The
automatic doors slid open and a shady figure, wearing a tank top,
jeans, and a baseball cap pulled down over their eyes, stepped inside
the Crown Café. The person looked up and the light shone upon
her face. Haruka walked in further and spotted Michiru having a cup
of tea with Setsuna.
Haruka:
Hey, Michi.
She said, coming over to
their table. Setsuna and Michiru looked up at her. Michiru made a
weird face at Haruka.
Haruka: Got a
problem, jit?
She turned to Setsuna
and vainly stated,
Michiru: Ew,
Setsuna, she looks like a man.
Haruka:
I do not!
Michiru:
You dress like a ghetto Motoki!
Setsuna:
Yeah, you do.
She laughed,
Setsuna:
I'm almost attracted to your toughness.
Haruka:
Don't even, honey...
Unazuki rushed
over when she noticed Haruka and Michiru together.
Unazuki:
OH MY GOD! YOU'RE HERE! Do the quote! Do it!
She
screamed, spastically.
Haruka:
Quote?
She asked, looking Michiru's
way.
Michiru: Oh, that ridiculous
quote we did together in the dub Sailor Moon S.
Haruka:
Sorry, babe, I don't do dub.
Michiru:
Oh, come on, Haruka. It'll be fun.
Setsuna:
Yeah. Don't be a party pooper!
Haruka:
Ey ey ey! I don' wanna hear nuttin' from you, "Set"! Let's
see you do a dub quote!
Setsuna
raised her eyebrow and looked around at everyone.
Setsuna:
Seriously?
Michiru:
Now who's pooping on the party!
Unazuki:
Ohh, please can you guys do a quote?
Setsuna:
I suppose...
She sighed, standing
up.
Setsuna: "Don't be afraid of
me, Sailor Scouts! My name is Sailor Pluto. I guard the door of time
and space. We can save the future by protecting the past! Continue to
guard her. I know you will. And never ever surrender the Silver
Crystal."
Michiru, Haruka, and
Unazuki stared at Setsuna, speechless. Setsuna sat back down and
sipped her tea.
Michiru: Jeez, Set,
for someone so against the dub as you, you sure as hell got into it,
didn't ya?
Unazuki:
Oh, wow! That was great! Okay, okay, your turn!
She
said, turning to Haruka.
Setsuna:
Yeah, "Rukes," let's see whatcha got.
The
butch blonde cleared her throat, then began.
Haruka:
"Seems so long ago, my first kiss..."
Everyone
quietly turned to Michiru, who was standing with her eyes closed
awaiting her part. Suddenly, her eyes shot open and bulged.
Michiru:
"NOT FOR ME, AMARA!"
The
three girls clapped.
Haruka: Damn,
you're sexy when you say that!
Michiru:
"I remember it like, like it was yesterday; It was so magical.
It was with Brad, the cutest boy in school."
She
continued.
Unazuki: Brad?
Setsuna:
Brad?
Haruka:
Brad! Who da fuck is dis "Brad"!
Haruka
yelled, pounding on the table.
Michiru:
It's part of the quote.
Unazuki:
Oh, yah, now I remember! It's Haruka-san's dub name, isn't
it?
Haruka:
Oh... I uh, knew that...
Michiru
smiled and giggled.
Setsuna: No, it
isn't.
Unazuki:
No?
Setsuna:
No.
Haruka:
Then what are our dub names?
Michiru
put her teacup down and her eyes bulged again.
Michiru:
"HEY! amARA! MICHelle!"
She
said in a goofy, opera-like voice.
Setsuna:
Michiru's Michelle.
Haruka:
...And I'm Amara?
Setsuna
nodded.
Haruka: What a crappy name!
S
title screen & title music
Sailor
Moon S
Hotaru's Kidnapping! Kaorinite's Rape!
&
Setsuna's Mispronunciation!
Haruka
pulled her cap over her eyes and started to rap the Jay Z and Beyonce
song.
Haruka: Down the ride till the
very end, is me and my girlfriend. Me and my girlfriend.
Unazuki
looked up at the clock.
Unazuki:
Well, I better get back to work. Don't wanna get fired again for
whoring around.
She said, leaving
their presence and tending to her customers. Haruka pulled up a chair
and joined Setsuna and Michiru.
Setsuna:
So, what's new with you, Haruka?
Michiru:
Stupid! Why would you ask her such a question!
She
shouted. Setsuna was taken by surprise by Michiru's reaction.
Haruka:
Shut it, Michi!
Haruka turned to
Setsuna.
Haruka: I was thinkin' bout
goin' down to the bike show in Shinjuku.
Setsuna:
Oh, bicycles?
Haruka's expression
became stern.
Haruka: No...
Motorcycles...
Michiru secretly
giggled behind her hand.
Setsuna:
Hmm? Oh! You mean those new watjamahoozits that you ride with one
foot, right?
Haruka:
Those are scooters, Set.
Michiru:
Let's just drop it since the only one interested in this conversation
has no idea what the fuck she's talking about.
Setsuna
laughed.
Haruka: She's talkin' bout
you, Set.
Meanwhile, out in
outerspace,
Hotaru: Hehehe!
The
interplanetary girl bopped around in the anitgravity with her
infamous purple balloon.
Captain
Kurk: Who are you and what are you doing here!
He
asked, floating into the room,
Captain
Kurk: Did you turn off the gravity!
Hotaru:
Shut up, you has-been! I'm having fun!
Captain
Kurk: No! Go home, you little whore!
Hotaru
drifted over to him and smacked him over the head with her balloon.
Captain Kurk pulled a lever on the main control pannel and turned the
gravity back on. Both of them fell to the floor.
Hotaru:
Ow! I hurt my butt!
She yelled,
getting up and rubbing her backside.
Hotaru:
I eat fish poo and fish and I'm gonna throw it up on you!
Her
eyes became a glowing deep red and she charged at Captain Kurk.
Afraid of what she might do to him, he pulled out his corny Star Trek
communicator.
Captain Kurk: Scotty,
beam her the hell outta here before she hurls on me!
Hotaru:
RAAWR-!
A green light shot up from
the floor and surrounded her body, then she disappeared.
Back
at the Crown Café, the three women continued chatting.
Hotaru:
Hi, Setsuna-san!
The three girls
froze when they heard that voice. Slowly, Haruka turned around while
Setsuna and Michiru looked up from their tea. Sure enough, annoying
little Hotaru stood nearby, dying to annoy them. Setsuna
sighed.
Setsuna: Hi,
Michiru.
Michiru:
You mean 'Hotaru-chan'.
Hotaru:
You mean 'Hotaru-chan'.
Setsuna:
Ohh. Yah, sorry.
Haruka:
Who gives a donkey's shit?
Michiru:
Mmm! Donkey shit! Yummy!
Haruka
glared at Michiru.
Haruka: Shut up,
Ho!
Michiru continued drinking her
tea very lezzily.
Hotaru:
Yeah...
Hotaru said,
supichily.
Hotaru:
Suspicshly.
Haruka:
SUSPICIOUSLY! You dumbass...
Hotaru:
What did you call me?
Haruka:
You heard me suckah!
Hotaru:
Whatever...
Setsuna finished her tea
and got up.
Setsuna: I'll be going
now. See you all later.
As she walked
away from the table, she tripped over a longer part of her dress and
fell.
Setsuna: Dammit, you stupid
dress!
She began to wrestle with
herself on the ground where she had fallen. Haruka and Michiru
watched with interest.
Hotaru: You
don't like that dress, do you, Setsuna-san?
Setsuna
pulled out a gun and shot at her dress until she was dressed in
nothing but her patterned leopard skin bra and thong.
Setsuna:
Whoops! Shot too much...
Haruka:
Woah.
Michiru:
Oh my! Setsuna porn!
Haruka:
YEH, BEH BEH!
Hotaru:
Ummm, Setsuna-san?
Setsuna looked up
at Hotaru, who seemed to have yet another question. Instead of asking
a question, Hotaru burst out laughing.
Hotaru:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Setsuna:
My pride is all I have.
She said to
herself, getting up and walking out of the café. Everyone in
the café stared at Setsuna in shock.
Haruka:
Dayam!
Haruka chased after,
calling,
Haruka: Hey, Set, get ovah
herre!
Michiru went ahead of Haruka
and handed Setsuna a part of her dress.
Michiru:
Here. It's just the front apron, but-
Setsuna:
Screw you! If I can't have a whole dress, neither can you!
Setsuna
lifted her gun once again and shot holes throughout Michiru's
dress.
Michiru: Ahh! My
dress!
Setsuna:
Die, you stupid Sonofabitch!
Michiru
stood naked as the last shreds of her clothing fell to the
pavement.
Michiru: I was um, wearing
that, thank you very much.
Astounded,
Haruka stood, speechless and motionless, staring at her girlfriend
googly-eyed.
Haruka: OO
Hotaru:
New title for this group: "Sailor Moon & Friends
Porn."
Setsuna:
Sailor Moon's not here you little Bitch!
Hotaru:
Well, not in this episode...
Michiru:
Where is Sailor Moon?
Setsuna:
Up in the loony bin for a while.
Hotaru:
How do you know?
Setsuna:
'Cuz I'm the one who sent her there! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hotaru:
Setsuna-san, you're beginning to scare me...
Setsuna
mooned Hotaru, then Haruka slapped Setsuna's buns.
Setsuna:
We're all perverts!
Haruka:
YAY!
Michiru:
Perverts live forever!
Haruka:
WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL!
Hotaru:
Whoo hoo... I guess...
Michiru and
Setsuna began dancing happily (and nakedly) around Haruka. Haruka
whacked Michiru's butt repeatedly.
Haruka:
Whoa... SUH WEET!
Setsuna grabbed
hold of the nearest light pole and pole danced. Haruka saw how
intense Setsuna was getting and wandered over to her, quickly
forgetting about Michiru.
Setsuna:
Tee hee!
Hotaru:
And nobody cares about me! BOO HOO!
She
cried, longing for attention.
Haruka:
Because you SUCK!
Michiru, in a
random spur of the moment, ripped all of Hotaru's clothes off in one
swift swipe and ran off with the naked child.
Hotaru:
WAAAAH!
Michiru:
AAAIEEEEEEEEEE!
Hotaru:
What are you doing!
Setsuna
laughed at the naked Michiru running around carrying naked Hotaru
over her shoulder.
Haruka: Oh, boy...
Here comes another lawsuit from Souichi...
Setsuna:
Let's follow her!
She said, starting
to run after. Haruka followed, calling,
Haruka:
MICHI! What the fuck are you doin', baby!
Father
down the block than the others, Michiru passed a dumpster and ditched
Hotaru in it. Hotaru landed in the trash and Michiru kept on running.
Haruka saw this and began laughing so hard, she was unable to
continue chasing Michiru.
Haruka:
Haha!
Setsuna:
Run, Hotaru, run!
Hotaru:
I am in the dumpster... I can't...
Michiru:
SOU CATCH ME CATCH ME CATCH YOU CATCH YOU MATTE!
Hotaru
climbed out of the dumpster, and almost immediately after she got
out, Setsuna picked her up and tossed her at Michiru.
Hotaru:
Now I'm being thrown?
Michiru:
No uh! Not at me! NOOO!
Michiru
sped up and Hotaru missed.
Setsuna:
Stop running, Michiru!
Suddenly,
Hotaru turned around and started beating Setsuna.
Michiru
reached Hotaru's house and ran up to the front door, pounding on it
like a madwoman. Kaorinite answered the door while Michiru kept
beating. Michiru hit Kaorinite's breasts.
Kaorinite:
Ouch! My tities!
Michiru grabbed
Kaorinite and ran inside the house. Then she locked them both inside
Kaorinite's room.
Kaorinite: Why did
you hit my tities!
Michiru:
Shut up and let's fuck!
Outside,
Setsuna and Hotaru approached the house.
Hotaru:
Where am I?
Setsuna:
You are behind me.
Hotaru:
Oh, okay.
Setsuna twisted the knob on
the door.
Setsuna: It's
locked!
Hotaru:
Umm, what should... We do?
Without
hesitation, Setsuna came up with a solution.
Setsuna:
PLUUTO PLANETO PAWAA, MEIKKU APPU!
She
twirled her Time Key and inserted it into the lock.
Meanwhile, back in Kaorinite's room, the two women commenced their hardcore lesbian sex.
Setsuna: Now, shall
I beat Michiru over the head continually with my Time Key until
death, or torture her a while?
Hotaru:
My dad keeps his rifles in the den.
Setsuna:
Good thinking!
Setsuna returned
shortly after with a rifle in hand. Hotaru and her proceeded to
Kaorinite's room and busted the door down.
Hotaru:
New title - Let's hump Keorinite!
Kaorinite:
My name is KAORINITE!
Setsuna
quickly opened fire on Michiru.
Michiru:
AAAHH! YOU SHOOTIN' AT MEE!
Setsuna:
YAH!
Michiru sprung out of the bed
and jumped out the open window. Kaorinite still lay on the bed naked,
covered in Michiru's sex liquids.
Hotaru:
I think I'm gonna be sick!
She said,
gagging, as she ran out of the room.
Kaorinite:
I AM SEXAH!
Setsuna shot at
Kaorinite.
Setsuna: Die, you fuckin'
ass, die!
As Michiru ran down
the block, she could hear the echo of gunfire and Kaorinite's
screams.
Michiru: Oh, well! Sucks fer
her!
Just then, Haruka came
walking into the room.
Haruka: I
hated that Bitch.
Setsuna:
Kaorinite?
Haruka:
I was talking about Hotaru.
Setsuna
clicked the gun. It was empty. She threw it down and proceeded
following Michiru.
Setsuna: Come back
here, you water freak! I'll drown you to death!
THE END
Michiru:
Hi, everyone! Rumor has it that Sailor Moon's been FIRED! Yup, that's
right! So, I'm taking her place as the STAR! This season's gonna be
renamed "Sailor Neptune S." Yeah, and my name isn't Michiru
anymore. I'm changing it to Moichiru. Moi is french for 'me' amd then
'chiru' is just the rest of my name. So, it's Moichiru 'cuz it's all
about ME! Yay!
Hotaru:
That's not true.
Moichiru:
SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU KNOW!
Setsuna:
There you are! Wait till I get my hands on you!
Moichiru:
Oops, gotta go! Sailor Neptune says!
