It hurt.
My heart painfully hurt as each day passed. It broke apart each day, whenever I saw her. She was always there for me, whenever I needed help. For one thing, she helped me from Easter, risking her life during the process. We met when we were kids; we've been friends since then. Of course, I admitted my love before, but even now she thinks that's just a joke.
But now.
I cry everyday, unable to control my tears. It's as if it's automatic, I cry myself to sleep; I cry myself to wake, and I cry whenever I get the chance. Although, I've never shown anyone my tears. I would only be an albatross, hurting others even more in the process. I have to be strong, or act like it at least. Especially in front of her. Always in front of her.
The visiting hours, which are from 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM, are always open for anyone to come. So I take that opportunity, and meet up with her at the hospital. I take my violin, some flowers, and little snacks. For your information, the hospital food is terrible.
I would always play my violin for her, asking her 'Should I play a sad song or a happy one?' She would always respond with 'Happy'. I always gave a husky chuckle before playing one of her 'Happy' songs. Her sense of hearing has dramatically improved; she's able to hear the tiniest of mistakes I would make.
That alone, made me very nervous whenever playing around her.
But I knew she didn't care. How I made a mistake, or even if I messed up the whole entire song. Why? Because, I was the only one who ever came to visit her. Sure, her family came as often as they could, but they were on the other side of Japan. Her Guardian friends stopped by once, before continuing on with their lives. But not me.
I moved as close as I could to the hospital when I heard what happened. I rented another apartment, just for her. I sometimes would even ditch work whenever I could, to come visit her. Sure, my pay was deducted but, it was for her. I didn't care, as long as it was for her.
I was now 25; my hair hadn't really gotten longer, well may a few centimeters. I'm taller now. My body is built too. But I could really care less about me. Amu was now 20, and her body was amazing. Perfect. Sculpted, like it was by a master artist. Her hair went down toward the midway of her back. She was half a head taller than me.
"Ikuto, why'd you stop playing?"
Whenever she asked questions, it always had that cuteness factor in it. It always sounded cute. No matter what words she used, cute. Cute.
"Sorry, was just thinking about something." I replied, continuing to play my violin.
I finished my musical piece; then packed away my violin. Visiting hours were almost over, and I would get yelled at if I stayed any longer. And trust me, the female nurses were annoying, extremely annoying. They would criticize me about how their patient needed their rest and so. Whenever that happened, Amu would be quietly laughing in the back.
"Sorry, Amu. I gotta go. My hours are almost up."
"W-Wait…"
She latched onto my arm, keeping me in my place. I took a seat next to her on the hospital bed and hugged her. She needed my embrace, as well as I needed hers. No matter how cold a room got, or how cold the world got, she would always stay warm. She's what kept me warm; she's what keeps me alive. I breathe everyday, looking forward to spending time with her. That's what keeps me awake.
"Can't you stay a little longer? It's always so lonely… and,"
"You know I'll come back tomorrow. Don't worry, Amu." I reassured her.
"B-But, still…"
"You trust me, don't you?"
"Of course." She replied, a bright smile on her face.
It was one of those smiles that always reassured me, she's doing okay. That's what worries the most, whether she's doing okay or not. That's all that matters in my world. Her world. I don't know how she deals with the pain, the pain of losing your sight. She pulls through it though, and doesn't complain. I truly admire her, and… love her.
I stepped outside of her room, and made my way down the hallway. That's when I saw someone familiar. It was her doctor. He had brown hair, black eyes, and was roughly around my height. I've seen him before, and I'm pretty sure he's seen me with my violin in her room before.
"Hey, doctor…" I said, getting his attention.
"Oh, you're Ikuto. Am I right?"
"Yeah."
"It's nice to meet you, Ikuto. Amu always talks about you whenever we're in her room for her daily checkup. She's pretty fond of you." He chuckled.
"I have something I was wondering about, doc." My face turned grim, as I knew what I wanted to do. But something held me back. Just… something.
"What might that be?"
"If… someone were to donate their eyes to her, would she be able to see again?"
The doctor's face almost took on a look of surprise, as he anticipated or thought about the surgery, the surgery of implanting one's eyes into another.
"Well, I know a surgeon who specializes in eyes implants. His success rate is very high… and if you could find a donor, then, it just might work." He genuinely smiled at me.
"I see…"
"Well then, Ikuto,"
"Wait. Could she… use my eyes?" I hesitated. But nothing held me back anymore. This thought is what bothered me for the past month and a half, when she was blind. I wanted her to use my eyes. I wanted her to see. I didn't care what happened to me, I just cared about her.
His eyes showed shock, almost terror, then reduced back to the calm; collected doctor he is.
"Ikuto… this is very serious. If it does succeed, you do become blind. This isn't a joke…"
"I'm serious about this. I love her."
The doctor made an 'I see' face, with the gentle features he had. It seemed he understood where I was coming from, as if he had an experience like this before. I knew he understood me. I just knew it.
"Alright, Ikuto. We can use your eyes for her. However, you must be here at 12:00 PM sharp. I don't know any other times our surgeons have that are free."
"Got it. Thank you… doctor."
He put his hand on my shoulder, giving a look that I knew only men could give me. A look of… well, I can't really find a word to describe it. But it was a look of, I-understand-you-you're-a-pretty-brave-guy.
I only nodded my head before walking away. I felt no regrets. Actually, I felt really proud of what I was doing. To be honest, she could need a heart transplant, and I would still give it to her. Even if it meant I had to live on tubs and wires for the rest of my life, as long as it was for her, it was the right thing to do in my book.
12:00 PM sharp. I had no work tomorrow since it was Saturday, so nothing could go wrong. I had to do this. It was my destiny.
*~~^~~*
"Amu, it's me, your doctor." He said, walking into her room.
"Oh, hey doc."
She was sitting against the back of the bed, on a wall. She had a small smile on, as if she was excited about seeing someone in particular. That's right. She was excited. Why? She loved him. She loved Ikuto. All of her heart belonged to him, but she knew he wouldn't accept her now. She was blind for crying out loud. But she could still be friends with him, and to her, that was more than enough.
"Amu, there's some news I have to tell you."
"What is it?"
"Someone… has offered their eyes up for you. So you can see again."
Her face immediately shot up at the news. She didn't carry a smile, or a frown. Just a look of surprise? Shock? Sure, something along those lines.
"W-Who is it?" She asked, hesitantly. She had to feel happy, right? She was going to see again, she was going to live her normal life again. But, something deep down, something in the back of her mind held her back from screaming, screaming with joy. She didn't know what, she didn't know why, but she,
"Tsukiyomi Ikuto."
Her world fell apart. The trees, the water, the atmosphere broke completely. No remnants were left behind, nothing. It completely shattered, it completely broke apart. Ikuto? He would do this? For her?
"I refuse." She replied. She held the brim of her lips with a firm tone.
"W-What? You refuse?"
"Yes. I refuse."
"But Amu, you'll be able to see again. Don't you want to see again?"
She clutched the edge of her pants, her body was slightly shaking. She felt like crying… it was so bittersweet. She would be able to see again, her dream. That was her dream after the accident. Amu recalled one memory where Ikuto sneaked in at night, into her hospital bed. They sat, and he asked what her wish was. She immediately replied with 'My wish is to see again.' But… her wish seemed so… bitter.
"I don't want to see again… if it means taking away his vision."
"But Amu, this may be the only chance you get to see again! Please, don't be so hasty,"
"I said no. Not him. Never, him."
They both stayed silent, neither of them speaking. The doctor knew Ikuto would refuse her denial. But, he knew she wouldn't accept his eyes. This is what happens when two lovers are trying to help each other out; knowing either of them would deny the help.
"He loves you, Amu."
"…What…?"
"Why do you think he's doing all of this? He loves you; he's practically engulfed in love, for you."
"How could a guy like him fall in love with a girl like me, I'm blind, I'm not pretty, I'm… weak…"
"I talked to him out in the hallways. His eyes were pleading, he didn't care if he died… in the process of the surgery. He just… wanted you to see again. Since that was your wish." His tone was strong, stronger than any tone a sympathetic doctor would use. He was dead serious. Dead serious.
"I…" She started crying. They slowly flooded her face as she clutched her mouth.
"Amu, do you love him?"
Of course she did. Why do you think she would act herself around him? Why do you think she took care of him when he was sick? Why do you think she risked her life to save him? Why do you think she waited for him to return? Because she loved him.
"Y-Yes, I love him, that's why I can't do this… I just can't…"
"I'm pleading you, Amu. You'll be blind for the rest of your life… "
"I'm sorry, doctor. I can't do something like that to him…not to Ikuto."
He silently sighed; hope… well there was none. He knew she wanted to see, he could tell by the tone of her voice. But, he knew she couldn't live with herself if she took away his eyes. But, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Those don't come by so often…
*~~^~~*
It's 11:45 PM… I was told to go to the hospital at 12:00 PM sharp.
Guess what? My car just happened to break down, and it was already too late to go and fix it. So, I ran instead. It was a few miles away, but I could do it. My endurance is what keeps me running; well actually, Amu's what keeps me running. I know after this I won't be able to see again. But, she would.
That's all that matters.
I had second thoughts about this. Her wish, I'll grant it. I've been too much of a burden for her, and it's time to change that. I'll be a wish-granter. Her wish-granter. Even if she doesn't love me back, or even in the end, she doesn't care about me, I don't care. Her life is much more valuable to me than my own. I'll love her on my own, and leave without any tears.
I was almost there, it was 11:53 PM, well that's what it said on my watch. Oh God, I'm practically out of breath. My running was at top speed in beginning, but fell greatly during these last two miles. But, I'm almost there. I could see the large, white building in front of me, it was a distance away, but I could see it.
It was then, when I was crossing the street. I was in too of a rush to look both ways, and I could hear people screaming. I turned to my right, and it hit me. Not only my emotions, but the pain from the car.
That's right, a car just hit me. I flew off the side of the front window, I felt as if my bones just broke apart. Unconsciously, the very first thing I did was to look at my watch. 11:54 PM. Six minutes. I have six minutes… or else. I wanted her to see as soon as possible, her dream, her wish, and her heart.
I could hear people screaming and frantically yelling at what they'd seen. But I didn't care. I made my way up, leaning against a pole. My ribs were practically broken; I knew that much from the sore, aching pain. I was bleeding too, the top of my head. The flow of the blood drizzled down my face, but I didn't care. I just didn't give a damn.
"Someone call 911! Please!"
"Hey dude! What're you doing? Someone help him up!"
"Oh my god!"
I could hear cries, people getting out their cell-phones. 11:55 PM. I was still adjusting to the pain, to see if my legs could move. And they could. I walked, no limped, as fast as I could, clutching my side in pain. Amu. Amu. Amu.
That was my inspiration, my determination, my desperation. Hinamori Amu. Her.
That's when I started running. I felt like an angel had just lifted be off the ground, and flew me to the hospital. I knew this was my fate, my destiny. I ran, no sprinted and felt no pain. The image of the small hospital soon became mammoth.
That was the moment when I truly believed in angels. I knew they existed, and I knew I had one protecting me. This was my time, this was my dream. This was my reality.
*~~^~~*
"Y-You look pretty injured, you should get some help, Mr. Tsukiyomi…" The woman asked, worried about my health.
"I'm fine… I just tripped on the way over here. Now, where do I sign?"
"R-Right here," She said, pointing toward a line underneath all the text. This was it. This was the paper that will set her dreams, and allow her wishes to escape. She would be able to see again, she would be able to live again. Live the life she always wanted.
I signed my name, and then handed the paper back to her. She put it in a file, then gestured I follow her. Surprisingly enough, I was led into a room. Like an ER room. I took a seat on the large bed, waiting for something to happen. Anything to happen.
The door opened, and I saw the doctor. He had a clipboard in his hand. His face looked… dismayed.
"Doc…"
"Ikuto… glad you made it on time…"
Amu.
"D-Did she accept… taking my eyes?" I asked frantically. She was stubborn. Very stubborn. I just hoped something deep inside of her told her, 'Ikuto wants this, more than you think.'
"S-She, refused… but we put her to sleep."
"What?"
"I gave her a shot, putting her to sleep. Meaning, she's ready for the surgery… so it's up to you now."
"You know what my answer is… doctor. And I beg you… please make this work… I beg you…"
"You can trust me, Ikuto."
That's when I knew he understood. Putting her to sleep, all for her sake, and for mine. He was a man after all, he knew what I felt. By the looks of it, he probably experienced something similar to this. This man, truly looked past through all the rules and regulations, and looked toward the best. The best outcome. My outcome. Her outcome. Her wish. My dreams. Our wishes and dreams.
*~~^~~*
I swore I felt something heavy on my chest. I knew I was lying down, and the surgery was probably over. I tried to open my eyes to see what was…oh wait. I gave them to Amu.
I heard some sniffles, and sobs. It was a girl. It was Amu. I could just tell. She was crying on my chest, well the middle of my body. I felt some bandages there, so I knew they treated my wounds from the car accident. And… if Amu was in the room, she probably received my eyes successfully.
"A-Amu?" I asked, timidly. I was shy, no worried, no scratch that, I was nervous.
"I-Ikuto…why…?" She asked, silently wiping up her tears.
I sat up, leaning my back against the wall that happened to be right next to the bed. She was holding my hand, clutching it. Squeezing it as hard she could, trying to suppress back her tears.
"Can you see again, Amu?"
"…Yeah…" She didn't sound happy at all. She sounded worse than before, she sounded almost disappointed. No, she sounded pitiful.
"So it was a success. I'm glad…"
"I don't' want to see! I don't want to see if it means you can't… I don't want this…you're so stupid… Ikuto!" She continued her crying, she sounded mad now. Oh great.
"I can see, Amu. I'm your eyes now… I can see what you see…"
"Isn't there anything to make you see again? Can't I give back your eyes?" She pleaded, almost desperately.
"I love you Amu," He tightened his grip on her hand, "I wanted to be your wish-granter. Your angel. So… just live everyday with a smile… you know?"
She brought her lips to mine, unable to hold back any longer. Unable to hold back her longing for him, unable to hold back her tears for him, unable to hold back her heart for him. He, of course, kissed back, moving with her with the kiss. Sometimes, things do pay off…
"I love you too, Ikuto… I love you so much…"
"Even though I can't see… I can still see you."
"Ikuto."
"Hmm?"
"Let's stay together, forever."
*~~^~~*
I sort of have this one-shot fever. This one's kind of sloppy; I can relate it to some drabble.
If you get this kind of rushed feeling, I understand. I do feel like I sort of rushed this.
By the way, another one of my favorite songs truly inspire me to write this one, and the previous one. You should listen to it while reading; it really gives you another whole effect. Sorry for the grammatical errors, I just know I have a lot.
The song is:
눈물은 모르게 (A Tear Does Not Know) - M.C the Max So anyway, thanks for reading.