"Em." Naomi said. Her voice was weak and hoarse, but her diamond blue eyes shone brighter than ever. She sat up as much as her aching bones would allow, unsure if Emily was still angry with her or not. It was the first time the couple had laid eyes on each other since Effy broke the news, and the sight of tears staining Emily's cheeks wasn't promising. Naomi wanted to do it herself, to tell her girlfriend that she had cancer and would probably die from it, but she had just been waiting for the right time. Over the last few weeks she had come to realise that there would probably never be a right time, and to tell Emily would be to accept that things were not going to get better, so in the end she gave up and let Effy do the talking. Emily's job in New York was important, but they were Naomi and Emily, and nothing would get in their way.
"Naoms, you're so stupid." Emily said, choking back even more tears as she climbed into bed with Naomi.
"I know… I know."
They lay together in silence for what felt like a lifetime. Neither of them were used to laying still that long, and normally Naomi would have gone for a cigarette or Emily would have gone for a walk, but they were so desperate and hopeful and hopeless that letting go of each other was not an option. As Emily wriggled into a comfortable position, her arm brushed across Naomi's forehead, and the redhead's mouth dropped in fear.
"Naomi, you're fucking boiling! That's not normal, is it?" Emily pressed her hand to her own forehead, to confirm that it was definitely not normal, and pulled the long red emergency cord next to Naomi's bed.
"No… I'm fine, honestly…" Naomi protested, her weak fingers grasping Emily's arm.
"Your head is on fire, Naoms, you need to cool down."
As she spoke, two nurses rushed into Naomi's private room. They didn't need to be told what was wrong – it had happened several times before. Emily moved across the room, giving them space to work, and the nurses propped Naomi up with her pillows. One nurse, a tall, blonde woman, moved quickly, administering more painkillers, whilst the other woman grabbed a bucket from under the bed just in time for Naomi to bring up her lunch. The blonde nurse beckoned Emily forward, letting her sit next to Naomi. They sat for a while, Emily gently rubbing her girlfriend's back and feeding her sips of water.
"You're going to be okay," She said, her voice soft and soothing, and everything seemed to be calming down until Naomi started being sick all over again, more violently than last time – more nurses crowded into the room, and although no one wanted to do it, they reluctantly asked Emily to leave. As soon as she was out in the corridor her breathing stopped. What was she going to do? All those years of fighting for their relationship and the war coming to an end, but it wasn't going to be a happy one. She couldn't bear the thought of not having Naomi in her life, and soon it was going to be a reality. Emily stopped, sinking down to the floor, and burst out in tears. She doubted that Naomi would be able to hear her, but she still clasped her hand around her mouth as if she had shouted out her darkest secret. She needed to get away. Not far, just away from the sterile white walls and stingy hospital smell. Guilt burned at the back of her mind, but she ran anyway. Down corridor after corridor, almost crashing into a food trolley, and out the first exit she came across. The fresh air hit her like a hurricane, clearing her mind and calming her down. She didn't dare go any further than the hospital car park, not wanting to be too far from Naomi, but being in the open air was enough. She lit a cigarette, something she had been trying to cut down on, and sat down, trying to make it last as long as possible. Eventually she could breathe without holding back choked sobs, and thought it was probably time to go back to Naomi.
It took her twice as long to navigate the maze of hallways she had encountered on her way out, unable to remember the way she came in her panicked frenzy. Eventually she found the right room – the nurses were gone and Naomi was sleeping soundly, but waiting outside the room was a tall, official-looking man with a name badge. A doctor, apparently.
"Emily Fitch?" The man said, glancing to Emily as she approached him.
"Yeah… that's me."
"Good. Miss Fitch, my name is Dr Elliot, I understand it that you're Miss Campbell's partner?" Emily could only nod her head, anxiously anticipating whatever was coming next.
"If you'd like to follow me to my office, we can talk privately." He said kindly. She agreed, and they walked the short distance together in silence, with Emily trailing after him slightly.
They entered the pristine office; Dr Elliot closed the door behind them and offered Emily a drink, which she politely declined. They both sat in the plush leather chairs, taking in the atmosphere in a silence that was both awkward and comfortable.
"Miss Fitch… Emily," Dr Elliot, whose first name was Dean, according to the plaque on his desk, said, "I presume you're aware of the severity of Naomi's condition."
Emily nodded, ignoring the burning in her throat and soreness behind her eyes. She would not cry any more tears today, she vowed.
"At this stage… it is our policy, and the policy of many other hospitals, to inform you of the option to take Naomi home. To… as you would say… make her comfortable. We would, of course, confer with her mother before any action was taken, but as her partner your opinion is one of great importance." Dean's kind eyes looked sympathetically at Emily, and watched her trying to keep her cool for the billionth time that day.
"You mean… you want her to come home so she can die?"
"We would never stop treating a patient if we felt there was still a chance of a recovery. In Naomi's case, every treatment we've given her has been virtually ineffective. We would provide a regular course of medicine to ease her pain, but at this stage we feel that keeping her in hospital would only add to her stress."
"You didn't answer my question." Emily said, frustrated.
"Yes. Speaking harshly, yes. She would be going home to die, but as I said, it's in her best interests. It would be in the most comfortable environment possible, and she would be surrounded by the people she loves. Like you."
Emily nodded, words failing her, and stood up. She uttered a polite 'thank you' and left the room. No more tears, she reminded herself fifty times over. Don't you fucking cry. It was harder than it seemed, but Emily had grown stronger over the last few years, and she kept her cool. She made her way back to Naomi's room to find Naomi's mother sat on her daughter's bedside, gently stroking her hair, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Hello." Emily said as she made her way into the room.
"Emily, dear," Gina said, quickly wiping her tears away with her wool sleeve. "Naomi wondered where you were."
"Sorry, the doctor wanted to talk to me."
"About what?" Naomi said, opening her eyes to briefly glance at Emily.
"Well," Emily said, taking a deep breath before sitting next to Naomi, "Naoms, I'm taking you home."
