I know I had a body once. I used to breathe, swallow, blink, and now …

… life seems so dull in retrospect.

I used to be a girl. Good for nothing but cooking and cleaning, marrying and breeding. My parents owned a fairly popular chain of inns; though our lineage was not awe-inspiring, I'd had promising marriage prospects. (Would it really have been so bad?). But my mind was a highway, and I was a wool-gatherer, always prodding adventurers for their exciting—blood soaked—stories. And if Nords are known for their love of mead, they are doubly known for their love of a good yarn. I'd certainly been no exception.

It was one such story that set my foot on the road. One such man … in my defiance, I'd not listened to my parents. But I was impatient and as the seasons passed I felt consumed by a peculiar feeling of impotence. I was lost in a rabbit warren bare of meaning and kindness, so when he came, I had this feeling—this was it, my chance! That feeling was probably more a shadow of precognition than an affirmative sign from Talos; for he was not an adventurer.

Little did I know that such men are opportunistic. They have their usual targets, the vulnerable and those so desperate they're willing to do anything. But really I imagine I seemed such an easy acquisition for one such as him. I hung on his every word and action and when he spoke of traveling … well how could I resist? I was as pathetic as any prey creature bound and trussed and brought to heel by the Companions' hounds.

In the end it was my innocence, he told me. Innocence, a pure soul cannot be without it. A pure soul, free from blood and taint cannot last and mine (along with all the others) would open the gates. A million pure souls to open …

And maybe I used to be a silly girl … but now … I'm not sure where I am exactly, I can't recall anything beyond the blade that—

But I'm safe now. Nothing can hurt me. Life should've been like this. Life should've been warm. Life should've been light and music and kindness. Life should've been so many things. And I should've done so many things. Should've listened to my parents, should've just slowed down.

—but I know that I'm dead.

Truly, this is better than Sovngarde. Little girls are barred from such a place. No valorous warrior am I and I have done no great deeds. But who wants to feast and drink like a pig at a trough, retelling the same old war stories for the rest of their afterlife? Not me that's for sure. Here, now, I'm content. Secure. These walls hold me close; a million crystalline facets offer a million landscapes. Time passes. Memory passes. I'm diamond-hard (enduring). These walls hold me tight. They paint me in the aurora colours of my homeland and they chime a million bell-like songs. My light pulses just to hear the melody.

Life should've been like this.


What you seek is seeking you.

–Rumi


#86 Soul Gem, WC = 530

I was doing some enchanting the other day and it just hit me out of the blue - these were souls I was using. Souls.