He stood in his hotel room, silently digesting the events of the day. Being disowned by his brother, meeting his nephew, and having a disappointing meeting with who was once his girlfriend and teammate was enough to drain out his emotions for the day. He had been on Akillian for almost a week, but only managed to pluck up the courage to endeavour these meetings, all in one day so he would take it all at once. This was probably not a good idea.
Norata disowning him was not a surprise, and he expected and accepted it. His meeting with Adium troubled him perhaps more. He had seen her for the first time after fifteen years and did not have the courage to bring up their relationship and what he had broken, and she did not mention it either. He felt a particular apathy in the air which unsettled him quite tensely.
He knew it would be like this. Returning to a family, a place he had wilfully abandoned was not going to be an easy task. And he was prepared for this.
The hotel room door rang, breaking the silence that engulfed his environment.
Perhaps it was Clamp, yet it was rather late in the evening.
He opened the door and slowly felt himself unable to move or talk or breathe.
"Hi, can I come in?" Adium asked tensely.
He motioned her to come in and was already panicking inside. This confrontation was fifteen years in the making, and he had to face it now, at the end of a very emotionally heavy day.
"Aarch, I need some answers."
"Hi," he looked at her with a tired face and a hopeless heart.
"I know this is fifteen years too late, but the only thing I know is that you left after the explosion without saying anything to anyone. Neither to me, or even to Norata. I tried calling you only to have Artegor telling me that you don't want to talk to me. And next thing I know, I see you on TV playing for The Shadows. You owe me that at least."
His face was filled with disappointment, and her's with hurt and also a relief of having been able to say that out loud to him in person after fifteen years of it rambling on in her mind.
"Adium, please, sit."
She sat on the sofa and he appropriately chose to sit on the adjacent armchair, out of proximity to her.
"Adium, I know I've been a jerk, and I want you to believe me, I want to tell you everything."
She sat with a rigid face and heart. It was too late for it to be broken any more, and she was a strong woman who could take Aarch and his nonsense. Yet a little part of her still thought about him. There were times when she thought a lot about him, other times when he was dead to her, and other times when she simply forgot about him. Right now she did not know how she felt.
Aarch began to speak in a solemn, deep voice. He knew this conversation would once come, and now it was here and he did not know where to begin.
"The team, us together, it was everything for me." She did not know whether that "us" referred to them as a couple or them and the others as a team. She did not dare to ask; she was lucky enough she got him to talk about it after all these years.
Aarch continued. "When the explosion happened, it crushed everything. I got scared. When Norata lost his leg, I knew everything was never going to be the same again. I felt this huge pressure on me, of having to start life anew, and then Artegor asked me to go with him to play for The Shadows. I got scared, and thought it, football, would give me back what we had before the explosion. Perhaps life could be the same. I'm not proud of it."
Adium sat silently listening to what was so far disapproval from her end. She let him continue without interrupting him.
"I got so scared that I actually thought that that was a good idea." He looked down. She noticed him pressing his hands together in tension. His words were paused and his voice was breaking, but he continued on.
"We started playing for The Shadows and at first it was not bad, and we were doing really well in the League, but personally I was going mad."
"I'm not here to pity you Aarch." She said with disgust.
He felt burned. "No, no. It's not like that. Please, hear me out," he said desperately.
"I was thinking of leaving the team, but I couldn't leave Artegor, after having left all of you I couldn't do it again." He paused again. "Anyway, I tried to call - a lot of times - but I never could get enough courage to face you, or Norata."
"Then, I got smog poisoning. Luckily. It was the best thing that happened to me. Of course it was dreadful but it finally drove me away from The Shadows, and Artegor."
"Don't blame this on Artegor." She spoke sternly, despite not being the latter's biggest fan and knew his influence on Aarch was toxic. A part of her secretly believed that Artegor had a lot to do with Aarch leaving Akillian, but of course she could not let Aarch know about this.
"No, of course not," he replied, for the first time making eye contact with her.
He continued. "Recovery took quite a while, I underwent treatment at the Wambas planet, and lived there for a while after I recovered. Then I thought of returning back to Akillian. I had even bought a ticket."
Adium was amused, but did not let him notice it.
"I had already made the arrangements to return, but the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't face returning to Norata, to you. I knew it wouldn't have ended well, maybe it wouldn't have ended as bad, I don't know."
He waited for a response, but Adium was rigid in her emotions.
"Then I just gave up, and I fell into this hole I couldn't get out of. I stopped training, gained weight, and started to drink. I couldn't keep a job, and lived on different planets for a while. The drinking part got worse over time, I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't know anyone. I didn't stay in a place long enough to know anyone well."
Adium had heard about this from a friend who had visited the Obia Moon and had seen Aarch. She knew about his depression and battle with alcoholism, and thus did not interrupt him with a disgust for self pity.
"Then one time I was on my way to the liquor store, it was a Saturday morning, and there was this group of kids, maybe twelve, thirteen years old, playing football in an outdoor park. And one of them recognised me. I couldn't believe it, and that kid didn't know it but he saved my life. I didn't go to the liquor store that day. I went the day after, and after that. But, after a while I just decided, and stopped. I started working out again, got a job as a gym instructor which lasted quite a while. The thought of returning back to Akillian was always on my mind, even when I was still drinking. I haven't been drinking for eight years now."
"So, how did you come to Akillian, now? After all this time, why now?"
He looked at her and knew he had to face this question when he came back.
He took in a deep breath.
"Well, I guess I finally realised that it has been too long and too foolish of myself, and I decided it was finally time. I know it's late, I know maybe all is lost between you and me, and with Norata. But I'll still have hope, somehow."
Adium looked somewhat disapproving, yet somehow relieved she had heard all of that, it helped fill in some blanks.
"Why do you want to start a football team then? Here on Akillian?"
"It's an excuse." He said bluntly.
She looked at him blankly but fully understood after that conversation.
Perhaps he was more a prisoner of the explosion having left Akillian than she was. She was doing well, as President of the League has its perks and a pretty good salary.
"Adium, I missed you, all this time. Leaving was the worst thing that I ever did. I know I never showed it but I loved you, and perhaps I still do."
She was stunned at having heard that, yet did not want to let him get away with it.
"Oh please Aarch, don't flatter yourself with words."
He looked hopelessly at her.
His voice was breaking.
"Adium, it is true. I know you have every right to despise me, to not want anything to do with me, but, I just wanted to let you know, even if it is fifteen years too late."
Adium sat still, looking at him with a worried face.
"I'm not asking you to get together again or anything like that, that would just be pure pretentious. I'm just saying what I feel. I know it was utterly stupid and selfish and I was just being a plain dick leaving you. I'm sorry. You know what I would give to have never left?"
She still did not know how to react. She was surprised she had not cried by now - she had feared that before leaving her place to head out to the hotel Aarch is staying in. She plucked up a lot of courage to be here tonight.
"Aarch, I am glad you're here again, and I'm happy for you that you managed to get out of that ugly situation, but it will take time for me to accept you back."
"Of course, of course. I'm not asking you to accept me back, I just want you to know that I really am sorry, and if I could do it all over again I would have never left you. And Norata."
"Aarch, when you left, if left a hole in a lot of people. In me, and especially Norata. I hated you at first, and for a while as well. And I missed you as well. But I knew you weren't coming back. Not for a long time. You hurt alot of people Aarch."
He looked at the floor nodding to himself and holding his hands harder.
"But at least you know that. And that's a good thing."
He looked at her and fully understood.
He grabbed her hand, fearing she might jolt back not wanting any physical contact. She did not move.
He gripped her hand somewhat tight. "Thank you, for everything."
She smiled timidly. He let go of her hand, even though he did not want to. It was the first time he touched her in fifteen years.
"I've got a lot of work to do… I'm not expecting anyone to accept me back, especially you and Norata. I visited him today. It didn't go very well. But I want to keep on trying. He's my brother, and I left him once and I don't want to waste anymore time."
"Did you meet Rocket?"
"Yes," he smiled for the first time today. "He seems like a great kid. Norata must have done a good job, alone."
"Yea, he's a nice kid. Quite shy, certainly takes after his father." Adium said, almost starting to enjoy their conversation.
Aarch smiled with a tinge of sadness in his eyes at the thought of the fact that she knew his own nephew better than he, and only he was to blame for it.
"Hey, let me get you a drink." He got up and walked to the kitchenette and started fidgeting around. "Would you like some tea or coffee? I'm sorry I can't offer you something stronger, I don't have any."
She understandably smiled a little. "Tea would be good, thanks."
"With milk and two sugars, right?"
She looked with a particular stillness at him, astonished as he still remembered how she took it.
He sat again in the armchair and they shared a quiet moment over coffee, rather peacefully.
"How have you been?"
She almost choked at her sip. "You're asking me how I've been for the past fifteen years?" She said with almost an angry feeling inside.
He sighed. He couldn't reply to that. He simply apologetically smiled, a look that invited conversation.
"Well, after the explosion I did some work here and there in some small businesses as an assistant or clerk, being a neat-freak helps for that type of stuff." He smiled at her most characteristic feature.
"Then the League offered me a secretarial job in the match leadings section. And I've been there ever since. I was made President almost five years ago."
"Yea, I had seen it on the news, when you were appointed to that position. I just said to myself, 'Damn.'" He said the sentence with a smile she had missed to see for all these years.
He was actually impressed that she was talking to him after all that had happened, let alone sharing details and being with him.
"Hey, how's Cam?" he asked with enthusiasm.
"Oh, well, she's Cam. Always here and there, going from one job to another and always getting excited for one thing and the next. She's actually been together with her partner, Graham, for twelve years now. He's a great guy."
"That's great. I'm glad for her."
He enjoyed the pause for a while and dared to subtly ask something on his mind. "…and you?"
She looked surprised and did not speak for a while. "I don't have time for that."
They both knew that was not true. She knew that he knew from the look in his eyes.
"Well, what about you then?" she asked.
"Oh… well, nothing I guess. I just want to focus on getting my life back together on Akillian."
A slightly awkward silence was present in the air.
"So you're back on Akillian for good then?"
"Yes." It was the first convincing thing he had said all evening. "I'm planning to find an apartment and not live in a hotel for the rest of my life. Then I'll start on forming the team."
"Aarch, you do know that the League only allows one team to represent Akillian, right?"
"Yes," he said with a worried nod.
"You need to have to deal with Artegor about it."
"I know, I know…"
"Have you talked to him yet?"
He looked shocked. "Artegor?! No, no. I haven't talked to him after I left The Shadows. I'm sure you know that we're not on good terms."
"Not on good terms?! That's quite the understatement." She said with a slight laugh.
"Ahh… I better not think about it."
"Well, you're here now, finally, on Akillian. That's got to mean something."
"Yes… yes…" He looked quietly at the floor, flashbacks were about to start running in his mind.
"Well, I better get going, it's almost 11:30."
He got up and walked her to the door as she put on her coat.
"Hey, thanks for coming over tonight. I really appreciate it."
She shyly smiled and nodded in understanding.
A silence filled the air between them.
He went it to hug her, he was not sure if she'd be comfortable with it, but he just needed it.
He embraced her tightly in his arms. She felt the warmth she hadn't felt for a long time and for a moment was about to let go upon remembering what he had done to her, and to his own brother. But for the first time in fifteen years a part of her heart was healed with a peculiar type of closure.
"I missed you," he said as their embrace lasted longer.
They slowly let go and she remained close, her breath closer to his as he was about to let go of his embrace.
She stood still for a moment, she could feel his breath on her.
His body was frozen at the thought of what was going on or what could be going on.
She looked at him with forgiving eyes. Their eyes met and she leaned in close and kissed him softly on the lips.
He could not believe it.
She stood still again, not believing what she had just done. She was not the type who would forgive easily, or who would initiate emotional situations. But it felt just right, despite everything.
They kissed again and their embrace grew fonder.
He was unsure of what was going on but he could feel his eyes tearing up. She could not notice it.
Her hands glided on his muscular back, and she was caught in an embrace she secretly missed.
She knew the moment was right. He could feel her hands pulling up his black turtleneck.
A mature muscular body was revealed, one she had last seen in its youthful glow. Their eyes made contact and none dared to speak.
He was hesitant and continued to kiss her softly.
She let down her hair and looked affectionately into his eyes.
He grabbed her hand and lay her onto the bed.
Their embrace was warm and tinged with reminiscence and regret for the past.
He hesitantly lay onto her, feeling both uneasy and excited. He was not sure if she really knew what she was doing.
He sunk onto her and was more unsure about what was going on.
He stopped for a second while their breaths were still close together. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked hesitantly.
She looked at him for a while and kissed him again. She turned on him as she removed her shirt and slowly removed her bra. He was still shocked at what was going on.
She lowered herself to kiss him again. The night grew warmer and he was sure about it now, despite the things running on in his mind.
Out of breath he got off her to lay on his back and rest. "That was incredible," he said out of breath. She agreed with a simple touch to his arm in exhaustion. They lay still for a while, feeling a mix of uneasiness, satisfaction, and a particular regained familiarity. He got up to go to the bathroom. She wondered if during this time she would dress up and leave, but something made her stay. She covered herself with the bedsheets, with the element of shyness still slightly present despite their affectionate encounter. He smiled at her and offered her a sweater, which she accepted and put on - certainly more comfortable than her work blouse and blazer.
He put on his boxers and lay in the bed next to her, slightly away from her to avoid awkward contact yet not so far as to present himself as cold.
A silence occupied the room for a while, both wondering what follow up would be appropriate to something of the sort.
"You know, in all the scenarios I had made up in my mind of how the first time we met after the explosion would be like, this was never one of them," she said trying to avoid eye contact with him.
"Well," he said with a pause, "this is actually the second time we met."
"Oh you know what I mean."
"… me too. I never thought it would be this way."
She looked at him for a while and then retreated to look again elsewhere.
"So, how did you think it was going to be?"
She thought for a while. "Well, I thought I'd be angrier, maybe throw a shoe or two at you."
He chuckled a little. "And you'd have every right to."
"Well then, what did you think it would be like?"
He paused again and with no hesitation he said "I thought I would cry."
She looked at him and this time she made eye contact. "I know you did." She silently said, remembering of how he managed to blurt out his story of what happened after smog poisoning.
"I had an eloquent speech which I had been trying to perfect for, well, fifteen years. But I couldn't remember a single thing I wanted to say today."
She softly held his hand. "Well you're here now, and I'm glad you're back."
For a moment everything seemed calm and quiet. They enjoyed the silence together.
She did not plan to spend the night there, but it was already 1am, and she was enjoying the company, despite everything.
They fell asleep and in the stillness of the night their bodies embraced in the comfort of each other's warmth.
The soft misty light of the cold Akillian morning woke her up, requiring a moment to figure out where she was, whose sweater she was wearing, and who was sleeping half-naked beside her.
She sat up on the bed, looking at him sleeping, rather regretfully with a bitter-sweet feeling inside her.
She panicked after fully thinking about everything, how she could have done this. Despising herself particularly because it was she who initiated it.
She quietly got off the bed and sat at its edge putting on the rest of her clothes from onto the floor.
He was slowly awakened by her movements.
He saw her, her back facing him, putting on her shoes.
"Hey," he said with a comforting smile.
She dreaded to hear his voice, as she hoped to leave before he woke up.
She did not say a word.
"Adium?" he worryingly asked as he realised she was about to leave.
She was hesitant in talking.
"Last night was a mistake." She said bluntly.
She got up and put on her coat.
He quickly and tensely got up. "Adium, please, don't do this."
He did not know how to handle the situation. He knew nothing of the sort could ever happen between them again, and they were both faking their situation when they acted that everything was right. Perhaps for a rare moment it really was.
"Let's forget about this all. It never happened." She grabbed her purse and quickly walked towards the door.
"Adium, wait." Aarch said as he attempted to stop her without success. He wanted to hold her hand but knew she would not like that at all.
He let her leave and was left with a mixture of emotions.
She quickly walked out of the hotel wearing her large sunglasses, hoping noone would recognise her or see the tears building up in her eyes.
She went home, luckily she was not working that day. She took a shower and spent the rest of the day as a ghost.
He was worried about her, he wanted to apologise, and to confront her. He only had her work cell and did not know where she lived.
He spent the rest of the day in bed.
I had a bunch of unfinished GF fanfictions in my laptop, and with the current promotion of the show on social media, I thought of posting them here. This is one of them.
Hope you guys like it :)
