
