No man is truly married

A/N: Seems a bit OOC-ish, but I like it. The ending isn't too great either. This whole thing is inspired by the words that are italicized. The longest one-shot I have ever written! Enjoy!

No man is truly married

Until he understands

Every word his wife is not saying.

-Unknown

To everybody's surprise, it was not Howl, but Sophie who was more afraid of being married.

After facing down the Witch of Waste and her demon, being old, confronting the notorious wizard Horrible Howl about his ways, giving a man his heart back and his fire demon a life of his own, talking to the king, doing magic, falling in love, living in a moving castle, finding her own fortune, and discovering jealousy, Sophie Hatter was afraid to tie the knot, so to speak. She had said yes to Howl when he proposed to her, and she had started making plans. But she had also reverted to a state of her former shyness, kind of.

It happened about a week after Howl proposed, when it suddenly hit Sophie that she was to be married in three or so months. Upon realizing this, Sophie sent Michael off to visit Martha, giving him some of the finest flowers of the day and with instructions to bring back a cake, and promptly closed the shop during the evening lull. Calcifer was still fascinated with his newfound freedom and Howl was at Kingsbury with the nagging king. Prince Justin had privately informed the second Royal Wizard that if the King had become too unbearable the wizard should inform the prince in which the prince would happily threaten to throw his royal kingly brother over the roof of the palace. And so, Sophie found that she had the castle to herself. In which she immediately started cleaning.

She started with the chimney and grate, knowing from first hand experience that if she started with the floors, she'd have to wash the floors all over again. Calcifer had stopped by while Sophie was finishing shoveling ash out of the hearth, and gleefully started burning the wood she put on the grate for him. It was systematic how she cleaned everything. Michael was caught in the broom closet turned doorway via the flower shop when Sophie was cleaning that area. He took one look at the shiny surfaces in the castle and scurried up the stairs into his room, trying to figure out what was wrong; for once everything had gone back to as normal it could be, Sophie had agreed to cleaning the castle only twice a week at the most. And she had just cleaned the other day and three days before that day too, making this the third cleaning that week.

By the time Howl arrived, the castle gleamed. He caught Sophie about to start cleaning the bathroom, something almost everybody had agreed was off limits. Howl quietly crept behind her to take the hairpins that held up her hair out.

To him, it was beautiful, watching the self-proclaimed 'red-gold' ginger hair fall. He never had any problems with the color ginger until Sophie had accidentally dyed his hair that color. For some reason, ginger hair on top of his head reminded him of a salmon. A wide mouthed flopping salmon at that.

Sophie turned around, ready to lash out at the person who pulled her hairpins out, preventing her from cleaning the bathroom, the only other room still unclean; apart from Howl's bedroom. But lo and behold, the perpetuator was the great wizard himself, the reason why she had started her mad cleaning frenzy. Sophie shrieked, ranted about his faults for a minute, threw the cleaning rag she was holding (which somehow managed to land on Howl's face) and ran out of the room.

Just that one time, Howl didn't question Sophie's behavior. He just presumed that she was angry with him for some reason he had yet to discover, probably for using all the hot water when the castle occupants explicitly told him not to do so. Or maybe there had been a particularly annoying customer in the shop that day.

But soon, Sophie's behavior convinced him that she was trying to avoid him. Over the next week, Sophie cooked meals before Howl was up and about, giving Calcifer instructions to keep it warm until either Michael or Howl came down for breakfast. Then she was off the Wastelands to collect flowers, usually staying there until Howl left the castle. If he hadn't gone, she would order Michael to watch the storefront and hole herself up in her cubbyhole and start experimenting; in which she turned up pretty interesting results: such as flowers that disappeared on certain days of the week or those that shrunk and grew depending on the mood of the people around it or that one flower that kept changing shape to fit the soil requirements. Only when Howl left did Sophie venture out into the open, watching the shop and doing that day's shopping. But when anybody forasmuch mentioned that she was to be married, she stammered an apology and left immediately.

Dinner wasn't much of an issue since Howl usually had his noon meal somewhere else, but supper was the same deal as breakfast; Sophie cooked the food before disappearing off somewhere. And soon, Howl had enough. Arguing with other people did not have the same effect as arguing with Sophie, and he missed it. Besides, the role of slither-outing was his alone; he refused to share that position with anybody else.

And so a plan was devised in which Howl would attempt to sneak up on Sophie and corner her to find out what all this massive escapism was. After all, if she didn't want to be married to him, he should have the right to know, right? That was the reason why she was running away…

"Calcifer, the next time you see Sophie, detain her so she stays in this room until I get back."

"I'm not your slave anymore!" retorted Calcifer to Howl. "I don't know why I should do anything for you, not even a thank you for all the work I do around here."

"Calcifer" Howl said in a warning tone, "You will keep her here. It's about time the two of us sit down and talk. Aren't you sick of the constant cleaning around here?" Sophie had once again reverted back to the cleaning lady, driving the spiders out and not letting so much as a speck of dust lay around the castle.

"And now you notice that?!" The fire demon was a blazing blue-green fireball. Howl actually took a step back to avoid burning his clothes. "This has been going on for a month, and now you decide to do something? I really don't know what was in her head when she agreed to marry you, Sophie can do better than you. In fact, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if she got up and went away."

"Which is why I need you to help me fix whatever's wrong." Howl said, feeling chastised. He actually was feeling guilty. He usually solved things in a roundabout way, either that or improvising as he went. In this case, using such methods took too long and only gave Sophie more time to wreck havoc on the castle's occupants.

The castle door opened to admit Sophie while Howl and Calcifer were arguing. Sophie took one look at the scene in front of her and scurried across the room as fast as she could in her attempt to avoid being noticed. It didn't quite work.

Howl chased Sophie up to her room where he was met with a locked door.

He considered breaking the door, but only for a second. It'd be terribly impolite.

"Sophie," Howl called, "I know you're in there." He leaned against the wall opposite from the door and looked around. His castle was depressingly clean—so clean, he couldn't find anything!

He looked towards the door again, "Sophie, you don't have to open the door, just talk to me."

"Go away, Howl." He felt faint magical undertones in Sophie's voice, but he ignored it. She didn't have enough training yet to make someone like him go away more than a few centimeters.

"Sophie, you've been avoiding me and everybody's noticed. I wouldn't be surprised if His Royal Highnesses knew of the situation too."

"I've been feeling under the weather," came Sophie's quick reply.

"Everyday of the week when I'm around?"

"Yes."

Howl was genuinely worried. "Maybe you should see the doctor. Just in case something is wrong."

"Leave me alone you peacock. It's nothing that'll affect your life."

"Yes, whatever my cleaning lady orders me to do," he retorted back in a mock servile tone. "Should I keep the castle clean while I'm at it?"

The door opened with a slam and Sophie stormed down the hallway with mixed expressions on her face: anger, confusion, worry, and sorrow.

"Hey," Calcifer said as she walked past him, "I'm supposed to keep you put for—"

"Don't move from the grate, Calcifer," came Sophie's curt command. And Calcifer had no choice but to stay in the grate.

She walked into the flower shop where Michael was helping some customers, "Hey, Sophie, can you help me with these?"

Sophie ignored the question and stormed out of the shop. On her heels was Howl.

Michael took one look at this sight, one look at the housewife he was helping, and decided that by this time tomorrow the shop would have plenty of customers trying to figure out what was going on between the Royal Wizard and his intended. Gossip's worth its weight in gold.

Sophie walked through the town to the path she took when she had been turned into an old lady by the Witch of Waste. Howl was still following her when she started the steep climb up the hill on the outskirts of Market Chipping. And he was still right behind her when she reached the area where she had first approached the moving castle.

Sophie turned around so suddenly that Howl nearly ran into her. Their faces were half a handspan away from each other and Howl saw bright eyes that were full of unshed tears.

"Leave me alone Howl." Sophie spoke quietly. "Leave me ALONE!" she snarled.

"No." Howl replied, "Not until I know what this is all about." His eyes were cold, and Sophie shivered while looking into them.

She took one last look at him, turned around and plopped herself down in the field of grass and flowers, heedless of the grass-stains her dress would receive. Howl followed suit so his back was able to lean against Sophie's. But he was more careful about the grass-stains.

"Is this about the marriage?" Howl asked.

Sophie stiffened against him. He took it as a yes.

"We could hold it or call it off if that's what you want." he offered.

There was silence. Apart from the random insect or bird chirping, it was completely silent. It went on for several long minutes until Howl stood up.

And the unshed tears in Sophie's eyes finally started falling, silently, so silently that Howl wasn't even aware that she crying until he was right in front of her.

"You're such a pigheaded idiot!" Sophie whispered to herself. "You could have just told him what was wrong and maybe worked out a solution. But no, you let him go!" More tears spilled out of her eyes as silent sobs racked her body. She stood up slowly while keeping her eyes firmly glued to her shoes. "It's just a question he would have at first laughed at, then given an answer. But you're such an idiot that you can't ask him; you had to slither out instead!" She took a step forward, then another, "I'm so stupid. It's just one question. One question! But I've been letting my insecurity get the better of me and if these last few months haven't taught me something about confidence, I don't know what will."

Howl didn't forasmuch breathe while listening to Sophie berate herself. She didn't know that he was there, did she…?

"Then why can't I ask? It's not like I won't be able to deal or cope. Why does it hurt so much," she cried out the last sentence while looking up.

She saw Howl's shocked face and stiffened before turning to run the other direction. But this time, Howl caught her and held her from behind while stroking her hair in an attempt to calm her down.

"Sophie," Howl said gently, "if there is anything you ever learn from me… Don't ever cry like this again." he said in reference to the silent sobs. "If you're sad, let the world know just like when you're mad. You should never have to cry in silence." He pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to her so she could blow her nose. After a few more minutes of loud sobbing, Sophie quieted down and extracted herself from Howl's arms.

"You were telling a truth just then," she accused him.

"You could ask me that question now, Miss Nose," he said, avoiding the accusation.

"Five minutes of Howl's honesty a day will keep all other liars away," Sophie muttered.

"I heard that. Now, your question."

After many false starts, she blurted out, "WhatamIsupposedtobeasyourwife?"

"What? Slower."

"What am I supposed to be as your wife?" she said more slowly, looking anxious.

Howl found the question strange. "You're supposed to be the nosy Sophie Hatter I decided to marry. What else are you supposed to be?"

"When Mother married Father, she learned to make hats because she was then the hatter's wife. When the Queen married the King, she had to give up teaching even though she loved it. When I marry you, what am I supposed to be?"

"Is this an Ignary thing?" Howl asked. "Where the wives have to give up their lives for their marriage?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Sophie snapped, but seeming to shrink at the same time. "You should have looked up the differences in marriage traditions between here and Wales before you decided to court girls by the dozen."

That comment stung a bit, but Howl didn't flinch.

He reached out and took a lock of Sophie's ginger hair. She stood still and watched him carefully.

"You don't know, which is why it is a good thing that you asked. Just be yourself and we'll see where marriage takes us. I'm not going to cry off even if you reveal yourself as a walrus after the ceremony." Sophie bristled at that comment.

Howl started down the hill towards Market Chipping.

"Where are you going?" Sophie demanded, chasing after him.

"Back to the castle! Its dinnertime and I'm hungry, Michael is probably hungry, and Calcifer could be burning the castle down for all I know."

"You didn't clean up after yourself in the bathroom for the past week!" she accused him.

"I know!"

"Then do something about it!"

First Draft August 20, 2007-April 8, 2008