Chapter 1 - In The Moonlight

The cans themselves are nothing to look at. Walking or running among the here, a poleepkwa unfamiliar with them could easily mistake them for another part of the landscape. Mistake them for another piece of trash or not notice them at all. Humans might recognize it, though. They use it for a different purpose; it's called "Cat Food" because they give it to their "Cats". I have never seen a Cat before but apparently it is only like food to them.

It is not like food to us. Food for us is meat. There is more than one kind of food, I have been told by the older ones, "back" on our home planet, but I have never been there. They say there used to be more than one kind of food and also more than enough food, which is a sad thought to me because I have had to search for food, more or less, my whole life. Scavengers. That's what some humans call us because we are always looking for food among their trash piles. Ridiculous, that they would throw away still-eatable food, but it is good for us because then we get to have it. I do not have a family but some of the others do and having to find food is especially hard for them, they have to look more among the humans. Humans want us to stay away from them. But they have food, and so we cannot.

But food, not even squishy good round black-colored food, cannot compare to the wonderful brown Cat Food in its blue cans. When I see regular food I feel good, yes, because it means that I will not be hungry for the day, but when I see a can of Cat Food I am overjoyed. I look around to make sure that no one else has seen it. I pick it up and run, carrying it to my shack or another private place.

Cat Food does things to us that it does not do to humans, or their cats, and this is one of the thoughts, the wondering why it has this on us, that comes up as its effects trickle away, when I look around and sometimes find myself in a place I don't recognize and cannot remember going to. Tonight I found myself on a pile, underneath the clear night sky, and it seems like a nice place so I am going to stay here until I feel totally myself again.

Finding myself in a strange place is not a good thing, but the feeling that the Cat Food gives me is worth it, except for times like once when I ate two at the same time and that was too much, that time the feelings got too heavy and I think I might have almost died from it and halfway through the next day I ate just one and I woke up but in a place I didn't recognize for the first time. It happens every time now, even with a smaller amount.

It doesn't do this to the others, but then none of them seem to like it as much as me either.

I love it. And even in the times when I don't feel like loving it anymore, like after having two that one time, I still need it. And when I feel like I need it and have it, it feels good. It always does. The only bad thing about it is that the one who used to look after me and a few other orphans didn't like it when I found Cat Food, but then he had come from the home planet and hadn't ever had any himself. He really didn't like it even more when it became more important to me later and I had to start taking it in secretly before I became older and left.

I know that, rationally, whether or not others know doesn't really matter. Most of us like Cat Food to some degree. But still, even now, years later, because of that initial disapproval I try to stay quiet about it, always finding it on my own, never asking anyone else for some because then they might realize how much I like it.

The Cat Food continues to leave me. It's a strange feeling, a trickling sensation that is not pleasurable like the feelings it gave before but still relieving nonetheless. The numbness slowly slides away and I can feel my thoughts get clearer and my limbs return to my control again minute by minute. Nothing is broken.

But this clear feeling, which should just feel fine, also feels sad because it's here that I realize some facts about myself. That I can't remember what I've done between first having the Cat Food and waking up and I'm afraid of walking out into the District because I don't want to find out. That while I feel good now in a day or two at the most I'll have to get another can. Because I don't just eat it because I like the feeling.

I eat it because I need it. I'm not really in control of myself. Of what I want.

And so I feel depressed as I get to my feet and start to walk down this hill that I'm on, still checking myself to make sure that I'm all okay, readily monitoring my mental state

(I once tripped and almost broke one of my legs in the early stages of coming back, walking around but feeling dizzy but still walking because I could and if I seriously hurt myself here the humans wouldn't really care, especially if they found out that it was because of Cat Food, and my kind might want to but not be able to because there isn't much you can do for a broken limb out here besides keep it still)

and looking around to see where I am. Under the ship. The ship that floats endlessly in the sky as though inviting us to climb up to it. Half of a black circle in the sky, one side of its rim outlined slightly from the light of the moon above it. If we could fly up there somehow...but humans have tried that before. I wonder if they've tried bringing one of us up there with them to try and fix it...but then, even if we were up there and fixed it they might try to take it. Or force us to take them somewhere. And there might be only one or two poleepkwa in the District who know how to make it work.

I keep walking and find where the first line of shacks begin. Not a safe place to be. The shacks civilized poleepkwa live in are more near the front and center of the District. I and a few others have tried to keep order for the rest of them as best as we can. We know that gambling and prostitution are going to exist and realize that to ban it would only mean higher tensions or outright violence from gangs that don't need to keep good relations the way the other humans do, so we've made a deal with the gangs and they stay out here, away from the families and children. A compromise. A deal.

So now I'm passing through that, avoiding eye-contact with the humans and shady-looking poleepkwa out here, the humans probably not recognizing me and the others of my kind watching to see if I'm going to get on their case. I'm not. If I wasn't coming down off of Cat Food I would have felt free to look around, to examine them and see who would meet my gaze and who couldn't. I'd be a law enforcer, like the humans have, sneaking in and maybe even disguising myself a bit. I'd spend a day or two and fully scope out the place to see what they were up to. That would be good.

But for now I'm the one who can't look up, and I keep my eyes on the ground as the conversations fall silent around me, unsure if that's because of something I did from when I can't remember or just them being suspicious. It's late at night, too late for most of the things that take place here in the day, and at the back I pass by an empty ring where vermin from the ship fight each other for their entertainment and, nearer to the front, pass a couple of closed-down meat shops. One of the prostitutes wanders over and I tell her off in a righteous way that gets me feeling somewhat better. They'll at least know that I'm in my right mind now.

Here's the first of the dwellings that the older, dignified ones say we've been forced into, that I've lived in for my whole life.

Here is the area where I grew up, occupied by someone others now. I pass on.

Who else, in this part of the District, is awake at this time of the night? I see a fire in the distance and walk in that direction. Here I am, fellow poleepkwa, returning from a jaunt with a habit I distain at times like this, in my right mind now and hoping that I haven't done anything stupid.

And here is Joshua, blue and speckled with yellow, sitting around the fire and watching, wide-eyed, like he always does. Joshua is one of the average ones and younger than me. A good friend of mine. The younger parentless ones among us are taken care of by older mentors and if I had been forced to pick one I would have picked Joshua. We're good friends.

He sees me walk by the fire and follows after me, which is good-I don't like to be around anyone besides my closest friends right after the Cat Food has subsided. He knows about me and Cat Food. Like the others around the fire, despite my trying to keep quiet about it someone once found me on the ground in the middle of a Cat Food episode once and he told some of the poleepkwa he knew. Some of them around the fire have made a point of "staying clean", of finding other things to distract themselves from boredom with. That's why I stay away-the subject of Cat Food might come up somehow, whether in the form of them needling me, saying that I should stop (this has really only happened once or twice before but I can't seem to get over the memory of it) or just staying silent and ignoring me, and then I wouldn't know if it was because they didn't want to talk to me or because of the Cat Food or because they just didn't have anything to say. But I'd think the worst and feel strange, trying to be friendly with them when I don't know what they're thinking.

I am alone most of the time.

"Isn't it kind of late for you to still be up?" I ask Joshua in a good-natured way as we head for a quiet, empty spot I know about.

"No one is at the shack," he says, and that scares me slightly. I look over at him carefully and see no fear or anxiety in the side of his face. The poleepkwa who watch him are good, responsible ones, but they've also got a rebellious streak in them. That they are not here now means that they're either out looking for food or caused trouble and got taken by the human law-enforcers. It's a possibility. But perhaps Joshua just meant that they are somewhere else.

We reach the spot I know about. "All right," I say to Joshua. "How about we go rob one of those gangs I saw back there?"

"Sure!" he says, eager. "But..." and then he gets it, that there's only two of us, that we don't have any weapons. Basic logic. Good. He's growing. Learning.

"How about we go bust some humans?"

"No," he says. "Not if they aren't doing anything to us." That's the common acceptance among the averages, more or less approved of by poleepkwa like me. The only way we're going to get along with the humans is if we don't fight with them...and then I catch a glimpse of the ship floating above me and fully understand what it is for the first time that night, not just a ship or a shape in the sky but a reminder that we are not where we are supposed to be. My mind cries out suddenly for home, whatever it may look like, wherever it may be, for knowing that I'm where I belong, for not having to worry about things, for seven moons in the sky and poleepkwa around me.

The only good thing this planet has is Cat Food.

Joshua sees my face suddenly stricken with grief, and he asks me if I'm all right. Yes, I say, turning away, not wanting him to see me like this. Just please leave me alone for a moment. He does.

I look down from the ship, take a step forward and fall to my knees, overwhelmed with the situation we're in. On a planet that's not our own and we need to get home. But we can't.

And it comes just as I look into a puddle of water on the ground and see the ship reflected tantalizingly close, along with my own red face and green eyes-a sudden realization hits me hard.

JAMES.

And I'm off and running, darting through the shadows so Joshua won't see and come with me, weaving through the shacks, heart pounding and feet stomping against the ground, rushed but trying to be quiet at the same time so I won't wake up the others inside. Through the District. To a hole in the fence near the back.

Through it. Out into the streets outside with the feeling of hard pavement rather than grass beneath my feet. After quickly walking exposed down the sidewalk I find an alley and duck inside. I get a strange feeling that I've been here before and keep walking, not as fast here now because I don't know this city as well as the District. The humans here might hurt me if they find me. I am completely without any kind of weapon but could still do something if they tried anything hand-to-hand. Keeping a defensive mind is always important. Don't cause trouble but be ready for it.

Left, two rights, straight. Brief moments out in the open of the city streets. I run then, thankful for the darkness.

And there it is. A small store with large glass windows and an open parking lot. The windows are smashed and the lot is flooded with cars with flashing lights. A few have MNU written on the side. The sign in front of the store says GROCERY STORE. But it's quiet. A few humans are standing around, watching. More are inside the store. The lights flash but everything is silent.

James and I. We did this. Earlier tonight. Probably just before I took my dose of Cat Food for the night—otherwise I wouldn't remember it at all. But why? For money for Cat Food? For regular food? It would be one or the other.

I scramble into the alley and crouch down, hiding. This must have happened before my dose of Cat Food for the night, before the period of time when I wouldn't have remembered anything. But even when I am on Cat Food, I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't do clear-headed. Right? Could I have not been responsible? Yes, but then how did I know how to get here? Could James have done it without me? Or with another poleepkwa? With me there, watching? Possibly. I had a sudden remembrance about this place, how we got here, but don't know what happened or what for.

With time, I calm down slightly. I might not have done anything wrong. I was present when the store was...broken into? damaged?...but I might not have done it. But I need to find out for sure.

So I turn and start to walk away, back to the District.