The Calvin and Hobbes Show: Calvin and Hobbes' Day Off
Written by JaJaLoo (yes, a singular fanfic.)
JaJaLoo: YEAH, BOYS! Season Two of America's favorite boy and tiger combo are back for another season! This episode is based off of one of NMMacc18's early fanfics, with a JaJaLoo twist on it.
Calvin's alarm clock went off at six-thirty.
You might be thinking, "WHAT? Calvin getting up early for school? When has his personality changed?"
Well, don't fret anymore.
You see, Calvin and Hobbes had devised a plan to skip school for the day.
Calvin snuck down to the basement, and booted up his parents ancient Dell.
I mean, seriously, who has those anymore?
Calvin was able to get into his mom's e-mail account, and he sent Principal Spittle a pretty believable email that he was sick, posing as his mother. He then snuck back upstairs to his room.
Hobbes was there, with a first aid kit at his side.
"Did it work?" he asked.
"Phase one complete." Calvin said. "Do you have the thermometer and hot water bottle?
Hobbes tossed both of those items to him. Calvin put the hot water bottle on his head, and pulled the covers over his head. Then he put the thermometer in his mouth.
"Just tell me how this will be a day off." Hobbes said.
"Did you not listen to me? I told you that I'm going to pull a Ferris Bueller."
"You saw that movie just last week!"
"I know, and I'll use his tips on how to skip school."
Hobbes sighed. "Are you going to miss anything important?
"Heck no!" Calvin chuckled. "I failed a science pop quiz last week. I won't get a detention today. And Miss Wormwood is going to teach us French. Why do I need to learn a foreign language? It's the worst thing ever."
Calvin and Hobbes then fell asleep, until Calvin's parents entered half an hour later.
"CALVIN!" Calvin's mom thundered. "YOU'RE GOING TO MISS THE BUS!"
Calvin groaned and turned over in bed.
"Mom, I wish you didn't yell, it's not helping my headache."
"Headache?"
Calvin's mom pulled Calvin's covers off his head, and there he was, with a high temperature, and a hot water bottle on his head.
"What the...DEAR! Get in here!"
Calvin's dad ran in, dressed for work.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Calvin's fallen ill." Calvin's mom said. "I don't think he'll be able to go to school today."
"What?" Calvin asked. "That can't happen! I want to go to UCLA!"
"Huh?" Calvin's dad said. "Calvin wanting to go to school? What happened? Did you switch bodies with Susie Derkins?"
"No." Calvin said, smirking.
"Oh, man, I'm late for work!" Calvin's dad said, giving his wife a kiss on the cheek and running out of the room.
Calvin's mom prepared to follow him, but then turned back.
"Calvin, I have a Mom's Club meeting today, so I'll be gone the whole day. I bought some food, and you can watch TV."
"OK." Calvin said.
Then Calvin's mom left, and then Calvin hopped out of bed.
Hobbes, in tiger form, watched Calvin get dressed.
"So, if we're going into town, how are we going to get there? Walk?"
"No, you dingy hairball." Calvin scoffed. "We're taking the bus."
"You don't have any money." Hobbes said.
"Yes I do." Calvin said, as he opened up his piggy bank and emptied out twenty dollars.
"How'd you get that?" Hobbes asked, confused.
"I needed money, so Dad told me to get a job." Calvin said. "So I got a job taking several odd jobs."
Hobbes nodded.
Calvin then pulled out the box out of the closet.
"OK, Hobbes, duplicate me."
Hobbes pressed the button and a duplicate walked out.
"OK, Dupe." Calvin said. "Me and Hobbes are going into town today. I need you to pose as me, and pretend to be sick if Mom comes home."
The Dupe nodded, and climbed into bed.
Before Calvin and Hobbes left the house, Calvin grabbed his dad's Walkman.
Yeah, he still uses those.
I can't blame him. Peter Quill uses one.
Meanwhile, at Bill Watterson Elementary School, class was about to start.
In a particular first grade classroom, Miss Wormwood was taking attendance.
"Susie?"
"Here."
"Moe?"
"Here."
"Nicholas?"
"Here."
"Calvin? Calvin? Calvin? Calvin?"
No answer. All four times.
"OK, Calvin's not here? OK, Nicholas, will you take this attendance sheet to Mr. Spittle?"
"Yes, Miss Wormwood." Nicholas said, walking out.
When Nicholas reached Mr. Spittle's office, he put the sheet in the attendance bin.
Mr. Spittle picked it up and read it over.
"OK, looks like everyone's here...WAIT! Calvin's not here!" Mr. Spittle said.
Mr. Spittle pulled up his email, and saw the email from Calvin.
He read the whole thing.
"...he is going down with the bad case of the hothead and has a high temparatuer." Mr. Spittle read. "Hold up, the parents spelled temperature wrong! This email is FALSE!"
Mr. Spittle stormed out of his office and headed to his car, where he drove off.
Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes had walked downtown to the nearest bus stop.
Several people gave them strange looks as they approached, wondering what the heck a kid and a tiger were doing at a bus stop.
A man bent down.
"Hey, kid, should you be at school today?" The man asked.
"No. I'm home schooled. My mom has a Mom's club meeting today, so she said class is cancelled." Calvin said.
The man shrugged and looked away.
"Whaddya think?" Calvin asked.
"Given about 25% of it is true, I'd say it's OK." Hobbes replied.
The bus came a few minutes later.
Calvin and Hobbes boarded, and took their seats.
A woman came up to Calvin.
"Excuse me, kiddo, can I sit here?" The woman asked.
"Heck no!" Calvin said. "There's a ferocious tiger sitting here. DEAL WITH IT!"
The woman rolled her eyes and moved to a different seat.
The bus started moving.
"So what's the plan?" Hobbes asked.
"So first, we go to Cuyahoga County Public Library. I have some overdue books I need to return. Then we walk over to Five Guys for some lunch. Then, if we have some extra money, we'll just blow it all on snacks and Polar Pops. We'll see a baseball game, and then go to the museum in a house, can't remember its name. And then we'll get home as fast as we can."
"How?" Hobbes asked.
"We hide in a pickup truck. Hopefully, we'll be home before Mom gets home."
"Good plan." Hobbes said.
"I know." Calvin said, putting in some earbuds, and he clicked on the Walkman. David Bowie's Moonage Daydream started to play.
When the song ended, the bus had pulled up in front of the Cuyahoga County Library. Calvin and Hobbes exited.
"So which books do you need to return?" Hobbes asked.
"I had this Big Nate book that's been overdue for two years." Calvin said.
"Two years?!" Hobbes was shocked. "You need to clean your room."
"Heck no!" Calvin said.
The library was a good experience.
First, Calvin was told he could keep the Big Nate book had overdue, so he checked out all of the Captain Napalm comics he didn't have, and told Hobbes he'd keep those for over two years.
Then Calvin grabbed a few DVDs.
He grabbed a Lego Friends DVD, and then the 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie.
"What's that for?" Hobbes asked.
"Pranking Susie. What do you think?"
Hobbes sighed.
Then Calvin and Hobbes left the library.
"Alright. It's almost lunchtime. Let's go to Five Guys."
Hobbes nodded, and the two hooligans left the library.
Both of them failed to see Principal Spittle on a stakeout.
"So he's skipping school..." Principal Spittle mumbled. "He won't get away with this."
Then his car drove off.
Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes had approached Five Guys.
Calvin walked up to the counter.
"Can I take your order?" the cashier asked.
"I would like a Bacon Burger with nothing on it, and a Bacon Cheeseburger, made the same, with extra ketchup."
"That'll be 7. 24." The cashier said.
Calvin slapped the money on the counter.
Their food came, and then they wolfed it down.
Calvin and Hobbes exited the restaurant.
"That was good food." Hobbes said.
"I know. Next on our agenda is spend our remaining money on snacks and soda." Calvin said.
"CALVIN? IS THAT YOU? GET BACK HERE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL!"
The two turned around to see Principal Spittle, raging with fury.
"Oh, geez, Hobbes. RUN FOR IT!"
The two started running.
Calvin was able to take a radio nearby, and played the song Shell Shocked.
That's my fam, I hold em' down forever.
Calvin and Hobbes took off running.
Us against the world, we can battle whoever.
Principal Spittle got in his car, and started pursuit.
Together ain't a way we gonna fail.
Calvin and Hobbes were fast, though. Principal Spittle couldn't catch up.
You know I got your back, just like a turtle shell.
Calvin and Hobbes ran inside the local Target.
Nobody do it better, all my brothers trying to get some cheddar.
Mr. Spittle parked in an empty space, and started chasing them.
We all wanna cut like the Shredder.
Calvin and Hobbes ran through the candy aisle. Calvin opened a bag of assorted candies and spilled them on the floor.
Me and my bros come together for the dough.
Principal Spittle slipped on the candies.
Bought the orange Lamborghini, called it Michelangelo.
Calvin and Hobbes high fived and took off.
With the nunchuck doors and I'm pulling up slow.
Mr. Spittle got up and then slipped on some Triscuits.
When we fall up in the party, they know anything goes.
Calvin and Hobbes spilled some milk on the floor and Mr. Spittle slipped on it.
He crashed into some butter.
Check my Rolex, they say I'm the man of the hour.
Calvin and Hobbes grabbed an abandoned shopping cart and took off.
All this green in my pockets, you can call it turtle power.
Principal Spittle, covered in butter, took off.
All for one, we fight together.
Calvin and Hobbes crashed into the toys, and they grabbed a bike. Hobbes rode.
Guess why.
Knock, knock, you about to get shell shocked.
Mr. Spittle grabbed another bike and chased them
All for one, we ride together.
Calvin and Hobbes ejected from the bike, causing Mr. Spittle to flip over when he hit the bike.
Knock, knock, you about to get shell shocked.
Calvin and Hobbes hurled several Lego Dimensions packs at him, but Mr. Spittle dodged each one.
All for one, we fight together.
Mr. Spittle wasn't able to dodge a Lego Dimensions starter pack, which clocked him in the head.
Knock, knock, you about to get shell shocked.
Calvin and Hobbes fist bumped and took off.
This family can bear any weather.
Principal Spittle failed to get up.
Knock, knock, you about to get shell shocked.
Calvin and Hobbes exited the store.
"That was close." Hobbes said.
"We're lucky Target has several supplies." Calvin said. "Onto 7-Eleven!"
Calvin and Hobbes walked off.
Calvin and Hobbes entered the convenience store, and then they stocked up on several snacks and sodas.
They left, and went to the museum.
They had a great time admiring valuable stuff.
Calvin and Hobbes exited the museum.
"Well, that was fun." Hobbes said. "What's next?"
Calvin checked his watch.
"We have a few hours left. I think we should do something unscheduled."
Calvin and Hobbes ran to the park.
There was a birthday party in the park, and they needed a DJ.
Calvin went to the DJ stand, and activated a MacBook.
"OK, so, which website is the best music player?" Calvin asked.
"I'd try Spotify." Hobbes replied.
"Thanks."
It took Calvin a while, but he was able to pull up all the songs he wanted to play.
"Good afternoon." Calvin said. "I am Calvin the DJ. Dance to my songs or else."
The party guests cheered.
Calvin played these songs in order.
Black and Yellow by Wiz Khalifa.
Here Comes the Boom by Nelly.
Remember the Name by Fort Minor.
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger by Daft Punk.
Shooting Stars by Bag Raiders.
Fun by Pitbull and Chris Brown.
And so much more.
After the party was done, Calvin and Hobbes walked to the nearest bus stop.
They got home before Mom did.
Calvin deleted his duplicate, and got back in bed.
Mom entered.
"Hi, Calvin." Mom said. "How are you feeling?
"A little better." Calvin said.
"That's good to hear. Your dad will be home soon."
Then Mom exited.
Hobbes turned to Calvin.
"This has been a successful day." Hobbes said.
"Indeed." Calvin said. "Now let's get some sleep."
Meanwhile, a Target employee came up to Principal Spittle.
"Hello, sir." The employee said.
"CALVIN! GET BACK HERE!" Mr. Spittle said.
The employee was confused.
"You! Where's Calvin?" Mr. Spittle asked, frantically.
"I don't know anyone named Calvin." The employee told him. "I wanted to tell you we're closed now."
Mr. Spittle weakly got up.
He then exited Target.
Voice work
Tom Kenny as Calvin
Owen Wilson as Hobbes/Nicholas
Paul Rudd as Dad/Target employee
Scarlett Johansson as Mom
Jennifer Lawrence as Susie/Woman on bus
Jeremy Irons as Moe
Kathryn Hahn as Miss Wormwood
Tom Cruise as Mr. Spittle
Special Guest Voice: Matthew Broderick as the Five Guys cashier
Shell Shocked can be found in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014).
Coming up next: Calvin the Referee - Calvin becomes a soccer ref.
