"Say what you mean, Dean,"
Cas sat across the map room table from a typically flannel clad and more rumpled than usual Dean Winchester.
"What are you talking about?" Dean asked, looking surprised at being confronted.
"That's your line right?" Cas asked matter of factly. "We are likely to die tomorrow, far more likely than any other time before and it will be a much more permanent death if we do. So please, just say what you mean."
Dean suddenly looked very contrite and far away, "You knew?"
"I knew what? You will have to be more specific. I am older than this earth, objectively, I know quite a lot of things." Cas dead-panned.
If you asked Castiel, he would tell you that was getting much better at the art of sarcasm. Skills pushed along, of course, by Sams inherent need as an infuriating younger brother to help Cas put Dean in his place occasionally. Castiel was becoming his protege and Dean's bitchface was all the payment that Sam needed for providing such services. If Sam had been in the room and not asleep in another part of the bunker, Cas imagined that he would have been incredibly proud of him.
"Dammit Cas, you know what I mean." Dean grit his teeth, releasing a harsh breath to quickly calm himself from raising his voice anymore than necessary.
"You knew it was a line the last time." Cas stared at him blankly.
"You, me and the apocalypse, is that ringing any bells?" he grit out looking away.
"I wasn't sure, you know? And then you didn't…" Dean trailed off avoiding meeting the other man's eyes. "So instead I took you to… well" Dean gave a dry laugh, obviously uncomfortable. "I guess that's my answer, then"
"Dean" Cas interrupted.
"Cas, man. It's cool. I never really thought you would.. You know. And I'm not... Well, I'm just not, am I?"
"Dean, listen to me"
"Cas, would you just leave it" Dean whispered angrily. A whisper louder than most of the yelling that Cas could remember hearing from the man across from him.
"I will not leave it Dean Winchester. I will not. And I'll be damned if you don't listen to me."
Cas knew that if he didn't push to finish this conversation now, they never would.
"I knew it was a line, yes. But you also didn't really mean it, we both know that."
Dean face was quickly becoming an alarming shade of red, his eyes staring angrily and accusingly at the angel.
"Don't tell me I didn't mean it Cas. Who the hell do you think you are to tell me if I meant it or not?"
Cas wasn't going to spend what was possibly his last night in existence, listening to Dean degrade and lie to himself. He was becoming frustrated and angry himself now and if Dean wanted to fight about this, then Cas could certainly oblige him.
"Oh really, Dean? Did you mean it for any of those women you used your line on before? Or did you just say it because you wanted an excuse to lose yourself and sex was the best way to do that. You didn't care one way or another if they turned you down, slightly disappointed, maybe but none of those women meant anything to you and if nothing else you were my friend. No, at the very least you were my friend. I know you, Dean, you would have hated yourself for it after because you wouldn't have meant it. You would have been filled with self loathing and told yourself that I was just another thing you ruined. I wasn't going to let you die disgusted with yourself, wondering what your father would think about you defiling an angel in a very male vessel." Cas was breathing hard, yes, he had said exactly what he wanted to say but he hadn't imagined he would say it all in an endless rush of phrases, forgetting to breathe.
Dean's face crumpled. That is exactly what Dean would have done and they both knew it.
" I'm sorry Cas. Fuck. I'm a piece of shit. I should have never... You know things were different then, don't you Cas? It was a lifetime ago, so much has happened since then"
.
Cas stood, blue eyes boring into Deans and he could almost see the faint outline of his soul, the same soul, he had once gripped so tightly in his effort to escape as it glowed bright over the expanse of the pit.
"Dean, I understand you don't have to explain." Cas said piteously.
"Hell if I don't, Cas" he fired back.
"You don't. I have rebuilt every atom of your being Dean. There is nothing in this life or the next that you will ever have to explain to me except one thing, ask me what it is?"
"What?" Dean questioned, confused at what was being asked of him.
Cas could have taken the easy way out, but he had come to far and he wasn't about to let Dean get away from this conversation so easily, not when it might very well be his last opportunity to have it.
"Ask me what I need you to explain to me, Dean." he repeated. He could do this, he could say what he needed to and hope that it didn't ruin his friendship with the older Winchester.
"What is it, Cas?"
"Do you mean it this time?"
Dean froze and stared at his best friend, an angel turned man, turned angel, turned near graceless human but always his best friend.
"Because I think, no, I know I would like for you to mean it this time". The shorter man looked shuffled his feet and took a deep breath. For whatever happened now, he couldn't take back the words he had spoken. He looked up after hearing the deep inhalation of the other man, hoping that he could meet his eyes
"God Cas, you stupid son-of-a-bitch, I've always meant it, I just didn't know I did yet." Dean looked surprised by himself to be saying such a thing but his lips held half a smirk when their eyes met.
Cas smiled, head turning slightly into a parody of his former self, one that was baffled by humanity and in awe of the Winchesters.
"Well then, Dean Winchester, I think we both have plans for our last night on earth."
