Misao stared out the window at the obstinate sky. Six days of rain and still the unforgiving clouds would not disperse. A small sigh escaped her lips as the glimmer left her eyes. The storm only served to reflect how she felt inside. Perhaps Mother Nature was trying to comfort her by not mocking her with perfect sunny days. Days in which she would be expected to be cheer full and energetic. She knew with a cold certainty that both of those emotions were far beyond her reach at the moment.
Lightning flashed through the sky, soon followed by the loud echoing roll of thunder. Misao squeezed her eyes shut and tried desperately to quell the feeling that had been steadily growing in her stomach and chest for the last six days. It was a tight feeling; one born of hopelessness and sadness, rejection and uncertainty. She wanted to run - run far and fast, going anywhere just to run away. But she couldn't. Her body simply would not move. Every time she decided to get up and run out of her room, down the hall and stairs, through the door and into the rain... Her body just wouldn't move. She was frozen here, in this room by this window. Wrapped up in a blanket staring at the rain that was slowly drowning Kyoto. Her tears, striving to emulate the rain, dripped slowly from her chin. The sound of shuffling feet in the hallway brought no reaction from the morose girl. No one had entered her room for days. She knew they were worried about her, how could they not be? Misao was known everywhere she went for always smiling, laughing and being so energetic she gave squirrels something to strive for. How could they possibly know how to handle this small girl when she suddenly began displaying emotions so radically far from her normal behavior? The residents of the Aoiya had kept their distance, giving her the space they thought she needed. She was grateful. The only thing that could be worse than crying alone in her room would be to cry in front of a crowd of people. And she couldn't stop her tears any more than she could stop the rain.
She just didn't understand why this was happening. Weren't good things supposed to happen to good people? She had always tried to be a good person, helping others and looking out for herself only when she had a moment. She was kind and cheerful, generous and she really did strive to be patient (although this sometimes failed). So why? Why was she left alone and deprived of the only things that she had ever wanted? Jiya had died. It was unexpected and fast. He got sick, was in bed for five days, and then he was gone. There was nothing Megumi Takani could do to save him and Misao knew she had tried everything. She still remembered the look on Megumi's face when she had spoken those words: "I'm so sorry Misao, I couldn't save him." Word had been sent to Aoshi of Okina's death but he had sent no reply. Wondering if the letter had reached its destination, Misao had asked Kenshin if he had seen Aoshi when she wrote to tell the residents of the Kamiya Dojo the sad news. Kenshin had responded immediately with condolences and that yes, he had seen Aoshi and he had received his letter. That was when Misao knew. Aoshi just didn't care. He didn't care about Okina and he didn't care that she was here, left alone with only Omasu to talk to. Omasu was busy with the restaurant and her own family, careful to talk to Misao whenever she had the time but that was not often by any means. The others were friendly enough but they didn't know her, not like Jiya and Aoshi did. And so she was alone. Jiya was gone, Aoshi was gone, and Hannya and all of the others had been killed years before and could not comfort her now. Even Megumi had left to go back to Sanosuke and her clinic in Tokyo. That couldn't be helped; she was expecting a baby after all. Sano would be worried if she stayed longer than a few days, even though she was only three months along. The thought of Sano fretting over his pregnant Megumi brought the ghost of a smile to Misao's lips, but it soon died as the tightness in her chest reached its breaking point and tears spilled out anew. Why couldn't that be her? She wanted to be pregnant, to have a doting husband who worried about her and cared for her. Was that too much to ask? To want a family and a life all her own? She wanted all of it and she wanted it to be with Aoshi.
Aoshi: the only man she had ever loved and the one man who could bring her so much uncertainty and pain. She wondered if he knew that he was tearing her apart, that her heart was dying. He knew of her feelings for him but did nothing to reciprocate, not even to acknowledge them. It didn't matter if he knew, Misao thought bitterly. It wouldn't make any difference because Aoshi was devoid of emotion. He was as cold and unyielding as ice. Why would he care that she was in agony?
It had been five years since all of the commotion surrounding Kenshin and all of his friends had died down. Kenshin and Kaoru had married and they now had a three year old baby boy and were expecting a new baby in less than a month. Sanosuke had returned from his travels two years ago and he promptly asked Megumi to be his wife. Much to the surprise of everyone Megumi had agreed and they were now expecting their first child. Even Yakiko, that stubborn brat of a student that Kaoru had taken in, had found love with Tsubame, a girl from the Akabeko. Everyone had love who wanted it - except Misao. Aoshi it seemed did not want love or even affection. For five years Misao had done everything she could to reach Aoshi, to find the emotion he kept locked inside. And at the end of the first year she had thought that she was succeeding. She had seen a softness in his eyes and a lingering gaze that followed her when she stepped out of the room. She had been so happy and her hope had flared. But it was just false hope. She woke one day to the news that Aoshi had left the Aoiya and had gone to travel Japan, much like Kenshin had done years before. She had taken it well, convincing herself that he would be back for her and that this wasn't anything to worry about. But after two years, he did come back and it was then that her hope died. He looked at her like she was just another person in his way, someone who talked too much and didn't matter at all. He had stayed for three months before leaving again, departing without a single word to Misao and telling Omasu that he desired to live in Tokyo for a while. She had kept up a one sided correspondence with him, writing him letters once a month to tell him how she and everyone at the Aoiya was. As the seasons passed by and no letters came from Tokyo, Misao began to lose heart. She didn't give up though, continuing to send the letters once a month like clockwork. Then, two months ago, Jiya fell ill. She had thought that surely the news of his mentors' death would elicit a response from the swordsman. The fact that he did not care enough to even send a letter back after two months had driven the point home in Misao's heart. Aoshi truly did not care about her, Jiya or anyone else here at the Aoiya.
Angry bitter tears spilled down her face and, suddenly, she leaped to her feet. She couldn't stay here. She had to leave this place! If she stayed here for even one more day she would suffocate beneath her grinding emotions. Half blinded by tears, Misao somehow managed to find a floor length cloak and suitable shoes for the rain. As she walked silently down the hall she heard soft laughter behind Omasu's door, followed by the tinkling laughter of Omasu's daughter Izumi. Misao reached out and touched the door softly, offering a silent farewell. A crack of thunder split the air and no one heard the door snap shut as Misao stepped out into the rain.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any mentioned characters.
