Notes: Drabble written for Luthe, who requested: Obi-Wan realizes he is a little gay Jedi. I'm not focusing on relationships, but rather the sexual discovery of a one Obi-Wan Kenobi. This does feature some minor Obi-Wan/OC pairings, both male and female.
Beta Reader(s): The talented and generous Shoiryu.

. . .

Obi-Wan had always known his interest in girls was limited mostly to their minds, and as he approached his fifteenth birthday, he discovered that made him a bit of an oddity. All the other boys his age were more interested in girls' bodies, more specifically what the girls looked like without their robes on, rather than their wit or skills with the Force. It was a common occurrence for the boys around Obi-Wan's age to gather together after class, usually in one of the small study rooms. The rather juvenile discussions they started often bored Obi-Wan as they passed around speculations about Dimi Jade's breasts or Laredu's legs. Even Kier, a furry Poyan youth, had obvious interest in the subject. At times, the conversation even made Obi-Wan uncomfortable, particularly when the older Odan Le-ti chimed in.

In fact, what Obi-Wan found of most interest when all the other boys were discussing the rather forbidden topic of sex was the handsome Odan Le-ti. Every time Odan opened his mouth, light eyes dancing, brushing his Padawan's braid over his shoulder, Obi-Wan could only stare. The words he spoke didn't matter, though the fact that Odan spoke of sex, of actually being with girls, made Obi-Wan warm in very interesting places. He couldn't care less about any of those girls, much less when they were without their clothes, but he realized he was very interested in Odan, in what he looked like without his robes on.

Obi-Wan sometimes wondered what it might feel like if Odan touched him, like Odan sometimes touched a girl while in the hall, hands sliding affectionately up and down their flanks, a lecherous grin splitting his face until the girl inevitably reminded not do anything "out in the open." At night, when Obi-Wan's hand would inevitably drift down to his aching cock, he would imagine Odan's hands sliding all over his body, Odan's lips pressed against his flesh, Odan's strong legs brushing against his. Odan wasn't the only boy he imagined, but one of the most frequent visitors to his fantasies.

And that's when Obi-Wan started to suspect there was something wrong with him.

By age twelve, Qui-Gon had provided Obi-Wan all the needed materials on basic sex, puberty, and the upcoming changes to his body. Bland and scientific descriptions of what men and women did for reproductive and pleasurable reasons had abounded, but there had been only a very small blurb on "homosexuality", which was described as a "rare" interest in one's own gender. When sexual education had been covered in Obi-Wan's health class last year with Master Bodai, the reptilian Kasthian had told Obi-Wan that as far as he knew, it was an abnormal practice in human beings. The other boys had started sniggering and passing around jokes about Obi-Wan's line of questioning, enough that Obi-Wan had stopped asking, fearful of what might happen if they found out why he'd asked.

Of course, Obi-Wan knew that he could ask his Master. He considered this for a long time, but he died of embarrassment every time Qui-Gon attempted to broach the subject, often running away as soon as he could. Obi-Wan spent a few weeks trying to work up the nerve to ask Qui-Gon if there was something wrong, if he could fix this abnormal interest in boys. In the end, he decided to be oblique, forgetting that Qui-Gon was not very good with oblique.

As usual, Obi-Wan found his Master down in the Temple Gardens, caring for the young poltan dragons he'd found on their last mission to Ran-Edu. The creatures required constant sunlight, and Qui-Gon had found they flourished around the water bloomers he'd planted last year. Sun streamed down on the small grassy strip Qui-Gon sat on, and a few eradan fliers fluttered past. The Temple gardens were so large that Obi-Wan could only just barely see the edges of the Temple through the misty air used to hydrate the plants. It was a paradox, a natural paradise in midst of a never-ending metropolis.

Six or seven of the tiny, yellow poltan dragons snapped at Qui-Gon as he fed them their nutrient supplements. He held the smallest of them in his large hand, where it fit perfectly. It was curled up like a grethecat, purring happily as he stroked its scales. It glowed a bit wherever he touched it.

Obi-Wan frowned down at the little dragons as he walked up. Qui-Gon had brought the dragons back to Coruscant, ignoring Obi-Wan's complaints - as always. It seemed that anything Qui-Gon found that he liked, he subsequently tried to adopt. Obi-Wan wondered if Qui-Gon liked his own apprentice as much as he did his pathetic lifeforms.

"Master?" asked Obi-Wan, sitting down at the edge of the grass strip, careful not to catch his robes on the water bloomers growing out of the nearby pond.

"Hello, Obi-Wan. Did you finish your studies for the day already?" asked Qui-Gon, smiling at him.

Obi-Wan stared down at one of the little poltan dragons, nipping at his clothed knees. It looked like a small, golden snake with six tiny legs and a flatter face. Obi-Wan picked it up, trying not to smile when it instantly purred, glowing softly at his touch. "Yes, Master."

"Excellent."

Obi-Wan licked his lips, watching Qui-Gon for a few moments before speaking again. "Master, is there a way to cure abnormalities?"

Qui-Gon blinked for a moment. "That depends on the abnormality. Why?"

"What if it's... thoughts? Abnormal thoughts."

"I'm not sure what qualifies as an abnormal thought, Obi-Wan. Most beings think too differently and are far too complex for something as subjective as abnormality in thought processes to be easily identified, if it even exists in the purest sense of the definition."

Obi-Wan wasn't exactly sure what Qui-Gon had just said, but it definitely wasn't the answer he was looking for. "I mean, what if you think something or want something that nobody else does? Is there a way to fix that?"

Qui-Gon set the poltan dragon in his hand down, turning to Obi-Wan with a serious expression on his face. His beard was a bit scraggly, and his long brown hair had a few tangles in it. Obi-Wan made a note to remind Qui-Gon to groom himself that night. Qui-Gon had no doubt been so distracted that morning with his work with the baby dragons that he'd forgotten again.

"What is it that you want that no one else does?" asked Qui-Gon softly, frowning.

"I..." Obi-Wan floundered like a barassian trapped in a net. His face heated up, and he knew he'd just die if he told Qui-Gon the truth. "I... it's stupid. I just want to be like - like you and everyone else."

Qui-Gon smiled and patted Obi-Wan on the shoulder, sympathy sparkling in his blue eyes. "I understand."

Obi-Wan's vision constricted, and he nearly passed out. "Y-you do?"

"Of course, I do. One day, Obi-Wan, you'll come to understand the living Force as I do, too. In the meantime, you have other gifts, such as your skill with a lightsaber and your ability to sneak around unnoticed. You'll come into your own one day."

Obi-Wan hung his head, not sure whether to be relieved or frustrated by Qui-Gon's misinterpretation. "Yes, Master."

"Come now. Let's give you a little lesson in the living Force. These poltan dragons are very sensitive to it." Qui-Gon smiled and drew Obi-Wan closer, forcing him to help him feed the small reptiles.

Obi-Wan spent the rest of the day at Qui-Gon's side, reluctantly learning more of the living Force, but nothing about what he wanted to know.

. . .

Obi-Wan decided to try and cure himself.

Dimi Jade had been more than willing to help. In fact, it had been her idea; after all, she'd been the one to push Obi-Wan into the small storage closet in the hallway they'd met in when he'd tried to stammer out that he liked her. Obi-Wan had struggled at first, but when she had started to kiss him, he hoped that maybe actually being able to experience a girl would fix him. He was fifteen now, and that was old enough.

Dimi had her hands down his pants, but the only thing Obi-Wan noticed was that her hands were cold. Her red hair, only half-tied up in its bun, tickled his nose. She guided his hand under her tunic to fumble at her soft breast, Obi-Wan shuddered, but not in pleasure. It felt so strange, and not at all like he knew it was supposed to. He was incredibly grateful that it was too dark to see properly inside the storage closet. The corners of storage containers filled with training sabers dug into his back, but that still wasn't as uncomfortable as Dimi's hand reaching into his pants.

When Dimi tried to guide Obi-Wan's hand into her pants, he couldn't take it anymore. It felt wrong. The smell, the touch, the feel, the way she was pressed up against him. He wasn't aroused; he was going to be sick. Obi-Wan pushed her away, pulling his pants closed, trying not to look at her.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered right before he left.

If Qui-Gon noticed how disheveled he was when he arrived back at their quarters or how Obi-Wan ran straight to the 'fresher without a single word and took a three-hour long shower, he made no comment.

Obi-Wan was grateful for small favors.

. . .

Obi-Wan thought he was cured when he found some of Qui-Gon's holoporn while cleaning. It was a small, unlabeled holodisk, hidden under a pile of dirty socks in Qui-Gon's large, cluttered room. Unable to repress his curiosity, Obi-Wan had taken it to his own, painfully neat, room and played it. It was mostly filled with images of women with women, undeniably erotic. Trying not to think about what Qui-Gon used it for, Obi-Wan had found he was actually aroused by the women, even when the scenes shifted to images of them with men. He'd spent a very pleasant afternoon watching it, though he was careful to return it to its former position before Qui-Gon returned that evening, sans the dirty socks which Obi-Wan tossed down the laundry chute.

It took Obi-Wan little effort to find another willing girl to experiment with. The pretty ones always seemed surprised when a boy bothered to strike up a real conversation with them. The girl had soft blond hair and large blue eyes; her body was shaped in a way that even Obi-Wan found enticing, full of gentle curves and long legs. She'd not grown up in his créche, and Obi-Wan was never able to recall her name, but expected it didn't matter for what he wanted. It didn't appear to make a difference. Obi-Wan had a vague conception of what he was supposed to be doing, but he felt as if there were something holding him back. He forced himself to touch her anyway, trying not to shudder at how different she felt and smelled; even the way she breathed as his hand slid between her legs was disturbing. He wound up feeling as sick as he had with Dimi and abruptly ended it right then, overwhelmed.

The whole situation was confusing. Obi-Wan could find girls arousing visually, though the actual act of touching them bothered him. There was no explanation for this discrepancy, and he still couldn't bear the thought of asking Qui-Gon. It was all so embarrassing and humiliating. Nothing in the Jedi Archives - at least nothing Obi-Wan had access to - really covered sexual preferences and what people thought when it came to sex. It seemed most people expected Padawan Learners to ask someone. And perhaps, if they were normal, most of them did.

Obi-Wan decided he must be the strangest boy in the entire galaxy and gave up his search, resigning himself to his fate as a freak of nature.

. . .

It was the mission to Lintana that everything changed, or rather, what happened after the mission was over.

Lintana was a small moon orbiting the gas giant Kard El Dae, covered in temperate grasslands and wide, clear rivers full of fish of all varieties. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had just settled a vicious border dispute between the two rival countries, but due to solar winds, their ship was delayed in picking them up. They remained at one of the small fishing villages near the border with nothing to do. The mayor had invited them to stay at his bright, cheerful home as a reward for their accomplishments, and Obi-Wan had quickly made friends with the mayor's son, a handsome boy named Jaruko.

While touring the sleepy village, Qui-Gon found a small botanical garden in midst of the low-slung buildings and immediately lost himself amid the flowering trees, the exotic blooms, and the fierce leafy plants inside. Obi-Wan was instantly bored, until Jaruko tugged on his hand, telling him they should go to a spot he knew. Obi-Wan was quite willing to go almost anywhere Jaruko suggested.

Jaruko was a year older than Obi-Wan and despite having never left his village, he seemed full of a worldly wisdom that Obi-Wan did not possess. He always smiled, though it was sometimes more of a smirk. He was light-eyed, like Odan, but with blue eyes, not green. He had shaggy blond hair, often hanging across his face. It looked soft, and Obi-Wan wanted to run his fingers through it, though of course he hadn't. Jaruko was lanky and much taller than Obi-Wan, with big, expressive hands. Obi-Wan had instantly liked him, nodding enthusiastically at Jaruko's constant flights of fancy. He eagerly answered Jaruko's many questions about Jedi, proud that he had something interesting to share with the other boy.

The spot Jaruko led him to was near the wide river, which glittered in the afternoon sun. Obi-Wan watched the water flow by and could see the colorful poroki fish darting by amongst the smooth, white rocks at the bottom. The blue-green fronds of the riverside trees swayed gently in the wind, and the ground was soft, covered in the velvety Lintanan grass. Jaruko invited Obi-Wan to take his robes off, since it was a warm day. Jaruko took his own off and lay near-naked on the grass as he dipped his large, bony feet into the clear water. Feeling self-conscious, especially since he couldn't stop staring at Jaruko's chest, or his flat stomach, or his long, long legs, Obi-Wan slowly slid his own robes off. Jaruko's blue gaze roved Obi-Wan as he removed each article of clothing with painstaking care, stripping down to his underwear as Jaruko had and then gingerly sitting beside him.

"You're so strange," said Jaruko with a laugh. "You've been to all these planets and had all these adventures and fought all these battles, but you're acting like a virgin."

Obi-Wan started, even more self-conscious now. The light wind rippled through Jaruko's hair as he lay back on the grass, smirking up at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan looked away, chewing his lips. "I'm sorry."

When Jaruko's hand slid up his side, Obi-Wan thought he would burst out of his skin. So that's what it felt like to be touch by someone he wanted to touch him. He looked down at Jaruko again, noticing there was more wonder than mockery on the older boy's face now.

"Are you one?"

Obi-Wan only nodded. Jaruko grinned and sat up, pulling Obi-Wan against him. Obi-Wan gasped, feeling very warm as his naked chest was pressed against Jaruko's. He could feel both their heartbeats, pounding against each other. Jaruko's fingers were firm and demanding as he started to pull Obi-Wan's underwear down. "Good," he murmured, leaning into Obi-Wan's face, breath warm and smelling of the spicy dani rice they'd had for lunch. "When you're recounting all your adventures, Jedi, you can say your first time was with me on my boring planet."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and kissed Jaruko. Instead of feeling sick and uncomfortable as he had with the girls, he felt alive, as if he were floating on a cloud. The feel of Jaruko's mouth against his was both hard and soft, and when his hand touched Obi-Wan's hardening cock, there were no words to describe the bliss that tore through him.

"This isn't boring," said Obi-Wan when Jaruko broke their kiss to slip Obi-Wan's hand inside his underwear. Obi-Wan instinctively wrapped his fingers around Jaruko's cock, amazed at how similar and different the hot flesh felt in his hand. It felt... right, like the first time Obi-Wan had held a training saber.

Jaruko laughed, as was his way, and lowered Obi-Wan to the velvet grass, touching Obi-Wan in all the ways he wanted to be touched.

. . .

Jaruko hadn't had many explanations for Obi-Wan when they were done. He liked both girls and boys, and he'd told Obi-Wan he'd been with both. He seemed to accept it as normal, and Obi-Wan had found relief that he wasn't the only boy in the galaxy who had homosexual feelings. There were apparently at least two or three in this village alone.

What Obi-Wan took away most from the experience was a bit more courage. He wasn't a freak, but he wasn't the typical human boy, either. He decided to finally ask the person he should have asked long ago. He told Jaruko he'd talk to him later and pulled on his robes, feeling lighter.

Qui-Gon was caring for a rather sickly nashda plant, pruning the violet-spotted leaves with the care a father would give a newborn child. He was humming to himself when Obi-Wan walked into the botanical garden and sat down next to him. The waning sunlight spilled through the glass ceiling, and it was humid enough that Obi-Wan began to sweat, though he couldn't be sure if it was just from the humidity. Obi-Wan considered how best to talk to Qui-Gon. He knew dancing around the subject would get him nowhere. Qui-Gon was too direct to fully appreciate subtext and hint; though incredibly intelligent and quite capable of subterfuge himself, Qui-Gon had little patience for it in others. Obi-Wan was going to have to be honest.

"I think I just had sex for the first time. At least I think it was sex. I'm not entirely sure," announced Obi-Wan without preamble, chewing on his bottom lip when he was done. He winced in fear of Qui-Gon's reaction, suddenly nauseous.

Qui-Gon, however, looked completely nonchalant, as if Obi-Wan had simply told him that he needed new shoes. "How can you not be sure if you just had sex?"

In for a cred, in for a cred stick. "Well, I'm not sure exactly what constitutes sex between two boys."

"Did one or both of you achieve orgasm?" Qui-Gon hadn't even batted an eye.

"Both of us."

"Then that's sex, by anyone's standards. I, of course, propose that the simple act of trying to achieve orgasm constitutes as sex, but not everyone agrees with me."

Obi-Wan waited, but Qui-Gon said nothing else, continuing to prune his nashda plant. The knot in his stomach was starting to untie itself. "You don't think it's weird or wrong that I just had sex with a boy?"

That was the question that made Qui-Gon pause. He stopped what he was doing and turned to face Obi-Wan, concern written across his rough features. "Of course not. Why would I?"

"I... I tried with girls, but I'd get sick... I like them, but not for sex... I mean... it's abnormal to be a homosexual, isn't it?" Obi-Wan almost wanted to cry in relief.

"It's unusual, but not abnormal. Who in the galaxy told you that was abnormal?"

"Master Bodai."

Qui-Gon started to laugh. "Obi-Wan, Bodai is a Kasthian. His race reproduces asexually. In all honesty, he is not even truly a 'he', but identifies himself as such to make it easier for those of us whose species are separated into two different genders. He wouldn't know what was normal for humans." Qui-Gon shook his head. "I don't even know why the Council has him teaching Sexual Education, other than the fact that he doesn't get embarrassed. I knew I should have taken matters into my own hands, but every time I brought up the subject, you'd turn red and sink under the table. I thought that couldn't be good for your health."

"So I'm not abnormal? But I like to watch girls in holoporn," said Obi-Wan, hardly daring to believe it. "I just don't want to touch them. Only boys."

"That makes sense. You're not a droid, Obi-Wan. No sentient being comes with preprogrammed desires and wants. We're all different, especially human beings. Something as complicated and integral to all our natures as sexuality can't be defined as normal and abnormal. Most beings who have separate genders have a preference for one and the other, and while heterosexuality is the most common, there are plenty of homosexuals. Many people fall somewhere in between, and even those who have strong preferences occasionally think about the gender they don't prefer. You are normal, and furthermore you are fine."

Obi-Wan smiled, feeling as if the weight of the galaxy itself had just been taken off his shoulders. "I am?"

Qui-Gon smiled and patted his shoulder. "Did you enjoy yourself just now? And did your partner?"

"Yes. Both of us."

"Then that's all that matters for right now." Qui-Gon turned back to the nashda plant and picked up his pruning shears. "Now, go enjoy yourself some more. Our ship won't be here until tomorrow, and you performed well on this mission. You earned the break."

"Thank you, Master," said Obi-Wan, springing to his feet. He bowed deeply.

"And if you have any more questions or concerns, ask me."

"I will."

Feeling like a terminally ill man who'd just been cured, Obi-Wan went off to find Jaruko again. There were a few more things Jaruko had promised to teach Obi-Wan, and he was eager to learn.

End.