(1 month post breakup)
Germany
It was early in the morning and it was snowing outside my window. That was the only time I enjoyed it here. Otherwise it was cold and icy and just flat out awful. The snow made it seem magical. Or at least it did.
About a month ago, Owen had shown up at my door in the middle of the night telling me about how he and his wife, Amelia, had gotten divorced and how now me and him could finally be together. It was something out of a movie. Everything I imagined in my head about us came true. We had dinner, had really good sex, watched the snow fall, and talked about old memories and future plans. But sadly, all movies end at some point. We were lying in bed, my sheets a tangled mess between us. "Why are you here?" I had asked. I wanted to know why he was really here. I wish I hadn't. I was expecting something along the lines of 'I came because I can't live without you.', but instead he told me he came because his ex-wife, whom he had just slept with, told him to go to me. I couldn't believe it. He was so good grand gestures, big surprises to make people happy. The last thing he said before he left was 'I did it for you. The snow, on the fifty fourth, I did it for you. I knew how much you loved Christmas.' with these big pleading eyes. My heart screamed to go kiss him, but my brain refused to listen. I kicked him out and back on the first plane to Seattle. 'We're done Owen.' was the last thing I said to him. It broke me. He was my best friend, the person I told everything to. I couldn't move away from the door. That was a month ago.
My alarm went off at six in the morning like usual. I sat and listened for a minute trying to understand as much as I could of what the weather man was saying. I only understood a few words. From the sound of it, the cold wasn't going to let up until at least friday. 'Great.' I thought. 'Another freezing cold week.'. I threw back the covers and dragged myself out of bed. It was still dark out and I longed to jump back into bed and fall asleep, but I couldn't. The clinic needed me. I quickly changed into my sweats and flannels, and packed my bag for work. I went to get some cereal for breakfast but my stomach had other plans. I grabbed an apple and headed for the bus.
I arrived to work on time, thankfully, and headed straight for the locker room. I had a surgery scheduled for ten. I sat down on the wooden bench in front of my locker to put on my shoes when a wave of nausea swept over me. I put my hand on my stomach and took a few deep breaths. 'You're fine. It'll pass.' I told myself. My concentration was broken when another doctor entered the room. I didn't recognize him, but his name tag read Mike Newsome.
"Are you alright?" he asked tentatively. "Yes. I'm fine." I replied curtly. I took a few more deep breaths as the bile rose in my throat. "Excuse me." I whispered and pushed past him to the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me in a rush.
"Are you sure?" He asked jokingly from the other side of the door. I waited a second, making sure nothing else came out, before replying. "I'm fine. The bus was a little jerky this morning that's it."
"Whatever you say. Names Mike Newsome, head of general here."
"Teddy Altman, cardio. I believe we had a case together recently."
"I believe so." He finished. We sat in silence for a second.
"Anyway, if your okay, I have to check on some post-ops."
"Oh, okay." I stuttered. "No go. I'm fine, really."
"Okay." He said as he left. I straightened up and left the bathroom. Poor janitor would lose his mind cleaning the place. 'What was that about?' I thought to myself. The bus is always jerky and it never bothered me before. 'Perhaps it was something I ate yesterday.' I continued in my head. I fished my scrub cap out of my locker and headed out to surgery.
The surgery went really well, the patient was to make a full recovery. The next twenty four hours were crucial of course, but that was some of my best work since leaving Seattle. My nausea had ceased to return so I doubted it was anything in particular. I turned the corner heading back to the change room to freshen up, when Mike gestured for me to come over. Seeing him gave me this weird school-girl jittery feeling. Maybe it was his blue eyes, or his strawberry blonde hair. It brought back memories of Owen. 'How come everything goes back to him?' I thought. I walked over and put the iPad on the nurse station. "How are you feeling? Before you say fine, I want you to consider the fact that you vomited and then went into a nine hour surgery." he said smiling. I smiled back. "Given the facts, I am still fine. Did you need me for something?"
"I just wanted to give you a heads up. The clinic is running short on funds."
"Okay. what does that have to do with me?"
"They are planning on making cuts."
I was shocked. I stood there for a moment processing what I had just heard. "How come I haven't heard about this?"
"They decided yesterday. They are trying to find the best way to break the news." he sighed. 'What the hell?' I thought. "Thanks for telling me." I said walking away, silent teardrops roll down my cheeks. 'What is happening to me?' was the only thought crossing my mind. Well that and 'why the hell am I crying I'm not actually fired yet.'. It was a long day and the best thing I could do would be to go home and fall asleep.
The bus was rocky as usual but this time I didn't vomit. I threw down my bag and collapsed on the couch. It was a weird day full of cute guys, vomiting, surgery, and Owen flashbacks. I turned on the TV and turned to the only english channel I knew. "Good evening folks! It is August twenty nine at ten o'clock…" the man on the TV said. 'Is it really the twenty ninth?' I thought. My thoughts went back to Owen. I survived a month without him. 'It was fun!' I thought to myself. 'I went out, played hooky, ate a box of cupcakes because why not! My life didn't evolve around him.'. "Wait. It's the twenty ninth?" I said aloud. "Oh shit." I started laughing aloud. I grabbed my coat and headed for the door, hoping the convenience store down the street was still open.
I sat on my couch, patiently waiting for the result to pop up. I picked up the box and read the instructions again. "Step one, pee on stick. Check. Step two, wait three to four minutes for your result. It's been five, so any time now." I said angrily. I sighed. I always wanted kids with Owen, just, not like this. This was wrong. We were miles and time zones away and that's no life for a child let alone a baby. 'Would Owen even want the baby after what happened between us?' I thought. I dismissed it quickly. He was better than that. I leaned forward to check the test, but I hesitated. I sighed. Ignoring it wouldn't make it go away. I picked it up and braced myself for the result. "Positive" I said.
