I Can Still Feel You
It's that feeling that someone is standing behind me
Then I turn around and there's no one there.
Aragorn stood at the edge of the place he had called his home for the past 87 years. He was leaving again, this time for one of two possible destinations: death, or kingship. A breeze passed him by, ruffling his hair and he thought he heard someone whisper his name. Yet when he turned around, there was no one there. Arwen had not come to see him off for fear that she would not be able to let him leave. He respected her decision, but he wished he could have seen her just once more before this journey.
And it's the sensation that someone just whispered,
Yeah I still hear your voice but you're not really here.
Traveling with the four hobbits, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, and Boromir, things were never boring. Or safe, either. Aragorn had taken to spending the majority of his time pulling up the rear of the fellowship, claiming that he would keep his hindsight open. None but Legolas saw through his façade however and one night, the elf confronted him about it.
"Aragorn, things have been getting steadily worse with you since you left Rivendell. Tell me, what might cause you such heart ache?" Legolas sat across from him, nearly glaring into the man's eyes.
"Its her." Aragorn said simply, and turned away from him. "She's everywhere. I can feel it. I can hear it."
Legolas did not understand Aragorn's distress. "I thought you loved the Lady Arwen?"
"With all my heart and more." Aragorn admitted, "But I cannot be with her. But yet I cannot let her go either."
Your memory's like a ghost,
And my heart is its host.
Arwen lie on her bed, which seemed much too large that evening; she heard her father call out to her, but her sheets just refused to let her leave. She turned her face to look out the window.
Elrond knocked softly on Arwen's door, and entered with out her permission. "Arwen," he began and she looked at him as if she knew what he was going to tell her. As if she'd heard it a thousand times over. "He will not come back." Elrond spoke roughly, "You know he will not come back."
Arwen refused to believe that. "Its not true, I believe in him, adar, I love him"
"You cannot love him!" Elrond hissed. "He will grow old and die and you cannot! Child, would you waste away your life for him? He will not have it!" Elrond sat on the edge of his daughter's bed as she began to cry.
"I love him, adar." She said between tears.
"And do you not have any love left for your father?" Elrond asked sincerely.
"Of course I do, adar, I love you." Arwen curled up in her father's lap like a babe and cried hard. She knew her father wanted her to sail to the west, but she could not, would not, and in that she betrayed him.
I can still feel you just as close as skin, every now and then.
All by myself, in a crowded room, on my empty bed.
Arwen no lay alone in her room. Thinking her father's request—demand—over thoroughly. She was to leave with a small group of elves for the western lands at the next sunset, yet she knew she would not go. Arwen tossed and turned on her bed and rolling over, she buried her face in the pillow so often shared by the one that was inadvertently keeping her awake.
'It smells like him.' she thought with a heavy sigh. She breathed in deeply the scent that still lingered on that side of the bed. Turning the pillow lengthways, she hugged it to her tightly, and cried unbidden tears.
There's a place you've touched with your love no one gets close to...
I can still feel you, I can still feel you. I can still feel you.
I can still feel you...
It had been several months since Aragorn had seen hide or hair of any of the Elven lands, let alone the one place he longed to be.
He now rode with the people of Rohan through the gap of that land and forward into Helms deep. He had met many people… Many women, and yet, all he could think about was the one who had offered her immortality in a kiss and given her necklace as a symbol of her undying love for him.
"…I love her." Aragorn found himself saying to Eowen and when she did not respond, he looked away. He knew that Eowen had been hoping to steal him away, yet he would not let his love for his elf fall by the wayside.
Aragorn remembered back to the last evening they'd spent together. Arwen had offered her immortality up, and he had denied it. He could not, after all, force her to commit suicide in trade for his love.
They led the horses in silence after that.
You said you'd love me forever, then you said "It's over"
And left me without the missing link.
Arwen remembered back to his last night in Rivendell. How they had stood on that bridge where they originally met; how they had exchanged such passionate words. She remembered his declination of her proposal to refuse her immortality.
It hurt her ever more than he will ever know. It still hurt her now to think on it. She had told him that she'd rather spend a small amount of time in his presence with his love, than an eternity knowing nothing of the sort.
And he had been silent. They had kissed. And later, he had made love to her.
Arwen felt empty now. She felt lost. And in that moment, she knew that she could not give up hope.
Well I thought I'd forget you, but I guess I forgot to,
And lately I've been too confused to think.
When I reach for someone new, it's like I'm touching you.
Aragorn felt something hard against his back as memories and realization swept over him. They fought orcs on the planes on their way to Helms deep. He had been caught and thrown over a cliff. Now he washed up to the river's edge and lay there hopelessly. He noticed that the necklace was gone, but when he opened his eyes, Arwen—or a vision of her—kneeled over him.
She spoke to him, and he spoke back, and suddenly he was back in Rivendell and it was sunset and he was able to behold her in all her beauty. They were alone.
Alas, it was only a vision; he opened his eyes again, climbed onto his horse, Brego, and continued on his way to Helms Deep.
When he arrived and burst through the stone doors, the first to approach him was a knowing Legolas. "You're late." He said in elvish, and handed him the necklace he thought was lost forever.
"Thank you." Was all he could say before Gimli hugged him and people began to cheer. He met Eowen's gaze across the room and she rushed to greet him. It was in that moment, and even she realized that his heart had saved him from disaster; that this woman, whoever she was, held within her the will and power to keep this one-day-great king alive.
She went to hug him and he grimaced and pushed her away as politely as possible. The look on his face said more than he ever could have. He had only eyes for the owner of that necklace.
I can still feel you just as close as skin, every now and then.
All by myself, in a crowded room, on my empty bed.
There's a place you've touched with your love no one gets close to...
I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you.
I can still feel you...
Both lovers felt the pang of regret and loss and finally, Arwen agreed to comply with her father's wishes. As she dressed in dark clothing she walked away from the palace and with one last look over her shoulder, she walked away with the other elves.
Little did Elrond know that Arwen had absolutely no intention of going west. She separated her path from that of the others and headed on swift feet toward Caras Galadhon. To her grandmother.
Arwen would never forget about Aragorn, and it was because of that that she sought the Lady of the Light's council. She knew her father would be disappointed in her, and he knew that he himself would join her there in a short amount of time.
In everything that moves,
In everything I do...
Aragorn had now fought the last battle against the enemy. The threat of Sauron was over, and he was crowned king of Gondor and all was well with one major exception. He began to formulate a plan within himself and within a few short weeks, he saw appearing over the horizon a company of elves fit to grace only the pages of the most intricate of novels.
"It has come at last." Elrond said in the most congratulatory of manors.
"Creoso abaramin" Aragorn said greeting the Elvin lord. Then looking to the exquisite creature standing next to him, he smiled. Arwen smiled back and took his hand.
"It has been too long, melamin." She said quietly.
He couldn't help but agree with her.
I can still feel you just as close as skin, every now and then.
All by myself, in a crowded room, on my empty bed.
There's a place you've touched with your love no one gets close to...
I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you.
That very day they were wed and the whole city sang out uproariously as the couple met and kissed and walked off to be alone.
Elrond met with Gandalf who congratulated him, and spoke of the future of the elves and the men… Gandalf surmised from the chat that Elrond would not remain in Rivendell much longer. And that was just as well, for it was a new age and one that was guaranteed to last for some time.
Aragorn lead Arwen to one of the secret gardens hidden especially for them underneath the moonlight. "There is so much to say." He began. But Arwen stopped him.
"I missed you more than life itself, but I always believed you were with me… no matter the time or place, you were one step behind me." Arwen had spoken the thoughts as Aragorn had thought them.
"I couldn't have said it better myself, a'melamin." He whispered in her ear. "It's as though you were a ghost, and you haunted me unceasingly. And I couldn't have been happier to know that you were with me all the time."
"I felt you all the time." They ended up saying simultaneously. Arwen smiled, Aragorn kissed her, and the moon shone as witness to the love they shared.
I can still feel you...
© 2003 Aleesha Posey
July 17, 2003