Aeris didn't date for most of her teenage years. Other people dated. Supposedly a fun and sometimes wonderful experience, including various intimate activities and someone to go places with. But the various slum-dwellers who expressed anything resembling romantic or other interest in Aeris remained worryingly older, friends, or people she had no interest in spending time with – let alone considering them romantic interests. She had her own personal fantasies and crushes, those actors in film and TV. But romantic relationships? Never something she got into.
Until Zack Fair. And somehow, now the appeal made sense. The giddy excitement of anticipation, the sting of cancelled plans, the enjoyment of someone's company – not like with a friend, but in another way. A friend too, but somehow more – and not in the way of the popular slang term. First time holding hands with a boy. First kiss. Lots of other firsts too.
For all the good times with Zack, other unwanted factors intruded. Impossible to ignore her boyfriend's situation; Zack Fair, member of SOLDIER and thus in the eternal employ of the Shinra Electric Company. The same company whose chief scientist and president held her captive for long years. Directly responsible for her mother's death. And constant nuisance presence in the background of her life. Logically she should never had a moment for anyone like him. Logically.
Romance disagreed, but the best times gave way to the worries. What had he done while part of SOLDIER? Those glorious wars of Shinra, those defences against insurrections around the world; how involved was he? How many had he killed? Not an answer Aeris wanted to know, the question never spoken out loud. Easy to avoid thinking about; Zack acted nothing like her expectation of a killer. So caring, so charming, so warm and gorgeous and she could stare into his eyes for days.
But sometimes she lay in bed at night thinking. Questions bubbled up from deep down and would not leave her. Zack's inclusion in the ranks of SOLDIER was unquestionable; a shining ring encircled his pupils. Not faked with contact lenses or other trickery; his eyes emitted a faint glow. But did that mean he had committed atrocities? Zack was young; could he have been set on such destructive paths at his age?
Benefit of the doubt not enough on some occasions; when conversation touched on Shinra, Zack was bright and enthusiastic of the company's vision of the future. Hojo might creep him out, but he had few qualms about working for the company and saw no reason to stop. And that called to mind other questions. Could SOLDIERs quit? No rumours of anyone leaving the division except by burial, and the question at least gave him pause, though the conversation remained unfinished.
Two of only three instances of SOLDIERs leaving Shinra came within a year, one publically marked, the other noted seemingly only by Aeris.
Two SOLDIERs vanished into the ether. Impossible to avoid suspicion of a connection, but the public never heard of, nor cared for the fate of, Zack Fair. Sephiroth's evaporation sparked endless debate of where the man might be now or why he quit the company. No satisfactory answers and Shinra refused to elaborate on his final mission.
Aeris waited for Zack for a time. And waited. A year passed. And another. No word of Sephiroth. No word of Zack. Whether the same root cause behind their disappearance or not mattered little. Hard to move on. She tried but those expressing interest were much the same as pre-Zack; slum dwellers she did not care for, and friends she valued in a different sense. The few SOLDIERs she encountered over the next three years never amounted to romantic possibilities. Different to Zack and the impression they would show little remorse for murder.
Cloud Strife was the sole exception. Another SOLDIER, this one literally dropped into her lap and scaring the life out of her. Different physique to Zack's, but those same glowing eyes and a suprising number of near identical tics; turns of phrase, gestures, the way he would flip onto his feet. But Cloud held no love for Shinra. The rarity; someone who now worked against his former employer. Different but the same. And adorably dorky whenever his cool demeanour slipped.
Aeris smiled, Cloud in the next room. Someone a lot like Zack – not precisely, but a large overlap between them – who suffered none of his drawbacks. He had already agreed to a date, a blurted offer she almost regretted until his nod. Cloud had gotten her home safely and wanted to get back to Tifa. Someone assuredly not his girlfriend. Good. Tomorrow they would head to Sector Seven and see how things went – an ambition magnified out of spite.
The next morning he tried to leave her behind. Cloud admitted doing so at the request of Mom, concerned as always for her wellbeing. Surely Mom would know by now? Aeris wandered the Midgar streets, both on the Upper plate and in the slums. Tell her to avoid something encouraged her to run toward it. Cloud conceded her company and together they crossed Sector Six. Conversation tough intially; he opened up a little when they reached the edge of Sector Six and tensed when a chocobo-drawn wagon rolled by containg a person of note.
Tifa Lockhart. An astonishingly beautiful woman and Cloud's friend. His former words seemed to ring false when Aeris met her in the basement of Don Corneo's mansion. He and Tifa clearly cared for each other. Aeris tried to back-track her own interest, but Tifa made the same assurances; nothing between her and Cloud.
But how to explain her words later? Locked alone in her cell and talking to Cloud, the shocked outburst of Tifa at the mention of their date threw the situation into confusion. And yet; Tifa bore no grudge. Outside of Midgar, they walked together on the way to Kalm and Tifa made no move to toward Cloud. His surprising tale of Sephiroth's last days did not imply anything between them more than friendship. Old friends reconnected before the fire and violence. The story affected Tifa deeply; unsurprising given her exit from the drama. Her father dead, her town aflame, and lying bleeding on the floor of a Mako reactor with dark secrets at its heart.
Few opportunities to spend time alone with Cloud during their journey; from Kalm to the Mythril Mines, Avalanche moved as group for safety. The notion worked for the most part, but did not deter Yuffie from her attempts on their materia. In Junon Cloud crossed the city alone; Aeris and Tifa navigated together. Costa del Sol offered a counter to the dark times on the sea-crossing, though Hojo spoiled things – and unlike Zack, Cloud seemed incapable of saying the right thing. But after an encounter with Hojo, could anyone have assured her?
North Corel was a deeply uncomfortable experience, not a horror like some other hurdles the group had crossed. Here, the problems fell exclusively onto the shoulders of Barret, who seemed determined to mope at the wonders and excitement of the Gold Saucer. Cloud split the group and Aeris asked to tag along while he searched for Sephiroth. A potential first date – if not for the troublesome truth of their quarry.
Gongaga was no proof of anything, but another nail in the coffin of her previous love. Bad thought; coffin too dark an image.
Better when she assumed Zack had shacked up with someone else. But something more at fault; he disappeared not simply from her life, but from his parent's too, the ending of his story missing. Unlike the final moments of Sephiroth, no one stepped forward to relate the sequence of events responsible for bringing him to the brink of- What? What had happened and where was he?
Still reeling, Cosmo Canyon twisted the knife, to emphasise her isolation. The last Cetra in the world.
Not until they left Wutai did Aeris make the effort to shake off the sadness clinging to her. So she was alone. So Zack might not have abandoned her like she assumed. Zack was her past now, five years gone, near a quarter of her life prior. Time to move on; and where better than with Cloud? She and Tifa were friends and still no indication of anything deeper between the Nibelheim residents. When circumstances stranded Avalanche in the Gold Saucer, it seemed fate was on her side. She asked Cloud out once again; he agreed.
Aside from the Gold Saucer's theming, their time together could have been purely platonic. Nothing overtly romantic, but there no rejection either. But she had to be fair to Cloud. Had to try to put all her feelings into words. Her initial interest in him stemmed from his similarity to Zack and his improvements. But those aspects mattered less now. Who Cloud was in those moments when not trying to act cool or distant were so much better. His sense of justice and ethics, his willingness to help and believe the best so much more than the first sparks of attraction. Her words felt clumsy when she stopped speaking; had he understood? The fireworks began and the conversation became impossible.
No matter. She had unburdened herself and let go of Zack for the last time. From here they could build something new. She would ask him out properly. Make clear she wanted to try a relationship with him after this matter with the Black Materia. But why wait? She could tell him when they got back to the hotel.
