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A left fist came flying at my side, but I twisted away, grabbed it, and landed a blow of my own. Dante dropped, lashing out with his legs and trying to bring me down. I chose to jump away, landing at the perimeter of the training arena. Dante made to continue the fight, but I signaled a stop.

"Is anything the matter, Lady Hikari?" Dante walked up to me and leaned against the fence. I wiped sweat from my brow and tossed a glance to the main gate, which remained closed. Irritated, I pushed myself onto the top rung of the fence and started beating my heels on the lower rung. I quickly stopped, though, when I realized how childish I must have looked.

"How long does it take to return from the Seireitei with an escort?" Dante shrugged, and I sighed in frustration, burrowing my fist into the wood. Blaine, my older brother, had left a week ago to test members of the Gotei 13 for an escort position, and possible future work for the Kimura clan. He was supposed to meet me by the main gate at midmorning so I could leave on a six week training mission to the world of the living, the last piece of official training I had to do before officially becoming a member of the guard. It was now midafternoon, and there was no sign of Blaine or my escort anywhere.

I sighed again. I was already six years behind in my Kimura clan training because I decided to go to the Soul Reaper Academy. At this point, finishing my training was just a formality, I was already a recognized commander, but I wanted to finish the training. Blaine knew I was anxious to get these formalities out of the way, and he loved to test my determination to obey protocol.

I jumped off the fence and turned to Dante, about to restart the sparring session just to keep my frustration at bay, when the main gate began to open. I watched, waiting to see who would walk through it. As soon as I recognized my brother, I hopped the training arena's fence and strode toward him, arms across my chest to prevent giving in to the temptation to smack him across the head. I heard the wood in the fence groan, and I assumed Dante was following, probably to keep me from doing something disgraceful in front of an outsider.

"Sister!" Blaine called when he looked up from talking to the person he brought with him. I faintly registered bright red hair, but I was so furious at Blaine's lackadaisical attitude that I barely noticed. Blaine strode toward me. I opened my mouth to yell at him, but he pulled me into a hug, forcing all the air from my lungs. I gasped, knowing full well he did that on purpose. I tried to catch my breath so I could tell him off in an angry whisper, but he quickly released me, holding me to his right side where I could not do anything.

"This is who you'll be guarding for the next six weeks," Blaine told the Soul Reaper. I forced myself to shift my attention to the Soul Reaper; I would deal with Blaine later. The bright red hair I registered earlier was familiar, I knew somebody with that color hair at one point in time, and the hair style was the same as well. Blaine shook me slightly, causing me to lose focus, as he continued, "Make sure you do your job well; the clan could very well fall apart without her." I tried to glare at Blaine the best I could from how he held me, to show my displeasure at being shaken, but also to warn him to shut up. He was starting to get too close to letting an outsider know who I was. My glare failed, Blaine blissfully ignorant to it, and I heard Dante sigh from somewhere behind us.

I turned my attention back to the red haired Soul Reaper, trying once again to get a good look at the person who would be my escort. He looked confused, his brow furrowed like he did not know how to handle what was going on, drawing my attention to his tattoos. His brown eyes, the next place my eyes went, were warm, but filled with concern, and very familiar. I had a sinking feeling that I knew who this was.

"This, Hikari, is Renji Abarai," Blaine said just as I connected the dots myself. It was all I could do not to react. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at Blaine, accuse him of trying to make my life miserable by choosing one of the four Soul Reapers who I counted as my friends. Instead, I forced myself to breathe.

"It's an honor to meet you, Commander," Renji said, bowing his head in respect. I took this opportunity to free my pinned arm and elbowed Blaine in the side. He grimaced, and I heard Dante sigh behind me again. Blaine deserved it, partly for bringing Renji here, but also for revealing to Renji that I was a commander. Renji lifted his head and looked at me. "Your brother tells me you're quite skilled in combat."

"So is he, if he cared to focus," I said. My voice sounded forced, my limbs felt stiff. Blaine still had his arm around my shoulders, and the weight was nearly unbearable. Renji's eyes had not left my face once, and fear shot through me.

"Dante!" My eyes flew closed as I said this. I did not want to see Renji's gaze on my face any more. I needed to get away, to get somewhere where I could think and figure out what I was going to do.

"Yes, Commander?" I opened my eyes to Dante standing at my side. I took a deep breath and turned my attention to him, trying to block Renji completely from my mind.

"I need a moment to speak with my dear brother," I said, forcing a smile on my face. I reached up and grabbed the wrist of the arm over my shoulders. "Could you please inform Renji Abarai as to the nature of this training exercise? I am reasonably sure Blaine forgot to do so." Dante nodded his consent, his eyes filled with concern. Dante had known me since I was born; he took care of my basic training when my father was too busy to do it himself. In some ways, Dante knew me better than I knew myself, but he had never seen me act this way before.

I started toward the training arenas, dragging my brother behind me. I wanted to get to the weapons' shed so I could talk to my brother in private, but I was also running from my shame. I never should have acted that way in front of an outsider, no matter who they were. I fought to keep my speed slow, my steps even. I tightened my grip on Blaine's wrist.

"Ouch, Hikari, that hurts!" Blaine was clawing at my hand, which now had a death grip on his wrist. I ignored him, continuing to pull him past the open training arenas and behind the weapons' shed. Once there, I threw him against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest, and glared at him. He yelped when he landed. I felt a tinge of regret for hurting him, but I was still furious at everything that had just happened in the last five minutes.

"Well?" I asked. Blaine was massaging his wrist. I saw the faint blush of a bruise beginning to form, but I fought the regret off. Blaine would live, it was just a bruise. Right now, though, I wanted answers.

"'Well' what?" Blaine looked at me, still rubbing his arm. He glanced back down. "Damn, Hikari, that hurt. Look, it's already starting to bruise." It was a vague question, one I honestly did not expect him to answer, but I also did not expect him to attempt a sympathy eliciting diversionary tactic. My irritation and anger at him grew.

"Why him?" I burst out. I threw my arms in the air, gesturing wildly in the direction of the main gate, where Renji would still be standing, talking with Dante. "Out of all the Soul Reapers in the Seireitei, out of all the Gotei 13, how was he the one you chose?" Blaine stopped rubbing his arm and looked at me, confusion on his face. My arms dropped to my side, my chest heaving with every breath. I wanted to yell some more, but I wanted to give Blaine time to try and answer.

"So, he is your problem, Hikari?" Blaine asked, pushing to his feet. He took a second to dust off his clothes. I waited patiently, but I really wanted to grab him and shake the answer out. "It is not the fact that I let him know you are a commander, it is not the fact that I hinted at the fact that you are nobility. It is the simple fact that I brought him to the compound." I nodded. My anger had tapered off, but tears were now threatening to make an appearance. "How well did you know him?"

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my waist to keep from shaking. Blaine watched me, his bright green eyes, so similar to mine, taking in my every move. He was trying to figure out my reaction, trying to find a clue to my connection with Renji. My tears stopped threatening to make an appearance and did, silently streaming down my cheeks. Realization crept into his eyes, and I looked away from Blaine. I did not want to see when he finally pieced it all together. I heard a footstep, but I did not register what it was until Blaine pulled me into a hug, placing my head against his shoulder.

"I am sorry," he whispered. Sound joined my tears, and I sobbed into Blaine's shoulder, confused to where my anger went and why I had become such an emotional wreck. Blaine began stroking my head. "I did not know, Hikari. You never gave any details about your friends when you talked about your time at the Soul Reaper Academy. If I had known, or even suspected, the truth, Renji Abarai would not have chosen to be your escort. I would have found somebody else."

I do not know how long I stood there sobbing in my brother's arms. Blaine just held me, occasionally stroking my head and muttering a phrase or two in the tongue of our clan, but mostly just allowing me to get these garbled emotions out. It had been years since I had seen Renji. When we parted ways on the last day of school, I had hoped I would never see him again.

"If you don't think you can handle six weeks pretending not to know him, tell me," Blaine whispered when my sobs quieted down. I pulled back slightly so I could see his face. "I'll pull Miyako, Dante, or Hitachi from their mission and send Renji to help that group instead."

"No." I shook my head. As much as I would prefer not seeing Renji every day for six weeks, I could not allow him to get involved in an actual clan mission. If his only involvement with the Kimura clan was with one person, I could convince Daddy to never call on him for help again. What Renji could learn about our clan from only me would be minimal. "I can handle him for six weeks."

Blaine did not say anything, he just pulled me closer for a second. I started to pull away, but I stopped when I felt the shimmer of his spiritual energy flow through me. I recognized it as his glamour spell. I could not understand why he would use glamour on me, but then it dawned on me. My face was probably a wreck, and I did not have time to go and clean up if I wished to leave tonight. Blaine understood this; he was using glamour so I would not embarrass myself in front of Renji.

"Thank you," I whispered, finally pulling out of his arms. I looked to the sky, only to see the sun starting to creep into the horizon. "I should probably get going." Blaine gave me a half smile, and I tried to smile back, but the muscles around my mouth felt watery. I took a couple of breaths and forced the smile on my face. Striding around the weapons' shed, I headed toward Renji and Dante, Blaine close behind me.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Renji," I called out. Dante was staring at me, but I ignored him. If I pretended nothing was wrong, I would be fine. The minute I saw concern in somebody's eyes, though, I would be done. We would have to call the exercise off before it even began. I stopped not far from where Renji stood, and my heart started beating against my ribs. Except for some new tattoos that I could see, he looked exactly like he did the last time I saw him, down to the same ridiculous pineapple ponytail.

"Not a problem, Commander," Renji said, turning his gaze to me. My stomach started twisting as I stood under his gaze, joining my racing heart, and I grew concerned. I did not understand why I was suddenly feeling like I did when I left the compound for the first time in my life, completely terrified and nervous, but excited. I tried to ignore it, and I looked over to the main gate.

"We should leave so we can make it to the Kimura house before dark," I said. I started walking, and footsteps told me Renji was following me. I saw him on my left out of the corner of my eye, noting the fact that he was still looking at me. There seemed to be confusion in his eyes, and I looked forward again. I tried not to think about what he could be confused about. I heard Dante and Blaine start to follow us, probably to make sure I would be fine, but I tilted my head slightly to the right, an order to halt. Their footsteps faded away, leaving just Renji and I on our journey.

"I am sure both Blaine and Dante have told you this already," I said, growing uncomfortable in the silence, "but there are several requirements involved in working for the Kimura clan." I struggled to keep my focus forward. I wanted to look at him, to gaze on that familiar face I had not seen in so long. I was painfully aware of Renji's body heat at my side, and I resisted the urge to reach out and bump his hand, something I would have done when we were in school.

"The code of secrecy," Renji said. I nodded, still fighting the desire to look at him.

"I know you are probably tired of hearing about it, but it is imperative you keep to the code." We walked through the gate, and I heard the gatekeepers yell for it to close behind us. I saw the Senkaimon in the distance, and I wanted to run to get to it, to get away from Renji's careful gaze. Instead, I forced myself to continue my walk.

"Excuse me, Commander, but why is the code of secrecy so important?" We reached the Senkaimon, and I half-reluctantly turned to face Renji as the guards finished preparing it. Renji was still looking at me, and I wondered if he had looked anywhere else the entire time between the compound entrance and the Senkaimon.

"I will explain when we get to the Kimura house." I wanted to whisper it, but I forced myself to use my normal voice. Something about the way he was looking at me made me feel weak.

"The Senkaimon is ready, Commander," one of the guards said, cutting off Renji as he was about to say something else.

"Thank you." I forced myself to break away from Renji's gaze and started to enter the Senkaimon. I heard his footsteps as he hurried to keep up, but my thoughts were elsewhere. I had never felt so helpless, caught under Renji's stare like that. Before the guard had spoken, I had wanted to go up to him and let him wrap his arms around me. I wanted him to pull me close and let me rest my head under his chin. I had been completely terrified Blaine's glamour would wear off early and he would see my tear streaked face. Above all those other feelings, I feared he would somehow recognize me even though I had been wearing an elaborate glamour the last time I saw him.

Damn it, the last thing I needed was these confusing and conflicting emotions. I forced them aside and tried to focus on what was really important, the training exercise. My heart started leaping, but this time in what I knew was excitement. For the first time in my life, I was going to the world of the living with free reign to do whatever I wanted.