I can`t do it. I can`t do it.
It is wrong, so wrong.
I would never be able to see into Peeta's eyes again. The thought to betray him, to abuse his trust makes me ill. What a sleazy, obnoxious person I would be if I would do it. But the temptation is too great.
I did not even noticed him when I entered the room. It was all perfectly harmless, I just wanted something to drink and then leave. But then I saw him, as he stood there, perfectly calm and disinterested.
And I got confused, irritated and upset. I was only just walking around, drank my beer and bobbed to the quiet music. When I my gaze wandered across the room and I saw him.I could not stop staring at him. He smiled at me literally. Everything about him was pleasing.
And now I stand here and fight with myself. Torn. I love Peeta with every fever of my being and at the thought of hurting him in any way makes me sick.
And this would hurt him so much. I would betray him and abuse his trust shamelessly.
But I can`t deny how attractive HE is. As he stands there, dark, full of surprises and secrets. All his friends, standing by his side, also beautiful and delicious but not as tempting as him, don´t get a second look from me.
He is radiating. It is as if I got pulled to him like a magnet, all my attention is focused only on him and I can`t help but stare.
It's embarrassing how I act, as if I had no will of my own anymore, can`t make my own decisions anymore.
I am involuntarily, a puppet of my desires. When Peeta could see me now ...
What should I do.
Peeta is not here. He does not have to know. It would be just the one time. I do it once and never again.
Once I indulge into my instincts, only once, and then everything goes on as usual, so as if nothing happened.
This day, this evening is simply erased from my memory. I deny that it ever happened. Any suspected, every accusation will be quashed by me. Peeta and I continue to be a happy couple. Only then I kept this secret, which is likely to torment me every day until I could stand it no longer and then I will confess what I've done to him. What a terrible person I am, how I have betrayed him...
No Katniss, you will not tell him anything, you are strong and confident. You will do this now and never say a word to Peeta. NEVER.
With slow steps, I walked toward him, a smile on my lips. From close up he looks even more seductive than from far. How could I resist him only so long.
"Hello my friend," I begin. "My name is Katniss and we both will be getting really close together."
And then I hear his footsteps.
He comes to the door.
These loud footsteps I would recognize anywhere, so loud that he if I take him with me to the forest every animal in a 10 mile radius runs away.
"Katniss?" He called through the door. Damn, he can´t catch me.
Denial! Denial is the best tactic. And hide evidence.
But it is already too late. The door swings open and there he is. The music is blowing in louder.
"Honey, you just wanted to drink a beer. The last customers are gone we can ... Katniss..is this a one piece of chocolate wedding cake for the Hendersons in your hand? "
My hand with the big juicy piece of cake flips fast behind my back. "No," I mumble with my mouth full of chocolate cake.
But it does not work. I got caught, caught in the act. But I couldn´t say no.
The temptation was too delicious.
