Linden sat in his office and rested his head in his hands, taking deep breaths to keep his emotions in check. Today was the one-year anniversary of Maddy's death and, as though god was trying to keep his mind from it, AAU was overrun with new admissions. It was only now, on Mark's say so, that he was taking a ten-minute break. AAU was not really the same without the SHO's smiley face, or optimistic views – he missed that. He missed seeing how her hair was styled each day, or what make-up she was wearing to match her top. He was the boring one on the ward, the one who always frowned on jokes; Maddy would laugh along and then keep people in check. Different ways of keeping order, similar outcomes. Now there was only one way, and one outcome; and unbalanced way.
I need you now, just like I needed you then
I'm just gonna count one to ten
That may help, it may not
But I'm afraid it's all I've got
Maddy had been integral to AAU, not only from the point of view that Holby City was a teaching hospital and she was learning, but also with her friendships among the nurses and doctors, eagerness, and enthusiasm. He was not sure how he would have classed his relationship with her; they had been work colleagues, yes; friends, yes; more? Linden did not know. Now, he wished she was back, even if it were just for him to determine what she truly meant to him. What he was feeling could just have been a follow on of mourning.
I let you slip through my fingers
But your touch still lingers
It's hard to let you go
I'm regretting saying no
A knock at the door brought linden back to the present. Holly came in and shut the door behind her; she forgot to remind her dad that Mark wanted a second opinion on a discharge once she saw the expression on his face.
'Dad, what's happened?'
'Nothing, darling, nothing.'
'Tell me Dad, it's okay to talk.'
'One of the doctors here, a young doctor, was stabbed last year – today is the anniversary of it.'
I made a mistake, now I'm paying for it
Leave me alone, I wanna quit
I made a mistake, I gave in
Now I've gotta keep it all in
'Tell me about her. Don't carry it around like another secret, surely she deserves to be remembered properly?'
'She was everything a young doctor should have been – lively, kind, caring, a little hung-over at times, loveable; everyone liked her. She was helping her sister's friend against her better judgement, and somehow, the friend thought it was right to repay her by sticking a knife into her...'
Linden's breath caught in his throat as he remembered hearing the news, seeing her body lying cold on the bathroom floor.
'Did you... Did you really like her?'
'As a colleague, yes; I needed her on the ward, just as she needed me. She got me back to some resemblance of what I had been before the– The crash. Nothing will ever be able to take me back to then completely, but she started the process.'
'It's okay to say you liked her. I know that no one will ever replace mum, and I can't even begin to say what she'd think, but I'd hope she would be happy for you.'
'Holly, it's not that. I just don't know. She was a colleague, but I don't know about anything more. I loved to see her in the mornings, and I was disappointed when she wasn't in. But if that means anything, then it's too late anyway...'
'Do you want to go and visit her grave on the way home?'
'Thanks honey. We'll get some ice-cream for later afterwards.'
Okay, so I know this got a little (quite) OOC, so I'm sorry. I'd appreciate reviews to suggest how I could improve this.
The lyrics used are my own work, so please don't nick them or anything. Woody2792© etc.
Thanks for reading!
Woody2792x
