Delicate

(Inspired by Damien Rice's song "Delicate" from his album O)

Chapter 1:

"We might kiss

When we are alone

Nobody's watchin'

Might take ya home"

Longing gazes and stolen touches could never quite make the time in between sufferable. They were children who had their first taste of something deliciously sweet, and therefore snuck back in the kitchen when no one was looking for a bit more. In his dreams he could smell the wild flowers that adorned her hair in spring. She still thought he smelled of pine and fresh earth and everything that was Narnia.

Narnia was but a memory to Susan Pevensie; a childish game that her siblings would play on rainy days or boring train rides to pass the time. Leave it to Susan's logic to convince her once again that she was being delusional and that it never had happened.

It was easier to forget something that she could not return to.

Peter had a faith that faltered but he never forgot. He willed himself not to. On occasion he would find himself staring at the lions in London zoo and comparing them to Him. There were times he stopped believing only to hear of Lucy and Edmund's latest tale and ponder why he doubted only to fall again. The stories only helped so much.

It was during one of these doubtful times that Peter found his true connection to Narnia. When it became so real he could feel the crown on his head and the sword by his side. He swore that if he reached down, there would be cool metal in his grasp carrying the weight of a warrior.

The day had begun quite miserably, as most rainy; summer days occasionally do in England. Their mother and father were at an adult function, and so left Peter to care of the others. Edmund lazily tossed a cricket ball into the air only to catch it and repeat the process over again. Lucy drew pictures of centaurs and nymphs while she lay on the floor at Susan's feet. Curled into wonderfully comfy armchair, Susan immersed herself in one of the books from the library. Peter stood in the doorway watching them all occupying themselves and sighed. He was feeling frightfully dispassionate and none of his siblings seemed to be in the mood to cause mischief.

Lucy, with her innocent eyes, looked to Peter with a smile. "Peter, might we play a game of hide-and-seek like we did in the Professor's house?" The game always did help remind her of the magical land she found and pretending in their own wardrobe would have to do for now.

"I'm with Lu," Edmund added as Peter gave him a queer look.

"Now that is a first, Ed," Peter replied his sarcastic tone lost on no one.

Susan peered over her book to find three facing waiting for her reply. "Oh no," she began with a serious tone, "I remember how much trouble that game caused last time with everyone ending up very cross with one another." However, Susan's resolve melted when Lucy gave a pout and begged again for her to play. With a huff, Susan placed her book on the side table and joined into the conversation of who would be "it".

After several minutes of deliberation (and a quick round of rock, paper, scissors) it was decided that Edmund would be the first to seek. Playing in their home in Finchley was very different than playing in the Professor's manor. There were less hiding places, and of course they had played so many times that everyone knew them all. Now it had become a game of luck to see who would be found first.

"All right. I'm starting. One…two… three…" Edmund began, with a quick peek to see what direction the other three had ran.

Lucy beat Susan to the bedroom to hide in the old wardrobe they shared. "Figures," Susan muttered under her breath. Soon, Susan heard footsteps coming up the stairs. The sound grew closer and louder the closer they got. Quickly looking about, Susan opened the door to the hallway closet and rushed in.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she found. At first she thought she had run into some boxes until she stepped on something that made quite a distinct "ow" sound.

"Peter?" Susan questioned as she reached out in front of her to find broad shoulders and a solid chest.

"No Sue, it's Father Christmas," Peter retaliated in a hushed whisper.

Susan would have replied with a sniping comment of her own if Peter's hand had not covered her mouth. The light from the hall spilled under a crack between the floor and the door. Edmund's shadow could be seen right outside their hiding spot. Holding his finger to his lips, Peter brought Susan closer to him and away from the door so she would have less of a chance of being seen.

Being pressed against Peter felt odd, as if she had been in the same position before. Her hands knew where to go without her telling them. Slowly, she placed them around his neck, letting her fingers play with the hair that was there. For some reason she remembered it being longer the last time.

Soon the footsteps carried on down the hall to the boys' bedroom, and Peter looked questioningly down at Susan.

"Sue, what are you doing?" he asked, though he refrained from removing his hands from her waist.

"I don't know," came her simple reply as she lightly bit upon her bottom lip.

Both would argue in later meetings that Susan was the one to kiss Peter in the darkness of the hall closet or that Peter had been the first to tilt his head, but it would not be the last time they shared a kiss in this, their secret place.

Flashes of warm spring days, and summer picnics by a sea that was not in England came to them both. Memories of lying wrapped up in each other while watching snowflakes fall into a beautiful courtyard danced across their minds. Kisses stolen on private horse rides in the autumn when the trees changed color emerged from some dark depths of long forgotten times.

"Peter," Susan whispered when she found that she needed to breathe, resting her forehead against his chin.

"Susan, we can't ever do this again," Peter admonished, kissing her brow with so much tenderness that Susan believed her heart would burst.

"But, might we?" she asked hopefully. "When we are alone, without Edmund and Lucy? When we are here in the darkness?"

Her eyes filled with tears, and she grabbed onto his shirt so tightly as to never let go. Hushing her like a child that had just woken from some horrible dream, Peter felt that the only thing he could to was to hold her closer, as if he may never get the chance again.

"One day," he simply replied. "But not now."

Walking out of the closet, Peter was the first to be found by Edmund who felt so much pride in outsmarting his elder brother. Lucy was the one to find Susan curled in the darkness of the closet with tear stains on her porcelain cheeks. With a child's compassion, Lucy embraced her sister until the sobs subsided.

It was not the last time that Susan and Peter stole away to the hall closet. In fact, it was another game of hide-and-seek not much long after that first where they found themselves back at the beginning. This time there were no words, just hungry kisses of longing for something they had denied themselves for so long.

When Peter went to college, they still visited, and when they were alone with his flat mates away, they would steal kisses. Girls and boys flew through their years, but there was nothing remotely similar to the time they shared. They would meet in restaurants or shops, and when no one was looking, Peter would take her home with him.