It's Not You, It's Me
~~
Bakura/Ryou [SLIGHT Yaoi]
Ryou and Bakura have problems between each other, and often get into
disagreements… Always ending in tears on Ryou's part. But maybe it isn't
Bakura's fault, and maybe it isn't him that's causing the problems… Maybe it's
been Ryou all along? Because he's been too blind to notice before now? And when
he finally realises that it's been his fault all along… What will he do? Will
he try to fix it? Or do something that he'll regret?
~~
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Ryou ran up the stairs, and into his
room. He slammed the door behind him, locked it, then fell to the floor,
sobbing into his own hands.
"Let me in!" Bakura's muffled voice
yelled out angrily, and Ryou whimpered away from the door in fear when he
kicked it several times. Sighing angrily, Bakura leaned his forehead against
it. "Ryou, come on, just let me in… Please?"
Ryou shook his head, and Bakura could
feel the sadness and sorrow radiating off of his poor hikari. He just never
knew what to do to calm him down. Usually he'd hold him until he stopped
crying. But with the door in the way, how was he supposed to achieve that?
"Ryou! Open the door!" Bakura pounded
his fists against the door in anger, then slid down to the floor, backed up
into the wall across from the door, then leaned against it. He sighed out of
pure frustration, and massaged his temples with his fingers.
"I'm sorry…" Ryou mumbled between sobs,
not loud enough for Bakura to hear outside. He crawled across the floor, and
sat down beside his desk. He grabbed a bunch of his things from the top of the
desk, and put them down beside himself.
He went through them, one by one,
examining them, and sighing, then sobbing again. They were all things that he
cherished most; things Bakura had given him, or things that had to do with
Bakura. He arrived at one of the last objects, and stopped moving.
He picked up the tiny box, and took off
the lid as carefully as he could. Inside was a very sharp Egyptian dagger. One
that Bakura had given to him one of the first times they'd met.
He pressed it lightly against his
finger until the tip of the blade started to turn a slight crimson colour, and
Ryou squeaked when he realised that he had pricked his finger without noticing.
"Ryou? What's wrong?" Bakura strained
his ears, but Ryou didn't answer him. Just like he didn't before. "Look, I
realise that it's all my fault. So will you just come out?"
"Gomen ne, Bakura-chan… Gomen ne…"
Ryou sobbed, the dagger still in his hand. He stared at the door in front of
him. He couldn't face the one who had been right all along. It hadn't been
Bakura who had been the one to start the fights, it had always been himself. He
was the problem. And he needed to get rid of the problem.
"Just let me in, 'kay?" Bakura kicked
the door with his foot. He was tired of rationalizing with Ryou, and he needed
to get inside. He had a bad feeling about what Ryou was saying.
"Gomen…Ano… I can't let you in." Ryou
said softly, just loud enough for Bakura to hear.
"Just open the friggin' door and we can
talk about this, alright?" Bakura got up to his feet when he felt fear
replacing the sadness at Ryou's end of their mind-link.
Inside the room, Ryou was running his
finger over the blade, slowly, in thought. He didn't even notice when it would
cut into his finger, and the blood would run down the shiny metallic side of
the blade, down his hand, and onto the hard wood floor underneath himself.
Ryou snapped out of his thoughts when
he realised what he had been thinking. He had been contemplating suicide again.
Not very good thoughts, even though he hadn't completely shaken off the idea as
out of the question or impossible. After all, he did have the dagger in his
hand, and he had the will to do it.
'This is what started it all…'
Ryou cried out in his own mind, careful to make sure that he blocked Bakura
from his thoughts. He lifted up his left hand, and examined his wrist. There
was still a jagged, faint pink scar that ran across where his veins were. 'When
I did that… when I tried to do that… That's what started everything…'
His eyes widened in horror when he saw
the blood on his fingers, and he dropped the dagger to the ground. His vision
clouded over, and soon he was reliving his near-death experience once more.
~~***~~ ~~**FlashBack**~~ ~~***~~
~
He was sitting on the floor, tears
blurring his vision as he picked up the sharp knife. He could see his
reflection staring back at him in the knife. Wide-eyed and crying. He remembered,
then, when he saw the girl run up to Bakura, and kiss him passionately. Bakura
didn't even pull away. He had stayed there, like nothing was happened. And only
did he pull away when Ryou ran all the way back home.
He held up his wrist, and slowly, but
carefully pressed the tip of the knife into his skin. He winced as he dragged
it across his wrist, slowly heading for the main vein. He bit his lip, and
opened his eyes. He froze, he couldn't move his hand anymore.
Then Bakura came running up the stairs.
He could hear those hurried footsteps going up the stairs. They came to a stop
in front of Ryou's room, and there was a cry of confusion.
He looked up at Bakura, begging him to
do something. Bakura, after regaining his senses, ran over to Ryou, and dropped
down onto his knees beside him. He pulled Ryou's hand away from his wrist,
carefully. Ryou started to shake badly. He couldn't let go of the bloody knife
still tight in his grasp. His knuckles were turning white.
Bakura pried it out of his fingers,
then, without warning, wrapped his arms around Ryou, and pulled him into a
protective huge. He only said one word.
"Why…?"
~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the sound of the dagger clattering
to the floor, Bakura kicked at the door again. He, too, was reliving those few
moments when Ryou had come so close to taking his own life. He kicked it again,
and the door shuddered slightly under the pressure.
"Ryou, just come and unlock the door!"
Bakura yelled out, and rammed his shoulder at the door with all his weight. The
door moved slightly on its hinges.
Ryou was paralysed. He couldn't move.
He was still staring at his hands, a look of horror on his face.
After a moment, he finally regained his
sense of what was going on around himself, and stood up on his jelly-like legs.
He made his way over to the door, where he unlocked it before collapsing onto
his knees.
Bakura heard the click, and muttered a
prayer when he pushed open the door. He saw Ryou sitting on the ground in front
of the door, a terrified expression on his face. His eyes wandered down to the
small amount of blood covering Ryou's fingers, then to the Egyptian dagger
lying several feet away.
He ignored what his gut was telling
him, and didn't put two and two together. He grabbed a small rag, and dropped
down beside Ryou. He wrapped it around Ryou's hands, then pulled the small one
onto his lap.
"Everything… Everything has been my
fault." Ryou sobbed in his small voice. Bakura gently stroked his silver hair.
"No, it hasn't." Bakura wiped a few
tears from Ryou's cheeks with the back of his hand, and kissed Ryou's forehead
lightly.
"Yes it has…" Ryou's sobs subsided a
little, and he could speak a little more clearly. "It's all my fault… I should
never have snapped at you in the first place… it wasn't your fault… it was
mine…"
"No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have
gone out so late, and banished the microwave to the Shadow Realm again." Bakura
grimaced.
Ryou started to laugh. It was weak, but
still laughter. It changed back to crying as quickly as it had changed.
"Is that why we started to argue?" Ryou
looked up at Bakura with pleading eyes. Bakura nodded, and pushed a few of the
silver bangs from out of Ryou's face.
"Yes, yes it was." Bakura started to
rub Ryou's back in a soothing and relaxing way.
"Why can't I just understand that you
didn't mean to? Why do I have to make a big deal of it all the time?" Ryou
sniffled.
"You don't. It's just been hard for us
these past few months, hikari." Bakura pulled Ryou closer, and wrapped his arms
around him protectively.
"But that doesn't give me an excuse to
yell at you the way I did… Bakura…" Ryou swallowed at a lump in his throat
before he continued. "Please forgive me for the way I've acted? Please forgive
me? For everything?" He looked up at Bakura, new tears threatening to spill
over the rims of his eyes.
"I don't need to say anything. You're
always forgiven, light. You know that." Bakura smiled when Ryou leaned into his
hug, and closed his eyes.
Ryou felt himself drift in and out of
consciousness with only a few thoughts in his mind. He had finally found and
fixed the err of his ways, and had been forgiven by the one who meant more to
him than life itself.
The last thing that he remembered after
he felt himself being lowered into his bed and before he fell asleep were the
soft lips of his Yami being pressed upon his own. A smile lit up his pale
features, and he drifted off into a peaceful slumber; watched over by his
protector.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do I get the feeling that this fic was sort of inspired
by the new Winamp?
Steth: Because you changed the colour on it, and the song playing a few moments
ago made you feel all author-ish inside?
But… I changed it again, and it's silver and red-the colour theme is called
'Bloods'
Okay! Nevermind! I get it! Now I know why I wrote this fic! But the song
changed, and made the ficcie end on a happier note!
I know, there wasn't that much Yaoi, but I put up the
warning because there would be certain people who would chew out my eyes for
not putting one up. ^___^ And originally there wasn't any at all, but that
would have made the story a little odd. Sooooooooo, anyway. *dances around
while grinning psychotically*
I think sleep deprivation had A LOT to do with me writing this.
So enjoy! And forgive me if there are
any mistakes, but I can't see straight anymore, and I'm awfully tired.
Please R&R!
*passes out from lack of sleep*
