Summary: Harry Potter never existed, not as he was written in the history books or percieved by the Wizarding World: He is nothing like what his Aunt Petunia claims he is—criminal, delinquent, ungrateful—but who would believe him? He was raised as a servant and treated as one, tolerated only for his domestic skills and as a convenient outlet for an easily angered man. He bears the consequence for the sins of his mother his aunt has decided to make him pay in blood, and imagined or not, whether she is simply doing so out of spite or enjoyment—all he knows is pain, pain, pain.

Hate is all he expects of the world and so far, his experiences have shown him no evidence to the contrary. He has learned control, he has learned to endure and now he must learn to survive, once again, the dangers of a world that does not care to know him, only use him for its own ends. But what does he care? Only to live and maybe, maybe have his vengeance one day when he is free and safe and powerful.

What does it matter that this new world is of magic? People are the same everywhere: greedy, cruel and untrustworthy. He will do as he has always done and survive. He will find a way through and if that way does not yet exist, he will make one, damn the "rules". Rules are nothing more than guideines, the "supposed-to", but no one follows them all the time or care to if it means it gets in thier way. Uncle Vernon didn't seem to, after all.


Warning: This is not the same Harry, found in canon, that was able to forgive the Dursleys for thier behaviour or the Headmaster for placing him there with practically no supervision. He will hate and even kill. We will see the rise of a Harry who truly embodies qualities the House of Slytherin would approve of.

The only question being, however, if he even has an ambition to work toward?


If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

~Shylock, "The Merchant of Venice", (Act III, scene I)


Book One: Struggle

-I am Boy


Chapter Summary: Who is Boy?


3 sandwiches and 1 glass of water—that's how long it's been since Boy was allowed outside. His tummy growls and he has to go to the loo.

But Boy was bad and a Freak, and Freaks like him don't get to eat like Dudley who was a Good Boy even though he broke everything and stomped all over Aunt Petunia's prize-winning roses.

He didn't mean to turn Miss Walker's wig blue. She was just teaching them how to add when she turned toward the windows and shrieked. It was brown then it was blue and she reached up and it slipped and—

It just happened. He didn't know how….though he did feel hungry and wanted to get in line before Dudley did or else there'd be nothing left for him, and she just had to point out the sellotape keeping his glasses together, and maybe that had made him a bit angry.

Still.

He had no idea how it happened. There was no logical reasoning, except maybe, magi—but no, there's no such thing and he knows better than to even think of it.

So.

But obviously the Boy had something to do with it; Uncle Vernon always said that his Freakishness would ruin everything one day. And it did.

Now he couldn't make breakfast or scrub the floors do anything else that Freaks were supposed to do! Now Aunt Petunia had to his job because Uncle Vernon said HE HAD TO LEARN HIS LESSON or he would grow up to be a LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SLOB like his father. He doesn't know what that means but it sounds bad and he doesn't want to be bad; He's already a Freak.


In school, he learns what a name is.

He knows what he's called and what he is: Boy, Freak, Orphan, but his name is Harry Potter. He doesn't know why he has two names but Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia and Dudley have two names, too. It's strange though, for a Freak like him to have something NORMAL.

It doesn't feel right.


He doesn't know if it's alright for a Freak like him to have friends but outside the classroom, you're supposed to play. But Uncle Vernon is right; no one wants to be friends with a Freak.

It's nothing new though. He finds the Library on his third day at school. Its quiet and no one cares if you're a Freak, as long as you have a book in hand. And Harry, that's his name, you know, likes to read. It's the one thing Dudley didn't like or want—He even threw a book at Harry once!—and so it's one of the only things Dudley couldn't take from him or break.

Harry—Boy—Freak—never had anything of his own before.

He doesn't know if he could give this up even if Uncle Vernon found out about this.


He was only allowed to do all the things only Normal kids do—that is, learning to read and write and stuff, because Aunt Petunia told him that if he wasn't at school, SOMEONE would ask questions and then SOCIAL WORKERS would come and take him to an ORPHANAGE.

Aunt Petunia said it's a bad place where you never get enough food to eat even if you do all your chores, but the Dursleys did that too sometimes. And other things that made him think, just a little, that it might not be so bad if there's not much difference between the ORPHANAGE and the Dursleys.

"Boy!" Uncle Vernon roared. "You clean up Dudley's room, good, you hear? If you don't…." He trailed off ominously, his hands clenching into tight fists that Boy knew desperately wanted to grip him firmly about the neck and squeeze and squeeze and squeeze until—

Yes, not bad at all.


He learns to count at school, so he now knows he was 5 years old the first time Uncle Vernon touched him there.

It hurt but he knew better than to cry or beg; Boy was already going over what he needed in his head for After, the pills in the medicine cabinet upstairs and the antibiotic cream hidden under one of the floorboards in his cupboard. Boy had learned fast and good, how to make the hurt go away. And he could tell this was the kind of hurt you had to ignore-play pretend and think you're somewhere else. He knew it wouldn't be the last time Uncle Vernon hurt him like that but it'll be alright.

All he has to do is survive.


AN: For the most part, this story will focus on Harry, but that's really to establish his chillhood (ie. frame of reference) and the person he's developing into. He is more aware of his surroudings and the darker side of people than most children' his age because of his homelife and also the way the people in his life have so far treated him, so don't expect an innocent little boy—this Harry is nothing like that. At all.

Let me say this: books are his only "friends" (read: tools) and he is nothing, if not resourceful and cunning, so he will be more mature than most people will expect (think Hermione), but the knowledge he gains is not for any thirst for it, but as handy weapons to wield against enemies who will be more advance, magically, than he.

The P.O.V. (point of view for the uninititated into fandom or general literature) may change from either these two characters to various figures of authority, including policemen, social workers, teachers, other children, etc. briefly. You will also find a gradual change in Harry's way of thinking regarding the Dursleys, their treatment of him, the willful indifference of the neighbors and some tentative beliefs about "friendship" and "love" arise from his experiences with others and the world.

NOTE: For those who've read this story already, here's the revised first chapter—not very different at all from before, no rewriting involved at all—but it's more cohesive, I think and I took the advice of several people who've commented that perhaps, the story would have been better served if the first five chapters (written in one-shot style, after my faveorite author: forthright and her story: Lord Charming) were placed into one chapter instead. Just to let you all know, it's a thought I've had before, but there simply wasn't enough of the story written yet to have warranted me to take such an action, as I thought it was just fine as it was, regardless. And let me say now that if, from this moment on, you are presented with another short chapter such as you've read before in this story, then it is simply me offering you [the readers] something to tide you over as I work on the larger (and whole) piece. After which I've finished, I will then merge them together and you will have your desired lengthier piece.

Also, you all should know that I'm working on two other fanfics simultaneously, one of which is in the same 'verse as this one and the other is a crossover (so yea, lots of work), plus an original piece I must finish in the next few weeks for an English project. So please, take pity on me and don't complain about the length of the chapters—I already know that very well, thank you—and please only offer me constructive criticism or unalduterated praise. Thanks.