It had been going on for so long now , that she could hardly remember a time where it hadn't been happening. For almost three years now , she had been plagued by the same dreams night after night. Try as she might , she could never get away from the images that always disturbed her sleep. They would come without fail , mostly unwanted and unwarranted , but , sometimes , on very rare occasion , they would be as welcomed and cherished as prized possessions.

She had long ago stopped being mad at herself for being too weak to stop thinking about him. It wasn't as if she had any control over it... he was just always there , in the front , back and middle of her mind. Even if she'd wanted to just forget about him altogether and irradicate him from her mind , she couldn't. She was confronted with him every day of her life. It was at once an unbearable sentence and an overwhelming joy.

Taking a deep breath , she stretched and shook her head , trying to dislodge the flash of deep blue eyes that had once again appeared in her mind. She threw off the covers and kicked at the mattress in a fit of bad temper. Calm down Betty , she admonished herself. It wont do you any good to get mad about it today. She allowed herself one last moment of self-pity and anger , forcefully blew the hair off of her face , and got up to face the day.

She had just reached inside her dresser-drawer to get some fresh underwear when the familiar sounds that had greeted her every morning for the last few years , reached her ears. And just like that , the bad mood , and dark thoughts disappeared as if they had never been. Smiling to herself , she grabbed a bra and underpants , made her way out of her bedroom and crossed the hallway. She paused in front of the door before she opened it. This was her favorite part of the day. Every morning she just stood there for a few seconds and listened to the soft noises coming from inside the room. They were always happy sounds , and they never failed to amaze and overwhelm her. She could listen to them for hours on end without ever getting bored. Remembering she was on a tight schedule that day , she cracked open the door and peeked inside.

As usual , he was laying on his back , playing with his toes while at the same time , babbling to himself about things of which only he knew , and thoroughly entertaining himself until she came to get him. Today , she noticed , he was bouncing Winnie the Pooh off of his feet while Tigger was patiently waiting for his turn up by his head. She smiled , utterly charmed by him , as she always was.

'' Hi angel ! Did you have a good night ? '' Betty asked , pausing by the crib and running a hand through her son's light brown hair.

He immediately stood up and stretched his arms out to her expectantly. Betty picked him up and hugged him close to her for a few seconds. She nuzzled his neck , inhaling the lingering smell of baby soap that always clung to him. She indulged herself by kissing him over and over until he started squirming to get out of her arms. Relunctantly she set him down on the floor. She missed the days where he couldn't walk and always wanted to be in her arms. Now , the only time he ever seemed to stop running around was when he was sleeping. He wasn't a baby anymore , Betty thought , with sadness as she watched him snake an arm through the bars of his crib to grab his beloved Elmo doll.

''Ehmo hungwy mommy !''

''Lucas , it's ELMO , EL-MO... What would Elmo like for breakfast ? '' she asked , leading the little boy out the door towards the kitchen.

'' CHEEWIOS ! CHEEW-IOS ! CHEEW-IOS ! CHEEW-IOS ! '' he chanted down the hallway and all the way through the appartment , all the while stomping his feet in rythm with his chants.

Betty snickered. '' We're gonna have to work on those l's and r's bub. '' After settling him in his booster seat at the table and fixing them both cereal , Betty barely had time to enjoy her first spoonful when the phone rang.

'' Hello ? '' she answered.

'' Betty ! Papi wanted me to call and confirm your flight number and tell you we'll pick you up from the airport , and to make sure Lucas has earplugs for the plane...''

'' Hilda , we're gonna be fine. You guys don't have to drive out all the way to JFK , we'll just take a cab when we get there. '' Betty said.

''HIHDA! '' Lucas screamed at hearing his beloved aunt's name.

'' HIL-DA '' , Betty automatically corrected her son.

'' Awww ! I can't wait to see him , three months is way too long and his cousin Rosa misses playing with him. ''

'' Hilda , you see him every week on the webcam , and we've traveled back and forth every three months since I've had him. You've hardly missed anything. '' She wouldn't ackowledge the fact that she missed her family terribly , especially since Lucas's birth. Hilda would be only too happy to crow about it.

'' Aye Dios Mio ! Betty , webcams and four weeks a year does not make up for lost time. You need your family and so does he. Papi misses you , and you know he misses Luke. And so do I. I bet if you talked to Mrs. Meade... ''

'' Hilda ! No ! We've talked about this. I'm Editor-in-Chief of Zone magazine. I'm where I always wanted to be , and I'm happy here. Besides , what would I say ? ' Oh , hello , I know we haven't talked for three years , and I've borne your grandchild , which neither you nor your son know anything about , but could you please give me a job at Meade again , even though I'm the one who turned my back on it in the first place and it would mean accepting a significantly lesser position , but could you please ? Huh ? Could you ? ' Yeah , that would go over well... '' Betty wiped at Lucas's mouth before setting him down , and watched him plop himself in front of the television to watch cartoons.

'' Honey , '' Hilda said , a snarky tone in her voice , '' You are still a freak ! I 'm not even gonna start on the whole not telling the Meades about Lucas because nena , that's not right. I don't know what went down between you and Daniel , but I do know that for the short while you two were together , you were happier than I've ever seen you. ''

''Hilda ! '' Betty warned again.

'' Nevertheless , it's not my place to say. But Betty , papi's having surgery again , and I'm pregnant again , and I know you miss us just as much as we miss you. I know London meant a lot to you , and you've lived your dream. You've done so much , and I'm so proud of you. But maybe you should think about moving back here again. This is New-York , don't tell me with your resume , you couldn't find something amazing to do right here at home ! ''

'' Hilda, I know all of that , ok ! I just... Just let me think about it... How's papi ? '' she asked , wanting desperately to change the subject.

'' He's good , hanging in there. Anyway , Betty , I got to go. Justin's auditioning for A Midsummer Night's Dream , and I promised I'd be there... I'll see you tomorrow ok ? Kiss Lucas for me. ''

'' I will , I love you Hilda. ''

'' Love you too. Be safe. Bye. ''

'' Bye. '' Betty hung up the phone and turned to look at her son. He was on the floor , flat on his stomach , his head propped up in his hands , watching Yo Gabba Gabba and laughing at something on the screen. He stopped suddenly and turned towards her , as if he'd felt her eyes on him. Her breath caught in her throat as his face was slowly replaced by another , almost identical one.

It was like this every time they went back to New-York. And every time it was worse. Because as time went by , and Lucas got older , there was no denying whose child he was. Life had somehow played a nasty trick on her , and had made it so that her son had almost no trace of the spanish heritage he had been born with. The only physical likeness he had to his mother , was the deep winking dimple at the corner of his mouth , and the brightness of his eyes. The rest was as if God had seen it fit to make a small version of Daniel to torture her with. He was his father's spitting image. Same blue eyes , same sandy brown hair , same pale complexion. Betty had no doubt that had she ever bumped into anyone familiar with Daniel in New-York , her secret would have been instantly discovered. And so , every time they went back home , she would be on pins and needles until the time came to return to London again.

Maybe Hilda was right , Betty thought , smiling at Lucas in reassurance , so that the little boy went back to watching tv. Maybe it was time to bring it all out in the open. If for nothing else than to rid herself of all the guilty feelings that had plagued her since the day she'd found out she was pregnant. Lucas had been the best thing that had ever happened to her. No question. But was she right in keeping him from his father ? The secret would come out eventually. Wouldn't it be better if she stopped being so selfish and finally did what she should have done all along ?

One thing at a time. First , she was going to call Heathrow to check on the departure schedules.