I DO NOT OWN HOMESTuCK. HOMESTuCK AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY ANDREW HUSSY.
1. Constantly call him a "Fuckass"
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A FUCKASS, FUCKASS?"
2. Create memos that he has to read in which you fight with your past and future selves about stupic stuff
"FOR FUCK'S SAKE AM I THIS ANNOYING?"
"YES YOu ARE"
remind him of how he just stood there like an idiot when Kanaya and Feferi died.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? KILL ERIDAN? IT KANAYA COULDN'T FUCKING KILL HIM THEN I COULDN'T"
"BuT KANAYA DID KILL HIM"
"OKAY SO KANAYA DID FUCKING KILL HIM"
4. Always imply that karkat was too much of a wuss to kill gamzee
"I DIDNT WANT TO KILL HIM. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M A WUSS"
''YES IT DOES"
5. It is Karkat's fault Gamzee went insane.
"HE RAN OUT OF SOPOR SLIME"
"LIKELY STORY"
6. Never let Karkat forget that he gave the human's universe cancer.
"I DIDNT FUCKING MEAN TO"
"YOu STILL FuCKING DID"
7. Then remind Karkat that he is a cancer, so technically he's cancer to everyone.
"IT'S THE HUMANS THAT GAVE MY SIGN THE NAME CANCER AND THE HUMANS SIGN IS REPRESENTED BY A CRAB"
"THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOu'RE ALWAYS SO CRABBY"
8. Always call him "Karkles" or "Karkitty"
"CALL ME FUCKING KARKITTY ONE MORE TIME"
"FuCKING KARKITTY"
A fist fight starts.
"You Should Not Fight!"
9. When he is addresses, say loud enough for him to hear, "Beep beep meow!"
"H3Y K4RK4T"
"BEEP BEEP MEOW"
"-"
10. Inform him that "vantas" is a type of treatment for prostate cancer.(I learned that from my friend)
"that 2uck2 kk"
"SHUT UP"
11. Tell him that "vantas" is one letter off from "vanitas" which is Latin for vanity.
"THAT DESCRIBES YOu PERFECTLY"
"NO IT DOESN'T!"
12. It is two letters off from "ventus" which is Latin for wind.(Karkat always reminds me of Birth by Sleep)
"SO YOu'RE A VAIN WINDY P-"
''DON'T. SAY. IT."
"pro2tate"
"!"
13. Lock him in a room with cameras with Ventus and Vanitas from Birth By Sleep.
"Join with me!"
"Never!"
"We can make the ultimate keyblade!"
"You tried to kill my friends!"
"DON'T FILL A PAIL WHEN I'M RIGHT HERE!"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"What are you?"
"You'd look good on my mantle."
"-"
14. Remind him of how he is the leader of a group that started at 12 and went down to 4."
"TECHNICALLY IT WENT DOWN TO SIX"
"THE HuMANS DON'T COuNT BECAuSE THEY WEREN'T THERE ORIGINALLY. YOu HAVE LOST THE GAME!"
15. Make fun of his nubby horns.
"COMPARED TO MY SISTER'S, YOuR HORNS SuCK!"
"YOUR SISTER CAN SUCK MY BULDGE!"
"excUse me? i do NOT ship that!"
"compared two everyone kk'2 horn2 2uck"
"THANKS FOR THE HELP SOLLUX"
16. Make a shipping wall where the only pairing that Karkat is in is kismesis.(Reference to Karkalicious)
"I CAN FEEL RED FOR SOMEONE. I FEEL RED FOR TEREZI"
"BuT THEN YOu SCREWED THAT RELATIONSHIP uP"
17. Show him.
Karkat is ready to slap someone.
18. Laugh when he tries to destroy it.
"WHY ISN'T IT COMING OFF?"
"IT'S IMMORTAL PAINT!"
19. Tell Karkat that no real man watches romcoms.
"THEY ARE GOOD!"
"NO, THEY SuCK!"
Once again, Kanaya has to act as an auspise(or whatever you would call it.)
20. Make him play Kingdom Hearts 1 and don't let him stop. He will not be able to get past the second boss. If he finishes the game, immediatly launch him into Re:chain of memories, and etc. etc.
"WHY DOES THIS FUCKASS REMIND ME OF EGBERT? WHY IS THIS SO HARD AND ADDICTING?"
"kk need2 two 2top playing 2tupid game2"
Somehow, I feel like this got rid of some resentment I didn't even know I had. Sorry if this sucked. If you liked it, then, please, review and I will post another one. Thank you.
