Takatora is ten when he first calls his baby brother a girl. Everyone tells him how much of a responsibility it will be, how he'll have to look out for her and take care of her. They tell him he must be proud to have such a beautiful younger sister. Takatora just nods along, promises to look out for his sister with all the solemnity a ten year old can muster, and thinks babies mostly look like crying potatoes. He doesn't know any better.
...
Takatora is thirteen and doesn't think much of it when he hears his brother ask, "What would you have named me if I were a boy?"
Mitsuzane, their mothers tells him. She would have named him Mitsuzane.
...
Takatora is fifteen when he comes home to find his brother in tears. He takes one look at his brother's face and gathers him up in a hug, rubbing his back and trying to console him. His brother just sobs into his shoulder and clings to him.
It takes Takatora nearly an hour to get a word out of his baby brother.
"They called me a girl. They always do." His brother says into his shoulder between sobs. "I don't like it. I want it to stop. I'm not a girl, I don't want to be a girl, I don't feel like a girl!"
"If you're not a girl," Takatora reasons, trying to stay calm in the face of the realization that there may be something seriously wrong and that he's completely missed it, "Then what are you?"
"I'm a boy." His brother pouts. "Like you. And my name is Mitsuzane. Not… It's Mitsuzane."
"Mitsuzane." Takatora tries the name out and pulls his brother closer. "Alright, Mitsuzane. You're my little brother, then?"
Takatora looks it up on the Internet that night. He learns that gender is fluid and that if Mitsuzane says he's a boy, that's what he is until he says otherwise.
...
Takatora is seventeen when his parents visit and tell him he's too old to be going along with his sister's games. He tells them they're mistaken if they think they have a daughter and that he's raised Mitsuzane and knows him better than they ever have. His parents don't visit again for a long time.
...
Takatora is nineteen when he gets Mitsuzane's name legally changed. It's a lot of work, a lot of complicated work, because their parents are still alive and Takatora is only an older brother and only barely an adult. But it's too much trouble, always needing to deal with the schools and everywhere else Mitsuzane is involved. It's too painful to see the look on Mitsuzane's face whenever someone calls him by the wrong name. It's more than worth all the trouble he went to just to see the smile on Mitsuzane's face when Takatora tells him Mitsuzane is his only name now, that no one can ever tell him it's not his real name again.
...
Takatora is twenty-three when Mitsuzane leans forward at the dinner table and suddenly clutches his side with a cry of pain. He practically dives across the table to see what's wrong.
"Let me look." Takatora finds himself insisting, tugging at the hem of his brother's shirt where Mitsuzane is holding it down. His brother shakes his head and pushes his shirt further. Takatora sighs and looks up to meet his brother's eyes, on his knees next to Mitsuzane's chair. He asks again. "Please, I'm worried about you."
Mitsuzane sighs and lets go of his shirt, allows Takatora to push it up gently to inspect his side. What he runs into makes him flinch. His brother has wrapped bandages tightly around his entire chest, so tightly Takatora is surprised he isn't visibly struggling to breathe. He finishes tugging Mitsuzane's shirt off as gently as he can and sets it aside on the table, finding the edge of the bandage and catching it with his fingers. "Can I?"
Mitsuzane nods, looking away as Takatora begins to gently unwind it. Takatora can still tell his brother's face is contorted in pain and as the bandages start coming off they reveal a pattern of dark, painful looking bruises. Takatora tries to be as gentle as he possibly can but Mitsuzane is still whimpering in pain at every movement. After the bandages are off it's clear why Mitsuzane has done this and for a moment Takatora averts his eyes, shame and embarrassment at having seen the beginnings of breasts getting the better of him. He shakes his head to clear it and reminds himself it's just basic anatomy. The thought allows him to look back at his brother's chest critically. There's barely any of it that isn't bruised and even looking at it is making his own body ache in sympathy.
"Is this what hurt you?" He asks gently and Mitsuzane shakes his head.
"I'm used to the bruises. It's something else. Here, when I leaned over." He indicates a spot on his side, barely touching it. Takatora touches the spot Mitsuzane had indicated, traces the contour of a rib and looks at the bruising there.
"Can you take a deep breath?"
Mitsuzane tries but the tears spill over and he makes a small, choked sound. "It hurts."
Takatora knows he's not crying just because of the pain.
He stands up and lays a hand on Mitsuzane's shoulder. "I know you won't like it, but it might be broken. We should take you to the hospital, just in case. And then we have to talk about this."
Mitsuzane doesn't like it but his protests are only half-hearted and Takatora thinks it must really hurt if he's cooperating as much as he is. He finds Mitsuzane the softest shirt he can to help keep the pain to a minimum and helps him put it on. Mitsuzane still grits his teeth and hisses in pain every time the car makes a turn or hits a bump in the road and Takatora isn't sure how he's been living like this day to day.
The rib is broken, it turns out, and the bruising on Mitsuzane's chest is severe enough to be worrying.
"It seems your sister believes she is male and has been using bandages to flatten her breasts so she can appear more masculine." The doctor tells him.
"My brother." Takatora immediately corrects and it feels like the millionth time he's made the correction. "Mitsuzane and I will discuss this at home."
In the end they let Mitsuzane leave with a prescription for painkillers, cream for the bruises, a recommendation for bed rest, and a list of therapists. Takatora knows Mitsuzane will refuse to go, but he'll try anyway.
He waits until they're home before he says anything to his brother, waits until he has Mitsuzane sitting on his bed and gritting his teeth as Takatora tries to rub the cream into his bruises without hurting him too badly before he mentions the bandages. "I already know why you do it. At least, I think I understand. But… why didn't you tell me? You could have seriously hurt yourself. You did seriously hurt yourself!"
Mitsuzane flinches and Takatora realizes he's raised his voice more than he meant to. He takes a deep breath before he speaks again. "You could have talked to me. You can talk to me. I'm sure there are better ways to do this, I've… looked it up a few times. There are binders, right? That are made for this kind of thing. I could help you order one."
Mitsuzane nods and manages a shaky, "Please." And an even shakier, "Thank you."
They spend a couple hours after that sitting together on Mitsuzane's bed and looking at binders on the Internet. They end up ordering two to start out with. Takatora makes Mitsuzane promise not to wear them until his chest is healed and talks to the school about getting Mitsuzane's work so he can stay home until his injuries heal.
...
Takatora is twenty-four when his brother comes home from a friend's house with tears in his eyes and says, "I started bleeding."
He immediately knows what Mitsuzane means, has prepared for this eventuality, and strokes his brother's hair as Mitsuzane clings to him.
Takatora ends up in the store by himself, awkwardly buying both pads and tampons and not correcting the cashier when she tells him he must be an amazing boyfriend to be willing to do this. He brings them home and hands them to his brother, watching Mitsuzane retreat into the bathroom. Takatora sighs, he'd been planning on getting more work done today but Mitsuzane needs him more.
They end up watching a movie together, Mitsuzane tucked against his side under the blanket. He even laughs a couple times. Takatora counts it as a win.
...
Takatora is twenty-six when his brother kills him.
...
Takatora is twenty-seven when Mitsuzane sets his fork down on his plate, looks up at him from across a table outside Charmant, and says, "I want to start transitioning. My body… there are hormones, now, and surgeries. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to fix it."
Takatora reaches across the table and takes Mitsuzane's hand. "If you're sure that's what you want, I'm with you."
It's the first time in a long time he's seen Mitsuzane smile.
