The characters don't belong to me. They belong to NBC/Universal and Imagine Entertainment.
A big thank you to Monstermoof4mee and JoeDude for their help in beta'ing this fic. :-)
"Clear eyes, full hearts…" Jason Street began.
"Can't lose!" The team finished the slogan, their voices echoing in the confines of the locker room.
Eric stood with his hands on his hips; he could feel his eyes threatening to well up. He knew they were angry with him, and rightly so. Hell, he'd be angry at himself too. It made their slow clap for him even more poignant. He blinked hard and dropped his gaze to the floor. The clapping died down and an expectant hush settled over the room.
Eric raised his eyes, touching each player with his gaze. He cleared his throat. "Listen up. I just want to say thank you to y'all. It's been a helluva season." Lifting his cap, Eric ran a hand through his hair before continuing, "When the season began, everyone expected us to win. We were at top of all the lists. And then Jason Street went down." He met Jason's eyes; the young man returned his look with no hint of self-pity. "They scratched us off those lists. As if without our leader, we were done. Well, we may have lost our leader, but we didn't lose our heart. Each and every one of you worked and fought and never gave up. Y'all stepped up your game and came together as a team; a team that I was proud to coach. It's been a privilege and an honor." His voice wavered, threatening to crack and Eric paused. He knew that after this, nothing would ever be the same again. He wished he could prolong the moment and some how burn it into his memory.
"I wish y'all the best of luck next year and I hope you'll give your new coach the same dedication and effort that y'all gave me. Thank you." With one last look at his team, Eric turned back towards his office. The players sat quietly for a moment before breaking into applause again. The sound chased him down the hallway as he fled into the darkened office. He shut the door, cutting of the sound of the applause. Eric sank into his chair and propped his elbows on the desk, his hands clasped behind his neck, massaging the tense muscles.
There was so much more he wanted to tell the team. He wanted to tell them that he didn't want to leave them. That time didn't stand still and he had to march along with it--even when he didn't want to go. This team would move on and if Eric passed up the opportunity to coach at the college level, a division one college no less, he might never get another chance.
In the days since their return from state, things had moved fast. After a couple of days of celebration including a parade and barbecue, he'd gone to Austin and signed his contract. Tami had accompanied him, and when she was at his side, he could allow his excitement to show for the first time. He had shown her the first rate training facilities and the university had helped them to find a nice two-bedroom town home to rent. It even had a small office off the master bedroom. Of course, Tami was already eyeing that for a nursery for the weekends when she, Julie and the baby would visit. Eric rubbed his eyes and swallowed the hard lump in his throat.
That was still a sore spot between them. He had been ready to stay in Dillon, coach the team, let Julie finish high school and enjoy the new baby. Eric didn't know how he would be able to leave his family for a week or two at a time. Especially the baby. Babies changed so quickly and his greatest fear was that he would become a stranger to his own child. Tami tried to assure him that it would never happen, but how could she know for sure?
Eric took a deep, shaky breath then opened his desk drawer and began sorting through its contents. Items he intended to keep, he tossed into a box. There wasn't much. He hadn't accumulated many mementos in the five months he had been coaching at Dillon. Standing, he began removing pictures from the shelves behind his desk. He held the team photo for a long time, studying the expressions on the kids' faces.
Smash wore his trademark cocky grin. Eric smiled. He had come to admire the running back. Steroid mistake aside, the player had given his all to the team and his play in the championship game had been nothing less than heroic. Eric couldn't even blame him for the racial discord that had swept over the team at the beginning of the playoffs. He was just glad that Smash had chosen to prove Mac wrong on the field. Eric knew that Smash Williams had a bright future ahead of him. Eric learned one of his most valuable lessons as a coach. That no matter how much a player might want to please the coach, he wouldn't play at his best until he played for the joy of the game.
Tim Riggins stood beside Smash in the photo. He glowered at the camera, his eyes half hidden by his long straggly hair. Eric hadn't really liked the guy at the beginning of the season, tolerating him only because he knew that Riggins was Street's best friend. Throughout the years, he'd seen Riggins from time to time. Sometimes the kid would hang out at the field while Eric coached Jason on the finer points of the quarterback position. He couldn't figure out why a kid like Street hung out with someone like Riggins. Sullen. That was the word that came to mind when he had first met the boy. Sullen and unkempt. Now he knew that Riggins wasn't sullen, he was scared. Scared to show any emotion, but so full of feeling that he sometimes couldn't hide it. After learning about Riggins home life, Eric felt ashamed about how he had judged the kid all these years.
This season had brought out the best and the worst in the fullback. Eric knew that there had been times when the guy had come to practice hung over. He should have kicked him off the team, but Jason had spoken up for his friend; begged Eric to give him another chance and so Eric had, but only after a punishing practice. To his surprise, Tim took the punishment without a word of protest. Like he knew he deserved it and even sought it out. When Riggins knew the limits, he tended to follow them. After the first few practices, Eric never assumed that Riggins knew the rules. Without trying to embarrass the boy, he quietly told him what he expected of him. The results had been worth it.
In the middle of the picture, standing tall and confident, stood Jason Street. Eric sat down at his desk chair. It had been a long time since he'd looked at this picture and seeing Jason standing hit him like sucker punch. The last time he could remember standing eye to eye with Street was just before the season opener when Jason had told him that Eric too, had earned the right to win. If anyone had the right to be bitter, it was Jason Street. Eric was sure that there had been moments when the kid had felt down. He knew that the whole Riggins and Lyla Garrity thing had hurt Jason deeply. He thought back to the time he had visited Jason at the rehab shortly after the affair became known. Street had tried to hide his anger and hurt as he whipped his chair around orange cones in the gym. The father in Eric wished he could take all the pain away, but he wasn't Jason's father and he couldn't erase the pain. Helpless, he had just tried to let Street know that he was there for him.
The day he had driven by the vacant field and spotted Jason coaching Saracen had been a revelation, and then seeing how well Matt had responded had made Eric ashamed of his own failures as a coach. He had pushed the guilt aside and made the job offer to Street, wishing he would have thought of it sooner. But maybe Street wouldn't have been ready sooner. The young man had needed to navigate his own way through the pain and rejection first by Lyla and then by the quad rugby team. He had grown stronger for it. Eric felt confident that Street was just beginning a great coaching career. If anyone could make lemonade out of lemons, it was Jason Street.
Eric's eyes scanned the picture, grimacing at Reyes' hard stare. He had tried so hard to believe in the boy, but in the end, the angry young man had burned his bridges by lying. Even Smash hadn't lied when confronted about his steroid use. Eric didn't have any use for liars, and for Reyes to push the blame onto the other boy was even more despicable. He skimmed over Reyes quickly, the whole memory leaving a bad taste in his mouth.
His eyes settled on Matt Saracen. The back-up quarterback was at the end of the second row, practically out of the picture. There was nothing in the photo that distinguished him from any other player. In fact, he tended to fade into the background. He was smaller and younger than most of the other players. Eric searched his mind and tried to remember what is was he had seen in the kind pre-season that prompted him to bring him up to the varsity level. He vaguely recalled watching the boy throw a couple of really deep passes. So deep, the receivers on the junior varsity couldn't get underneath them. The jv team already had a starting qb and the JV coach liked to run the ball. Eric recalled thinking that an arm like that would go to waste on the JV and maybe Saracen could help the varsity by tossing passes to the receivers during some catching drills. The other back-up quarterback had a mediocre arm and not much else. With nothing to lose, Eric had penciled Matt's name onto the varsity roster, shocking the hell out of Mac. He chuckled at the memory.
"Saracen? Matt Saracen? What the hell is this, Eric?"
"I thought you could use him to drill the receivers when Jason is busy working with the line. The kid has a hell of an arm."
"He's too damn short to play quarterback!" Mac had stood with his hands on his hips, shaking his head in disgust.
"I didn't say he had to play. He's basically part of the practice team. But, hell, you're the offensive coordinator, if you don't want him, I'll cross him off the roster. He can go back to JV for all I care." Eric had flipped his pencil, about to erase Saracen's name when Mac interrupted.
"Wait. Leave him. We could use a strong arm during practice and my arm's getting too old to toss those deep routes."
Never in Eric's wildest dreams would he have thought Saracen would play a single game, let alone lead them to a State Championship. The fact that he did it under less than ideal circumstances only added to that accomplishment. The poor kid had so much on his plate, Eric didn't know how he found time for it all. He had to admire the gritty determination Saracen had shown throughout the season. He had learned the offense, dealt with an ailing grandmother and father fighting in Iraq and worked a part-time job on top of all that.
How he had time to spend with Julie, Eric never knew. The thought of Julie and Matt Saracen brought out mixed emotions in Eric. Of all the boys at Dillon High School, Saracen had to be the least threatening choice Julie could have made. Eric should be jumping for joy that Matt was the one his daughter liked. But Eric remembered only too well what it was like being a quarterback and the expectations that went with it. Those expectations were not limited to the plays on the field. He felt his face burn at the memories of high school parties he had attended. Female attention was one thing he hadn't lacked, and now he felt ashamed of how he had treated some of the girls. Oh, he hadn't meant to hurt any of them, but sometimes, all the attention was overwhelming and he would get caught up in it.
It had been almost a relief to meet Tami in college. He knew she'd never tolerate some of the stunts he had pulled in high school and he was glad for that. It had made him a better person. Julie was so young though. Would she demand the same respect that her mother had? Eric thought she would, but the protective instinct in him still battled with his desire to support Julie's wishes.
A knock on his office door startled him out of his reverie and he glanced at the clock, surprised to see nearly an hour had passed since he'd given his speech to the team. Through the partially opened blinds, he could see Matt Saracen standing outside his door. It was almost as if his thoughts had conjured the kid up. He figured the players had all left long ago. Eric put the team photo in his box and called out, "Come on in!"