DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter and no copyright infringement is at all intended. Also, I must warn you that there is futa/shemale content in this story. There's also partial slash and while I say slash I really mean futa/boy content. Obviously this also contains smut and a tad bit of violence and bad language thrown in. So if you don't like this; don't read it. But please don't flame since that's against the rules and I have warned you loud and clear! If you are interested though, I hope you enjoy this crack!fic since it originally started out as one but evolved into this little monster. If you guys and gals want more than simply review. If not, I understand but I might still write more one-shots during/or based on this fic or more of Hermione as a futa but with different pairings. Enough said!

"Futunaria Expandia!"

The words exploded out of nowhere catching Hermione Granger off-guard. It was late at night and Hermione was taking a midnight stroll to calm down and regain control of her senses after the bloody battle that resulted in the defeat of Voldermort.

Since she was on exhausted both mentally and physically, Hermione was unaware that a lone straggler was following her – a Death Eater who had escaped from the battle.

The spell caught Hermione off guard and the bookworm was flung into the air. She was held in place by chains of eerie dark green magic that shot out of the ground and fell out of the sky. Hermione struggled to escape but could only watch in horror as her school uniform literally burned to ashes and fell off her leaving her stark naked and shivering.

The Death Eater cackled madly although his voice was muffled by the mask he wore. Hermione tried to scream but found that her jaw was clamped shut as if she was gagged. She could only watch in terror as the eerie green magic flowed out of the Death Eater's wand and…

…straight into her vagina.

That's right!

The disturbing-looking magic flowed into her vagina and Hermione felt her clit harden and grow. It grew bigger and stiffer than normal, much larger than when she would pleasure herself. Hermione was red with embarrassment and shaking with fear as she watched it poke out of the most sacred part of her body.

She watched in disgust and terror as it grew bigger and bigger until it was the size of a man's penis, not too big but not too small. The penis-like clit stood tall and erect as if it was proud of its new look.

But Hermione would have vomited and fainted in shock and disgust if she had not been magically gagged. It's not that Hermione was anti-men or a lesbian or anything (not that she had anything against same-sex relationships), but this was the most disturbing thing that Hermione witnessed, even more so than Voldermort making Harry into a Horcuxe.

"Hermione Granger," The Death Eater crooned. "One of the Golden Trio and the one to help Harry Potter down the path of greatness. The one who worked in the shadows and behind the scenes. You are the true hero behind the defeat of our great lord. If it weren't for you, Potter would have given up when Weasley left you. If it weren't for you, Potter would have failed countless times. Why, Potter wouldn't have even figured out who created the Philosopher's Stone in the first place! But no matter. Now I shall have revenge on you for all of that and the defeat of our dark lord. For with you in this state, you shall be shunned from your friends and family. No one would dare go near you, neither Muggle nor Wizard-kind. You will be an outcast for all eternity and will be alone and defeated. Then you shall realize the error of your way but it will be too late. Then…"

However, the Death Eater never got to finish his rant for suddenly his whole body froze as a green light shot into his back illuminating the darkness behind him. His whole body froze and he fell limp to the ground.

Hermione braced herself for whoever might be behind the Death Eater only to gasp as she saw it was none other than Harry Potter. Her whole face turned bright red in shame. She shrieked in fright as the chains suddenly let go of her and she fell to the ground. Swiftly, she covered her breasts and still erect penis.

Would the spell vanish now that it's caster had died? Likely not. The curse was intended to plague her for her whole life so she was stuck like this and there was nothing to do about it. Hermione's whole body shook as tears cascaded down her cheeks. The frigid evening wind stabbed relentlessly into her bare form and goose-bumps prickled her flesh.

"Hermione?" A timid voice asked cautiously.

"Go away, Harry!" Hermione snapped waspishly. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Hermione, please," Harry begged. "I must see if you're alright."

"It's obvious I'm not alright!" Hermione growled. "I was just cursed to become a shemale for the rest of my life. I will never be able to get a proper job or finish my education, let alone a boyfriend! Ron will have nothing to do with me when he finds out and he'll tell the rest of the Weasleys and then…"

"Hermione!" Harry said sternly.

Hermione opened her eyes, surprised to hear Harry's voice so close and she stared into his solemn green eyes in disbelief. He wasn't running away from her and ratting her out to the others. He was staying by her side. He was concerned about her.

"Hermione Jean Granger," Harry whispered hoarsely. "I care about your more than anyone else in the world and will stand by your side no matter what. You can come live with me in Grimmauld Place and if anyone finds out than they will answer to Lord Potter Black, the Chosen One, and Man Who Conquered as they now call me."

"Really?" Hermione sniffled, drying her eyes.

"Yes," Harry nodded, then grinning mischievously. "Why don't you let me prove it to you?"

"How?" Hermione asked in confusion.

"Like this," Harry answered.

Hermione gasped as Harry Potter wrapped his hand around her penis and stroked it tenderly back and forth. She moaned as a peculiar but pleasurable sensation filled her. She closed her eyes as Harry stroked back and forth causing her breath to go ragged with pleasure.

She gasped as she felt a pair of lips on her penis and glanced down to see Harry suck on her stiff member. She moaned loudly not caring for the world as Harry sucked hard and long, even deep-throating her on occasion. She grasped his hair and her legs bucked back and forth as Harry worshiped her dick.

A sudden desire over-powered her to take control of Harry and fill her with her seed. She knew this was wrong but it felt so right and she'd be damned if she'd let some stupid bigoted crackpots in dresses tell her what to do!

"Harry I need you!" She gasped out.

"Anything for you Hermione," Harry breathed.

Hermione could barely contain herself as Harry stripped off his school uniform revealing his bare body and naked bum. Her mouth watered at his own semi-hard cock and she knew she would have to return the favor sometime.

"Can I um…shag you…Harry?" Hermione asked nervously, bright red with embarrassment.

Harry didn't respond. He merely smiled reassuringly and crawled onto all fours, shivering in the evening chill. Hermione swallowed hard and knelt down behind him, her skin trembling in delight as their legs touched. She gasped in ecstasy as she penetrated Harry's virgin bum but paused, remembering something.

"Harry, are you a virgin?" Hermione stammered.

"No," Harry said sadly.

"No?" Hermione asked in confusion.

"I shagged with Ron during the Triwizard Tournament," Harry mumbled. "It was during that party. We were both drunk and I was so happy that I rescued my first friend. I gave him a hug and one thing led to another. When we woke up the next morning it got kind of awkward and we decided to never talk about it again."

Hermione burned with embracement and felt even more ashamed that the thought of Harry and Ron shagging made her cock harden even more. But then she realized this was to help her get back to normal so no one would find out back at the castle.

"Thank you, Harry," Hermione said softly. "I'll repay the favor sometime."

"Sounds like a plan," Harry said huskily. "Now shag me."

Hermione sucked in a sharp breath after hearing Harry use such dirty language but it turned her on surprisingly enough.

"Well, if that's how you want it," She retorted.

Harry merely wriggled his bum saucily and Hermione grinned, glad she had such a dependable and trustworthy friend. It also helped that Harry was probably bi. Throwing caution to the wind, Hermione gave into her baser urges and rammed into Harry's tight bum. Her balls slapped against Harry's thighs as she shagged him.

Soon they were both drenched in sweat and panting for breath. Eventually, Hermione came and filled Harry's bum with her juices. Hermione pulled out her limp penis reluctantly from Harry's red bum and the two friends collapsed onto the forest floor. They lay there, staring at each other and thinking about all that happened.

"I have an idea," Harry said at length when he caught his breath. "You need to help me with my problem now. So why don't we apparatate to Grimmauld Place? We can make up some excuse saying we're recovering from the war or Merlin knows what. We both have a license and we are actually out of school grounds now. Besides, what with all the calibrations, funerals, speeches, and awards going on I don't think anyone will give a damn."

"That would be lovely, Harry," Hermione said happily. "Thank you ever so much for being such an angel."

"Never change, Hermione," Harry chuckled. "Never change."

The two lay there in each other's arms until they regained their strength. Eventually, they teleported to Grimmauld Place and raced to the Master Bedroom. There they shagged and sucked and made sweet passionate love until they decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend. After they finished school it was no surprise to everyone else when they got married. Ron and Ginny didn't mind since Ron got back together with Lavender Brown and Ginny got back together with Dean Thompson.

Harry and Hermione never found out who the Death Eater that cursed Hermione was, since when they returned to that spot a few days later the body had vanished. But they didn't care, since they loved each other no matter their anatomy. Hermione could never have children but they got over it since they received custody of Remus and Fleur's child, Teddy. Using glamour charms and transfiguration, they managed to keep Hermione's problem a secret from Teddy although they told him when he was of age. It was a shock at first, but then Teddy was old enough to understand and wise enough to accept it.

He soon had other things to worry about though, such as school and a girlfriend. Surprisingly enough, she was none other than Victoria Weasley. Even more surprising was a secret that Teddy and Victoria revealed: Victoria was a shemale too or a futa as they were called in some places. This one seemed natural though but Teddy and Victoria accepted it and there were many children who needed homes after the battle.

No one else ever found out though about Hermione, Harry, Teddy, and Victoria's secret (no pun intended) and the four enjoyed a long and happy life together and a world free from the terror of a maniac.

The End…

Or Is It?