This Lullaby
The gentle voice filled the small apartment. It was a sweet melody, the words sung in a low, hoarse whisper. It broke the dark of night with promises of love and safety, chasing away the shadows that were always lurking in the corners, threatening to bring back memories to horrid to exist in the light of day.
Kakashi was a being of darkness and he would always be haunted. Iruka knew he would never be able to chase the shadows away but he did what he could to soothe the mind of the powerful jounin. Right now it was by sitting on the floor, under the window, with nothing but the moonlight to illuminate their one room apartment. Kakashi's back was pressed against the wall, his head resting in Iruka's lap with his calloused and rough skinned fingers running through the silver strands, occasionally stopping to scratch the scalp with blunt fingernail. One hand lay limp on the visible side of Kakashi's neck, feeling the pulse of blood running beneath the pale, almost glowing skin.
They had been sitting like this for hours. Iruka singing the same lullaby over and over again, thus making his voice hoarse and rasping it was almost painful to listen to. He was starting to get cold and his legs were cramping up but being a ninja allowed you to ignore does things. So he did. All his focus was on the man lying by his side with his head in Iruka's lap. The jounin wore nothing but old sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt that were clinging all wrong to the perfect muscled torso. It was no wonder; really, the shirt did belong to Iruka after all. Kakashi had started that habit from the very beginning of their relationship. "So I can smell you on me all the time, Ruka" he would say. Iruka had never complained. It brought Kakashi calmness in an otherwise hectic life, and if he had to take the clothes right off of Iruka it didn't matter. It was exactly what he'd done the moment Iruka came through the door, leaving the chuunin naked from the waist up, which he still was at the moment.
The draft from the window was starting to get uncomfortable on his back making his skin feel raw. But Kakashi was warm. It was a worthy cause. Kakashi hadn't said a word since he claimed Iruka's shirt as his own and made their currently sitting arrangements. It was not the first time they sat like this and Kakashi had never explained why. So Iruka had let it go and just given what Kakashi supposedly needed from him.
It had started early in their relationship, on a day full of thick, impenetrable mist that had been accompanied by an unbearable heat, leaving everything and everyone soaked and soggy from the humid in the air. It had been Iruka's day off from both mission office and academy. He spent it by doing as little as possible. He read a couple of pages in a book, took a nap on the couch, made food and other things that didn't necessarily require more than a few brain cells. He hadn't expected Kakashi to show up. Hence the surprised look when the jounin suddenly walked through the door. His uniform seemed uncomfortably clammy, dark stains of sweat under his armpits and around his neck. Before Iruka could do or say anything, Kakashi discarded it all in a heap on the floor, the mask yanked off and thrown into a corner with and a sound of irritation. He then walked right up to Iruka. He was panting, chest rising harshly with every breath, moistening a spot on Iruka's cheek.
"Sing me a lullaby, Ruka" Iruka frowned, not liking the tone of the older man's voice. It sounded desperate, sad.
"Why?"
The only answer he got was a sloppy kiss and a gently shove backwards. Hands were wet on the tan skin. They ended at the window, Kakashi pushing on Iruka's shoulders indicating him to sit, which he did with a confused expression etched on his face. Kakashi deftly ignored it. Kakashi joined Iruka sliding sideways to place his head in the chuunin's lap.
"Please baby, sing me a lullaby", it had taken Iruka a few moments to comply. He didn't have a clue on what was going on. He was worried. Iruka looked down, lips already parted to ask, demand why Kakashi was acting this way. He stopped himself when he felt the slight shaking of Kakashi's body, his skin damp and hot from the weather. His eyes were tightly closed. He didn't look peaceful. If anything, it looked like he was in pain. So Iruka snapped his mouth shut and tried to remember. The words and melody of an old lullaby came suddenly. Iruka didn't know where he'd heard it or from whom but he started to sing. Hesitantly at first, the words coming out clumsy, trying to make it sound like the version in his head. It was words of protecting, warmth and peace, telling Kakashi that he would never let the hungry wolf get him.
Kakashi never fell asleep like Iruka thought he would, and when Iruka stopped Kakashi would just whisper again.
There was no routine, no pattern to predict it and it wasn't intended to make Kakashi sleep. Iruka had found out that it made the shadows and whatever ghosts Kakashi carried around, to disappear for a while. If this was a way for Iruka to help his boyfriend he would do it willingly, even though he couldn't talk for properly for days afterwards.
Then why today? Iruka didn't know. It hadn't happened on this day before. The chuunin had even made plans for the day.
"I love you", quietly intertwined itself with the lullaby.
Iruka didn't answer. He just kept singing, softly thinking a happy birthday for the man he loved, knowing Kakashi could understand him perfectly.
AN: I know it's not much but I wanted to wish Kakashi a happy birthday XD and the lullaby I'm referring to is the one made by Sebastian in the Danish musical of "Ronia the Robber's Daughter". It's called "Ulvesangen" or in English "The Wolf Song".