The Dawn

Acepilot

AN – A prologue, of sorts, to an AGU/Weekenders cross over in which Phil will play a major role but won't be the storyteller. There a few things, however, that I felt Phil needed to tell his own stories about. And this is one of them. So, keep an eye out for the new fic, coming soon to and Luke's, and for now, enjoy this scene setting piece which I hope does not disappoint.

Disclaimer – the characters contained within are property of KlaskyCsupo animation. Did you know that Dr. Nick on the Simpsons is a parody of Gabor Csupo? Strange but true.

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Tomorrow the next part of my life begins. My wonderful new life. Going to UCLA, studying to become whatever it is I'm meant to be in this wonderfully wacky thing called life.

Tomorrow this part of my life ends.

And with it ends everything I've ever known. And loved.

With this thought I look down in the dim light of the late evening, at the head tucked into the crook of my shoulder. Her tears are still drying on my neck, from where she's cried.

She's not the only one.

When she came to me and told me that she'd been accepted into CAA, I swear that she looked guilty. That she felt bad for her own success, because she knew it meant an end to what we had together.

I almost yelled at her. I could have very easily screamed at her for it.

I sat her down and told her that, while this would be an unquestionable strain on our relationship, we'd get through it. We'd do the long distance thing, and that she should never be anything other than happy that she'd gotten into such a prestigious university, and that her dreams might finally be fulfilled.

And then I went home and cried into my pillow.

Yeah, I'm not too macho to admit it. And I've cried tonight. Because though I know we'll get through this, I'm not going to pretend it'll be easy, and I'm not going to pretend it won't hurt, being away from her. For the best part of two years, she's been everything to me. I've seen her nearly every day, I've been able to unload my life on her and listen to her tell me about everything going on in her world. I never knew anything could feel so right until we finally got together. People don't necessarily complete each other as much as complement each other – we don't fill each other's empty spots, we just make the strong parts stronger.

Which is why I already feel weaker as I know she's going to be gone tomorrow.

I was a bit torn, I admit, when Tommy suggested that we all spend the one last night together, hanging out like the old times – wow, they're already old times. When did that happen? – and saying goodbye. Because, while I will miss my friends – the people who have, for the first eighteen years of my life, been everything and more to me, helped me through anything and everything – I kind of wanted just this one more night – because, after all, who knows when there might be another – to have her to myself.

But it didn't quite work out that way, of course. And, retrospectively, I guess it was probably for the best, because tonight has reminded me of what a close bond I share with everyone – not just Kimi. The laughs I had with Dil, the ideas I shared with Chuckie, the tales I swapped with Tommy. The bonding I got in with Lil before we go our separate ways for the first time in our lives – that one's going to hurt more and more as time goes by, I know it.

But, ultimately, just as I knew it must, it's come down to me…and her. Alone.

Tomorrow she leaves for Oakland, for a world of possibilities, and a week or so from now I move into a dorm in UCLA and our only constant form of communication will be through telephone wires. I refuse to SMS anyone – certainly not her. It's far too impersonal, too cold. There are some things that can only be said with voices. But there are also some things that can only be communicated face to face.

And then there are the other things I'll miss. The smell of her hair. The crooked little look she gets on her face when she's stressed. The laugh she makes when I tickle her ribs, or the growl she makes when I tug on her hair to get her attention. I'll experience these things only every few months. Maybe. If I'm lucky.

I've never felt so conflicted about anything in my life than this. Because as much as I want to be happy for her, that feeling is beginning to be outweighed by how much I'm going to miss her.

But there are, I guess, some things in life we simply can't control. And maybe we wouldn't really want to. We could have everything in life our way, but then it would be boring, predictable. And our way isn't everyone's way. I wouldn't want to go to CAA, I'd hate it, and wouldn't fit in. And Kimi is being given a chance to pursue her dream and I wouldn't want her to give that up for anything in the world, certainly not me.

So I sit here with her in my arms for one last night, hoping it will never end but knowing that'll never be the case. But at least, for this one perfect night, I can hold her one last time. And know that she won't be gone until the dawn.

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Firstly, a massive thanks to LordMalachite for helping get this project off the ground. Second, I know this is very short, but I think I said all that I really wanted to – and could – say. So I hope no-one's too disappointed. Please let me know what you think, and keep an eye out for "Tertiary", coming soon to a website near you.