She wasn't expecting the message. Well, in a her own way, she was always expecting it, but put it to the back of her mind. She was like an addict getting a quick hit. She'd look at the message, read it and close it again. She couldn't not look at it.
'I'm pregnant!'
Two words that brought her whole world crumbling down.
It had been a few hours since Heather had sent the message and she still hadn't replied. What was she suppose to say? Any congratulatory message would sound superficial and empty and devoid of any real emotion. She'd start typing 'Wow I'm so happy.." and then delete it, because there was no point in lying. "That's great news.." Backspace. It wasn't great news or anywhere remotely happy.
She felt like a bitch for feeling this way about her best friend. She should be overjoyed. She should be running to the store buying balloons and streamers and getting things ready for a baby shower, but she can't. The thought of Heather having a baby means a definite end to anything they had or could ever have again.
'I'm pregnant'.
It didn't just say, 'I'm with child'. It said, 'I chose him.' It said 'Im not leaving him for you because he can give me what I need.'
That hurt the most. It wasn't about loving him more, or staying with him because she couldn't see herself with anyone else. It was that he was better for her because he could provide her with the things Naya never could.
Things hadn't been the same between them for a while, a good while. They very rarely hung out together, hardly called or text. The silence in their friendship spoke volumes. They were moving on.
But Naya couldn't. Feelings aren't just something you can switch off. She wasn't mechanical like that. She felt things. Things that made her feel elated and things that made her feel almost dead inside. But she was very good at putting up a front. She wore that mask every time she saw Heather and whilst she acted like everthing was okay, the atmosphere between them was too apparent. You would have had to be blind not to notice it.
But thankfully, he cast mates were all too wraped up in their own business to notice anything. She was never more grateful for their selfishness sometimes.
She read the message again.
The hit made her body feel numb and feeling that numbness for those seconds put her state of mind in a place outside of this world. In a place that maybe she was reading it wrong.
She wasn't and the message was real. The comedown forcing her lower to the ground.
Tears finally forced themselves out. She was trying to hold them back, but the lump in her throat rose and rose until the tidal wave of emotion hit her. She sat on her sofa and cried. Cried harder than she ever felt she could. Her body overwrought with pain and sorrow. The hole in her heart finally opening up. The hole that she'd artificially covered with hope, because where there was love there was hope. But hope is a fickle emotion. It plays with the mind and makes you see things that aren't there.
It was time to rip off the metaphorical plaster of hope.
6 months later
Naya stood outside Heather's place, looking at the door with it's pink banners and pink balloons. "It's a girl!" plastered on every surface available. She pressed the doorbell and waited for the shadow approaching to answer.
The door opened and the glowing new mother opened the door, holding the most beautiful newborn baby, Naya had ever seen. It's tiny pink head with a tuft of blonde hair, squirming around in the swaddling Heather had her wrapped up in. Her eyes were still closed but Naya didn't even have to see them open to know that they'd glow amethyst blue, just like her mothers.
"Hey you," Heather greeted in hushed tones. "Come in." She motioned for Naya to come into the house.
Naya ducked as she walked in, expecting to see a plethora of people, but she was shocked to see no one around. She furrowed her eyebrows and Heather saw.
"Oh.. I didn't want anyone here. I just needed peace and quiet for my first day home," Heather smiled and sat down, adjusting the baby in her arms.
Naya nodded. "When did you get back?" She sat across from Heather on the sofa and crossed her legs, placing the gift on the seat beside her.
"This morning, Taylor brought me back then had to run a few errands." Heather replied, sitting back in her seat.
They tallked for a bit about the labour and about all the family and friends visiting Heather in the hospital at once and how overwhelming it was.
"Do want to hold her?" Heather asked, getting up from her seat and offering the baby to Naya.
Naya smiled softly and nodded as the baby was placed in her arms. She bit her lip as she tried to carefully adjust the baby so she was comfortable. She pouted sentimentally and smiled. "She's beautiful, Heather."
Heather blushed a little and smiled adoringly.
"That's for you by the way." Naya nodded towards the wrapped gift sat beside her. She looked down at the newborn in her arms. The little chubby cheeks, she stroked ever so carefully and the little pudgy hand that slowly wrapped itself around her pinky finger, was almost unbearably cute. Naya felt her heart jumpstart in her chest.
She looked at Heather as she unwrapped the gift to find it was a box. A decorative box adorned with floral patterns and on the top was a beautiful Angel. Something akin to a Da Vinci painting but with wings and glowing golden hair.
Naya watched her open the box and the look of confusion sweep across her face. The items in the box scratching around as Heather fumbled through them.
"Naya.. I.. I don't.."
"It was mine. It's not for her. It's for you. It was.. It was my memory box. All the things that reminded me of you. I can't have it anymore." Her face beginning to redden and that all too familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach creeping up on her.
Heather shook her head in disarray.
"I need to move on from you." Naya just about managed to get out before a few tears prickled at her eyes.
Heather just starred at her. Her jaw clenching, which Naya knew meant she was holding her emotions back.
She got up from her seat and handed the child back. "I'm moving away. I'm not sure where to yet, my bags are packed and are in the car. This was my last stop before I hit the road."
She watched as Heather stood in silence, unable to break eye contact. She walked to the cot and gently lay her daughter on her back.
"Why?" Heather croaked out.
Naya shook her head and walked to the door, turning around to see Heather standing there, silent tears rolling down her once glowing cheeks. "I guess this is goodbye." She turned back around, not surprised that Heather didn't stop her. She opened the door and left.
