A/N: Written for the Sherlock Meme on livejournal.
"Sherlock!" John backed out of the kitchen, keeping his eyes firmly trained on the creature before him. Sherlock didn't even look up from the book he was flipping through.
"Yes, John?" John opened his mouth and closed it again, trying to come up with a coherent way to phrase it.
"Can you tell me why exactly there's a jawless man in bloody clothes chained to the oven?" Was that- was one of his eyes popped? John cringed.
"It's nothing you need to worry about yet. Don't pay any mind to Todd. Just make sure not to let him bite you while you put away the groceries. It may seem unlikely with the lower half of his jaw missing, but it's still possible." John felt like he was going to hyperventilate.
"Is that what I think it is?" John asked shakily. Sherlock finally, finally looked over at him.
"If you think that it's a zombie, then yes. Yes, John, it is."
"Then let me rephrase my question. Why is there is a bloody zombie chained to our oven!"
"Science." Sherlock turned back to his book, flipping another page.
"You're keeping a zombie. For science."
"I thought you had finally gotten over stating the obvious, John."
"Where did you even get it."
"Mycroft had him shipped in for me." Sherlock kept calling it him. John was quickly moving past fear and into frustration.
"So zombies are real then."
"Obviously."
"And you're keeping one. As a pet."
"I wouldn't phrase it quite like that, but essentially, yes, I am." John sighed. In all seriousness, he figures he should have expected this.
"I know it's dead, but is still going to need to be walked, then?"
"Naturally. I'm studying how an active undead creature decays. He'll need to be walked and fed regularly."
"Well, I'm not doing it." Sherlock blinked and had the gall to look surprised.
"Someone has to do it."
"And why can't you? It's your zombie." John can't quite believe he's even having this conversation.
"I have other experiments running that I need to watch." If John didn't know any better, he'd say Sherlock had whined that. "It would be very convenient for me if you could just take him for a walk when you get home from work and give him something meaty to gnaw on every once in a while so I can just check in on him."
"I don't care what's convenient for you. I'm not walking a bloody zombie." With that John turned and left the room.
SH-SH-SH
The next day, after work, John gave a hard tug on Todd's leash. "No! Bad Todd. We don't chase after people."
Todd moaned, and stared after the little girl sadly.
