1. First Sight
Tedious. That is the only way to describe the day to day goings on of Forks High School. All of us have been through high school at least 4 times and have attained various bachelors and advanced degrees. Clearly, attending Forks High School every single day is one of the dullest periods of our existence.
Jasper exited the car, a look of resignation on his face as he surveyed the parking lot. He hated this more than any of us. His daily struggle reminded him that he is not as accustomed to this life as the rest of us. He hates feeling weak.
"See you at lunch," I said to him, giving him a pat on the shoulder as I passed.
Can't wait, he thought sarcastically.
We all understood the necessity of this and had resigned ourselves to our fate. The younger we all claimed to be, the longer we could stay in one place. And Forks really was the perfect place to live. Almost always overcast, we weren't trapped inside as we often were in other locations. We could almost pretend to be normal. Almost.
I crossed the parking lot, walking at the slowest pace I could bear. None of the students looked up at me. They never looked at us anymore.
Bye then Edward, Alice called in her mind, since I'd walked away without saying goodbye.
I turned my head to offer her a small smile. It must have been more of a grimace because she laughed out loud.
If I'd known you would be such a sore loser, I'd have let you win, she chortled.
In the early hours of the morning, Alice had challenged me to a game of chess. She'd won, of course. She only ever challenges me when she is sure to win.
"Ha. How about another game later?" I muttered under my breath, knowing she would still hear me across the lot.
We both watched the vision that came into her mind: her knocking over her king in defeat.
Sorry, can't. I'm incredibly busy tonight, I couldn't possibly fit it in, she retorted.
"Sure."
She darted off in the other direction, quickly catching up to Jasper who was heading into the school building. I sighed and walked into my classroom.
The next few hours passed slowly. I spent the majority of the time contemplating the disappearances Carlisle had brought to my attention this morning. He thought that there were vampires in the area, but it is too soon to tell. Alice hadn't seen anything, so they had no intention of involving us.
"And what would that be, Mr Cullen?" Mrs Goff interrupted my contemplating.
"El entorno," I replied, providing the correct answer in flawless Spanish.
"Correct," Mrs Goff replied beaming at me. I was, of course, her favourite student.
I walked down the corridor at lunchtime, catching up with Emmett a few meters ahead of me.
Jasper's thinking of going hunting tonight, you in? He asked silently.
I nodded swiftly.
Sweeeet. We're gonna see who can bag the most elk.
I rolled my eyes. My brothers loved a competition.
Emmett stalked ahead to catch up to Rosalie, Alice and Jasper, who were just entering the cafe. Emmett ducked slightly, as always, to fit through the door. I entered after them, following them silently to queue for food none of us would eat. We took our trays to our usual table, unoccupied in the corner.
This was the most uninteresting time of day. Rosalie was staring out the cafeteria window, considering some modifications she wanted to make to her car. Emmett was imagining the hunting trip we were taking later, choosing the spot carefully and deciding how he could swing the competition to his advantage. Sat across from me, Alice was scanning the future, looking for visions of Jasper. She saw him picking out a gift for her, scrunched up her nose and made a mental note to drop some unsubtle hints about what she wanted. Jasper was suffering as usual. I didn't need to go into his mind to know that. His arms were drawn tightly across his chest, his hands clenched into fists. He was disappointed in himself. He'd thought it would get easier to be around humans. It hadn't.
Distractedly, Alice rose from the table with her tray and walked towards the exit, disposing of her tray as she left. As the door swung shut behind her, I heard someone call our name.
Oh the Cullens. Of course she's spotted them.
I reflexively lifted my head towards the noiseless call. The girl I had reacted to was Jessica Stanley. I remembered clearly how she'd taken a liking to me when we had come back to Forks a few years ago. Her thoughts had been rather explicit and difficult to tune out, but she'd quickly learned that I was not interested and moved on.
I shifted my gaze to the person she was talking to. It was the new girl everyone was excited about. Isabella Swan, daughter of the chief of police. Bella, as she seemed to like to be called. I looked away from them both quickly.
"That's Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen; they all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife," Jessica stated. I wondered if the jealousy in her voice was clear to everyone or just me, since I could read her thoughts.
"The new girl has asked about us," I muttered to my family, making an effort to pick at my bagel since I knew we had an audience.
Of course she has, Rosalie thought. I bet the local children are relishing telling her the story of the weird and mysterious Cullens.
"More or less," I replied.
"They are ... very nice-looking," Bella responded to Jessica.
"Yes!" Nice-looking? They're all smoking hot! Jessica added mentally. "They're all together though – Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they live together," she whispered conspiratorially.
"Which ones are the Cullens? They don't look related ..." Bella replied simply.
"Oh, they're not. Dr Cullen is really young, in his twenties or early thirties. They're all adopted. The Hales are brother and sister, twins – the blondes – and they're foster children."
"They look a little old for foster children."
"They are now, Jasper and Rosalie are both eighteen, but they've been with Mrs. Cullen since they were eight. She's their aunt or something like that," Jessica added dismissively.
"That's really kind of nice – for them to take care of all those kids like that, when they're so young and everything."
"I guess so," Jessica replied, clearly annoyed that Bella was not picking up the gossip with the appropriate shock and condemnation. "I think that Mrs. Cullen can't have any kids, though."
I clenched my fist and blocked out the malicious comments in her mind. We were used to humans not accepting us, embraced it even. But Esme is the most generous and loving person I have ever known. I was not in the mood to listen to Jessica's jealous and petty comments.
"Have they always lived in Forks?" Bella interrupted Jessica's thoughts.
"No. They just moved down two years ago from somewhere in Alaska."
"So, what does the new girl make of the strange and beautiful Cullens?" Emmett whispered. Although intended as a joke, I could tell he was keen for the answer. Jasper and Rosalie turned fractionally towards me, their minds also curious.
I sought out the girl's mind, lifting my head to find her. She was staring at me with curiosity in her chocolate-brown eyes. Her cheeks flushed a pale pink as she quickly diverted her eyes, embarrassed to be caught looking. I searched for her thoughts.
Nothing.
How could that be? I concentrated harder, trying to pick her mental voice out of the mingling thoughts in the cafeteria. Still nothing. It's like she wasn't even there. But I could see her with my own eyes, head bowed with a faint blush still on her cheeks.
"Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?" Her eyes flickered to me as she said it, but she quickly fixed them on the table when she realised I was still staring at her.
This was impossible. Why couldn't I hear her? I tuned into Jessica thoughts. I immediately heard the tenor of her mind. The ever-present hum of the thoughts in the cafeteria buzzed in the back of my mind.
"That's Edward," Jessica replied with a small giggle. "He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him," she added, the bitterness clear in her tone.
Her thoughts flashed through the memories of my rejection. She remembered how she'd considered confronting me about why I was ignoring her. I had to smile at that. I turned my face away towards the window, letting my mouth curve up slightly at the edges. Emmett looked at me with a quizzical expression.
"Go on then, who does she fancy the most?" Emmett said, waggling his eyebrows comically.
"I don't know," I replied coolly. I was still in shock. I had never come across a human whose mind I could not read. Who was this girl?
"It was me, wasn't it?" Emmett laughed. "Don't be so put out brother, I am very attractive after all. You can't win them all."
Rosalie snorted, although her thoughts turned protective and defensive. I rolled my eyes at Emmett, determined to put the girl out of my mind. I would talk to Carlisle about the girl later.
"Let's go," Jasper whispered. "It's nearly time for class."
I sat in biology waiting for the class to start, my thoughts stuck on the new girl whose mind I couldn't hear. Not that I particularly wanted to hear her thoughts. Just listening into the minds of the students in the room reminded me of the inane musings of a typical Forks High School student.
God, I hope Banner doesn't give us homework. I'm already so behind.
Why would she say that? She knows I like Ethan. What is she trying to achieve?
I can't forget to pick Daniel up at 4 'o clock. Mum will go mad if I forget again.
I certainly wasn't keen for her to add her own insignificant thoughts to the hum, but I couldn't understand why this girl's mind was blocked to me. How was it possible?
At that moment, she walked through the door. The friend she entered with, Angela, walked towards her usual desk in the center of the room. Bella Swan took an apprehensive glance around the room. She'd be sitting next to me – all the other spaces were filled. As she stepped further into the room, approaching Mr Banner's desk, it hit me.
Her scent filled my nostrils. My lungs. My whole body. The smell of her set my bones on fire. My throat instantly burned, yearning for the sweet smell of her blood. My muscles tightened, ready to pounce. To hunt. My eyes fixed on the girl. A predator assessing his prey. As she passed, she looked at me. Her eyes darted away quickly, her cheeks reddening with hot blood. The flames in my throat flared, preparing for my feast.
Stop.
My father's face entered my mind. Carlisle, full of self control and reverence for human life. Carlisle, who taught me, raised me, helped me. Carlisle, spending his life denying what he is in order to help humans. He would be so disappointed in me. He hadn't raised me to do this. I paused.
I stared at the girls retreating back, my conscience battling with the beast inside me. She stumbled before reaching the front desk to pass a piece of paper to Mr Banner. As he examined it, the girl played with her hair, sweeping it round to the side to expose her delicate, pale neck. The fire burned brighter, hotter. My hands gripped the desk, warping the metal and plastic. The delicious smell radiating from the girl in powerful waves promised to quench the raging fire. I stood, crouched over the desk, preparing to leap across the room.
The scraping of my chair against the floor brought my thoughts back to reality. Carlisle. My family. They would be so upset with me, angry even. In many ways, Forks was the perfect location for us to live peacefully. We couldn't stay here after this. I imagined Esme's reaction as I told her what I had done. Gentle, loving Esme. There would be no judgement in her face, but her thoughts would betray the surprise and disappointment she felt. I sat down swiftly, subtly reshaping the buckled desk. No one in the classroom had noticed.
The monster inside me growled, angered by my hesitation. Carlisle would understand. Everyone would understand. The number of times I've been uprooted, inconvenienced, by their choices and mistakes. They could forgive me this. They would have to forgive this. I could not resist.
I took a peripheral scan of the room. 23 other children and one adult. I would need to dispose of them first. Would I be able to kill them all before the girl could scream? Possibly, but it would be close and I couldn't afford for more humans to come running. This would already be a huge disaster for the town of Forks. Yes, I would take every precaution to protect my family. I would not be the reason that the name Cullen is brought under suspicion.
I would need to work quickly. I wouldn't drink from the other humans. There would be no sense in filling myself up before I could reach the girl. Even if a small amount of blood was spilled, I was sure I could resist. The sweet call of the girl's blood was too strong. The girl was facing away from me. I could move silently, swiftly, dispose of the other humans and reach the girl before she even knew something was wrong.
At that moment, the girl turned. My plans crumbled. She walked towards me, towards the one empty seat in the room. Every step closer intensified the scent of her blood. It was overpowering. Unable to control the fire ravaging my throat, I forced my body to stop breathing. I couldn't kill her now. It would be too conspicuous. I had no options left.
She took the seat next to me. I inched my chair in the opposite direction, leaning as far away from her as the desk would allow. I would control this. I had to control this. Every muscle in my body was clenched, fighting the urge to attack the sweet-smelling girl next to me. She untucked her hair from behind her ear, letting it fall, hiding her face from view.
The rest of the hour was torture. I upheld my rigid control. All the while, the monster inside me battled for control, hammering against the iron grip I maintained. I considered leaving the classroom, running far away where her scent could not touch me. I knew I would not make it to the door. If I let my muscles relax, let my thoughts wander, I would not be able to stop myself.
I thought desperately of my family. I imagined their individual reactions to me killing this girl. Carlisle would be disappointed, of course. He would regret the loss of human life more than anything. Esme would be understanding. Too understanding. She would be most concerned about the guilt and sadness I would feel. I would think she would be disappointed about having to leave Forks, but she would not let this show. She would not want to hurt me further. Rosalie, on the other hand, would let it show very much. She would be furious that I had done this, that I had forced our family to move away from the place we felt most at home. Even Emmett would not be able to calm her anger. Although he wouldn't feel any personal resentment towards me, he would not be pleased that I had made Rosalie so angry.
Alice would be disappointed that we would have to move on again, but she would not be angry at me. She would mostly be concerned about the tension it would bring into our family. Jasper would also regret having to leave Forks, but he would hide a secret pleasure in my mistake. He was the least dedicated to our vegetarian lifestyle and resented being the weakest member of the family, and his frequent mistakes made him feel inadequate and insecure. He would see my killing of the girl as an inevitability, glad that someone else had slipped up.
The girl only looked at me once throughout the lecture. She peeked carefully around her hair, flinching when her eyes met mine. I did not know what my face looked like to her. I did not have the space to care. I was solely focused on controlling the overwhelming desire to satisfy my thirst with her blood.
The bell rang, freeing me from my torture. I left the room, walking too swiftly to appear human. No one noticed. My mind focused on every detail of my environment, distracting my thoughts so they would not return to the girl I left in the classroom. So I would not go back for her.
I did not pass any humans on my way to the parking lot. I had leapt from my seat and walked too quickly for any human to have beaten me to the corridors. I did not breathe until my car door was firmly closed.
I raced out of the parking lot. Out of Forks. It was so much easier to think when her scent wasn't burning my throat, overpowering my control. But the memory of her scent still haunted me, urging me to turn around and drive back to Forks. I steeled my resolve and pushed my foot down on the accelerator.
I drove on autopilot, contemplating my options. I didn't want to kill her. It wasn't just about my family; I didn't want to be a monster. But every time I resolved to leave her alive, the beast inside roared its ugly head, bringing back the memory of her scent. How could I leave her alive? I'd barely lasted one hour! My control was already pulled too tight, like a rope around my neck. Or hers.
But what other option did I have? Endure it. Impossible. Leave Forks and uproot my whole family. Selfish. There was no right answer and that infuriated me. Why did this have to happen to me? Why did this girl, this little insignificant girl, do this to me? Why did she come here?
At that moment, I felt God laughing at me. Carlisle insisted there was a God. It was one of the only topics on which I disagreed with him. But I now knew there was a God. A mean one. A cruel one. How else could this girl have fallen into my path? Me, a vegetarian vampire, clinging to the meagre semblance of humanity I have left. What were the chances that this sweet-smelling temptress would happen across the tiny town we lived in? It was God testing me. And I was failing. God laughing at me. And I was the fool.
I felt the rage rippled through my bones. How dare this girl, this demon, make me feel like this? How dare God, or fate or Satan himself, disrupt my life like this? I would just kill this girl and be done with it. The monster inside me cried out in victory.
Even as I thought the words, I knew they weren't true. I couldn't just kill this girl and be done with it. I couldn't. What would it mean for my family? What would it mean for me? I'd fought this monster inside me for almost a century. I couldn't – wouldn't – let this girl force me to give in now.
I returned to school in time to drive my siblings home. I was unsure if I should return – Alice could have seen that they would need to run home if I had not – but I didn't want to abandon them. I had arrived with 10 minutes until the end of their lessons, so I decided to take action to minimise the time I would have to spend with Bella Swan in the future.
I entered the reception office and approached the woman on the desk. Her heartbeat raced and eyes widened in appreciation of my appearance, as they always did.
Wow. So gorgeous. What is in the water at the Cullens' place?!
"Hello Edward," she greeted me warmly. "Is there something I can help you with?"
"Thank you Mrs Cope, there is something I would like your help with," I answered with a kind smile. "I was hoping I could switch from my sixth-hour biology class."
Switch from biology? He has perfect grades, why would he want to switch?
"I will have a look at your timetable now."
She entered my information into the computer system, tapping loudly on the keys with her acrylic nails. I surveyed her thoughts as she evaluated my timetable. Every other sixth-hour class was full.
Before she could confirm this out loud, I added, "My father has offered me an internship at his hospital. I was wondering if it would be possible to take that hour to gain some work experience with him?"
He wants to be a doctor? Surely, he would need biology for that …
"I'm sorry Edward," she replied, her voice sincere. "We do not allow juniors to take internships or placements, and there are no other available classes for that period."
At that moment, the office door opened and another human stepped in. Classes must have ended. I needed to meet my siblings.
"Perhaps I could take that period as independent study time? I feel it would be beneficial for me to focus on my other studies," I purred persuasively.
Uhh … what did he say? He is so handsome! His eyes are so deep and dark ...
Mrs Cope blinked slowly, seemingly dazed, before stuttering, "I don't think that is possible, Edward. Juniors are only allowed a certain number of hours for independent study. I could ask Mr Greene if ..."
The office door swung open again. A student walked through to place a note on the desk, swirling the air in the room with their movements. That was when I realised she was there.
I turned towards her scent. Bella Swan. She stood meekly near the closed office door, her backpack slumped at her feet. Her eyes met mine. She looked apprehensive. Scared, even.
Her scent pained me. My throat burned, my chest ached, my stomach yearned. For her. For her blood. The monster inside me roared at the smell, at her presence, in this small, enclosed room.
Carlisle. Esme. Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie.
I forced my body to stop breathing as I pulled the faces of my family into my mind, remembering how they would react if I were to kill her. Remembering why I should leave Bella alive. Why I should leave, right now, and never look back. I turned away from her to face the receptionist once more. The beast inside raged as I denied my thirst, my nature, once again.
"Never mind then. I can see that it's impossible," I growled hastily to Mrs Cope, desperate to breathe fresh air. "Thank you so much for your help."
I left the office swiftly and stalked across the parking lot to my Volvo. My family were already seated in the car, waiting. I threw myself into the driving seat, racing to get away from Forks High School. Away from her. Away from the monster I was.
I could feel the eyes of my siblings trained on my back in confusion. Their thoughts were shouting over each other.
Edward, what has happened?
Are you okay Edward? Talk to us. What's wrong?
Edward, seriously. What's going on?
"You're leaving us," Alice whispered in surprise. It wasn't a question. Her vision had been clear. I'd made up my mind. Rosalie gasped, shocked.
"Yes."
"Why?" Emmett demanded. "Whatever it is, we can sort it," He added roughly, picturing a faceless enemy in his mind, someone he had to destroy. How wrong he was. It was someone I had to save.
"I have to go. I can't stay here," I growled.
The memory of her scent crashed into my thoughts. The beast growled, demanding I seek her out right now. I knew where she lived. It would be so easy to drive to Chief Swan's house ...
I saw the vision in Alice's mind before I finished that thought. Bella dead. My eyes shining brightly with her blood.
"No!" I roared, desperate to get the image out of my mind. I had decided I was leaving.
"Edward, what was that? It was so fast – I didn't see. Was that the new girl? What happened …" Alice trailed off, understanding. "I see."
"Yes, which is why I have to leave." I brought the car to a jolting stop. We had reached the top of our driveway. "I need to speak to Carlisle," I said to my siblings, my voice harsh and clipped.
"Will someone tell me what on …" Rosalie started in an indignant tone.
"I will explain, Rose, just get out the car," Alice interrupted, fixing Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper with a stern look. All three got out the car immediately. "It will be okay, Edward," Alice turned to face me, her expression soft. "But we will miss you." And with that, Alice darted out the car, leaving me alone.
