The One Who Saw

by Tainted Life

xanderspike slash. if offended by explicit references to homosexuality please do not read. Dsclaimer i do not own the rights to any charecters featured in this fan fic they belong to the demi god Joss Whedon

He couldn't help thinking about it seeing them all naked and over each other on the table in the magic box. That was always his and Anya's they christened that table the day Giles left for England leaving the Magic Box for Anya to run, but that wasn't what was really getting him. Yeah he was pissed off and angry that she'd done that to him and with Spike of all people, vampire whatever but he wasn't jealous of him it was her. Xander had always considered himself a raving hetro, Larry back in high school thought that he was gay because he said that he knew what it felt like to have a secret. Little did he know at the time that they were talking about two totally different things. Xander was talking about the lust for the kill the primal beast inside of him raging outta control thinking that Larry was a werewolf but instead it turned out to be Oz, hot sexy Oz with his Spiky hair and baggy trousers and ooh bonus point he played the guitar the perfect phallic shaped musical instrument if there ever was one. No he had a girlfriend at the time Cordy.

He sometimes couldn't help thinking about her being part demon now and fighting the good fight with Angel way over in Sunny L.A. Xander wished that he could just get away from it all but oh no he was Sunnydale boy through and through. There was that road trip across America that he had planned after he graduated high school, but he didn't get far. He still had nightmares of the fabulous ladies night club nearly three and a half years later. "Ok brain stops wandering" he had to remind himself. That was always his weakness he let his brain wonder. He had to especially when he was in the Scooby gang he knew that he wasn't the zeppo of the group but he still couldn't help it. Willow and Tara were the brains of the group. Spike and Buffy provided the brawn. Dawn well Dawn was just there being a general annoying fifteen year old. And Anya well she provided the much needed Sarcasm, hers wasn't nearly as dry as Spike's. What was his role in the group? Xander often wondered that, he was the joker of the group but he was also something more he kept the group together he was the best friend to both Willow and Buffy. They were a trio, much better than the geek squad. He found his mouth getting dry as he carried on walking to Spike's crypt.

Again his memory began to wonder after seeing Spike humping Anya over the table he couldn't help thinking about his body those abs and the look he gave that would just ooze sex made him, he couldn't describe the feeling it gave him but he just wanted spike to take him over anywhere gravestone, his crypt and just bugger him. Amazed at himself that he was having these feelings he couldn't help thinking about that body he was hiding it was hard to believe that such a firm butt was hidden by that leather trench coat of his. He had had a quick grope once or twice when they'd been patrolling together when Buffy was still in her grave before Willow brought her back from heaven.

Xander found himself walking to Spike's crypt it was a route that he had often done whilst out on patrol he and Spike would patrol the not so dangerous part of Sunnydale. Not so dangerous that was a down right lie the whole town was built on the mouth of hell. Xander himself had helped avert many an apocalypse with the slayer one of his best friends. Oh if only she knew that he was having these thoughts about Spike the fellow that she herself was well it was fair to call it shagging because it was hardly something that he could consider calling a relationship. It was sex pure animalistic sex that had been between them. Imagine the horror that she would feel if she knew that he was having these thoughts about Spike. But he couldn't help it he was constantly on his mind ever since he had seen his almost naked body doing his 'exercises'. Xander couldn't believe it when he said out loud "He could exercise on me anytime that he liked". Ok it was official he was going gay, he had joked to Tara a while ago as he was sick of being hounded by female demons. What was with him and demons they just attracted themselves to him. And now Spike he was technically a demon of sorts. Even though he couldn't hurt humans any more because of that cute little government chip that the boys from the initiative had planted inside his head. But he could still have sex and he could just imagine his knob staring him in the face the hard purple member of his throbbing away with those thick juicy veins he found himself getting all wet just thinking about him.

After what seemed like no time at all he was at Spike's crypt the door was left a jar and Xander knew that he would have been able to smell him before he had reached the door. "What do you want?" drawled the vamp in his English accent. He was wearing his favourite black tight t-shirt that moulded around his perfectly formed chest and abs. Xander couldn't help but stare at the vampire scanning him up and down. His usual peroxide hair was ruffled giving him the just got out of bed look. His faded black jeans were also skin tight. He wouldn't look out of place in one of Xander's favourite bands Placebo. He was also wearing his scuffed calf length leather shoes and his trademark leather trench coat that he had gained from the 1970's slayer in New York. This coat added a bigger bounce to Spike's walk and gave him more of an arrogant confidence. Xander had never been able to figure out where about in England he was from. In all the movies that he had seen and he had seen a hell of a lot of movies he had an electronic baby sitter he was practically raised by the TV whilst his mother did whatever it was she did. Again he had let his brain go a wandering. In all the movies that he had seen people from England either spoke with a cockney accent or the posh accent as used by the queen. Well that was until he met Giles and later Spike. "Oi Nancy boy don't just stand there like a poofter either come in or get out". Poofter did he know that was what Xander was or is now. No course not he always called people poofs. Well he used to call Angel that and well now Xander guessed that he was gonna get it. "Just wanted to try and get some fresh air in here" Xander found himself mumbling he knew at once that he should have said something else well anything but that because it was just pathetic.

Xander could sense that Spike was still bitter about him trying to kill him. Sense being perhaps not the best word the sneering look that Spike was giving him was enough of a hint. Well at least no one could accuse Spike from being subtle. Spike was about as subtle as an anvil landing on his head from a short distance. He chuckled to himself reminiscing the pre Buffy days when he would spend his days watching trashy loony tunes cartoons with the road runner always sending the Wiley coyote of the edge of the cliff followed by an anvil. "Well are you gonna come in or just stand there". Spike had been drinking some burbourn and had just put the bottle down, probably a five finger discount or vamped out in front of some teenage brats or a homeless guy Xander thought. If only they knew that he was actually about as cute and helpless as a bunny rabbit. Thinking about rabbits made him think about Anya his ex-fiancée and now vengeance demon once again. Wonder what she would say if she knew that he was lusting after the guy she herself had been making only a few hours earlier. "Oi are you gonna come in or am I gonna stand here freezing my bollicks off?" the vampire snapped at him. "Well your place still has got the musky smell of death and I'm trying to let some cleaner air inside". He knew he was being pathetic and he was so off his game tonight that he was no where near as sharp or cutting as he used to be. He was hoping that Spike would assume that he was still pissed off about the whole Anya thing, he was right Spike believed that he was still pissed off when he uttered the words "Are you here to patrol with me tonight or are you wanting to have another round of kick the Spike. Because I am kind of not in the mood for losing my head and blowing in the dust not what I had planned for tonight".

"How about a round of kiss the Spike instead?" As soon as he had uttered those words he knew that there was no going back. "Oh shit" he whispered but he knew that it was futile him saying that because Spike could hear his heart pounding underneath his white vest top and Hawaiian shirt. It was the same shirt that Spike himself had once worn when he was staying in Xander's basement. He had worn the shirt on purpose hoping that the albino vampire would pick on it but no such luck. "What the fuck did you say?" he yelled throwing his burbourn bottle narrowly missing his face. Xander knew that he wasn't really such a suck shot and the only reason that he had actually missed his face was because of the unbearable pain that he would suffer if he had actually hit him. His pale skin was getting redder by the second, and the veins in his neck were close to bursting that throbbing jugular of Spike's was looking so tasty that he just wanted to take a bite. For a split second he thought about being a vampire. He would have that super human strength and the immortality. Die young and stay pretty, that's what Buffy's friend Ford once said and it stuck in his mind. But to be truly alive he needed to have his heart beating. "What The fuck did you say?" this time it wasn't just yelling Spike had vamped out and Xander was amazed that he could still find him being attracted to him. Maybe Willow was right and he really was a demon magnet. I said "What about a round of kiss the Spike?" Xander knew that he didn't have much to lose. Who would really know that he had said it? He had a stake in his hand it just felt comfortable the thick smooth shaft just fitted in his hand and Xander couldn't help but imagine that it was Spike's cock that he was holding. Xander knew that Spike couldn't hurt him and if he threatened to tell anyone he could just be well dust. He was still stood in the door way and only one way for Spike to get out and that was past him. Spike shook his head and let the feral face go and return to his human face.

Xander could sense that Spike wasn't as pissed of as he was a few seconds ago. He watched Spike intensely as Spike reached into his trench coat and pulled out his cigarettes. "Smoke?" He offered "Nah not a big fan of dying and getting lung cancer. Though probably not an issue for you being dead and all". This was Xander's usual form of defence; he would try and find humour in the most bizarre situation. "Whatever" Spiked said flippantly he took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled billowing thick smoke into Xander's face. Xander was amazed that all he could think about was the way he sucked the cigarette imagining it was his penis inside Spike's mouth. This time a little bit more quietly Spike asked him "What did you say?" "I said, how about a round of kiss the Spike?" He was more confident this time around maybe it was to do with the way that Spike was looking at him and he felt himself getting hard with the mere thought of Spike being near him. He was brought out of his fantasy and noticed that Spike was standing right in front of him. He was always amazed at the stealth that Spike demonstrated he had moved next to him silently and as he didn't have to breathe Xander only knew he was there when he was stood virtually face to face with him. "Say it again" Spike demanded. Xander knew it was either now or never and was amazed at him when he leaned over and placed his lips upon Spike's. For someone who was dead to the world he had amazingly warm lips, and Xander had never felt more alive. He drew back and expected to shove the stake he was still holding into Spike's un beating heart, at least he managed to kiss him and now he understood finally what Buffy, Harmony Drusilla and all the other women that Spike had been with including Anya had ever seen in him. The man just oozed sex he was literally dripping with it and Xander could just have easily drowned in his deep grey eyes.

The couple of seconds that he spent staring at Spike's eyes seemed like an eternity. He wanted Spike to do something. But what? Well he knew what he wanted to do but knowing Spike as he did he was more likely to kill him. Even though the pain that he would suffer would be unbearable it might be something that the hot-headed vampire would do. But Spike shocked him by leaning in and whispering in his ear. "That the best you got?" That defiantly to Xander meant that Spike wanted more. This time Xander grabbed Spike by the back of his neck and he knew that the vampire liked it rough especially after Buffy oh so graphically recounted the sexcapade when Spike and she first had sex and literally brought the house down. This time Xander didn't bother with the looking in his eyes or anything else that he would normally have done if Spike was a girl this was something else this was intense an animal instinct overtook him and he knew it was going to be raw rough and ready. He stuck his tongue deep inside Spike's mouth and he could taste the copper tang of someone's blood in his mouth. He was disgusted that at himself but it tasted good. He finally understood what Spike meant when he said those immortal words almost a year ago. "Blood is life, it keeps us warm, makes us anything other than dead". This time the kiss was intense and Xander wanted it to go further. But Spike was a tease and he wanted to get Xander really hot want him more than anything in the world. Spiked pulled away and whispered into his ears. "Patrolling that's what we're here for". Xander gave a reluctant sigh and knew that he had to go patrolling and see Spike getting all hot and sweaty and yet at the same time he was annoyed that it would be vampires and other demons that were making him sweat and not him. Xander knew that it wouldn't be long until he was going to get him all hot and sweaty. He wondered if Faith was right about slaying making you hungry and horny. He still remembered the night when the was so roughly deflowered by Faith boy had she taught him a thing or two about rough and ready sex he felt used and dirty with her. He had barely managed to get his breath back before he was thrown out of the motel room. He was going to be just as rough with Spike as Faith had once been with him.

Xander had never fought like the way he did tonight. If only slayers were boys he would so be one without the need of the super hero strength that is inherited by each new girl. The vampires had no chance against Xander tonight, the way he moved was as fluid as water he was only down for a second before he was up again and aiming for the nearest undead heart. He managed to take a glance over his shoulder at Spike every once in a while and he had to admit they were a really good team even though it wasn't in the bedroom. The way Spike punched and kicked the other vamps was amazing. Xander couldn't help himself thinking what it was like for the Slayers that Spike had killed the final fight their last breath dying at the hands of this beast. He had an angelic face almost, much better looking than Angelus the one who had been nicknamed the one with the angelic face by the watcher's council. Maybe it was because Angel had been tamed and polluted by the plague of humanity and had lost some of his primal instincts. The lust for the kill. Spike still had that and Xander knew that if he was able to he would snap his neck in a second and drink him dry. Jesus Christ why the hell did he let his brain wonder again. Yeah he was fighting with his instincts but he had forgotten the main rule "A slayer must always reach for her weapon. A vampire has already got his". He dropped his stake and before he knew it he was pinned to the ground next to a broken grave, by a Sid Vicious look-alike vampire complete with piercings and bad smell. He had to wonder why vampires know matter of when they were sired loved the punk and metal eras. Xander was struggling underneath the sheer might of the vampire and he knew that he was going to die. The vampire had moved in for the kill and had bitten into his neck tearing his skin and sinking his teeth into his chorotid artery. In death he wished that Willow was here when he finally remembered something from biology.

The pain was unbearable and he could feel his blood being drained and a little light headed. This was exactly the same feeling when he had given blood in college after he had watched Joyce have blood transfusions and he knew that he had to do something to help others. All of a sudden the pain had stopped but he was still bleeding. The vampire who was once on top of him had disappeared into the cool air. Instead it was Spike sitting on top of him. But not for long the moment he saw the blood pouring down Xander's neck he was on top of him. Well why waste some fresh blood. Wow it was so refreshing drinking some fresh blood again not some other vampires cast- offs from a victim that hadn't been completely drained. This is what he missed more that anything the fresh blood the lust of the kill, only he didn't want to kill Xander he wanted to taste him feel what makes him alive. He didn't even sink his teeth into Xander's neck instead he sucked the blood from around his neck gently nibbling Xander's neck tasting his flesh. "Man I'm gonna have one hell of a hickey in the morning" moaned Xander. "You complaining? Thought this is what u wanted?" The vampire Was dripping with sarcasm. It was one of the things that attracted him to the vampire. "No it's just well it will be a little bit difficult explaining it to Buffy and the others in the morning". At the mention of the slayer's name they both were taken aback slightly and Xander wished that he had not mentioned her name. Too late for that the damage was done. What would the slayer say if she knew that Xander was about to enter territory that she had previously been to. He had to remind himself this was Buffy. One of the best friends that he had and his saviour on more than one occasion. She would be a little bit shocked but would be happy for him. She would threaten to kill Spike if he ever hurt him.

Xander felt so much stronger now. Maybe it was because he was feeling really horny at the moment, whatever it was he flipped Spike over and was sitting on top of him. He didn't know what made him do it but he lunged on top of Spike's neck and bit him and drew blood. "How do you like it?" he growled at the vampire. "Stop and I will kill you" replied the vampire with that he started to chuckle to himself that laugh it was almost insane but it turned him on even more. Spike was still lying underneath him wriggling, it was starting to get a little chilly and Xander could see his nipples hardening underneath his tight black tee shirt that he wore a lot and those skin tight faded black jeans were starting to bulge underneath him. In the heat of the moment he grabbed Spike's t-shirt and ripped it exposing his flesh. The stake was lying next to Spike and Xander couldn't help but grab it and lunge it near Spike's heart. He knew it would miss his heart narrowly but he wanted to cause him sever pain. "Missed the heart" he snarled. "Meant to" he replied before pouncing on Spike and starting to bite his nipples. He was gonna bruise the vampire. He started to slowly bite the vampire's chest gradually working his way down to his trousers. The bulge in Spike's trousers was getting bigger. Xander knew that this was the time he would finally be able to taste what Buffy and Anya had tasted previously.

Xander couldn't believe that Spike was letting him do this to him especially in the cemetery in front of everyone. Maybe this was part of attraction the risk of getting caught. In the heat of the moment he cared about nothing but what he and Spike were getting up to. He slowly unbuttoned Spike's flies and was surprised to find that he was going commando. Xander had never met anyone other than himself that went commando, he sometimes had to wear underwear at work but usually he just loved letting it all hang free. Now he knew that why Spike had such a tight butt he had to keep in shape to be able to carry off such a pert firm ass in them skin tight trousers. Xander could see spikes cock getting harder as he looked at it so longingly it was glistening with sweat. He slowly lowered his mouth on to his cock and could smell his sweet cock before he gently started licking his cock starting at the balls, working his way up the shaft and eventually licking the piss slit. Xander was surprised at the fact that Spike had pre cum dripping on his cock. Xander felt slightly nauseous as the salty flavour filled his mouth. He was shocked that he loved the taste of it, this was Xander's first taste of sucking cock and he liked it. If only he had been able to do this sooner. But he was glad that he had waited for Spike. He always thought that Spike was always an arrogant bastard. But he had never been able to appreciate how similar they both were. It was only when he was taking Spike's cock in and out of his mouth that he realised how alike they really were. The sarcasm that they both used against each other was just a front for their hidden sexual desire for each other. Xander could feel Spike getting even more aroused as he gave him an intense blowjob. When he used his teeth to scrape up and down Spike's cock Spike let out moans of pure pleasure. He had never imagined that a man could make these noises.

Spike carried on making these soft moans and Xander knew that whatever he was doing was the right thing. Funny how natural having Spike in his mouth was. Xander carried on giving Spike the blow job and Spike was getting more and more aroused until suddenly Spike came in his mouth. Spike shot hot sticky cum down Xander's throat. It was at that moment that Xander let Spike's cock out of his mouth. With his mouth still full of cum he leaned up to Spike's face and gave him an intense passionate kiss. He also passed some of Spike's cum into his mouth. "Mmm I taste good" the vampire moaned. "My turn" replied Xander as he guided Spike to his crotch. Spike didn't need any hints he knew what he wanted and he wasn't gonna disappoint. Nobody ever complained about how good Spike was in bed. He knew he was great in bed they had all said that to him and there had been a lot of girls.

This was his first guy but he thought I know what I like and Xander would like the same things done to him. He didn't want to give Xander any ordinary blowjob it had to be the best one that he would ever have received. He slowly unbuttoned Xander's flies but he undid it with his teeth. He ripped his flies opened and lowered Xander's trousers down to his knees. And gradually stood up taking Xander with him. Spike was still naked except for his trench coat. His T-shirt was lying ripped by the epitaph. His jeans were around his knees. As they both stood there Spike couldn't resist the temptation to once more kiss Xander. They were both stood there naked, their knobs rubbing next to each other. This felt right Spike was still wet from Xander's blowjob, Xander was wet from being near Spike. This added to the lubrication effect and Spike started to give Xander a handjob. Rubbing his dick next his own Spike could feel Xander getting wetter as the pre cum dripped down Xander's shaft.

He had to make his blowjob better than the one that Xander had just given him. It wasn't just the competition that Spike thrived on. He was the alpha male of the Scooby gang. Xander may have been there from the start but he could do more than Xander and that wanker Angel. He dropped to his knees Xander was now leaning against the Weatherby family crypt. Moonlight was making his sweat glisten and Spike thought he had never looked so hot. Not that he would ever admit that to him or even say it out aloud. As he slowly started giving Xander an intense blowjob he couldn't help but vamp out and use his fangs to stroke down Xander's shaft. Taking him into his mouth, spike was able to deep throat Xander's entire knob into his mouth including his balls. "Mmm" he moaned as he slowly nibbled on Xander's balls. They were the perfect the size of two firm plums. Xander's cock was throbbing in his mouth as he carried on sucking him. Spike found it hard to believe that this weakling that he beat up on more occasions that he cared to remember was the man whose penis was no nesting in his mouth as though it was made to fit there. He felt Xander cum in his mouth. The taste wasn't one that he was used to but he would.

He got off his knees and looked Xander in the face. " My place" he said. Xander couldn't believe it when he said "No". "What?" Spike shouted. "I thought that this is what you wanted". "I do. I mean I did" stammered Xander, "But this is wrong". "How" Spike was his usual blunt self. "Are we going to fuck or not?" Spike believed in calling a spade a spade. "I want to but Buffy, Anya and everyone I care a lot about will get hurt" Xander protested. "Oh I get it, it's your plan to get Spike all horny and craving something that he can't have. Making me want you and then dropping me like a hot potato". Spike had vamped out again and the feral beast had come out once more. "I don't want to; believe me this is something that I have wanted since I saw you lying on the table". Spat Xander, "I want you but I am not going to hurt Buffy or any of my girls". With that he sped off.

Xander arrived at Buffy's house panting. Buffy, Willow, Tara and Dawn were sat in the lounge when he arrived. His immediate reaction was to wonder what Tara was doing here but when he saw that Willow and Tara were both in their pyjamas he just smiled. They hadn't bothered locking the door as vampires couldn't come inside without and invitation and if any demons did manage to get through the door they wouldn't last long not without the slayer and one of the most powerful wiccans in the western hemisphere. Word travelled in the underground and no one would be stupid enough to attack in the slayer's house. The few arrogant or stupid enough who did attempt it didn't last there long they were soon killed by Buffy. "Xander what's the matter" asked Buffy almost frantically. "Nothing I'm fine" replied Xander. "If that's your definition of fine I would like to see you when you're not" Willow had decided to enter the conversation. "Meaning?" Xander couldn't believe it when he started being cold towards his best friends. Dawn walked up to Xander and hugged him with all her might and Xander immediately softened. "Hey Dawn, how come you guys look so worried?" "Have you any idea what time it is?" Buffy asked him. Xander had completely lost track of time and when he looked at the clock hanging above the mirror. "Holy shit" was all that he could say when he saw that it was ten to three in the morning. "Dawn go to bed, Xander is home safe and tonight is a school night". The worry in the Slayer's voice had turned to relief. "Dawn! Bed! Now". The slayer was a natural leader and her little sister climbed the stairs to go to bed. Tara saw the look of concern on Willow's face and walked up to her and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. "Night princess I will see you later, it's been a funny day and need to go to sleep". With that she walked upstairs and headed to the room she and Willow once shared. "So you and Tara, all coupley again?" Xander teased Willow. "When did it happen?" The witch smiled at him and replied "A few hours ago". Buffy knew that she was interrupting a bonding thing but still needed to know what happened to him. "So are you gonna tell us where you were tonight" the slayer demanded. "Patrolling took a little longer that I thought". He knew it was a weak response but what was he going to tell them the truth? "You're hurt" the sound of Buffy's voice brought him back to reality. "What?" and then he remembered that he had been bit. He reached to his neck but he was no longer bleeding instead there was some dried blood that dropped onto his finger. "Got bit" and then he gave the girls his usual goofy smile.

"Xander we were so worried about you. Buffy was just about to go and patrol again until she found you" Willow was clearly worried it was apparent in her voice. "Really?" Xander didn't mean to sound so shocked. "Of course you mook, I would have patrolled every single cemetery bar and demon haunt until I found you. And if I had found you hurt whatever did that to you I would find them, hunt them and kill them slowly and inventively. I would have hurt them worse than they would have hurt you". Buffy's voice sounded like she was choking back the tears and he couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt. How could he have nearly let that monster enter him? "I'm fine Buff, I just lost track of time and there were more vampires around than we thought." Buffy interrupted his rant before he started babbling. "We oh you mean you and Spike!" Hearing her say Spike's name out aloud made him remember what he had done and despite the guilt he felt there was something else that he felt that was much worse especially in front of Buffy and Willow. He felt horny and wanted Spike. He wanted him so badly more that he had wanted anybody in the world. Buffy, Cordelia, Willow even Anya couldn't compare to the feelings that he was experiencing towards Spike. He wanted Spike and everything that Buffy was saying was going over his head. "Xander" the slayer's voice brought him back from reality. "Fine I'm fine". He hoped that she was asking him if he was all right. She was "I'm glad you're fine" there was relief in her voice. Willow timidly asked "Er Xander it's getting really late and nearly dawn, where were you?" "I was patrolling with Spike and well I got bit by a vampire near Spike's crypt". Tears started to well up in Willow's eyes. She was in her pyjamas. Xander guessed she must have come downstairs after the slayer came back from patrolling. Before Xander could say anything the Red headed witch was hugging him so hard that he was starting to struggle for oxygen. "Will if anything had happened to me you'd know. Same as I'd know if anything happens to you. I love you Willow you're my best friend. No matter what". There were tears welling him up in his eyes, as he said these words to the witch.

"Er guys, do you mind if I head home. I'm kinda beat and need to sleep in my own bed" Xander knew that he was lying because he wanted to go to Spike's but he hoped the girls wouldn't pick up on that. Then he realised why would they. It had only been less than a month that he had left Anya at the alter. "You know that there is always room in my bed for you Xander". The slayer was teasing him knowing that he once had a major crush on her when she had moved to Sunnydale. "Gee Buff, that's a great offer but I'm a wriggler". The slayer couldn't help smiling at him it was just like Xander to come out with something so goofy that made her realise why she loved him so much. "K I'm off" he replied. With that he walked out of the door and instead of turning right at the top of the road to go to his own apartment he turned left and made his way towards Spike's crypt. He met a stray vamp on the way hoping for a snack before bed, but he was dust as soon as he put on his game face. This time Xander knew what he wanted and when he reached Spike's crypt he flung the door opened and swaggered inside before slamming the door behind him. Spike was sat in his armchair watching some old movie from the 1950's. He was still wearing his leather jacket and jeans. He hadn't bothered putting on a new t-shirt and Xander could see the damage that he had cause tonight. Sure vampires heal fast but there was no denying that he had caused the vampire some serious pain. There was a bruise next to his heart where Xander had stuck the stake in him. He could also see the bite marks all over Spike's nipples and ashamed to admit it out aloud he was proud. Spike was now his he had left his mark on him. "Knew you'd be back" the vampire was arrogant as he said it and reached into his jacket pocket for another smoke. As he lit the cigarette with his favourite lighter, Xander couldn't help himself as he walked up to the vampire who was still sat in his chair trying his best not to seem un- phased by Xander's sudden appearance. Xander strode over to his chair, stood right in front of him. His crotch was almost at Spike's eye level. He leant over and removed the cigarette from Spike's mouth. Before spike could protest about just lighting up Xander had grabbed him by the back of his head and thrust him onto his crotch. Spike hungrily ripped Xander's flies opened and thrust his mouth around his thick bulbous head.

Xander let out a moan of pure ecstasy, he always thought that Anya was the best that he had ever had but since tonight with Spike he knew that he hadn't even come close to reaching the pleasure zones before. As Spike started lifting his vest top up and scratching his back Xander never truly understood the pleasure pain thing that people had talked to him often enough. He carried on giving soft moans of pleasure as Spike continued sucking him off. If the earlier blowjob was the appetiser then this was definitely the main course. Spike was defiantly a tease but this time Xander knew that he was going to teach him a lesson. "Do you like jewellery?" he asked Spike "Depends on what you had in mind?" the vampire mumbled still with Xander's cock in his mouth. "A pearl necklace" and with that he took his penis out of Spike's mouth and came all over his neck. "Never thought you were the dirty kind" Spike chuckled and with that he scraped some of Xander's cum off his own neck and started licking it off seductively. At this point Spike was feeling so horny and was amazed at himself that Xander of all people had got him feeling like this. He wanted to surprise Xander and so pushed him down to floor and leapt on top of him. He was surprised when he hadn't felt any pain, maybe it was because Xander had not objected to Spike doing this.

The vampire couldn't resist the temptation to take another bite in his neck. The wound hadn't still healed up properly and with just light pressure he would be able to get to the fresh blood. It worked. He started sucking Xander and was seriously tempted to turn him. He was amazed that a human had the energy to keep going for this long. The only other human that he had been with was Buffy and she was a slayer. She who has strength and skill to outnumber any vampire. They could go all night and day but Xander was giving her a serious run for her money. When Xander had decided that Spike had drained enough of his blood he kicked him so hard that he had to do a back flip to prevent him from landing on his head. Xander was still bleeding from his jugular but still he had enough strength left to shag Spike senseless. He ripped Spike's jeans off and jumped on Spike's cock and started riding him like a pony. His ass didn't need any lubrication and Spike slipped his dick inside him like it was butter. It was tight and when Spike had reached the sphincter at the top of the bowel he could feel the ring tightening around his cock and he couldn't help but give out soft moans of pleasure. Xander was looking into his deep grey eyes and beads of sweat were trickling down his brow onto Spike's chest. Xander shook his face and beads of sweat fell on spike's face. Spike could practically taste the sweat as it was falling on him.

At the Summers' house Willow couldn't sleep it had been a funny night. Well a funny couple of days. Anya had come back and was a vengeance demon although no one was aware of that yet. Buffy had been sleeping with Spike and Anya had also slept with Spike and she had just got back together with Tara. She had left her lover asleep in bed, Tara had fallen asleep in her arms but she couldn't get to sleep. She decided to go downstairs, she didn't know why but she put on her red tartan pyjamas that were lying at the bottom of the bed. She wanted to sleep naked next to Tara feeling her heart beating next to her own. As she waked down stairs to get a drink and maybe something to eat it was then she saw her laptop. She was still concerned that they hadn't managed to track down all the hidden cameras that the trio had hidden. Her laptop was lying on the dining room table; it was still switched on and connected to the internet. The old hacker instinct took over and before the witch knew it she was online again trying to decrypt the trio's network. She eventually managed to get through it. Sure the trio were a smart bunch of geeks but as Cordelia and the Cordets in high school had called her the queen geek of loser nobody's she managed to get through their firewalls and online protections. After a couple of minutes online she was able to locate some more cameras. She managed to locate a couple in a couple of the cemeteries. She saw a vampire trying to crawl out of its grave and knew that it wouldn't last long. Sure enough as soon as he had crawled free it was in flames as the sunlight caught it. There was also another camera and couldn't believe that it was in Spike's crypt. Curiosity got the better of her and she found herself staring into his crypt. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Spike had someone else already. "Probably some cheap creature of the night" she whispered. She couldn't believe it when she saw who it was.

"No no it couldn't be". The picture was still blurry but there was no mistaking the person she was staring at "Xander!!" the shock in her voice was apparent. It was well past dawn now and the slayer had crept down the stairs. She had her doublemeat palace uniform on and Willow found it amazing that even in polyester the slayer could look cute. "What you doing Will? Looking for porn." The slayer was making with the funny but it wasn't registering with Willow, she was still in shock at what she was seeing on the screen. The slayer strolled over to the laptop. "Jesus Christ Willow I was joking about the porn". "Huh" the witch muttered. "Oh Buffy, I was trying to find some more cameras that the trio had planted". "Did you find any?" the slayer inquired. "Um yeah a couple". The witch was being coy and the slayer had registered. "Where?" Buffy didn't mean to sound so demanding but she couldn't help her tone of voice. "Spike's crypt". When she saw that Spike had company she couldn't help herself and before she knew it the words had come out of her mouth "Who's he with?" The slayer sounded jealous but not intentionally. She broke up with Spike. She had to remind herself. At that moment Xander turned around and Buffy saw the full Xander. "Oh my god, Xander. Will did you know about him and Spike?" "No I swear I didn't" was all that Willow could utter.

As Xander slowly buttoned up his flies he noticed that he was sill dripping with sweat. He felt so exhausted, "Funny how years of slaying have never left me so exhausted but two hours with you". Spike exhaled his post shag cigarette and gave him a smug look. "I better go to work; the guys will wonder why I'm walking like John Wayne. My hole feels so stretched that I won't be able to have a crap for days". "You weren't complaining earlier" drawled the vampire at him. They were having the uncomfy post shag talk. "So I better go" uttered Xander hoping that Spike would ask him to stay. No such luck. "Shut the door behind you. I've grown out of my bursting into flames phase". With that he rolled over and pretended to go to sleep. Xander began to wonder why Spike was acting like this as he continued to find his clothes and shoes. When he had got dressed and was about to walk out of the front door, he took a look over his shoulder to see what Spike was doing. He saw the vampire laying on his front the bed sheet was covering his tight pert buttocks. They had eventually made it to the bed, sometime between the first and last time. Spike was lying in almost the same position when he was lying on top of Xander giving him his first experience of receiving anal sex. He was sorely tempted to leave the door opened, engulfing Spike in a horrible flamey death. He didn't because deep down he still wanted him, even though he felt dirty and used. He wanted to leave Spike in that way but as with most of the Xander plans it had back fired on him.

Tara walked down the stairs, she was wearing an old white t-shirt of Xander's with Woodstock on the front form the peanuts comics. She saw Willow and Buffy sat at Willow's laptop. That was her girl the one she had fallen in love with, she was the best at everything computers, magic pretty much everything that she had set her mind on. "Funny shapes or rounds?" she asked the pair. It was a little in joke in the Summers household. Willow had barely even noticed that Tara was there. Tara immediately assumed that last night had been a mistake and that Willow was giving her the cold shoulder. "No she wouldn't" she whispered to herself, reminding herself that Willow would have a good reason for doing this. Besides which Buffy was with her and last time that she had checked she was still friends with the slayer. "Hey baby" Willow said as she brought her out of her day dream. "Oh hey Willow, I called out to you earlier but you didn't hear me". Tara couldn't help stuttering a little when she was saying these words. "I'm sorry sweetie; it's just that we have had a bit of a shock". Tara was instantly concerned "What was it?" "Remember that we found some cameras that the trio had planted?" Willow asked her lover. "Um yeah, yeah you mentioned it last night when I came back". "Well there were kind of some more" the redhead tried explaining to her. "Where were they?" Tara wanted answers but she knew that Willow would tell her in her own time. "There were a couple in the cemeteries and there was another in Spike's crypt". Willow gave a sigh before she carried on. "The one at Spike's place well. He, we um, we saw someone with him." Tara couldn't help herself "Who was she?" she asked. "Well it wasn't a she, it was Xander". Tara couldn't help bursting into laughter "Spike and Xander. Willow this is not April Fools Day"

At that moment Dawn walked through the door. "What about Spike and Xander?" She was her usual blunt self. The slayer sighed and felt that it was her duty as the mom figure. "Have they been fighting again? I mean yeah he was pissed off with the whole Anya thing". "Dawn! What have I told you about swearing?" the slayer couldn't help herself she was turning into her mother. As if to confirm that she was turning into her mother Dawn teasingly replied "Sorry mom". "So what's this about Xander and Spike"? Buffy sighed and knew that she would have to explain it to her. She knew that Dawn would be ok about the whole gay thing well look at the way she looks up to Tara in a big sister kind of way. "You better sit down" she indicated to the chairs at the dining table and Willow took the quew that this was to be a sister type thing and asked Tara

"Do you want to get breakfast started? I'm in the mood for pancakes". They both walked into the kitchen and started preparing for breakfast. Tara thought to herself if her reaction was anything to go by then they were going to be very busy making a lot of pancakes. Buffy didn't know how to start the conversation. Sure she had talked to Dawn about the sex thing she felt a little uncomfortable but they had explored the topic of sex. Making sure that Dawn had it drilled into her that if she was to have sex with anyone that she had better be so careful and if they boy or girl had messed her around then she would do them damage.

The gay thing had never been an issue in their household it was considered pretty natural what with Willow and Tara living there. "Um you know that people and vampires are capable of doing stuff, sometimes bad sometimes good and sometimes down right shocking". She was going into total rant mode. "Buffy I know that. What's it got to do with Xander and Spike"? "Xander has slept with Spike". This was the first time that she had said it out loud and she felt a twinge of jealousy. Even though she had broken up with him there was still a part of him in her heart. "Xander did what with who"? Dawn had heard but for a split second she didn't want to believe it. "Xander's slept with Spike". Saying the words out allowed made the slayer try to accept the situation a little bit. "How do you know"? Dawn sounded suspicious and wasn't prepared to accept this at face value. "We um, well Willow um she found some more cameras that the trio had planted and well one of them was in Spike's crypt. When she had located it she well you don't need the graphic visual. But Spike and Xander were together on it. Just like we saw Spike and Anya". The slayer felt her mouth getting really dry by the time she had finished saying this. "Oh my God Buffy are you ok"? The slayer was slightly comforted by her little sister. "I don't really know" was all that she could say she wanted to be strong that was her job after all chosen one protector of the world one girl blah blah. "I'm going to be late for work. And I could really do with not being fired. I'll see you after school". The slayer said her goodbyes to Willow and Tara and walked out of the front door.

"Dawnie are you ok" Tara asked, "I'm a little bit shocked but, oh my God you two are you back together for good"? Before Tara could answer Willow gave one of the most emotional speeches that made her proud to lover her "Til the end, she's my girl. I would do anything for her. And if that means me staying of the magics then I will. I would do anything for her. I would die for her and kill anyone who took her away from me. From us. She is my world. The times I am at my lowest I need only one look from her and I know what it is like to love and be loved in return. Those few moments when she stares into my eyes she makes the world go away. I feel like we are the only one's there and I am so glad, is not the word to use because the feelings are stronger that she is back in my life and in my heart once more. Not that she ever left it or ever will". When she had finished it there were tears forming in her lovers eyes and she just turned around to Willow and kissed her gently on the lips. "I'll never leave you. Not until my dying day" Tara replied and Willow knew that it was from the heart. "Right who wants breakfast? Dawn we got pancakes and I managed to get round ones as well as the funny shaped one's there's plenty for everyone". Willow tried to carry on as normal but she still felt a twinge of pain in her stomach thinking about Xander and with Spike. He was her best friend ever since the first day of kindergarten and she had broken the yellow crayon they'd been together. He had been supportive about her relationship with Tara. Maybe a little but too supportive but then he was a guy. But this was Spike. She wandered what people saw in him. Harmony well she was just your typical bimbo. Flattery to her from guys got them every where usually a homerun. Buffy, Anya and now Xander. He was her best friend and she would be suporto gal and try to understand why what happened, happened. "Maple syrup?" Tara's voice cut her through her daydream and brought her back to reality. "No I'd prefer something sweeter like honey". It was stupid she knew but she used to call Tara honey all they time whey they were first going out, so much so that Tara gave her the pet name of pooh bear. Tara smiled at her and passed her the container of honey. "Dawn we better get you to school. Usually Xander takes you but well looks like we'll have to catch the bus with you before going to classes". Willow was trying to be practical. Sunnydale junior school was a little out of their route but they would be able to get to college on time providing the busses were running on time and she didn't go for a coffee before lectures to talk about the previous lectures and what they thought would be in this one. "I can catch the bus by myself you know. It does stop outside the school and vampires won't be likely to attack the bus what with the daylight and all". "She does have a point Will and you do love your mocha before class and talk about the previous lectures". Tara could see things from Dawn's perspective she was the new girl in the Scooby gang and knew what it was like to not fit in and she kind of had some involuntary empathy for her. "Ok Dawn you can go by yourself but remember be careful". "I promise to be careful and not take sweets of anyone and wish for anything". Willow gave her a smile maybe it was time to let her grow up. "Dawnie you better get the bus for school and Tara you and I had better get ready for classes". "Ok see you guys after school I can't believe that my favourite couple is back together" with that she gave them both a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the door. When they got upstairs they had to get into some thing less comfy. Tara put on one of her favourite tan skirt and lilac tie dyed top, with a white t-shirt underneath. Willow had just got changed out of her pyjamas and was in some faded denim jeans and her yellow campus queen t- shirt.

Xander was supposed to pick Dawn up from school. He had said last night that he would come and pick her up but since the whole Spike thing Dawn wasn't certain that he was going to be coming. She had prepared to get in line for the bus to take her home when Xander yelled out "hey Dawn, where do you think that you're running off to?" he was still wearing the same clothes that he was wearing last night making Dawn think that he actually had slept with Spike. It went without saying that Dawn was a little bit surprised to see him there but this was Xander the guy who she had a crush on since well as soon as she started noticing boys. He was kind of like a big brother to her and even though he had slept with Spike her feeling towards him hadn't changed much. "Hey Xander, didn't think you were coming so I was going to get on the bus". They started to walk towards Xander's car when he asked her "What gave you that idea?" He was trying to be cheerful and the usual but inside he was being consumed with guilt. "Oh I dunno thought you were doing some overtime at the site". She was trying to be flippant and trying to sound casual but it wasn't working he had sussed out that something was wrong. "You know I keep my promises to all my girls especially you. So what gave you the idea that I was not going to collect you from school?

They had reached the car and Dawn wanted to ask him what the hell he was doing with Spike, but she knew that this was a more private in the car kind of conversation. When they had got into the car Xander as usual put on the c.d. player and Nerf Herder started strumming the first few chords of Hotel California when Dawn blurted out, "What were you and Spike doing last night?" "Oh you know patrolling you were at home when I came back and told you guys" he replied again he was trying to sound casual but failing miserably.

"Was that all?" Dawn wanted answers and she was going to get them. "Yeah that's it" he lied. Dawn knew that he was lying so turned off the c.d. player and straight forwardly asked him "Did you sleep with Spike last night?" "No I didn't" he replied. Well he was half right he and Spike didn't get any sleep. "Let me rephrase it then. Did you have sex with Spike last night?" she enquired. There was an immediate atmosphere between them as soon as she had muttered those words. There was at least a five second pause before he mumbled "yes". Dawn knew that was her cue to be able to talk to him about it and tried as sensitively as possible well for her to find out what had happened to make him do that. Despite her best efforts she couldn't help herself from blurting out "Why?" "Um I don't know it happened" was all he could reply. "How did you find out?" he asked her. Buffy told me she and Willow had found some more cameras and there was one in Spike's crypt". She explained.

"Cameras! Are those geeks everywhere?" It was a rhetorical question so Dawn stayed quiet for once in her life. "How did it happen she asked him once more?" "Dawn I really don't want to go into this right now. I will have to go through all of this with Buffy and Willow soon enough, I just want to get stuff clear in my own mind before I tell anyone". "Ok I won't say another word on the subject" she promised and Xander knew that she meant it.

The rest of the car journey was in total silence it was the longest five minutes in the world to both of them especially as neither had put the c.d. player back on. Usually they were fighting over what to put on and Dawn usually won. As they reached the Summers drive way dawn asked him "do you wanna come inside?" "Suppose I had better get this over and done with" muttered Xander. With that they both walked up the drive and into the house. Buffy was sat in the lounge she had just got home from work and had decided to watch some TV in her doublemeat palace uniform as it had been a long day at work and she wanted to veg out before starting on dinner and patrolling. Before she could say anything to Xander Willow and Tara had walked through the door. They had obviously missed being around each other. It was clear but the look to Xander that this was real love. "Hey guys" Willow called out. "What you doing?" She was all loved up with getting back together with Tara. "Oh hey Xander" she was surprised to see him there even though she had seen his car parked outside. "I think we need to talk" Xander said. Tara knew that this needed to be a Buffy, Xander and Willow thing and asked Dawn if she wanted to go for some shakes. For once dawn took the hint and they said their goodbyes before walking out of the door.

"About what you guys saw" Xander began. "It shouldn't have happened". "Too right it shouldn't have happened" the slayer snapped, she was surprised at herself at how hostile that she was being towards him. "Yeah I know Buffy but it did and I need to explain why it happened" he pleaded. "Buffy give him a chance, after all we have all done things that we're not proud off" Willow was trying to be understanding of Xander, despite what he had done he was still Xander her best friend in the world. "Ok why did it happen?" the slayer was still being cool towards him as she said this. He could only give her the same answer that he gave Dawn earlier but he knew that he had to elaborate on it. "I dunno, it just happened. I was confused, I saw him and Anya on the table at the Magic Box and, well I was jealous. Not of him but her. Recently I have found myself being attracted to him even though I knew that I shouldn't be. I tried to fight these feelings but they were getting stronger, I knew they were wrong because well it's Spike and he's a monster but somehow I was getting more and more attracted to him. I didn't know that there was anything going on between you and him Buffy honestly otherwise I swear that I would never have done anything. Your friendship means more to me than sex. And last night it happened! Never did I think that Spike and I would end up together but we did and I couldn't help myself. Honestly Buffy, I felt so guilty afterwards that I felt physically sick at what I had done with him in the cemetery that I ran straight here and was so ashamed at myself that I could hurt one of the people that I care a lot about." Before he could say anything Buffy interrupted "the cemetery. We didn't know about that all we knew about was the time with you and Spike in his crypt. "When did the cemetery thing happen?" "Tonight earlier just before I came over here". Xander noticed that his hands were getting sweaty as he was saying these words to Buffy. "Tonight, you mean when you came here and I was being all concerned about you being bitten, you had been with Spike. And you had the nerve to stand there and get sympathy off me. Of us. I can't believe that I was getting ready to go and look for you. Is that how little you think about us? You stood there and lied about what had happened to you, we thought you had nearly died." The slayer couldn't believe what she was saying to him. He was meant to be her best friend and she was treating him like this. "I'm sorry Buff" was all that he could say to her. "Buffy no!" Willow cut in before the slayer started once again. "Xander has explained what he did and why. You were guilty of doing the same thing and we accepted what you had done. So we need to accept what Xander has done".

"Talk" the slayer demanded. Xander walked over to the couch and sat down and put his head in his hands. "Buffy I think I should handle this" Willow pleaded; "you're being too harsh on him" "Too harsh, after what he's done" the slayer was practically spitting venom. "What I've done it's nothing that you haven't done yourself. At least I am showing some remorse after what I had done. But you! You carried on doing it and keeping it as a dirty secret and we were meant to accept it because you're the slayer" Xander had touched a sore point and before Buffy knew what she was doing she gave him a back handed punch to his face. "Buffy no!" Willow could feel the anger rising inside her. Her green eyes had turned black. Buffy saw the danger sign and knew that Willow was getting close to the edge. "Xander I'm sorry I shouldn't have, I was angry and before I knew what I was doing I had punched you." There was genuine remorse in her voice but Xander didn't want to know. "Whatever Buffy whenever you can't handle anything you just lunge out, your immediate reaction is to punch." With that he stormed out of the house to his car. Before he had got into the car he saw Dawn and Tara coming up the road. They were giggling over something, as he was going to get into his car Tara called out "Hey Xander wait up" with that she ran towards her. Her hair was blowing in the wind as she ran towards him. "If you're here to have a go at me then I am not in the mood" he sighed. "I'm not going to have a go at you. Remember when I cast the spell and you guys couldn't see those d-d-demons that attacked you in the m-m-Magic Box. You could have turned your back on me but you didn't, and I'm not going to on you."

Dawn had finally caught up Tara and saw that she and Xander were deep in conversation and hurried inside. "Do you wanna go for a coffee?" She asked him. "I thought that you and Dawn were going to get some shakes?" "We did but I could do with something stronger" she smiled sweetly. Xander knew that it was futile trying to get mad at Tara. "Come on but I'm buying" she responded. With that they got into his car and drove to the coffee bar. "Do you mind if I put some music on?" he asked. "Go ahead what you got on?" "Well we got Nerf Herder, Muse or the Backstreet Boys." The last one he mumbled. "Well as much as I would love to listen to the Backstreet Boys I gotta go with Nerf Herder. But you gotta play Pantera Fans In Love"

"So Spike, didn't think he was your type" Tara teased him. Immediately he felt more comfortable around her than he did when he was with Buffy and Willow. "Yeah well I wanted to see what the big fuss was all about, Anya and Buffy must've seen something in him and well guess last night so did I" he replied, he was talking naturally as if it was something simple like the weather they were discussing. "so what happened, I know what happened and I so do not want details because two men together is so not going to do anything for me." she giggled like a school girl as she finished the sentence as if she had just heard a dirty word for the first time. "I can't explain it, one minute I was mad at him for sleeping with Anya and the next I found myself getting jealous over her sleeping with him and not the other way around" he started telling Tara his side of the story and he was amazed at himself how easy he found talking to Tara. "When I had got to Spike's crypt I had all these feelings going through my mind and well I asked him if he wanted to play a round of kiss the Spike?" "You're kidding me, what did he say. Well obviously he did cause you to slept together." She couldn't help giggling and as she put a strand of her hair behind her ears Xander could see the sweetness in her that Willow saw.

"You mean after he threw a bottle at me narrowly missing my face." "Oh my God really?" Tara was not as shocked as she pretended. "Yeah really he was pissed at me and if he didn't have that cutsie government chip in his head well I might not be standing here as a human" he tried to make light of the situation that he could have found himself in.

They found themselves at the Espresso Pump an as Xander went to park his car Tara went inside and ordered their coffee's. "Two cappuccinos please, extra foam on one of them please" she asked the cute waitress behind the counter. She couldn't help but coyly flirt with her. As she walked towards an empty table Xander came in and sat down opposite her. "Got you a drink, with extra foam I heard you had started to become accustomed to having something frothy in your mouth" she teased him and the ice was broken allowing Xander to be able to talk openly to her. "I think I am gay, I have had these feeling for a while now and they just recently accumulated recently. I've had these feelings while I was with Anya, but I couldn't do anything about it. I mean I wouldn't do anything about it. I thought that I was bisexual but I now know that I am full on gay". "Well I'm not gonna patronise you by telling you that it's a phase because puberty is a phase this is a lifetime and if you're sure you're gay then I will support you through whatever, and so will Willow and the others. Once the initial shock has worn off and they have got used to it they will support you. You can also come with me and Willow to The Bronze for the gay night once a month". Tara offered. "The bronze has a gay night? And I didn't know about it". He was genuinely shocked.

"Yeah they've had it for a while, well after Willow lobbied the LGB society at college to organise it. It's the first Wednesday of every month, we're hoping to have it every fortnight but that's still a work in progress. And not that I have ever noticed but there are a lot of cute guys there. Or so I have been told". Tara was one of the easiest people in the world to talk to. Xander started to feel more comfortable about his own growing sexuality. "Well I'm on the gay train but I refuse to wear tight white t-shirts and grow a dodgy moustache. But apart from that I'm in." As usual he resorted to hiding behind his armour of humour. "News flash Xander being gay is not a stereotype you don't have to be a screeching camp queen to be gay. It is on the inside, it is feelings and intuition and being true to your self, I am not going to say it's going to be easy because it isn't but you have already done the hardest bit and admitted to yourself who and what you are. Telling me took unbelievable amount of guts but that is only half of the battle. There is someone who you need to tell." With that Xander cut in, "Oh my god Anya, how am I going to tell her, not only have I left her at the alter but I now have to tell her that I have slept with the guy who she herself slept with. Do I have to tell her?" he already knew the answer to that question but needed Tara to answer it for him. "Yes you gotta tell her, you owe her at least that. Do you have any idea how and when you are going to tell her?" "Um no not really but I guess I had better tell her today as she is going to start wondering soon why there is tension in the group" he sighed uncomfortably as he said these words. "Do you want a lift back to the house I'm gonna go to the Magic Box to see if I can find Anya, better get this over and done with" "No thanks I'm gonna catch the bus I need to get a present for Willow in town, good luck with telling Anya" with that she gave him a hug and walked to the door. The sun caught her hair and made it glow as she walked out of the door.

"Hey Will I am gonna take a walk I've got all this pent up aggression and rage that is going on I my head that I need to clear out before I patrol" the slayer had been pacing across the lounge since the confrontation that had occurred between her and Xander five minutes earlier. She hadn't even bothered changing out of her Doublemeat Palace uniform. "Buff I know you're hurting but please be careful, I've tasted darkness don't go down the road that I nearly went down" the red head was clearly concerned about the slayer. "I know you do Will and I will be careful, it's just if I don't go out and clear my head before tonight's patrol I know I won't be able to fight properly. My mind will be too pre occupied and that is a sure fire way for me to get killed. Look after Dawn for me and make sure that she gets her home work done. I don't want her grades to drop any further than they have already done." She gave Willow a half smile as she finished "I will you can count on that Buffy" with that she walked over to the slayer and gave her a hug, Buffy half heartedly hugged her back, before walking out of the door.

The slayer didn't know what she was doing as she walked out of the door. Images of seeing Xander and Spike were still running through her head. She didn't blame either of them, not really. They were both single and it was of course her decision to break up with Spike. Before she knew where she was going she found herself walking towards one of the town's cemeteries. It was slayer instinct that took her there she sensed the vampires and headed that way. It was only when she concentrated on the cemetery she knew that it was the same one that Spike lived in. She contemplated walking away from the crypt but curiosity over came her. And she flung Spike's door opened. He was lying on top of the sarcophagus, asleep. He looked just like a corpse, as vampires didn't need to breathe the only way someone could tell he was other than dead was the way he leapt out of the way of the sun rays to prevent him from meeting a horrible flamey death. "What the fuck?" he yelled as he reached for the sword that he always kept lying next to him. It was the same sword that belonged to Xin Rong the slayer he had killed during the Boxer Rebellion. He could never be too careful about demons coming into his crypt trying to kill him. As he moved out of the way of the sun beams he brought the sword up close to him ready for battle. It was only when he saw the slayer standing in the door way that he brought the sword down next to his thigh.

The first thing that Buffy noticed about him was that he hadn't changed his clothes since his encounter with Xander. "Hello love what you doing here during the day time?" The vampire tried to keep it casual "Think we need to talk" the slayer was trying to remain calm but the vampire could detect a panic in her voice, he chuckled to himself before coming out with "What about?" He still believed that the slayer was still not over him and wanted him back it was only when Buffy calmly said "About you and Xander" the shock of this statement made him drop the sword as it clanged to the floor he looked up and saw that the slayer had flipped herself across the room and was standing next to him. He could almost taste her breath, as she breathed near him. "How do you know about that?" he demanded, the slayer casually walked over to the television where she saw the lens of the camera that the trio had planted and scooped it up in the palm of her left hand. Her right hand was formed into a fist ready if Spike attacked. She casually placed the camera on the coffee table and sat herself on the couch. "That's how" she calmly replied as she stared into Spike's eye. "Sons of bitches" he screamed, in his rage he reached for the sword that he had dropped and flung it across the crypt. It landed in the door; it had done a little to relieve his rage but not much. He grabbed his coat off the back of the couch and reached for his smokes and lighter. As he sparked up and drew in the first drag he felt himself calm down a little. He walked around the couch and sat down next to the slayer, "What do you know?" He asked, he was calmer now than he was before.

"I know that you and Xander well you know" the slayer was being unusually shy. "You know, what?" the vampire wanted her to say it, he was still bitter at her for breaking up their relationship almost. He wanted to hurt her a little, deep down he still had feelings for her. If somebody had asked him his sexuality instead of presuming that he was straight because of the amount of women that he had slept with. Deep down he always knew that he was attracted to men as well as women even when he was still a human. But back then it was still illegal for a man to lie down next to another so he kept those feeling hidden until now. "I know you and Xander had sex" the slayer came out with causing Spike to come out of his day dream. "What else do you know?" he asked her. "Nothing, I want you to fill me in on it" the slayer inquired. "And for the first time in your life I want you to tell me the truth. That is assuming that you are capable of it, and if you ever had any real feelings for me you would answer me properly."

"Well I guess that I have always fancied guys as well as girls, but I have kept them hidden. When I was human it wasn't allowed it was dirty and disgusting" he started he took a final drag of his cigarette and flung the butt across the room. "When Xander came to my crypt that night I was feeling horny and when he came on to me I thought what the fuck! So I kissed him" it was the first time that the slayer had seen him look vulnerable. He was a master of hiding his emotions but this time Buffy saw what could possibly be the real him. "Would you do it again?" the slayer was trying to be understanding despite hurting deep down. "I don't know, now please would you leave I need to sort my head out. Before it was simple if I wanted anything I would just take it" as he finished he walked towards the door of the crypt and opened it, he raised one eyebrow at the slayer and then turned his head towards the door. The slayer walked up to him and looked him in the eyes and quietly uttered "You hurt him and I..." "You'll what love that threat gets scarier every time you say it. You're gonna kill me oooh scary." The vampire had composed himself and was as usual dripping with venom. "No that would be too kind for you. I am gonna carve you up limb by limb like a turkey at Christmas, leaving your head and torso, a creature to be pitied even by your own kind." The slayer was extremely protective towards one of her best friends despite being incredibly pissed off at him.

Xander decided to park his car a block away from the Magic Box and started to walk the rest of the way there. He could have easily parked nearer to the shop but he needed to clear his head before he saw Anya. In his head he had planned what he was going to say but knowing his luck it would all go tits up. As he opened the door to the Magic Box he noticed how unusually quiet it was. Anya was sat behind the counter playing with the money. The first thing he noticed was how beautiful she looked sat behind the counter. Her golden blonde hair was loosely curled and bounced upon her shoulders. She had worn a snug fitting white t-shirt cut just below her naval, and a pair of black figure hugging jeans. As she stood up to acknowledge him he noticed how a very simple outfit accentuated every curve. " What do you want Xander? If you want that excuse for a diamond ring back well I'm afraid that I gave it to a cyffix demon, he was gonna use the "diamond" in some kind of spell." There was no denying since he had ditched her at the alter Anya had become bitchier. She was far exceeding Cordelia in the bitch stakes. "I don't want the ring back, I gave it to you. I just need to talk to you." His hands had started sweating, and he could feel the beads of sweat starting to trickle down his forehead. "There's something that I need to tell you and I'm not sure how you are going to handle it." "Oh I'll handle it Xander! Nothing you can say can ever hurt more than you have done already." She had started to get angry and her cheeks flushed scarlet.

She walked round from the counter and leaned against the glass folded her arms and stared him in the eyes. "So Alexander Lavelle Harris, what is it that you need to tell me that you don't think that I can handle?" This was the first time that Xander had heard her say his full name in their whole relationship. Even when they were writing their wedding wows she had insisted on calling him Xander. Alexander was the name that only his mother used for him when she was annoyed at him, he had mentioned it to her only once and she had remembered. "There's something that I need to tell you. I have been going through some changes." He started in rant mode and knew that it was hopeless to carry along this road but he couldn't help himself. "What changes are you going through? We've already had the inability to commit and the I'm a liar and a coward." There was no doubt that the bitch was back, any pent up anger that Xander thought she may have gotten over was still very much there. "Hey An I'm trying to explain, and I know that this is going to sound like a cliché but it is not you it's me" "Oh don't give me the it's not you It's me speech, have you any idea how many men have used that excuse in the past thousand years." Anya interrupted him mid speech. It was at that moment that he decided that he must be an adult and admit what he had done. "I've slept with Spike, there I've told you." He gave a slight sigh after uttering these words.

"You've done what with who" Anya's response was exactly the same as Dawn earlier. "I slept with Spike last night." "I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID I WANT TO KNOW WHY? IS THIS ANOTHER CRUEL WAY YOU HAVE DECIDED TO HURT ME.?" The vengeance demon had almost turned scarlet as she screamed at him like a demented banshee. "Anya this is not about you it's about me." "Of course it's about me, the only reason you probably slept with him was to get back at me. For sleeping with him." As usual Anya had turned everything on to her. "Anya please will you listen to me, this has got nothing to do with you. This is about me, about who I am and I needed to tell you myself before you heard it from anyone else. I owe you at least that." His hands had started getting even clammier. "You owe me more than that Xander. It was less than a month ago you were going to promise to love me forever and be faithful to me above all others, and now you tell me that you have slept with another man." As she finished speaking she turned her back towards him allowing her face changed into the veiny face of the vengeance demon. "I wish I had never met you. If I could make it happen I'd want to turn you into a slug. Because that is what you are spineless and slimy." Knowing that she couldn't wish for herself she shook her face and her features returned to normal. She turned around and grabbed the nearest thing to hand a brass peacock incense stick holder and flung it at his face. Xander ducked out of the way the peacock narrowly missed his face.

"Anya I know you're mad at me but throwing things at me isn't going to solve anything." He was almost pleading with her. "Oh I don't know Xander I am starting to feel better already throwing that peacock at you. Must be all that pent up rage and aggression that I have toward you". Anya had started to calm down a little but she was already reaching for an orb of Thesullah. The orb fitted perfectly in her cupped hand. "Anya be careful with that thing it is very fragile, and valuable" he had managed to reach the capitalist bone in her body. "Yeah I suppose that it is very valuable, and I could make a lot of profit out of it. There are a lot of new agers out there. I can sell them off as glowing paper weights. No Xander you're always doing this to me thinking you can get around me talking to me about money. None of this really matters." She put the orb back down on the cushion and turned to face him once more. "So why did you do it?" "I don't know I've gone through this so many times today both in my own head and to Buffy, Willow, Dawn and Tara. It happened, I ended up with Spike it shouldn't have happened but it did." "And what now Xander you're telling me you're gay?"

"Yes, no I mean I don't know maybe." He started stammering and sighed before putting his hands in his face. "I don't want to hurt you not again; I'm tired of pretending to be who I'm not. If I am honest I have always known that I was different, I have always been one of the girls and I guess I was more of a girl than I thought I was." "Xander I'm tired of hurting over you. I have shed my tears and have imagined every curse I know on you. But this I wasn't expecting, I hope you manage to figure out what you really are, and now please get out of my shop." "What does that mean? Do you forgive me for sleeping with Spike?" "No I do not forgive you for sleeping with Spike I don't think I ever will do, I won't be able to forget what you have done either but I am not letting you ruin my life any more than you have done." "Anya I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to turn out this way." "YOU'RE SORRY, YOU'RE SORRY, YOU'RE SORRY." Screamed Anya like a demented banshee. "All you can say is you're sorry, sorry for what Xander? Hurting me? Ruining my life? Shagging Spike? It's just words Xander empty words, so easy to say. You apologise for your actions now after everything you've done?" "I've said what I have come to say. I didn't have to; you had made it perfectly clear that you don't want anything to do with me. You slept with Spike before I did; I have done nothing that you yourself aren't guilty of yourself." He pleaded with her. "Get out of my face Xander and my life. I don't want anything more to do with you." The way she uttered those words seemed final to Xander. He walked out of the door, but he couldn't help but look over his shoulder to get a final look at her, but she had vanished.

As Xander walked towards his car he couldn't help but think about the events of the previous few hours. Twenty four hours earlier his life was a little less complicated. In one day he had managed to alienate himself from his friends. He had slept with a monster and hurt the one woman that he truly loved yet again. If only he had realised his sexuality earlier he would have managed to save himself a lot of heartache. The only person that had tried to understand him was Tara. She had offered him support when he needed someone; Willow had sort of been there for him. But Buffy she had reacted in the way she would have, hit first ask questions later. Whatever happened to him now he had to accept there was going to be a permanent change in the group. It only took him five minutes to walk towards his car. There were still a few people getting in some last minute shopping before the malls closed. He sighed once more as he got into the car, and out of habit he put on his c.d. player and drove to his apartments. The roads as usual were full of commuters on their way home and he couldn't help wander why the slowest time to get home was known as rush hour. In the three quarters of an hour it took for him to drive home he kept thinking about what had happened, all he wanted was to go home and have a bath and try to put the past behind him and try and move on.

When he got out of the car and walked towards his apartment the first thing he noticed was Buffy leaning against the door. She had changed out of her Doublemeat Palace uniform and was wearing a white halter neck top and a pair of brown suede trousers, comfortable and practical for slaying. She was the last person that he had expected to see waiting for him. Instinctively he reached for his cheek where Buffy had punched him it still smarted a little and he knew that he would have a bruise in the morning where he had punched him. He started walking towards the front door and before he could say anything to her the slayer uttered "Xander I am so sorry about what I have said and done to you, it was unfair and I shouldn't have reacted the way I should have." The slayer was genuinely sorry, "You're right Buffy you shouldn't have said it, now have you got anything else to say or can I go inside?" He was being cold towards one of his best friends but he couldn't help it. "What are you not going to even listen to what I have to say?" the slayer pleaded with him.

"Why should I the only reason that you have come here is to try and make yourself feel better." He had touched a nerve with the slayer, she had wanted to forgive her and make herself feel better but that wasn't the only reason that she had come over. He was still one of her best friends, one of the first people in Sunnydale to talk to her. "Xander please let me come inside, for two minutes if you want me to leave after that I will. After nearly six years of friendship together we owe each other that." She wanted to say you owe me but she wanted to try and neutralise the tension between them. "Fine come inside, but you've only got two minutes and then you gotta go." The tension between them could be cut with a knife. Xander started walking up the stairs to his apartment, and the slayer followed him into the apartment. "Ok say what you came to say." Xander started, if the slayer thought they would hug and kiss, she was mistaken. The hostility that Xander had shown her she wasn't expecting, this was more a reception that she would have received from someone like Cordelia. "Xander I understand that you are mad at me and I can't blame you, but you should have told me when you came home that you had slept with Spike." "You mean like you did when you first slept with Spike, geez Buff you were sleeping with him for weeks if not months before you revealed it to us. Oh wait you didn't reveal it; it was Spike who told us. You kept it as a dirty secret." Xander had started turning puce his features on his face were hardening. Buffy had never seen him worked up like this before. "Hey Xand calm down, you're starting to look like Stressed Eric there." The slayer knew which buttons to press with him; Stressed Eric was his favourite cartoon character. He had begged his parents to get BBC America so he could watch that show. The effect that she wanted happened and Xander gave her a goofy grin. Before he could say anything the slayer walked up to him and said "I love you." "If you think you can get around me by saying I love you and making with the funny I gotta tell you afraid you're right." With that he walked up to the slayer and gave her a hug. "You know now that I'm gay I am gonna borrow your make up to hide the bruise that is going to appear." He tried to use humour to hide his emotions, the slayer was going to comment on it but instead she came out with "You're probably gunna need some concealer to go with that before you use the foundation you know." "Yeah I guess I will do, so you gonna sit down or wear out the carpet on the floor?" he asked. "Thought I was only gonna be staying for two minutes." "Yeah well I never said if it was two minutes in the real world or if it was two minutes in Xander's world. Now do you want a cup of coffee or something." He asked. "Yeah I could kill for a coffee." "Cool mines' a cappuccino, the coffee machine's over there" he pointed in the general direction of the kitchen. "I'm gonna have a quick shower and get changed" with that he walked out leaving Buffy opened mouthed. She just shook her head and smiled.

After about five minutes Xander emerged from his bedroom, he had changed into a yellow t-shirt and some faded blue jeans. Buffy had made the coffees already and had started drinking hers. "You're coffee's over there." She pointed her finger towards the mug. "Thanks Buff. Ah sweet coffee the drink of Gods. So what you been up to today?" "Work, you?" "Same old same old." The slayer and her best friend had reached an understanding. Whatever had happened between them they would be able to deal with just as they have been able to deal with everything that had happened between them in the past. "Right Xand I better go and get some patrolling done. I'll call on you tomorrow; try to get some sleep tonight." With that the slayer walked out of the front door, before shutting the door she gave him a wink with her right eye and gave him a small smile before letting the door shut behind her.

After a couple of minutes Xander found that he'd finished his cappuccino and was about to take the mugs to the sink and wash them. Just as he was contemplating getting up there was a knock at the door. His first instinct was to shout come in but years of living on the hell mouth had taught him to always go to the front door in case any vamps decided to stop by. Just as he was about to get up and answer the door there was another knock, this time it was more impatient. "Jesus Christ on crutches, I never meet the neighbours and when one of them finally decides to come around they can't give me time to open the door." He mumbled to himself as he walked to answer the door. When he opened it his first instinct was to look down at the shoes of the person knocking on the door. They were a pair of black new rock boots. He knew who they belonged to and as he continued to skim upwards he saw a pair of faded black jeans, as soon as he saw the crotch he knew who it was. He carried on skimming upwards and noticed a ribbed tight black t shirt. It fitted around his perfectly formed abs and chest. When he saw the face he noticed the vampire was wearing a smirk on his face, his hair was still ruffled but it glistened giving it the just washed look. "Spike? What are you doing here?" He was the last person that he was expecting to come knocking on his door. "Thought I'd come and see you. Drink" he asked raising a bottle of burbourn. "Don't worry I paid for it. Didn't nick it or anything, so you don't need to feel guilty about anything. So are you gonna invite me in?" he gave him a small smile and raised his left eyebrow.