Morrigan's Mistake
by EssentiallyRei
Summary: What if Morrigan made a mistake? The Grey Warden Elissa accepted Morrigan's proposal on the eve of battle, but what Morrigan did not know was that the Grey Warden herself was already with child from previously sleeping with Alistair. So when the Archdemon was slain, its spirit instead possessed the unborn child in the Grey Warden.
This story assumes that the Grey Warden was a human female, Elissa Cousland, and it was decided at the Landsmeet that Alistair would became King and marry the Grey Warden.
AN: Most of this first chapter is taken from the game. If you have not played all the way through Dragon Age Origins, be warned: There are *SPOILERS*
Chapter One: Morrigan's Proposal
"The archdemon may be slain as any other darkspawn," said Senior Warden Riordan. "But should any other than a Grey Warden do the slaying, it will not be enough. The taint within the Grey Warden is the key. When the Archdemon perishes, its essence travels through our shared darkspawn taint into the body of the Grey Warden who slays it."
"What becomes of the Grey Warden the Archdemon possesses?" Alistair was inclined to ask. He stood next to Elissa, his fellow Grey Warden, but also his lover and bride-to-be. Both of them had not been Grey Wardens very long, so everything Riordan was revealing was news to them.
If Alistair had not asked this particular question, Elissa certainly would have, but not because it was all new. Alistair and Elissa were thinking the same thing. Of each other.
Riordan knew of Elissa's and Alistair's engagement; what he did not know was how serious their love for one another actually was. To Riordan, the engagement of the two Wardens simply appeared as a political advancement in Ferelden for all Grey Wardens. The Grey Wardens were in a dire position in Ferelden. Putting two Grey Wardens on the throne would strengthen that position; the Grey Wardens would have an even greater influence to rebuild what had been lost at Ostagar.
There was also that if Alistair was to be King, he needed Elissa's support. However, Elissa had taken it one step farther. When it was her responsibility to decide Ferelden's ruler at the Landsmeet, not only did she choose Alistair, she also announced that she would rule by his side.
There had been doubts that Alistair would be a good king—he was timid and had confessed many times that he did not really want the crown. But those doubts, in both the people of Ferelden and Alistair himself, would go away with Elissa as his queen.
Elissa had confidence in Alistair, but she had to make him see his own confidence too.
On a personal level, Elissa had made the decision to "rule by his side" because she loved Alistair. They had not yet actually said these words to each other, but perhaps it did not need to be said for it to be true.
The engagement came at a surprise to Alistair at the Landsmeet, but afterwards he had agreed with it whole-heartedly. He even revealed to Elissa the very same night that he had hoped she would be the only woman he would ever be with.
Riordan's answer to Alistair's question came in the form of, "A darkspawn is an empty soulless vessel, but a Grey Warden is not. The essence of the archdemon is destroyed… and so is the Grey Warden."
Elissa's gaze shifted to the floor as her heart sank. She understood.
Alistair's shoulders slumped as he said, "Meaning… the Grey Warden who kills the archdemon… dies?"
"Yes," Riordan firmly established. "This is what it means to be Grey Warden. Without the archdemon, the Blight ends. We make the sacrifice so that others can live. It is the only way."
So this was it then. The secret of the Grey Wardens was the Ultimate Sacrifice.
Wynne had warned Elissa that something like this might happen.
Many nights ago, the night Elissa and Alistair "shared" a tent for the first time, the Spirit Healer Wynne had asked Elissa what she would do if she had to make the choice between the ones she loved or saving the world.
Elissa had not answered her. It was something she hadn't really wanted to think about then, mostly because it had been the same night that Alistair had confessed his deeper feelings for her before they went into Elissa's tent together. Elissa did not want to think about what might happen when she was happy with what was happening. Being around Alistair made all of Elissa's worries and problems disappear.
Something Elissa still had not yet told Alistair, it had been love at first sight for her. There had been something about him that had made her smile the moment she first laid eyes upon him. It was like he was encompassed with an aura of hope that Elissa felt the moment she stepped near.
It was only a bonus that he could also be quite funny.
But now the choice had to be made—duty was calling. Wynne had been right to ask her question after all.
And Elissa's duty was to make sure that the ultimate fate of a Grey Warden would not befall unto Alistair, but herself. He was to be king and he had to lead Ferelden against the remaining darkspawn after the archdemon was slain.
He was also much too important to Elissa. If she would make the ultimate sacrifice for anyone, it would be Alistair. "I will make the final blow," she said softly.
Alistair did not move next to her, a good sign that he had withdrawn into himself.
"It warms my heart to see such courage," Riordan smiled at Elissa. "But do not hurry so to sacrifice your life. I am the eldest, and the taint will not spare me much longer."
A wave of relief rushed over Elissa, but she dare not show it in front of Riordan. The man had just sealed his fate.
"Only if I fail will the deed fall on you," he added as a reminder. "The Blight must be stopped now or it will destroy all Ferelden before the rest of the Grey Warden can assemble. Remember that."
"But enough," he waved it off. "There will be much to do tomorrow and little enough time to rest before it. I will let you return to your rooms."
"I will see you once the army is ready to march, then," Alistair told him, finally coming out of whatever daze he was in. "I guess this ends soon, one way or another," he was filled with veiled disappointment. Alistair had a lot to think about.
"That it does, my friend. That is it does." Riordan bowed his head to him as Alistair turned and left the room without Elissa. Elissa did not move.
"You wish to speak of something else, Grey Warden?" Riordan gently asked her.
She did, but Elissa did not know where to start. Asking her question was foreboding, yet she did not know when the next time she would get to ask someone with answers would be. All the talk about the taint was reminding Elissa of something she had been trying to forget. Surely a Senior Warden had the answer.
Every night, she would dream of the archdemon—this was common for Grey Warden during a Blight; Alistair had already told her this. The archdemon used the taint to speak to its darkspawn troops; and the Grey Warden, since they too carried the taint, could hear the archdemon speaking in their dreams. However, the archdemon was unintelligible to any, other than the darkspawn. Yet Alistair had also mentioned that a few of the more experienced Grey Warden claimed to understand the archdemon.
This is what scared Elissa. Not only could she understand the archdemon in her dreams, the archdemon had spoken directly to her. It had said her name, calling to her. Beckoning her to seek it out. Elissa did not know if this was an ordinary occurrence for a Grey Warden, but she had a feeling that it was not.
In the end, she was too afraid to ask. Instead, Elissa shook her head and replied, "I am just weary. That is all."
"You should get some sleep before morning," Riordan pressed. "There will be much to do when the army marches."
She quietly left Riordan's room, knowing that sleep would be impossible; the archdemon would certainly be in her dreams that night. More than anything she wished it to be morning already. To her, the nightmare of the archdemon beckoning her was even more daunting than what was to come.
When Elissa reached her room, it was an unusual surprise to find her door already ajar and Morrigan standing in front of the hearth, watching the zealous fire.
So it is time, Elissa thought. She had guessed that Morrigan would probably leave before facing the archdemon. The fight was not Morrigan's and it was a wonder that the shapeshifting witch had stayed with them for so long.
The strange part was that Elissa liked Morrigan. She represented a part of the world, farthest away from all the problems of politics and nobles and their civil wars. Elissa found herself fascinated by Morrigan's story of growing up in the Wilds and taking form of an animal that did not have the worries of civilization.
Not that Morrigan lived a peaceful life in the Wilds, Elissa understood. It was another reason Elissa liked and respected Morrigan. Elissa had taken the time to talk and listen to the strong-willed woman and began to understand that Morrigan had grew up differently than most, but that did not necessarily make her evil. Morrigan had a heart, whether everyone else saw it or not.
Alistair, of course, did not share Elissa's feelings on Morrigan. In fact, he hated her. The Witch and the Templar could not be any more than exact opposites, trained to hate each other.
As Elissa stepped into the room, Morrigan said, "Do not be alarmed. It is only I."
"Finally decided to betray me, have you?" Elissa jested as she closed the door. It was always fun to see Morrigan's response to sarcasm. Closing the door was only precaution, in case the conversation turned disagreeable. Morrigan always preferred privacy anyway; it's why her camp was separate from everyone else's whenever they made camp.
"Quite the opposite, in fact," Morrigan was unfazed. She did not even turn from the fireplace immediately. "I have a plan, you see. A way out. The loop in your hole." When she did turn to the Grey Warden, her gold eyes glowed with mastered confidence. She elegantly stepped toward Elissa. "I know what happens when the archdemon dies. I know a Grey Warden must be sacrificed, and that sacrifice could be you. I have come to tell you this does not need to be."
Elissa was taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"I offer a way out," Morrigan said with as much fervor as a usually detached person could muster. "A way out for all the Grey Wardens, that there need be no sacrifice. A ritual performed on the eve of battle, in the dark of night."
"You think magic can change our fate." Elissa was dissatisfied and sulked in front of Morrigan. "It sounds too good to be true. How could a ritual prevent a sacrifice when most rituals already come at a price?"
"Perhaps," Morrigan was amused. "But that price need not be so unbearable, especially if there is much to be gained. All I ask is that you listen to what I have to offer, nothing more."
"Very well, Morrigan. You know I listen well." Elissa was making reference to the golden mirror she had obtained and then gave to Morrigan after she told a childhood story that revealed a special quality in Morrigan: she liked jewelry and pretty things; the idea of riches.
"This is true," Morrigan showed the hint of smile before she walked to the bed and sat down. "What I propose is this: convince Alistair to lay with me. Here, tonight. And from this ritual a child shall be conceived within me. The child will bear the taint, and when the archdemon is slain its essence will seek the child like a beacon. At this early stage, the child can absorb that essence and not perish. The archdemon is still destroyed, with no Grey Warden dying in the process."
Elissa had frozen up until Morrigan stopped speaking. "You want to do what with Alistair?" she wildly asked.
"Is that all you heard of my proposal?" Morrigan crossed her arms. "So much for being a good listener, Grey Warden." She tutted in a mocking way. "But I am hardly surprised. What you and Alistair have, must be what they call love. …It makes me sick," she slowly stressed, rolling her eyes.
Then Morrigan stood from the bed and with more compassion and thought she said, "My friend, if you care for Alistair as much as you seem to, you will convince him to do this. Consider what the alternative might be? If you take the blow instead, he loses the woman he loves. How do you think he would feel about that? In his grief he could fail to do his own duty as the future king. I think you have many good reasons to tell him to save his own life. And yours. Consider them carefully."
"Wait… " Elissa was gripped with mixed emotions now. She was not going to take Morrigan calling her friend as trivial. And if Morrigan was confident that her "ritual" would save the Grey Wardens. Save Alistair. And even save Elissa. Then Elissa would be foolish not to consider it. "I want to know more about this child," she breathed, almost forcefully.
"As you wish," Morrigan agreed.
"What do you intend to do with this child?"
"I do not wish to tell you," she immediately replied. "But what I will say: The child will represent freedom for an ancient power, a chance to be reborn apart from the taint. Is that not reason enough to do it? I will raise the child apart from the rest of society, and teach it to respect that from which it came. Beyond that you need know nothing else."
"Will the child be evil?" Elissa decided to outright ask even if the question offended Morrigan. "What will it become?
"Ignoring that after but one night it could barely be called a child… no, the child will not be inherently evil. Allow me to say that what I seek from this ritual is the essence of the Old God that once was and not the dark forces that corrupted it. Some things are worth preserving in this world. Make of that what you will."
Elissa let out a sigh. "What if Alistair wants to see the child?"
"Once the archdemon has been slain, you allow me to walk away… and you do not follow. Ever. The child will be mine to raise as I wish. I have no doubt Alistair may want to see the child. But he will not. It is all I ask in return."
"I'm sure Alistair would be happy with the never seeing you again part," Elissa tried finding something positive about the situation. "However, I do not think Alistair will agree with the conceiving you a child part."
"If I know anything about you," Morrigan contributed, "You can be very persuasive. Agreeing to my proposal means you will still need to work your own magic on Alistair, to convince him that this is in his interest. …I do not envy you," she impassively added.
Elissa started to pace in front of Morrigan for what must have been several minutes. When she stopped, she looked at the witch and said, "I trust you, Morrigan. I want you to know that. I can only assume that this ritual is why Flemeth sent you along with Alistair and myself in the first place. I hold no bitter feelings for not telling me what you knew until now."
"It was not easy," Morrigan said with effort. "There were moments… when I wanted to tell you the truth." She frowned and stared at the floor. "Elissa," she looked back up with wounded eyes. "I regard you as a sister. I want you to live. I urge you to accept my proposal."
"I have already decided that I will," Elissa smiled at her. "I've just been trying to decide how to convince Alistair."
Morrigan was relieved. "I shall wait here, then. Go. Speak with Alistair. Return when your joint decision is made."
"There you are," Alistair said as Elissa quietly came into his room, closing the door behind her. This conversation was definitely going to need privacy.
Alistair was in the process of removing the last of his armor. He looked drained, almost like he was sleepwalking. This conversation would most likely wake him up. Elissa was prepared to hear shouting.
"I'm guessing you can't sleep either," he said sadly. "I also saw Morrigan outside your room earlier. The look she gave me… that was icy even for her." He had finished with his armor and put everything at the end of his bed. "Is something up? Is she abandoning us before battle? She would do something like that."
Elissa shook her head, and then she asked, "Why can't you sleep? Are you all right?" She was asking because she was more than curious—was Alistair having nightmares of the archdemon speaking to him, too?
"Not really. All these men look at me and… I see it in their eyes: I'm their king. Suddenly it feels so real." Elissa inwardly smiled. Alistair would be worried about something like that. "But now you're changing the subject," he went on. "This isn't about me, this is about Morrigan. I'm tired but I'm not stupid. What did she want?"
"Alistair… what if I told you there was a way to avoid dying tomorrow? You know, from the slaying the archdemon, thing."
"Oh, has Morrigan cooked something up? Perhaps a potion. Or maybe we need to dance naked around a fire screaming an incantation. I'm sure whatever it is, Morrigan has you convinced it's going to save our lives."
Elissa chose to say nothing. She merely gave Alistair a woeful glare and sat down on the bed.
"You're right," he said apologetically. "That was bit harsh, even for something from me about Morrigan." He sat down on the bed next to Elissa and exasperatedly said, "I don't trust her. You know that."
Elissa needed to improvise. So far the conversation was looking grim. "This isn't about trusting her. Not this time." She made sure she was looking straight into his sappy brown eyes. "This is about how much you trust me."
"Of course I trust you. I trust you more than—"
"I need you to sleep with Morrigan as part of a magic ritual."
Alistair laughed. "All right, that's pretty funny. Nice way to cut the tension."
Elissa gave it a few seconds.
"But… you're not joking. You're actually serious," he said standing back up off the bed and throwing his hands into the air. "Wow, be killed by the archdemon or sleep with Morrigan. How does someone make that kind of choice?"
"I would do it myself if I could," Elissa thought it would help to say.
"Great," he replied. "Of all the times to regret being a man. Look, just because I have the proper… just because I can… Look, that doesn't make this a good idea!"
"Alistair," she said, looking up at him with hurt eyes. What she wanted to say was going to be the worst way of using it—to get him to sleep with someone else. The way she had pictured saying it for the first time was in a completely different setting. Maybe on their wedding night. Or maybe in a flowered meadow on a romantic picnic.
But none of that mattered if only one of them was to make it out alive after slaying the archdemon.
"I love you," she said quietly. Uncontrollable tears welled up in her eyes. She covered her face with a hand to hide them. "I do not want to see you die. And if there's a chance, any chance, that we can have a future together. That neither of us has to die. I would take it." She covered her face completely in both hands. "Please forgive me," she whispered.
Alistair crouched onto his knees in front of Elissa, took her hands away from her face and held them in his. "Do not ask for forgiveness for this," he pleaded. "This is not your fault. I have… never been good at making a decision when it was important. I can see that this is important to you. You are important. Maker condemn me if I let you die." He took one of Elissa's hands and placed it on the side of his face, snuggling into it. "I love you, Elissa. Against my better judgment, I'll agree to this ritual."
He stood and pulled Elissa into an embrace and they held each other for a long time feeling each other's heartbeats.
Elissa eventually pulled away. "Morrigan is awaiting an answer," she told Alistair.
"Yes," he gulped before whining, "I was hoping you had forgotten." After a long groan he added, "Where is she? Let's go and get this over with before I… change my mind."
Elissa lay alone, her eyes wide open to the dark of Alistair's room. She could not sleep. Of course not. Alistair was in the other room with Morrigan… doing what they were doing. Morrigan's life-saving ritual.
But something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
Elissa did not feel herself. She was sick. Sick to her stomach. And with each passing second, she was getting sicker. Her palms, neck, and forehead all started to sweat. She could hear drumming in her ears. Was it her heartbeat, she could not tell. It sounded like the drums of the darkspawn, like the darkspawn were here, now, ready for battle.
Suddenly something wrenched so hard in Elissa's gut that she grabbed and tore at the sheets. She was convulsing. In her head she began seeing the archdemon laughing at her. He was roaring with laughter repeating the words, "You will not get away. You are mine. You will never escape your fate."
Something foul was working its way up Elissa's throat. She was sick and she was going to lose it. She squirmed until she managed to pull herself up, still clawing at the bed sheets and her head feeling like a bursting lava bubble. Reaching for the vase next to the bed she did not hold back and released whatever foul liquid was coming up in her throat into the insides of the vase.
Her eyes were wet with tears of effort. The drums in her ears were growing wild and louder. Her blood felt like it was on fire, her veins pulsing magma through her body as her head burst with every heartbeat.
She could only picture herself at her Joining. She had watched one recruit drink from the Joining cup. He died in pain as the taint swallowed him up from the inside. He had failed the test.
This pain she felt now was much like the pain after drinking from the cup. Elissa had survived the Joining, becoming a full Grey Warden, but what was happening now? Had she drank from the cup to only have the taint kill her now?
The archdemon was still laughing at her, and the pain coursing through her body had focused into the one spot below her stomach. The same area that cramped during her time of month. Elissa did not understand what was wrong.
But she threw up again.
Alistair found Elissa curled up in a fetal position against the frame of the bed on the floor. The vase was next to her. "By the Maker," he said, running to her side, setting a candle down on the floor and crouching to see if she was alive. "Elissa, what happened to you?!" he asked when he was sure she was still breathing.
Elissa was in no hurry. Her eyes wandered to the candle and watched the small flame flicker and move back and forth, like it was dancing for her. She had already sweated out whatever trouble she was in and everything had been calm and silent for a shortwhile. Now Alistair was here, and he had brought light. And his heart-warming aura.
Her stomach was also no longer churning or releasing hot sticky liquid. The dryness of her mouth meant she probably needed water, but she did not want to get up. She preferred her spot on the floor that was cool and flat. The nightclothes she wore were soaked with sweat, but against the cold floor they felt good.
"I should get Wynne," Alistair proclaimed.
He started to get up, but Elissa croaked, "I'll be okay. I just need some water."
"No, you are not okay," he asserted himself. "Elissa, you need a healer."
Elissa propped herself up onto the side of the bed. Her silver hair was stuck to her face. "I'll be okay," she said again as she worked at picking the hair out of her mouth and eyes. "There's no need to awaken Wynne. She'll need to sleep more than any of us tonight. She's our only healer."
Alistair opened his mouth to protest, but Elissa reached out her hand to get help getting up and stared at her lover with innocent eyes. He obliged and gently pulled her up. Immediately she leaned into him and closed her eyes. "Let's go to bed," she said like a wife pleading with her husband who had stayed up too late. "I don't have nightmares when you sleep next to me."
