Harry Potter and the Not Quite Mary Sue Fangirl
By: Tenshi Chupip
*Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I just have really weird dreams.
Deep in an undisclosed southern state of America, a strikingly beautiful, and incredibly talented young author furiously typed away on her laptop. Although her talent was well known, the young author had devoted her life for now to being the perfect wife and mother. Which if course she was. But being perfect came at a price, and that price was the lack of time to devote to her passion of writing. She had to do so by the pale light of her laptop screen in the dead of night.
Which is where we find her this evening.
The stunningly gorgeous author was desperate to get the latest chapter of her story typed out and uploaded before fatigue took her.
"Just… one… more… scene…"
Her thought was lost as exhaustion won out, and her forehead collided with the laptop keys. That would leave a fascinating mark for her to find in the morning.
*Cue slightly dramatic, but upbeat music* ... *Throw in a little fog for good measure*
"Is she ok?"
"Perhaps we should get a professor?"
"Oh, look she's waking up!"
A pair of beautiful green eyes opened and met with another pair of beautiful green eyes. The girl laying on the ground blinked a few times in confusion.
"W…where am I?" she asked, hoisting herself off the floor of what appeared to be a hall way in a castle.
"Hogwarts," replied a bushy hair girl in front of her. "Who are you?"
"Sula," she replied. "Sula Dane."
"I'm Hermione Granger, it's a pleasure to…"
"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're WHO?" Sula exclaimed.
"Hermione Granger?" the girl in front of her replied, giving Sula a look that clearly said she thought she was off her nut.
"No way…you're… HOLY CRAP YOU'RE HARRY POTTER!"
"Er… nice to meet you," Harry said, inching away.
"And you're Ron Weasley!" Sula grabbed the red head and gave him a bone crushing hug. "You are so much cuter in person than you're described in the books."
"Are you mental?" he asked.
"Oh my god you even talk British! That is so cute!"
"Do you need to see Madam Pomfry little girl? You seem a little confused," Hermione asked.
"Little girl?" the strawberry blond questioned. "I'm not a little… oh shit."
"Language!"
"Yeah, yeah, can it, Bushy. Oi, Ginger, what year is it?" she asked.
"Um, 1996, why?" Ron replied.
" '96…so that makes me…" Sula did a quick calculation in her head. She suddenly came upon the horrifying realization of just how old she was during that year "Holy William Shatner's left testicle I'm eleven! DAMNIT!"
"Language!"
"I didn't even have my period at this age! Oh this is so unfair! I finally have an awesome hallucination and I'm not even old enough to shave my legs let alone make out with anyone! Do you have any idea how long it took me to finally be happy with my boob size! Years, dammit, YEARS!" looking down in disappointment at her sudden lack of cleavage, Sula noticed another unwelcomed change. Her clothes were gone and in place was a pair of robes. But not just any robes. School robes, with specific house colors on them. "Son of a bitch I'm a fluffypuff! Facebook said I was Gryffindor! Stupid internet quizzes… You LIE you bastards you LIE!"
"Who's William Shatner and whats the internet?" Ron whispered to Hermione as the three of them watched the mad little girl throw a tantrum.
"Whats a Face Book?" Harry asked.
"Maybe it's that book you found in the restricted section our first year?" Hermione offered.
"Wait, wait…" the odd small girl stopped mid-rant. " '96… that's 5th year... YES!"
She didn't say anything else before taking off down the hall.
"Where are you going?" Harry shouted as the golden trio ran after her.
"No clue!" she shouted back at them. "The set changes every two movies! Don't worry I'll figure it out!"
"What the bloody hell is she talking about?"
"I don't know, let's just catch her and get her to Pomfry before something happens to her," Harry said as they tore after her.
"What, like she gets more crazy?"
"Just shut up and run, Ron!"
TBC!
Will our favorite heroes catch up this mysterious but stunningly remarkable little girl who is pissed off at her lack of cleavage? Who knows? I do, buts that because I am the author. Tune in next time to see if Sula Dane the Fantastic finds what or who she is looking for and if her lack of womanly appearance will help or hinder her adventure!
P.S. To my subscribed readers, please don't hurt me
~Chupip
