Words, words, words… Throughout all my life I have found it hard to express myself through words. It is actually kind of contradictory, now that you think about it. I hate having to talk, having to come up with words that will not hurt someone else and, yet, I became a social worker. But I guess that is different, because I was not talking for myself, I was talking for somebody else. Now, in situations that have been happening quite often, when I was forced to say something regarding what I was feeling, I just wish I could fast forward life.

"Please, say something!"

I found myself lying on the ground, feeling suffocated by something, or someone, smothering my space. I could hardly breathe and my whole body felt numb. But, then, I started feeling as if someone ripped open my stomach and kept touching the wound.

Kensi was waddling me, trying to keep me awake, but I was already half asleep. All I remember before blacking out was her trembling voice whispering in my ear,

"Please stay."

When I woke up, I felt numb again, but I was not on the floor. I was in a hospital bed, connected to all the existent wires in the world, beeping to the rhythm of my heart beat. I tried to turn my head to the right of the room, where I found only emptiness. On the other side of the room, I saw Kensi, lying back on a chair, with her eyes closed. She seemed strangely beautiful. Using all the strength I had, I pushed air up my throat, where it came out as a sound, a word.

"Kensi." I mumbled.

"Deeks!" She almost screamed. Kensi jumped from the chair and looked around, finding me staring at her with, what I imagine she would call, puppy eyes.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Kensi got up and knelt down by my bed, so our faces would be at the same height. I closed my eyes for a while.

"Numb… dead."

"That's normal. The doctors said you lost a lot of blood so you will have to stay in recovery for a couple of days, then you can go home."

I looked at her, deeply, trying to imagine what it would have been like if I had died. I don't think going instead of someone you love and listening to her voice as you fall asleep is a bad way of dying. It actually sounded pretty okay to me.

Kensi lifted her hand and fondled my hair, sliding her hand down until my chin. Then, she searched for my hand, which she held hard as I looked at her making all these moves.

"You promised you would never get yourself killed."

"What?" I opened my eyes wide.

"You almost died on me. I couldn't bear to have to get used to another partner."

I smiled and thought that maybe dying like that would not be a very good idea. I wouldn't be able to rest knowing that Kensi would be blaming herself for my death.

"But I didn't."

"You almost did, that's what I'm saying." Her eyes started getting red and she looked up, trying to get the tears to stay inside her system, "I'm sorry. It's just… I was so worried about you. You shouldn't have taken that shot for me."

"Kensalina… I will always do everything in my power to keep my partner safe."

She squeezed my hand and I locked my eyesight on her lips. For the record, if I could have moved, I would definitely have kissed her at that moment. But that's exactly when the pain got worse.

"Deeks, are you okay?"

I couldn't say a word, the excruciating pain took over my entire body.

"Nurse!" I heard Kensi yell.

"It's gonna be okay. Here, look at me." I did, "Just focus on me, it's okay."

The nurse came running into the room and immediately took the covers off my body, revealing a pool of blood on my stomach. The nurse shouted for help and a doctor came, who asked for some medicine whose name was too long for me to recall.

"What's going on?!" Kensi asked, letting go of my hand.

I was dizzy and couldn't understand much, but all I heard was the doctor saying something like,

"Bleed… coagulant… stitches…"

My eyes closed, trying to find peace. For a few moments, the pain remained in my body, but then it left. I could stretch my legs and move my head, but I could not feel my abdomen.

I heard Kensi go outside my bedroom to talk to the doctor. I tried to understand what was going on by Kensi's reaction. She looked focused. Maybe it wasn't so bad, maybe I wasn't dying. They talked for a couple of minutes, then Kensi walked in my room, not smiling, but not looking too sad or concerned. She pulled the chair closer to my bed and sat down. Her hand held mine again but she didn't hold me tight. I wondered if there really was something wrong.

"The doctor said you are having some reaction to one of your meds. Apparently your blood isn't coagulating as it should, that's why it bled. During surgery, they noticed something was wrong but they hoped it would be all right. The doctor is putting you on a coagulant medicine to prevent any more bleeding."

Oh. I was not dying. I was going to be fine, but all I wanted was for the pain to stop. My head was pounding, maybe because of the major blood loss.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, my head just hurts."

Kensi smiled and said,

"Rest, beach boy. Tomorrow I'm bringing you home with me."

She got up and placed a kiss on my head. Her never-ending legs led her outside my room, where she looked back at me for brief moments and then exited the hospital.

Wait a second.

She is bringing me home with her?

I started imagining an endless number of scenarios in my head, where Kensi and I were okay with each other, and nothing could ever leave us uncomfortable. It may seem quite strange, but I dreamt of the day when Kensi Blye is able to reveal that mysterious mind of hers only to me. I wanted to feel as if I was the keeper of her secrets. And I wanted her to feel as if she could trust me with anything.

As my thoughts raced through my mind, I feel asleep with an inexistent picture of my arms wrapped around Kensi in my head.