Hey, ok so i was listening to my Ipod and got this brain wave, i dunno if its good, but i just had to write it down. Rated T because of mentions of bulimia/anorexia
Disclaimer : I dont own glee, or Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart by Alicia KeysBLAINES POV
Blaine crossed the corridor. It was early in the morning roughly 2 in the morning. Normally he wouldn't be awake, but his insides where churning, He had a fight with Kurt earlier, it wasn't their first fight they were friends, friends fall out all the time and although with anyone else it would be considered something small, something that would cause them to ignore Blaine for a few days and then make up, because it was with Kurt, it felt like so much more.
Blaine had attempted to push his luck and then stopped himself, he had rested his hand on Kurt's thigh just above his knee and squeezed. Kurt jumped from the surprise contact; Blaine suddenly lost all of his courage and decided to turn it into a joke, "Kurt your legs are so skinny, it's like you've got little chicken legs".
Blaine had laughed, but didn't realise the full effect of what he had said. Kurt had jumped up and screamed at him telling him how terrible he was for saying that and stormed off, once Blaine realised what he'd done he was shocked. Kurt was incredibly conscious bout his size, always worrying if he was too fat, too skinny, too weak, not muscular enough, and Blaine had pushed it.
Blaine had hoped Kurt would just leave it, and forgive him in a few hours, his hopes where in vain, Wes had come to see him later, and told him, Kurt was going ballistic, scarfing down protein bars, quicker than a hungry pack of lions, then panicking that he was going to get fat and running into the bathroom to vomit it back up. Then worrying about his 'chicken' legs again, it was on a loop.
Blaine worried at what Wes had said went to go see Kurt, just to be met with a weak boy, energy drained from the amount of times he had thrown up, tears streaming down his face, once Kurt saw Blaine he stopped crying for a second, then Blaine smiled, Kurt took this the wrong way, as if Blaine saw him as a joke, Kurt grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a heavy maths text book, wrapped in a blanket. Kurt often found it cold in the library so would take a blanket with him. It hit Blaine in the face, and Kurt slammed the door in front of him.
Even simply remembering this made Blaine cry, it wasn't the pain of the textbook that truly hurt him, it was the pain that he had inflicted on Kurt, the boy who he had promised to look after, the fragile little boy, the boy Blaine was in love with. And yet it was Blaine who had made him cry, Blaine who had caused his first real sad tears at Dalton, Blaine who had crushed Kurt's perky little spirit all because he himself lacked courage. The boy, who had lectured Kurt on the importance of courage, was in fact the one lacking. In trying to protect himself he had damaged Kurt and lost himself the only boy he could honestly say, he was in love with. Blaine regretted this entire day, for this was the day, he had ruined two lives.
Blaine, had wrapped Kurt's blanket around himself, he knew it probably wasn't going to help him sleep, but it was a comfort, Blaine felt like it wasn't the blanket wrapped round him, but Kurt's arms, and as he pulled the blanket closer, it felt like Kurt was hugging him tighter. It reminded him of last week Blaine and Kurt had feel asleep during a musical marathon, Wes and David where there too, but had left half way through Mary Poppins, saying their 'cheesiness threshold had been broken'. Kurt had woken up first, Blaine only knew that when he woke up Kurt was lying on his shoulder texting, he could have very easily moved, but stayed there, Blaine had felt truly close to Kurt here, he though Kurt truly liked him.
Blaine's thought where interrupted, as he heard the drum machine in the warblers practise room start, the room was sound proofed so the drum beat it was faint so no one else would have heard it. And then the piano was heard too. Blaine recognised the distinctive drum beat, but for the life of him could not remember the song. He strolled along to the practise room. And began to hear a voice…
Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me
Blaine turned the corner and peaked through the crack in the door, he could see Kurt, twice, the long mirrors that stretched up the side of the room reflected the other side of his face, he was bent of at the piano. He looked mad, sad and weak. That last bit especially, weak, that broke Blaine's heart.
And even in the bottom of the sea
I can still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time you were telling me lies
Blaine saw Kurt grit his teeth, his body tensed up; Kurt was referring to being told he was too thin by Blaine, looking back, Blaine realised how many throw away comments Kurt had been on the receiving end of, it's all just built up.
So tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Blaine's eyes began to water, Kurt is talking about moving on form Blaine, and trying again. Kurt's anger began to weaken, as if he doesn't have the strength to keep going, and is beginning to break.
Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart
Well you can try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, only, nobody ever shut it down like you
You wore the crown, you make my body feel heaven-bound
Why don't you hold me, need me, I thought you told me
You'd never leave me
KURTS POV
Kurt's eyes filled with disappointment, Blaine had promised to look after him, to stand by him, but his courage failed him at Dalton, he didn't love Kurt at Dalton, at Dalton Kurt was just another boy, he could see where he would fit into Blaine's life, but for some reason he didn't.
Looking in the sky I can see your face
And i knew right where I'd fit in
Take me, make me
You know that I'll always be in love with you
Right til the end
Kurt will always be in love with Blaine, he knew it, no matter how inconvenient no matter how soul crushing, he would.
So tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Kurt would try anyway, he couldn't hold onto a Blaine that teased him, that didn't exist. He had the memory of that…other Blaine, but he was now lost. Kurt didn't need the Dalton Blaine.
Anybody could have told you right from the start
It's bout fall apart
So rather than hold onto a broken dream
Or just hold onto love
And I could find a way to make it
Don't hold on too tight
I'll make it without you tonight
Kurt began to clench his teeth in anger again, Blaine had hurt him, his constant picking, plucking away Kurt's defence lines, and striking him down, slowly, lightly bit by bit, comments, comments about his hair, his lady gaga obsession, his twilight poster, (Blaine had always said harry potter was better), and much more, Kurt had just broke at jokes about his weight, and cracked all the way down the middle.
So tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Kurt slammed the piano keys on the last note, and didn't finish till the end of the song, it wasn't a cord or even a note, he just threw his elbows onto the keys and began to silently sob.
"yeah I could, but I don't want to, I don't want to make it without Blaine" Kurt reached forward and grasped the empty box on CD's that lay on top of the piano and threw it at the drum machine which fell to the floor in a crash, in doing so the power chord ripped from the wall, leaving Kurt free to cry, to cry without a beat, to freely cry away from constraints of a beat, of Dalton, of Blaine, Blaine and his idea of a perfect preppy boy. The sounds of sobs escaped his mouth, and as if a dam had opened, Kurt began to cry, cry and poor emotion into the room.
BLAINES POV
"I'm not perfect, I'm sorry, I'm too chicken for Blaine, like anything would have turned out well", Kurt's head onto the piano keys, pressing 6 or 7 down at once, this made the most music murderous sound, and yet Blaine didn't flinch, he felt so guilty, it was his fault. Blaine was just too, too polite and secretive. He wasn't honest. He needed to be honest; he needed to be slightly less heroic and more real. He had a chance, and he was going to take it.
"No, Kurt you're not perfect" Blaine stepped into the doorway, eyes forward but head slightly down, Kurt turned around and sniffed, as if he bitterness had suddenly returned to him,
"What exactly do you want, to tell me what else is wrong with me, well go ahead, you're probably only half done" That cut Blaine, cut Blaine deep, really deep, but it didn't tear him from what he knew he had to do.
"No Kurt, I don't want you to be perfect, I just erm… Shakespeare" Confusion spread over Kurt's face, masking the layer of intense pain.
"yeah, in one of his sonnets, he tells the girl he loves, that she's not perfect, but that's why he loves her, and that he loves her too much to lie", Kurt still looked mad, and hurt.
"Yeah, well doesn't mean you need to announce every imperfection to the room" Kurt was causing Blaine to bleed emotionally; Blaine knew he deserved it, but was still going to fight for Kurt's understanding, even if it wouldn't come with his love.
"No, I didn't, I mean I did but, I didn't mean them, they were cover ups, from my embarrassment" Kurt still looked broken, but his outside layer was beginning to soften, Blaine could see it in his face.
"Kurt, the only reason I covered it up, is because I thought I was being obvious, but I wasn't, so I covered it up so you would realise that" Blaine took a deep breath "I love you, Kurt, so I thought you'd be creeped out so I covered it up, trying to act like guys, like mates, because I didn't want you to distance yourself from me, I couldn't deal with that, you not loving me is like being stabbed continuously in the heart, but being ignored by you, would have been like ripping my heart form my chest, stamping it into the floor and kicking the pieces across the room, and you would have ignored me, if I was being too close to you, I'm just, just sorry, you don't have chicken legs your legs are amazing, your hair is amazing, you look amazing, you just are amazing, and I would never have said anything if I had any control over my mouth and I'm just so sorry"
Kurt looked at Blaine, shocked, anger and hurt lost from his face. He looked at Blaine and gave a small smile.
"You are rather stupid, to think that I didn't love you back, you are also rather stupid if you think that chicken legs is ever an appropriate cover up..." Kurt stood up and walked towards Blaine "…but, lucky for you, I find stupid rather cute" Kurt Leant forwards and pressed his lips against Blaine's.
Blaine snaked his arms around Kurt, one hugging his shoulder blades and one around his waist pushing himself closer to Kurt. Kurt didn't seem to be complaining and pulled one of his hands into Blaine's hair. The action of this caused the blanket Blaine had around his shoulders to fall on the floor. Kurt broke away from Blaine, and picked it up off of the ground.
"Is this my blanket?" Kurt inquired, Blaine looked guilty
"Yeah, erm, I'm sorry, you left it and it's kind of…relaxing" Kurt giggled and drew it back around Blaine's shoulders,
"well consider it a gift to you, you need it more than I do" Blaine smiled, he felt as if he'd just been given the most valuable jewels in existence, his grin slowly stretched across his face. He wrapped his arm around Kurt's shoulders "Come on, let's get you something to eat, then you can sleep" He led Kurt towards the kitchen, but Kurt looked worried
"No its fine I don't need to eat, I mean …" Blaine spun him round and put his hands on Kurt's shoulders arms extended "Kurt eat something, anything, let me feed you, so I can sleep without a broken heart", Kurt smiled and allowed Blaine to lead him into the Kitchen
END
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