To Return
-Jack's thoughts after leaving Beecher's Hope...
It's been at least five months since I left Beecher's Hope. My home, my ranch…, my land. These three words could not be used to describe the place where I used to belong. I had nothing left aside from the horse that my father left me. His prized American Standardbred that I took greatly care of. As for the ranch, there wasn't much that I could do due to the fact that it was running into bankruptcy fairly quickly. I know that I am on my own. I have always been since the day that my father died. Everything was left up to me. However, the only three things that I cared about was the fact that I had my life, my mother's and both of our futures at stake.
I was scared of what to do. My father told me not to be too eager to grow up but that all changed in the blink of an eye. Young as I was, somehow... a man was born inside of me telling me that I had to do this if I was to survive. Killing Edgar Ross lowered my strong position to do even that. All I do is travel across this vast desert in the hopes that no one knows that I killed him. These outlaws have a reason to hide out here, he was my reason. It still shook me that I did such a thing… My ma and pa wouldn't be the least proud of me for doing it, let alone my conscience. Still, after five whole months had gone by, the entire scene was still fresh in my mind. The insults,... the bullets,... his motionless body…
He did deserve to had it done to him. Before the assault, my life was safe… normal, you might even say. I had high hopes of becoming an author, and I was planning on writing some stories of my own to share. I joked with my pa of me telling his journey and retirement from his old life. The title that I came up with,"...The Day John Marston stopped Shooting…". Needed to be reworked, but I was sure it can become a seller. Can't even do that now, I don't know if it will ever happen…
Sometimes, I think about whether I should return back to the ranch and become a rancher like my pa wanted. I always had this feeling that if I return back, I will see my mother and father again. They're just standing there on the porch…waiting for me to come home. Looking as young and strong as ever, my pa's proud smile and my ma's loving eyes... welcoming me back with open arms. And I would see uncle out in the meadow, working and building hard as ever. I truly miss them. Before I left, I spent my last week there. Just me. I missed them so much. It was definitely hard to believe that I was alone.
I missed my father's laugh echoing through the house...my mother's cooking and her sweet, calm humming...and Uncle's drunk burps and loud snoring that always made me laugh. I also missed Rufus too. Playing fetch, taking him hunting with me and my pa, petting him to sleep by the fire. I especially will never forget the day he saved my life from a grizzly that I was foolish to go hunt. Not a day goes by when I stop thinking about them. In some way, they all gave me a chance to live. I feel that I must live for them and I will do my best...
